AITA Halloween ===

Regan: [00:00:00] Hello, everyone, and welcome back to the Mr. Pick Me and the Man Hater show. What are you doing? I'm sorry, Jessica has his mouth so close to the mic right now. He's ready to do something dumb. What is it?

Chesko: Welcome to Mr. Pick Me and the Man Hater. I was doing a very professional beginning and trying to speak perfectly close to the microphone.

Chesko: Unfortunately, my colleague just doesn't want to do with these a good intro. And so she ruined it again. I, I, I would like to make a formal apology to our listeners. Um, one of these days, uh, my cohost will treat you all with the respect you deserve. And.

Regan: This is why people need to see the YouTube, like our YouTube videos, because you literally took a deep breath and you got your mouth as close as you could to the mic.

Regan: I don't know what you were gonna do.

Chesko: I did want to see what you would do if I did nothing, but I acted like I [00:01:00] was going to do something and it worked out beautifully.

Regan: Well, That's perfect because you are being a creep and this is our Halloween episode so You had that evil laugh way too like on the tip of your tongue like that that is frightening

Chesko: So here's our spookiest episode of the year

Regan: Doing the same shit as always, except this episode, our Am I the Assholes, are Halloween themed.

Chesko: Woo! Brought to you by No! Halloween theme

Theme Song: song. You want bad advice? Man, I'll give it out. I got some good advice for ya. No, you don't.

Theme Song: Good advice for ya. No, you don't. Shit. That's your weakest theme song yet. How dare you call[00:02:00]

Chesko: me weak? That was an alpha. Scream

Regan: I don't even know if they got the full effect because you can't hear you breathe So it's just like all of a sudden you're just like ah cheska likes to prank me when we do these because when we start he'll act like his audio's off and he'll just mouth like He's talking it takes you forever to realize one

Chesko: time you

Regan: have done that more than once

Chesko: I don't think I have.

Regan: Do I need to cut to the tapes?

Chesko: Listen, if I have, I don't remember it, and that counts.

Regan: Okay, well, then I'm in trouble. You don't remember anything. I know.

Chesko: Is it a lie if you believe you're telling the truth?

Regan: Yes. It's still untrue.

Chesko: It's still untrue, but is it a lie?

Regan: Yes, because it's still untrue.

Chesko: But if you think you're telling the truth.

Regan: Then you're [00:03:00] delusional, but it's still a lie. Like if I hit you, and then I don't think I hit you, but I did, it's still a lie to say I didn't.

Chesko: I don't, I, yes, yes. Are

Regan: you gaslighting me?

Chesko: No, I'm thinking philosophically here. I don't know, for some reason I was just like, how is it like, you know, if you are cause I guess that is kind of the tactic I think a lot of abusive people do.

Chesko: Yes, it 100

Regan: percent is. Narcissists believe their lies a lot of the time.

Chesko: Alright.

Regan: On that spooky note.

Chesko: Spooky! Am I the asshole?

Regan: Okay, here we go.

Chesko: Alright.

Regan: I'm gonna do the first one.

Chesko: Okay.

Regan: Yeah, and there is an update for the record.

Chesko: Okay.

Regan: Am I the asshole for kicking my BF's girl best friend out of my Halloween party because of her costume?

Chesko: Yes.

Regan: Okay, you hold on to that, Jessica, okay? Well,

Chesko: I always, I think it's always important to get, get on the record in the beginning and see if I can Okay, I love

Regan: it! Hi, [00:04:00] everyone! I'll cut to the chase. I, 19FEMALE, had a Halloween party over the weekend. I invited my boyfriend, 21MALE, and a bunch of friends over, including his girl best friend.

Regan: I will call her Agatha. I guess all along. Okay. My boyfriend and I had decided to dress up as Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater. If you haven't seen the costume, the guy wears a shirt that says Peter Peter, and the girl dresses as a pumpkin.

