THE CASE OF THE GREATER GATSBY EPISODE 24 - CLOSING TIME TRANSCRIPT

[The Case of the Greater Gatsby opening credits music plays]

Announcer: Now presenting Fig and Ford in The Case of the Greater Gatsby. Episode 24: Closing Time. Written and created by Sean Persaud and Sinéad Persaud.

Leery O’Shaughnessy: What are you two whisperin' about over there? Come on back in here and tell me if this chorus is any good.

Ford Phillips (Voice Over): Fig and I stood in the doorway of Leery O'Shaughnessy's dressing room. Neither of us wanted to make the first move. We were frozen in something that felt a lot like fear.

Fig Wineshine (Voice Over): Personally, I'd say it was actual fear. We'd just witnessed the snap of Leery's guitar string. That was what he'd used at first to try and strangle F. Scott Fitzgerald. He no longer had the necklace from Wilhelmina. That was the real murder weapon.

Fig Wineshine: Say, Leery, you'll be here later right? Wouldn't want to miss out on hearing your song, but we have to rush to another meeting.

Leery O’Shaughnessy: Sure thing, doll! Say I do hope you get another role in a Hammermeister film. It's been such a pleasure workin' with ya!

Ford Phillips (Voice Over): We raced out of Leery's dressing room and ducked into Willy's, in the next building over.

[Fig and Ford rush in and close the door.]

Fig Wineshine: How could I have been so oblivious? Leery O'Shaughnessy. He was right under my nose this whole time. And before you start yapping about how distracted I've been, save it. I know the drill. [Ford sighs.] Ford Phillips: Yeah, about that. I probably laid it on a little too thick.

Fig Wineshine: Whoa. Is this... Was that... An apology?

Ford Phillips: Look, they're not my strong suit, so zip it. I think there's something about this industry that I... Well, that I miss, as crazy as it sounds. Maybe that's why I haven't packed up and moved to a cabin in Montana. I just can't quit this town. And maybe I'm mad at myself for not being able to love it completely. And maybe seeing you embrace it made me... Upset. And maybe I knew how quick the Hollywood dream can turn into a nightmare and so... MAYBE, I was scared you'd turn out the same as me.

Fig Wineshine: Wow, an apology and an admission that you care about me. And a LOT of other stuff that you should probably see a therapist about. Ford Phillips: Bah. Fig Wineshine: Well, if we're just slinging around apologies, I probably owe you one too. You may not realize this, but I think pretty highly of myself-

Ford Phillips: No, I realize that.

Fig Wineshine: -and I guess I thought I'd be able to give the PI work my full attention while also moonlighting on set as Willy's bodyguard. And maybe I got caught up in the glitz and glamour a little too much. Maybe I liked it. But you’re right. You're right, Ford. It's all lies. And my job - our job - is the truth. I'm sorry.

Ford Phillips: Apology accepted.

Wilhelmina Vanderjetski: Aw, you guys! That was so beautiful. Ford Phillips/Fig Wineshine: Jumpin Jeebus, Willy! Why didn't you say something? Wilhelmina Vanderjetski: Sometimes I just like to be really still and quiet. Go to a different place. Empty my mind.

Ford Phillips: Doesn't seem like big ask for you.

Fig Wineshine: Sounds like you're meditating.

Wilhelmina Vanderjetski: Oh no, I only take painkillers when I have a really bad headache.

Ford Phillips: Anyway. What's our next move with Leery?

Fig Wineshine: It's all clicking into place. Sheilah Graham had been having trouble with someone lately, right? It was all over the tapes. Someone she wanted to avoid. Unsolicited affection. A stalker. It was Leery. That's why he wasn't invited to the Holiday Party. Plus, according to Cliff and Willy, Leery was the one to show Fitzgerald out after his outburst. Did he find out about Mel and Sheilah that night too?

Ford Phillips: And that song he was just singing? “My true love's got a new apple of her eye, I dream of putting them out of sight.”

Fig Wineshine: If Leery's the killer... That little slant rhyme couplet seems to indicate that Mel Hammermeister could be next on his kill list.