Chesko: Get it? Because,

Regan: well, you know, I was pretty excited just because I thought it was funny.

Regan: And eats them.

Regan: Agatha texted me the night before the party and asked what my costume was going to be. I explained the couple's costume that my boyfriend and I would be wearing and she replied that she would probably just come as a sexy cat. Fast forward to the night of the party, everyone's having fun and it's a nice time, well it was, until Agatha walked in dressed as a pumpkin.

Chesko: Oh, okay.

Regan: She went over and hugged [00:05:00] my boyfriend. I swear the room went silent. I was pissed. I asked if I could speak with her privately and we went into my bedroom. I asked why she chose that costume since she knew the details of the joint costume between my boyfriend and I. She said she didn't see the big deal and thought it would be a better group costume.

Regan: I told her I didn't think it was funny, and I would prefer that she change. I offered her a witch costume that she could borrow for the night. She turned red and started to yell that I didn't get to control what she wears. I told her that she was disrespecting my relationship by insinuating that my boyfriend and her have sex.

Regan: She kept screaming about how it was funny, and I needed to lighten up. I asked her to leave. She stormed out of the house and I returned to the party. The moon had shifted and the night felt ruined. My boyfriend agrees that she crossed the line and is planning on cutting her off completely. But a few of our friends are saying that I was being dramatic and I should have let her stay.

Regan: I guess I'm just wondering, am I the asshole?

Chesko: Oh boy, did not expect that one.

Regan: Yeah, it is a very [00:06:00] interesting tale.

Chesko: It was not very spooky.

Chesko: Very yucky. More yucky. Um, I feel like the issue here is

Regan: I love that you're like, I get it.

Chesko: I feel like the situations like this are what feed into the idea that men and women can't be friends. Right. Cause it does feel like this is a situation where there's something weird happening here.

Regan: That's like my nightmare. I, first of all, I would never do that costume. I've never been into like, I like couples costumes, but I like cool, like dramatic, take a lot of time to make costumes.

Regan: Right. Right. Um,

Chesko: Have you ever done any couples costumes with your wife?

Regan: Of course I have.

Chesko: Well, I would like to hear them. It's Halloween.

Regan: Um, I'm trying to go backwards. Uh, last year we did Jurassic [00:07:00] Park. My daughter was a T Rex. And then I was, uh, what's, what are their names? Alan and, uh, Ellie? Is Ellie the blonde?

Chesko: Ellie Grant,

Regan: right? No, Alan Grant. No, Ellie. Ellie Sattler. That's right. It is Ellie. Uh, and then, we, the best one we ever built was, we built her this Demogorgon from Stranger Things. And like, built a wall, and like, all, did all the head and the teeth, and like, did the light up wall. Like, all the letters, the string of lights.

Regan: And then I was Barb, half dead, half alive. That one was pretty cool.

Chesko: That's fun.

Regan: Do you want to tell me your costumes? Because you are also into costumes. Yes.

Chesko: I keep waiting to tell

Regan: me yours.

Chesko: No, no. I'm listening. That's great. I was actually asking because I was interested in you. Not, not just as a way. Cause I know people do that.

Chesko: We're like. Now, here's my opportunity. No, here's mine. No, but I, I knew you were going to ask me after I'd asked you. I was like, oh shit, now I have to think of an answer. Um, cause we've [00:08:00] done it, but I, I get confused. We do a lot of like, we do costumes for our Christmas cards and I always get confused. Which ones are, we're also Halloween ones.

Chesko: This year, we're going to be, she decided to be, um, Miss Frizzle from the, um, A magic school bus. And, uh, we were thinking, I was like, Oh, how could I be, uh, an accompaniment for that? And we were at first, I was like, I could be the lizard. That's kind of boring. Uh, and so I decided to be the magic school bus.