Ford Phillips: I'd prefer to see Mel behind bars than under a tombstone. Let's go.

[They leave.]

Ford Phillips (Voice Over): We hightailed it to Mel's office on the other side of the lot, Fig still in her bunny outfit.

Fig Wineshine (Voice Over): Ok, now it seems silly, you didn't need to put that in there.

Ford Phillips (Voice Over): Just trying to be accurate. Mel had banned us from the studio, and there was no telling what she'd do to us once she saw us, but I didn't care. I may regard Mel as a nogoodnik of the highest caliber, but if her life was in danger, it was our responsibility to try to warn her.

[SFX: DOOR OPENS QUICKLY, WITH FORCE]

Fig Wineshine: Mel?! Mel, you in here?

Ford Phillips: She's gone. Lit cigar in her ashtray though, she's not far.

Fig Wineshine: We should probably wait here then.

Ford Phillips: Alright, if Leery murdered F. Scott Fitzgerald because of Sheilah, then why would he send threatening letters to half of Los Angeles?

Fig Wineshine: Hollywood is mired in a blizzard blacker than the one in The Grapes of Wrath, a real dust bowl of fear and despair. All because some guy was in love with some girl who didn't like him?

Ford Phillips: It certainly doesn't seem out of character for someone like that. But still, it's a lot of work when you've already removed the obstacle standing in your way.

Fig Wineshine: Well, one of them. Why not just target Mel immediately? Why menace the entire town? Why sabotage his own film?

[SFX: Door opens. Penny ROLLS A TRASH CART IN.]

Penny Nickelpenny: Trash pickup, coming through, don't mind me, just keep - wait, Fig? Ford? What are you guys doing here? Ford, where the hell is your bunny costume?

Ford Phillips: Oh uh, it's on The Pirate's Daughter set.

Penny Nickelpenny: Jackrabbit stew, you know how long I worked on that thing? Now I gotta go track it down. Also what are you doing in here? Mel's gonna bust an artery when she sees you! Ah crap, I can't be here when she comes back, she might fire me just for associatin' with you. Gimme that waste basket!

Ford Phillips: Uh, sure, here.

[Ford picks up the waste basket and hands it over, but drops it]

Penny Nickelpenny: Ah crap, I said hand it over, not "drop it on the ground like a greasy palmed dummy," you greasy palmed dummy.

Ford Phillips: Sorry! I'm still sweaty from that bunny costume.

Fig Wineshine (Voice Over): Ford and I joined Penny on the floor, cleaning up the trash that had spilled out. Half smoked cigars, crumpled up pages from a - was she writing a script herself? - a couple of pencils surely broken in a rage, and... Wait a minute.

[Ford and Penny continue gathering trash.]

Fig Wineshine: Ford? This look familiar?

Ford Phillips: Those are menus from Schwabs.

Fig Wineshine: With letters cut out.

Penny Nickelpenny: Alright, good enough. Don't put those back in the trash when you're done. I gotta get through the rest of the executive offices before my shift as animal wrangler on "Biscuit's Big Day" - they fired Archibald Maitland, can you believe it? That guy's a legend.

Fig Wineshine: Yeah, uh... See you around, Penny.

[Penny ROLLS HER CART OUT, opens the door, and leaves.]

Ford Phillips: These menus. The letters match the letters on the death threat you got.

Fig Wineshine: Actually, they seem very familiar. Dollars to donuts I've seen this "e" and this "w" in some of the other threats.

Ford Phillips: And you said Schwabs is Mel's favorite restaurant.

Mel Hammermeister: Oh, it's TD's favorite, too.

Ford Phillips (Voice Over): We turned to see Mel, standing in the doorway, maybe the most calm I've ever seen her. She slowly closed the door behind her.

[SFX. DOOR CLOSES GENTLY.]

Mel Hammermeister: You left the limelight, the glitz, the glamor, the money for this? To root around other people's garbage?

Ford Phillips: Well when it comes to you, the garbage is in plain sight.

Mel Hammermeister: And for what? You think this is gonna change anything? You think anything you've done here is gonna matter? What matters is what I say matters.

Fig Wineshine: Why'd you do it? Why terrorize your own industry with anonymous threats?

Mel Hammermeister: Because my industry needed to wake up. Every movie that comes out these days is based on a book or a play or a musical or a short story, or a sequel. Why do I need to see Rebecca? I already read it! I didn't really care when Roger gambled away the rights to that one, but Horace Beanslot sure did, so we had to make sure he went away for a while.

Fig Wineshine: But people love this stuff. The buzz on Philadelphia Story is through the roof. Pinocchio and Gone With the Wind were last year's biggest movies! Both adaptations. Why try to bankrupt your own business?

Mel Hammermeister: It's already bankrupt! Artistically bankrupt. No one's gonna remember those movies in a hundred years. Why should they? They already existed, why make a copy of it? What we need is to make exciting, original pictures. Something fresh, something new, something that gets people's minds churning and hearts bubbling. Something to turn our culture into more than just a bunch of brainwashed, glazed eyed nitwits eating the same can of refried beans over and over. But you're right. These insidious adaptations do well for our bottom line. I had to figure out another way.

Ford Phillips: Another way to sabotage your own work? Huh. Maybe by turning your adaptation of a grim, realistic story like The Grapes of Wrath into a tap dancing musical and setting it in a time period that makes no earthly sense?

Mel Hammermeister: Yep.

Fig Wineshine: And maybe by hiring a writer and director who had a long standing feud over a love affair?

Mel Hammermeister: Oh yeah.

Fig Wineshine: And when that didn't work out, firing the original writer and replacing him with a literal child?

Mel Hammermeister: Oh, that was so smart of me.

Ford Phillips: And then by exploiting that writer's death and reframing it as the opening salvo of a madman threatening to destroy the lives of anyone and everyone working on a movie adaptation?

Mel Hammermeister: And it worked. Every one of our pictures right now is an original. I even got Barnaby to cut back on the negative reviews in his paper. It's funny. People don't know what they want. What they really need. You gotta give 'em a little push.

Fig Wineshine: So you knew about Leery?

Mel Hammermeister: Honey, I not only knew Leery killed F. Scott, I covered it up. Leery's my biggest star. I've told Sheilah for years not to run any hit pieces on him, despite the fact that she very much wanted to. I have to keep my stars squeaky clean. Can't have my number one involved in a murder, Horace may have had to shut the whole place down!

Ford Phillips: And that's where Mo Beats comes in.

Mel Hammermeister: Leery came back to my house after what he'd done. Sheilah and TD didn't wake up, thankfully. Told me he'd gone to confront Scott about Sheilah, ask him to leave her. Scott said no, and that O'Shaughnessy rage boiled up to the surface. I guess he tried it with a guitar string, but it snapped.

Fig Wineshine: So he finished the job with Willy's necklace.

[SFX: A drawer opens. Mel pulls out the necklace.]

Ford Phillips (Voice Over): Mel reached into her drawer and pulled out the necklace, still intact, with one bead caught in the threads. A bead with the letter L.

Mel Hammermeister: I called Mo and had him head down there, stage the scene for the next morning. Collect all these damn beads. (laughs) He had spelled "EERY O'SHAUGHNESSY" and he was looking around for an hour before he realized the L was still on the necklace. Oh boy, he was mad when he called me to let me know about that.

Ford Phillips: You claim to love Sheilah and you were going to keep the truth about Fitzgerald from her?

Mel Hammermeister: She was better off. Without him and without knowing what happened.

Ford Phillips (Voice Over): For a second, Mel seemed almost sad, gazing at the necklace in her hand. Maybe the crushing consequences of all of her actions had just hit her at once. But then she snapped out of it and tossed the necklace into the fire.

[SFX: FLAMES erupt. A little.]

Fig Wineshine: No!

Mel Hammermeister: Probably should have done that a while ago.

Fig Wineshine: We're gonna get you. We're gonna tell everyone. You and Leery are going to jail!

Mel Hammermeister: Nah. I like your gumption kid, but you got no real evidence and I got all the people who would listen to you on my Christmas card list. Leery will be fine. I'll be fine. The only other person who knows about the letters is TD, since he helped me deliver them. But I don't think he'd do anything to upset his loving wife. Plus, I got what I wanted, so the letters will stop.