Chesko: And so what I'm doing is I have a wizard robe and a wizards, uh, every time. You send me it. Hey, I sent you so, but for, for the audience who does not get texted personally pictures of me, I'm, I'm being a wizard with a school bus, like a yellow wizard with a school bus shirt. So I'm the magic school bus.

Regan: That was so funny. Cause you sent it to me and I thought you were being Gandalf and then you shall not pass. Cause there was a stop,

Chesko: right?

Regan: I was close.

Chesko: Yeah,

Regan: it was close. Okay. So anyways, back to this. [00:09:00] Yes, um, I am into costumes. I never did like a sexy one or like, like I would never do Not that I'm against it.

Regan: That's just not my cup of tea. I like to be weird things. So I would never do like a sexual one like that, but if I did, and then some girl that was the best friend of my boyfriend found out and came as the matching sexual thing, because if he's the pumpkin eater and you come as a pumpkin, I mean, it's not

Chesko: even like a, like suddenly one where it could be like, Oh, I'm a sec.

Chesko: Like if, if she was a sexy cat and he was like a dog or something like that, it's not even like, yeah. So it's, it's very specifically if you're, that's an overtly sexual themed costume.

Regan: Yeah.

Chesko: Right. And a sexual act specifically that.

Regan: Oh God. I can't imagine how she felt with that girl walking in as a pumpkin.

Regan: You're like, Oh, okay. Cause it's, it's,

Chesko: it's also sounds like she had like, [00:10:00] If she talked to her ahead of time and told her that, that she, she clearly had not viewed her as like competition or the issue, but she was at least trying to be friends with, uh, so that, that at least gives me like the idea that she's like a chill person and, and not one to overly kind of.

Chesko: I'm assuming that this story is a hundred percent, like, accurate about how it all went down.

Regan: Well, we have an update.

Chesko: Let's hear it.

Regan: So the first update is this. One user said, Not the asshole. She overstepped by doing that. She clearly knew you'd be bothered, and she may have more than friend feelings for your boyfriend.

Regan: I'm wondering if there was ever a sexual relationship between them at one point. Jealousy is an ugly monster. The original poster said, He said that nothing sexual has ever happened between them. I do trust him because he was honestly shocked she would pull something like that since she's always treated me with kindness.[00:11:00]

Regan: I think he was just too stunned to speak when she walked in. After I asked her to leave, he comforted me the rest of the night and took my side completely. He said that he is going to be cutting her out of his life. It's crazy because she's been texting him and he said she hasn't even tried to apologize.

Regan: He hasn't been responding, which I think is driving her crazy. There's one more update. Do you have any thoughts about that?

Chesko: It just, it just does. It does. I, here's the, I don't think he's telling the truth about being shocked by that. There's never been any inclination whatsoever. It feels like, I don't know.

Chesko: Is, is it possible? Sure. I don't think that's true. It feels like he's like, no, it's more so like, what the fuck are you doing? You're not, we're not supposed to do that in front of her. Um, that's what, that's the gist I get from it. That was, he's too adamantly like, never had I ever.

Regan: Oh, I am [00:12:00] shocked about this.

Chesko: Word, at the end of the day. We, we were

Regan: on, on the day of hollow Z, I clutched my pearls at you, the pumpkin eater,

Chesko: the only pumpkin I want to eat is yours, baby,

Regan: baby,

Chesko: baby. Anyways, the way the, the abject denial feels fake.

Regan: Well, funny you should say that, Jezko, because this is about to turn into a horror story.

Regan: Oh,

Chesko: no.

Regan: Yep. Well, I have an update. I meant to post one a few months ago, but I really needed time to process the events that occurred after this whole ordeal. I'm glad I waited, though, because you all need to hear this one. Many people pointed out that my boyfriend must be sleeping with Agatha since she went absolutely bonkers for seemingly no reason.

Regan: I thought since he immediately took my side and blocked [00:13:00] her on everything, that you were wrong. Well, it was me who was wrong. It turns out that Agatha and my boyfriend had been sleeping together for months. And that they were just really good at hiding it. Until she decided that she didn't want to be his mistress anymore.