Fig Wineshine: There's gotta be a way. We've got pictures of the wound! We've got Citizen Jasper Fox and Hippatia Huxley saying they were intimidated by Mo Beats. Ford, right?

Ford Phillips (Voice Over): I looked at Fig and slumped my shoulders. I knew Mel had won, and I just wanted to slink away.

Mel Hammermeister: You got that on record? No, I'm guessing? And congrats on your picture, that's great. Proves there was a murder. That works out, since Mo Beats found your friend Claudette's evidence stash. He called right before you got here. Heard Barnaby threatening Scotty for sleeping with his wife. And they found that tie clip. Strange what jealousy will do to a man.

Ford Phillips: Alright Mel, you may get away with it this time, but you've got a rotten soul, and pretty soon it's gonna catch up to you. And when it does, I'll visit you in prison.

Mel Hammermeister: Well until then, Fordy-poo, you keep fighting the good fight. But as for now, I might have you arrested for trespassing.

[Melancholy musical transition.]

[Cameras CLICK. A crowd settles into the theater. Popcorn crunches. MOVIE THEATER MUSIC plays. We hear an OLD TIMEY RADIO ANNOUNCER:]

Announcer: Now presenting a thrilling true tale of deceit brought to you by Hammermeister Studios. Jackfruit and Brick and the Case of the Poisoned Pen! Starring Cliff Calloway, Wilhelmina Vanderjetski, Juniper Wetblossom, and Leery O'Shaugnessy! A noir marvel for the modern age!

Ford Phillips (Voice Over): Eight months later, Fig and I sat inside the darkened Vista Theater, watching the premiere of Mel Hammermeister's latest hit, "Jackfruit and Brick and the Case of the Poisoned Pen". I didn't feel the need to witness a dark chapter of my life play out on the silver screen, but Fig wanted to support Cliff and Willy and also had a brand new power suit to flaunt. I'll admit as the credits began to play over a static image of the Hollywoodland sign, I was eager to see how Hammermeister Studios and Whitley Trufflehaus had decided to distill the entire debacle of F. Scott Fitzgerald's case into a single film.

Fig Wineshine: Quiet! Your internal monologue is distracting.

Ford Phillips: It's just the opening credits!

Fig Wineshine: Yeah, but I know how hard everyone works on a set now, so they deserve reverence. Look! There's Penny's name for the third time.

Ford Phillips (Voice Over): The image of Hollywoodland crossfaded into a set that was the spitting image of our office. Juniper Wetblossom as Jackfruit Rumpunch, reporter turned PI and Cliff Calloway as Brick Hardfist, sat playing and drinking gin rummy.

Wilhelmina Vanderjetski: (in the film) Mr. Hardfist... Something terrible has happened!

Fig Wineshine (Voice Over): After the credits rolled, we made it past the velvet ropes to the afterparty as Willy and Cliff's plus ones. Roger had sent Willy a giant bouquet of flowers from prison and she insisted on holding them right in front of her face so everyone just thought she was a potted plant. People kept pouring their drinks on her.

Wilhelmina Vanderjetski: What did you think of the movie? Did I get Vivian's voice right?

Ford Phillips: Unfortunately, you don't have the soul of a sinister siren. No one could ever play her. Not as well as she played me.

Cliff Calloway: I must say it was nerve wracking trying to get your ornery gait down, Ford. I went very method. Not sleeping, being abrasive on the phone, falling asleep in bars-

Ford Phillips: Yeah, got it. You did great Cliff. And wow, getting Donald Ogden Stewart to write a film about the murder of F. Scott Fitzgerald? The guy must be rolling in his grave.

Wilhelmina Vanderjetski: I hope you're not mad at us for being in the picture.

Fig Wineshine: Of course not. A job's a job. Plus I know you're contractually obligated.

Wilhelmina Vanderjetski: Enjoy the party, I have to go take photos!

Fig Wineshine (Voice Over): Willy ran off to be the movie star that she was. Someone enveloped me in a bear hug, and I sloshed my drink down my front.

Fig Wineshine: Dangit Whitley!

Whitley Trufflehaus: Sorry! So sorry! Just incredibly excited. Movies are back! And I needed to tell you that I wanted to offer you the part of Winifred Waterpolo, the air-headed ingenue, but Mel wouldn't have it. What happened between you two?!

Fig Wineshine: Creative differences. It's all right, really. Judy Garland was great in the role.

Whitley Trufflehaus: Wasn't she?! Oh there she is. JUDY!

Ford Phillips: And he's off.

Cigarette Girl: Cigar? Cigarette? Fig?! FORD?

Fig Wineshine: Dash Gunfire. Cigarette girl. Feels right.

Dash Gunfire: I'm actually undercover. Don't tell.

Ford Phillips: Who you working for this time?

Dash Gunfire: Great question. If I remember I'll tell you. Say, don't you think it's kinda strange that they made my character a dog in the movie?

Cliff Calloway: Seemed apropos to me.

Dash Gunfire: "Apropos," is that a legal thing? Had to turn me into a dog cuz I’m too handsome? Couldn't outshine the lead actor? OK, I get it now. In fact I'm good with it. I'll sign off on it. Where do I sign?

Fig Wineshine: Dash, the movie was already made-

Cliff Calloway: -Here, sign my napkin. That'll keep it all above board.

Dash Gunfire: You got it Mr. Calloway! I'll put this with all my other "documents."

Cliff Calloway: Ok, but why are you doing air quotes around the word documents?

Penny Nickelpenny: Fig! Ford! You came!

Fig Wineshine: Heya Penny. I didn't want to support this inaccurate drivel, but it's important to keep abreast of the portrayals of yourself in the media.

Dash Gunfire: You! You're the pretty lady from the Christmas party I went to.

Penny Nickelpenny: You! You're that terrible but devilishly handsome sommelier!

Dash Gunfire: Say, would you want to get married sometime?!

Penny Nickelpenny: Where's the ring?

Dash Gunfire: Uhh…

Fig Wineshine: Dash took a cigarette from his tray and dunked it in the champagne glass of an unsuspecting nearby partygoer to soften it up. Flinging alcohol all over us, he quickly fashioned it into a ring and got down on one knee in the middle of the party.

Penny Nickelpenny: I accept! Hey everyone! I'm getting married! Now I can add 'wife' to my list of jobs!

Dash Gunfire: She said yes! Hey Ford? Ford Phillips: Oh No. Dash Gunfire: Will you…

Ford Phillips: No.

Dash Gunfire: Be my–

Ford Phillips: No!

Dash Gunfire: Best–

Ford Phillips: Nuh-huh.

Dash Gunfire: Man??

[Ford sighs.]

Ford Phillips: Sure.

[Dash WHOOPS with glee and walks off.]

Fig Wineshine: (to Ford) Don't look now, but here comes our favorite criminal studio head and her thieving husband. Oh and look, they've got Sheilah in tow. Wonder how this arrangement is working out.

TD Hammermeister: Hello Detectives!

Mel Hammermeister: Didn't think you'd show your faces tonight.

Ford Phillips: Didn't think he would either.

Fig Wineshine (Voice Over): Ford nodded over to Leery O'Shaughnessy who sipped his drink and casually chatted with Horace Beanslot. He should've been rotting away in a jail cell but instead here he was, hob knobbing with the rich and famous like nothing had ever happened. Like he hadn't taken an innocent object and ended the life of one of America's greatest writers.

Mel Hammermeister: Why the hell wouldn't Leery be here? He's the deus ex machina hero of the movie! That part where the detectives realize the killer is the devious newspaper magnate and he attacks them in their office? They'd be dead if it weren't for the savvy actor who came by to make sure they were ok and tackled him before he could strike.

Sheilah Graham: That was my favorite part of the film!

Ford Phillips: Felt too easy to me. Almost like the filmmakers were just... making things up.

Mel Hammermeister: That's all any of us do, Ford Phillips. Say, so sorry to hear you got kicked out of your office.