Regan: I found this out when I was at his house and hanging out in his room. He was showering after a workout and I heard this vibrating noise. He had taken his phone and mine was right next to me so I couldn't figure out what it was. I opened his bedside table drawer and found a second phone.

Chesko: My gut told

Regan: Oh

Chesko: no!

Regan: My gut told me that something wasn't right. Why would he have a second phone? It didn't take me long to guess his password. 1, 2, 3, 4. Really? And my fears were confirmed. There was a missed call from Agatha. I looked through the messages and found out the truth. Not only had they been sleeping together, she had recently found out that she was pregnant.

Regan: This was the reason she pulled the stunt on Halloween. She was trying [00:14:00] to force his hand. I also saw that he was messaging other girls as well. I was completely devastated. After his shower, he found me grabbing all of my belongings and putting them in my bag. He asked why I was leaving, and I told him because we were finished.

Regan: I threw his phone on the bed, and he looked like he was going to vomit. He started pleading me to hear him out, but I didn't want to hear it. He could have all the other girls. I didn't want him anymore. He followed me out of the house, shaking and crying. He even followed me all the way out to my car, trying to block my path.

Regan: I went over the grass around him

Chesko: and

Regan: didn't look back. He sent me a long message about how he never wanted to hurt me, that he wanted me back, and how he was using his work phone to text all those women so I wouldn't find out. That was really helpful. I sent his boss a nice little message about how company property was being misused, and I saw on his LinkedIn he was no longer working for the company anymore.

Regan: he has blocked on everything now. I hope him and ag 'cause I have a magical life with their [00:15:00] baby. Oh, I heard through the grapevine that. He got another one of the women pregnant, too. I'm glad I dodged a bullet. As for me, I currently am in therapy, working on my trust issues, and learning how to love myself again after the situation.

Regan: I have been putting myself out there again and have cut contact with anyone who knew what was happening behind my back.

Chesko: Spooky! Yeah, so spooky!

Regan: Horrible monster men!

Chesko: Uh, sadly, it's, that's the monster that Is not surprising at all. I know. Then the word went out and it's like,

Regan: mmm.

Chesko: Something, yeah. Yeah,

Regan: that last line, I thought was really powerful too, when she said, um, I cut out all the people who knew.

Chesko: Because

Regan: it's like there's always people who know like in those when people are cheating like the inner circle There's so many people that know that sucks so bad

Chesko: Good on her for getting out of it as quickly. She's only 19. It's not like she this is a bounce back Bounce back. She's got a lot of it. I mean before having [00:16:00] to deal with her own pregnancy.

Chesko: Yeah, right If he's, this guy's clearly, uh, not into using protection, um, if he's knocking up That's horrifying for

Regan: her also.

Chesko: I know, because if he's cheating and also clearly not into, uh, you know, protect Hopefully she got tested and everything too and hopefully Yeah, right. Um.

Regan: Oh my god. That part is a nightmare.

Chesko: That's one thing that I don't, uh, I think we've talked about this before, that, uh, is an, an un, something that isn't talked about enough about why cheating is so problematic Yeah! It's not just an emotional, like, not, not that the emotional is not bad enough. Like that is bad, but it's all, it's like, you're literally putting them in physical harm, possible lifelong, if not deadly, you know, uh, repercussions that could happen from you not being able to keep it in your pants.

Chesko: And especially if you're someone like this, who is, uh, clearly not taking, uh, you know, it's, it's one thing, you know, you can use proper protection and have an accident and something can happen. But if it's, if more than one, there's clearly, [00:17:00] this is someone is doing some really nefarious shit and that is

Regan: Yeah, I mean, she was sleeping with him and Like everybody he's sleeping with and everybody they're sleeping with.