Ford Phillips: Well, when you got Horace Beanslot to buy the entire building, we figured our eviction wasn't far behind. At least he had to replace the door.

Fig Wineshine: It was a fittingly vindictive going away present, former boss lady. Now don't mind us as we continue to abuse the open bar. Money's tight these days.

Sheilah Graham: Yes, well. Good seeing you! Drop by for tea sometime! And thanks again for helping to avenge Scotty. I know things were complicated between us but... I did love him.

Fig Wineshine: Yeah. We know.

Ford Phillips (Voice Over): As Sheilah and Mel walked off together, it seemed clear that Mel had never come clean about what went down. That F. Scott Fitzgerald was killed because Leery loved Sheilah so much. Maybe that was her covering her tracks, or maybe it was a small mercy to spare Sheilah any guilt. Either way, it was just another lie. Add it to the pile that this city was built on.

TD Hammermeister: Excuse me! Are you doing an internal monologue?

Ford Phillips: What's the point of these if everyone knows I'm doing them?

TD Hammermeister: Oh goodness, I see Eugene Punchwhistle over there. I better go rub his elbow. We're working on a very special secret project together.

Fig Wineshine (Voice Over): As TD ran off to meet up with his new best friend to discuss what was almost certainly door theft, Leery O'Shaugnessy made his way over to us sheepishly. It took everything in my power not to throw my Manhattan on him.

Ford Phillips: We don't have anything to say to you.

Leery O'Shaughnessy: I just wanted you both to know that I'm real sorry. This isn't how I wanted it all to go.

Fig Wineshine: Then why don't you come clean?

Leery O'Shaughnessy: I'm just not that brave. And Mel's stuck her neck out for me. She'd be finished too if I did. And then the whole studio would go kaput. Hundreds of people out of work.

Ford Phillips: All that and you didn't even get the girl.

Leery O'Shaughnessy: Well, at least Sheilah's with someone who really loves her.

Ford Phillips (Voice Over): Juniper Wetblossom and Darby Farnsworth spotted Leery from the crowd and made a beeline toward us.

Juniper Wetblossom: Leery! Fig and Ford! Sorry I'm late, had to do an outfit change. If I'm not covered in sequins at an after party then I'm not living! Leery, you were so fabulous.

Darby Farnsworth: I can't believe it went down like that! That newspaper man is such a snake! You're a hero, Leery!

Ford Phillips: A hero. Keep telling yourself that.

Fig Wineshine (Voice Over): As Juniper continued to heap praise on Leery, we were saved by two people cutting through the crowd toward us.

Dorothy Parker: Fig! Ford!

Fig Wineshine: Dorothy! Donald! Real sorry to hear about the Brigade disbanding.

Dorothy Parker: It's for the best. It was an amateurish attempt at a salon that turned into something no better than a child's treehouse club. And caused significantly more trouble.

Donald Ogden Stewart: Well Mr. Phillips. Miss Wineshine. How did I do? I hope I maintained as much accuracy and integrity as possible in the telling of the story.

Ford Phillips: Don, you may have taken a few liberties.

Donald Ogden Stewart: Can't be helped in this town. We're lucky anything gets made at all.

Fig Wineshine: Seems kinda gruesome to have to watch a... fictionalized retelling of the murder of one of your best friends.

Dorothy Parker: It is what it is, fruit fly. I like to think Scotty is looking down on all this with a glimmer in his eye. He's become the proverbial Gatsby floating dead in the pool - an iconic, inscrutable life cut short, a spectacle that shocked his circle and rippled out to the far corners of his West Egg. I think he'd take solace in his story being unknowable.

Donald Ogden Stewart: And maybe he's found his green light across the water.

Ford Phillips: I think ours is waiting for us down the street. Good seeing you both. Stay safe and take care.

[We hear the bustling interior of the packed Bixby's Lounge.]

Fig Wineshine (Voice Over): Ford and I hightailed it a couple blocks north and stepped into the warm, velvety embrace of a bustling Bixby's Lounge, under new management. Or, should I say: old management.