Chesko: Yep. Yep, like that. Yeah, cuz if they're not in a legit Couple either that means they could also be having multiple partners. Oh, that's

Regan: horrifying

Chesko: Oh, yeah,

Regan: that doesn't get talked about enough of like how messed up it is to not be like when you're cheating you're Potentially giving you know Diseases to your partner and they're they cannot consent if they don't understand the circumstances that they're consenting to like you're not getting real Consent if they don't know what's happening

Chesko: Like

Regan: informed consent is a thing

Chesko: Yeah, I knew someone that used to give, uh, like, she was, uh, gave speeches at different places about, um, the fact that she, uh, got HIV, uh, from her boyfriend cheating on her with somebody else.

Chesko: Oh my

Regan: God!

Chesko: Yeah.

Regan: That's terrible.

Chesko: Yeah, because it's, it's, I mean, it's like, it's one of those that she thought they were in a monogamous relationship [00:18:00] and boom, people are the worst

Regan: people are the worst people

Chesko: are literal ghouls. They're much worse than monsters.

Regan: They're literally.

Chesko: Continuing the joke in this really serious part.

Regan: No, but like they are like a vampire would be better.

Chesko: Yeah,

Regan: honestly.

Chesko: Mm hmm.

Regan: Like there are so many imaginary monsters that I would take over dudes like this. And like the fact that he's like, well, it was my work phone. Like, what? Yeah. Who cares how that's

Chesko: like? Oh, you're. Oh, it's

Regan: just your work phone. Oh, thank God.

Chesko: God, I mean, at least you weren't. You know, sexting on your real phone.

Regan: That would be disgusting.

Chesko: No wonder he was willing to block her on everything though. Cause he still had his work phone.

Regan: She wasn't blocked on anything. He still had access to her. Of

Chesko: course. Oh,

Regan: that's so dirty.

Chesko: And like, I don't know, necessarily know.

Chesko: How I'd react in a situation like that if someone who I thought was my friend [00:19:00] showed up Assuming that I was not sleeping with this person on the side, right? If it was something I thought was just a friend Yeah, and they show up like I it would be very confusing.

Regan: Well, okay, cuz it is the sexual

Chesko: Yeah, it's

Regan: like if he was doing the plug,

Chesko: um,

Regan: like the outlet and the plug and then another outlet shows up, it's like, it's a very sexual, like, there's no question about what it's not.

Regan: Yeah. To your point, it's not like a cat and a dog or like an angel and the devil. It's like, this is a very sexual costume. And I'm also participating.

Chesko: What are you, what are you doing? I think it would just be like, I honestly think they probably the better, like the most honest reaction would be like, Absolute confusion like

Regan: I would be confused if there was nothing

Chesko: wrong.

Regan: What's going on?

Chesko: This is weird.

Regan: I feel like you and I did you not get it that it's sexual. It's a sexual joke Oh, you must be confused He's eating the pumpkin. Let me explain it to you.

Chesko: Did you not know that this is a, [00:20:00] like, Oh God. Although

Regan: I would both explain it for sure. Yeah,

Chesko: no, you're right. Cause it's also something that I would do by accident.

Chesko: My miss missing.

Regan: You're like, he really likes pumpkins. I'll be a pumpkin.

Chesko: Yeah. Oh man. It's your guy friend and you show up

Regan: as a pumpkin. I've been on it too! I'm also pumpkin! That is something I would do though, for real. For sure, like, not get the joke at all. There's zero chance

Chesko: that that would not happen.

Chesko: There was a non zero chance that I could do that accidentally. Or even on purpose for someone. The thing is, here's the thing about it. It's only something like that could be funny if it's the idea of it is so absurd. Yeah, like, like that. It's that it's like, okay, this is funny. Like, Oh my God, she showed up that way too.

Chesko: But there's such a very [00:21:00] specific situation where that could, like I said, if it was, if it was, you know, Two straight guys, one of them showed up like that. And it's funny because they're probably because they're insecure about their sexuality in the sense that they, they're like over like young straight guys.