Bixby Crane: Why if it isn't my favorite two detectives that were forced to sign their life rights away to avoid prosecution for trespassing at Hammermeister Studios so that Mel could make a movie about them, Ford Phillips and Fig Wineshine!

Ford Phillips: Howdy Bix.

Bixby Crane: Will you two be working tonight? The back room is all yours if you need it.

Fig Wineshine: Not tonight. Tonight, we celebrate.

Ford Phillips: Claudette here yet?

Claudette Knickerbocker: Right behind you!

Fig Wineshine: Well? How was it?

Claudette Knickerbocker: The final hearing was a success!

Bixby Crane: This calls for some shots.

Ford Phillips (Voice Over): In the wake of our showdown with Mel, everything seemed to be coming up Mo Beats. He was running Bixby's, he had made detective, and his discovery of Claudette's secret evidence - the exact evidence she was trying to hide from him - had made the case against Barnaby. But the reveal that the death of F. Scott was a murder and not, in fact, a heart attack, shined a spotlight on the officer who had arrived on the scene the morning of December 21st, 1940 - an officer who also happened to be Mo Beats.

Fig Wineshine (Voice Over): When the internal investigation revealed Mo's coverup, Claudette was the one who was being praised for cracking the case, and Mo was placed on indefinite leave, with all of his previous cases reopened and ownership of Bixby's Lounge returned to its namesake. Months of hearings to decide the final fate of Mo Beats had concluded today.

Claudette Knickerbocker: Mo Beats is no longer a member of the Los Angeles Police Department!

Ford Phillips: To Detective Claudette Knickerbocker!

Fig Wineshine/Ford Phillips/Bixby Crane: Cheers!

[Glasses clink. MO BEATS sidles up to the bar.]

Fig Wineshine: Well, well, well, speak of the devil. Mo Beats.

Mo Beats: Evening, all.

Ford Phillips: They'll just let anyone in here, huh?

Claudette Knickerbocker: You finally get kicked off the force, and this is where you come? Do you have any shame?

Mo Beats: To be honest... I could use a drink. And I like the dirty Shirleys here.

Fig Wineshine: Bixby, you really gonna serve this clown?

Bixby Crane: His money spends just as well as anyone else's. Even if he is just a civilian.

Fig Wineshine: Well then. One dirty Shirley. And throw in an extra twig.

[As Bixby makes the drink:]

Ford Phillips: Some nerve of you to show your face here, Maurice.

Mo Beats: Just don't want you to forget what it looks like, Ford. Cuz you haven't seen the last of it.

[Bixby hands him his drink. Mo TOSSES some coins.]

Mo Beats: See ya 'round.

[He walks off.]

Claudette Knickerbocker: Good riddance.

Ford Phillips: I'm glad something good came of this whole mess.

Fig Wineshine: The fuzz in this town just got a lot more trustworthy, that's for sure.

Claudette Knickerbocker: I'll start working on a way to get Barnaby out of prison. I'm sure with Mo handling so much of that case, there were holes everywhere.

Vivian Nightingale: But why would you want to spring a murderer from prison?

Ford Phillips: Oh good grief.

Fig Wineshine (Voice Over): We all turned to see Vivian slinking out of the shadows in a red sequined dress and black gloves. No doubt looking to stir up trouble before she took the stage.

Ford Phillips: We don't want to spring a murderer from prison. We want to spring an innocent man.

Vivian Nightingale: But all the evidence points to Barnaby. After all, I was there that night, and I did see my husband's car outside.

Ford Phillips: Right, you testified as much. But we all know how you like to bend the truth.

Vivian Nightingale: And then there's the matter of the tie clip.

Ford Phillips: That house had been combed through multiple times. The tie clip was planted by someone right before we found it. And I have an idea who did it.

Vivian Nightingale: Are you implying that I planted it? And that I didn't actually see Barnaby's car that night? And that I maliciously lied about Barnaby’s knowledge of the affair? Because I recall that after your investigation led to the arrest and incarceration of my husband, I paid you in full for the job.

Fig Wineshine: Your ex-husband. The murder charge and prison sentence landed you the divorce you wanted. We've seen your pre-nup. This whole thing was just your way of securing the bag while ditching the husband. A good man who loved you. For some reason.

Vivian Nightingale: For a couple of people who seem to think I'm no good, you sure seem copacetic with keeping my money. If you're calling me a liar, I might have to ask for it back. Wouldn't want that, would you?

[A beat. ]

Vivian Nightingale: That's what I thought. Well, see you lot later. And congratulations, Detective Knickerbocker. I'll have to buy you a drink.

Claudette Knickerbocker: If you think you can buy me as easily as you bought Mo Beats, you're dumber than you look, lady.

Vivian Nightingale: Mmm. Feisty. I like it. Bixby, their next round is on me.

[Vivian saunters off.]

Fig Wineshine: Well, if she's paying...

Ford Phillips: I'm drinking!

Bixby Crane: How about a little champagne?

Fig Wineshine: Yes, I think so!

Ford Phillips: Sounds good to me.

[He POPS a bottle and pours.]

Claudette Knickerbocker: To taking out the trash at the LAPD.

Fig Wineshine: To clearing my best gal's name and reuniting some long lost triplets.

Ford Phillips: To finally figuring out what that plotline was about. To choosing to fight on in the face of long odds and insurmountable corruption. And to opening ourselves up to whatever comes next. After all, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

[A musical transition.]

[Keys rattle in a lock. A door opens. Claudette enters her apartment.]

Claudette Knickerbocker (Voice Over): I got home that night and prepared to wind down. After four drinks, the prospect of waking up early tomorrow wasn't too welcoming. But it didn’t matter. I knew I had a lot to do. New cases, new responsibilities, and I would need to figure out how to poke enough holes in the state's case against - Wait a minute. Broken glass. Someone broke the window. Alright, Claudette, don't panic, just reach into your bag and grab your -

Mysterious Voice: Don't even think of touching your gun.

[Claudette GASPS as a GUN COCKS.]

Claudette Knickerbocker: You?!

[A dramatic musical sting. The Case of the Greater Gatsby closing theme plays]

Sean Persaud: Shipwrecked Comedy Presents: The Case of the Greater Gatsby

Written and directed by Sean Persaud and Sinead Persaud

Featuring: Carlos Alazraqui as Leery O’Shaughnessy Sean Persaud as Ford Phillips Sinead Persaud as Fig Wineshine Lauren Lopez as Penny Nickelpenny Matthew Mercer as Mo Beats Parvesh Cheena as Whitley Trufflehaus Lesli Margherita as Mel Hammermeister William Joseph Stribling as the Announcer Sarah Grace Hart as Wilhelmina Vanderjetski Tom DeTrinis as Cliff Calloway Joey Richter as Dash Gunfire Blake Silver as TD Hammermeister Julia Cho as Sheilah Graham Krystina Arielle as Juniper Wetblossom Ginny Di as Darby Farnsworth Whitney Avalon as Dorothy Parker Dylan Saunders as Donald Ogden Stewart Dante Swain as Bixby Crane Joanna Sotomura as Claudette Knickerbocker Mary Kate Wiles as Vivian Nightingale And Ben Giroux as the Mysterious Voice

Original music by Dylan Glatthorn

Audio recording by Noah Hunt Audio

Mixing and Sound Design by Lizzie Goldsmith

Executive Producers Paul Komoroski & Michael Walsh

Produced by Sean Persaud, Sinead Persaud, Sarah Grace Hart, and Mary Kate Wiles

Special thanks to Kickstarter backers Katie Adamczyk, Ally Brown, Zainab Khan, Shao Chih Kuo, Jane Leach, Avalee Long, Lisel Perrine, Halsea Root, The Rude Mechanicals, Heather Tennant, and Justin Waterman.

Please rate and review the show wherever you listen. Join us on Patreon at patreon.com/shipwreckedcomedy to receive early access to new episodes and other bonus content, and to support us making this show.

Visit Shipwrecked Comedy on YouTube to view the prequel film for this series, The Case of the Gilded Lily, or many of our other projects. Thank you very much for listening to and supporting this original independent audio narrative series.