Chesko: There are very much like pretending to be straight. And it's there. We're so straight. We're so straight. Look at it. Isn't this funny? We're gay, right? Hey, we should like make out after this. Wouldn't that be so funny? Wouldn't that

Regan: be hilarious?

Chesko: It'd be hilarious if we just kissed a little bit.

Regan: Let's play spin the bottle in my room alone.

Chesko: She has the two of us. That'd be great. Oh, man. Oh, we should take off these costumes.

Regan: And all of our clothes. Let's do it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I feel like these is, I'm much more bothered by like vindictive, like mean ways, public mean things. Like I would rather. I would have rather her just come up to my face and be like, I'm cheating with your boyfriend.

Regan: Then like, have it be this joke where I'm like, wait, I feel like I'm not in on something. Something's [00:22:00] going on. This is very public. Like, I don't know how to react. Like, that's such a cruel way.

Chesko: Yeah.

Regan: And I mean, that was the point. The cruelty was the point on that.

Chesko: It was Ted. She was done being the side.

Regan: Yeah.

Chesko: Side piece. Yeah. And I think at the end of the day, I'm always, uh, if we're going to talk about the magnitude of bad, the person still do it, try that was wanting to hide it still is still the worst one. Right. The guy that was doing this. He's still in the commitment. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, if anything, it's just like, they sound also all very young.

Chesko: Two. So I could easily see like 2119 and I don't know

Regan: what the other girl's age.

Chesko: Right. But if it was like, you know, if she's like 20, 21 or something like that. Yeah. And she's like, uh, well this is, this is the only way I can, like, I, I'm done being this, this will be great. 'cause you see it in movies so dramatic.

Chesko: You think it's a good, you think it's a good idea. Like this will be the way, um, I'll

Regan: get.

Chesko: Yeah, because I have seen stupid stuff. I can't think of a specific example or but when you're young, you're like, this is [00:23:00] the way that I'm going to win my man. Yeah. And it's I'm going to do this really dumb thing that nobody should do

Regan: ever do.

Regan: Yeah. And it also like highlights. These guys who will be horrible and treat you horribly, and then just, Oh no, I love you! Like, let me win you back. You're like, how about you keep me in the first place? How about you don't betray me? Like, you can do literally any, like, grand gesture, but you didn't treat me right originally.

Regan: So save it. Like, not letting her leave. Like, that's not a romantic gesture. That's, uh, a hostage situation. Yeah. Oh, God,

Chesko: and it's, and I think too many people just guys, traditionally guys, I'm sure there are women that do this as well. Um, though, can't under understand. It's all about the, it's not about the relationship.

Chesko: It's about, um, having, you know, Wanting that, that validation from, from many women, uh, and having that power over that many women, um, where he did, he doesn't want to give up any of [00:24:00] them. But if you're willing to cheat on your partner with multiple other women, you're not, you don't actually care about that relationship clearly.

Chesko: You know, you're, you just care about, you, you don't want her, you're, you care about losing ownership of her so that she can be with other men. Um, and it's this, it's this weird thing that especially young guys, uh, that grew up in this patriarchal aspect of our society do not understand that it's better to just like, there's no, you're not gaining anything.

Chesko: You're just harming people. Um, and unfortunately a lot of guys never grow out of that. That just ends up, they just get married and then. Yeah, you know, and hopefully they or they get super religious so that they can convince their religious spouse that it's okay that they cheated and that God wants them to stay together because that's more important.

Chesko: Um, that was a previous episode for anyone listening.

Regan: With these guys, it's as if like, Infidelity happens to them. Like [00:25:00] they're, you know, it's like the guys who say I'm fighting my demons or like, I don't want to hurt you. Like as if they are not completely in control of the bad things that happen as if they aren't completely in control of cheating, like, and after be like, I don't know what happened.

Regan: I'm so sorry. Like, I'm just a scrub. It's like you actively made every single choice. And when we look at cheating, like, I think we disregard how many choices are made. Like, there's the choice to cheat, there's the choice to hide, there's the choice to lie, there's the choice to lie to, like, get all of your friend group involved, because clearly friends knew about it.

Regan: Like, there are a thousand choices that go into even cheating one time.

Chesko: And it's especially pertinent in these issues where it's like, it's not like, I, uh, oh man, I got drunk and made out with another woman, uh, or, or something where, you know, even so that's still, I think for a lot of relationships would be grounds just to be over anyways, but that's, I, I'm not going to judge anyone for being like, [00:26:00] okay, let's work through this.

Chesko: Let's that's, you know, everyone, You know, you were, you were drunk. There's probably still some underlying issues that we should probably deal with if that's going to happen while you're drunk or that you're doing, but I could see a relationship coming back from something like that, but it's the thing where this is so very clearly, not just a accident.

Chesko: Right. And most of the time, it's not just 99 percent of the time cheating happens. There is so much more that goes into the planning. Yes. The, the, the, it's not just, you happen to be in a situation where you were alone with somebody in a, in a, and you were also inebriated and it just. Something stupid happened and you were also maybe angry that I don't I don't like think of it's still wrong.

Chesko: There's still no no excuse for it.

Regan: Yeah, there's just so many choices like to the there's bound. There's boundary pushing up until the point like there's no way you go from completely bound read right where where you're [00:27:00] completely faithful to. I cheated with this person. Like there's always boundary pushing.

Regan: And, um,

Chesko: I have, I have been drunk with like, I've been at like conferences and stuff where I've been drunk and they're there. I've been hit on and I've said, no, no, it's a, it's a, there's a certain point where even though, like you have to, there is still a conscious level of using to, to, to do it even in those situations.

Regan: I like just. the audacity that this man had to have been cheating that regularly with that many people and knowing he's in the wrong and To be like God, I don't know what her deal is. I have no idea. She's insane that she came with that costume I'll just cut her off. I'm so sorry, baby. I'm so sorry. She's crazy like sir Like, did you think you were going to get away?

Regan: Like the way that toxic men will bold face lie is insane. And I'm sure non binary people can do it. And women [00:28:00] get, everybody can cheat. It's not gendered, but there's a flavor of misogyny to a lot of cheating. And like, Oh, that's the stuff that would really, it's not just that it happened, but the way, like looking back on the way that you were lied to and gaslit.

Regan: That's what would get me. That's what would really make me. I'm sure all the other ways he lied as well. But like, you looked me in the eyes and said she was crazy.

Chesko: And made her look crazy. She had a, some type of relationship, a friendship with the, the, the friend that too, it's like, Oh, there's extra layers on that.

Chesko: It's like, it's part of me is like, if you're going to cheat on me at the very least hide it from don't ingrain, ingrain the person, right. Don't

Regan: bring that. They like that. I'm telling you,

Chesko: cause

Regan: I used to say, I used to be like, I had this discussion because I'm an idiot I guess and I was like, why do people cheat?

Regan: there's so many ways to have like non monogamous relationships and [00:29:00] ethical non monogamous and people like Because they like cheating because that's a huge part of it And I think that's true like people cheat and people like to bring The mistress or whatever the one they're cheating with around their partner because it's a thrill I guess They don't want to have wild happy

Chesko: relationships.

Chesko: They want to toxic

Regan: and yeah, they want a cheating they want the thrill of cheating they want the Adrenaline, I guess they get but it's so crazy and like never like I do not hold, like, I don't take it lightly if other people are involved in facilitating bad acts. Like, like, If someone helps somebody cheat, I'm questioning that person.

Regan: Like, I'm questioning their ethics and if I want to be around them. Like, don't, good people don't let their friends cheat. Don't help their friends cheat, don't cover their friends cheating. Like, there's been so many times, I don't know that I've been cheated on, but I have had exes be shitty. And like, their friends knew about it.[00:30:00]

Regan: And it's like, Why would you help him lie about that? I think people give themselves a lot of passes to help facilitate that and there's nothing okay about helping somebody be cheated on because you are helping her be at risk. It's not their fault because they're not the ones who did it but any one of those friends could have told her the truth at any time.

Regan: And they didn't. And it's wild how much we allow that to happen.

Chesko: And I think, uh, especially, and the numbers play this out too, I think cheating happens relatively equally between men and women, um, when they're, when they're younger. But then as you get older, women tend to cheat far less and men continue cheating it at, uh, Keep it up, boys!

Chesko: Yeah. And so it's cause it, cause there's this one stat I remember looking into it. Somebody was trying to argue. It was like, no, when you look at this men, women, she just as much as men. And you wait, if you break down by the tabs, it was like when you're under like 23 or 25 or something like that, they're roughly equal.

Chesko: Sure. And then it was like, literally it was like just huge [00:31:00] divergent, uh, path. Cause at that point, cause I think, and it, so it's not even a gender thing when you're young, when you're younger, just kind of like you're young. Like, you're young, you're, you do stuff, you're impulsive, you probably get into relationships with people you don't actually like because that's what you do, right?

Chesko: You're figuring out, yeah, um, you're figuring out your, who you even, like, you know, the gender that you're.

Regan: Hey, you know what happens to the best of us.

Chesko: And so, so, but a lot of that goes into, so it's not even, uh, the, uh, the act of cheating at that age. It's the act of, um, except for when it's something malicious like this, I think that's different because there's a difference between someone's being 22 and, and.

Chesko: Get, you know, being like not in an unhappy relationship and then not realizing versus them actually facilitating cheating, then it goes to something more.

Regan: Yeah, I wish we took it more seriously when people do stuff like this. I mean, this happens with adults and people will help cover it and not talk about it and like, know [00:32:00] about it, not tell it's like you're doing so much harm to someone like, and if you're, you're, You can help people do harm.

Regan: And like, I don't even, I don't even know what I would say to somebody who does, who does what he, like, I don't know if there's any saving them. I mean, I definitely think what it stems down to is like, clearly you are so desperate for validation from, for yourself that you're willing to harm anybody.

Regan: You're willing to throw anybody under the bus. Cause like, this is a good showing of what the, who this guy is, is like. He had a pregnant woman who's in a very dramatic way outing him and he didn't own up to it when he could have instead he made her look insane. That's the type of man this guy is.

Chesko: Right.

Regan: Like, he's 21. He's a man. Like, he's a man.

Chesko: Spooky!

Regan: You can watch Michael Myers all day, Freddy Krueger all day. This is the shit that scares me. These are the men that scare me.

Chesko: Honestly though, that's, I think most real life horror stories are like, [00:33:00] Misogynistic fueled. Yes. Uh, like anger, empathy, lack of empathy.

Chesko: It's, yeah, it's, a lot of it is, it's tied together. Yeah. Um, and it's, it's sad that it's such a, a real lived experience. Well, you go back to, um. We might not have time for my second one, but the, the whole, um, thing about like women having to hide their vote from their husbands. Oh my God. I don't know if we want to get too deep in the woods with that, but there's a whole song like leave your husband.

Regan: Yeah.

Chesko: So this is one thing I thought was really scary. Was because the whole thing is everyone keeps saying, Oh, remember, you know, they don't see your ballot. They're not allowed in there. Apparently in some like Southern states, uh, there, there have been stories. There's been a bunch of stories about the fact that husbands are going into the voting booth with their wife to make sure that they're voting, uh, in certain, in certain [00:34:00] ways with it.

Chesko: And that's all about, once again, control. Over your partner, uh, you know, it's not like the wife is going into the voting booth with the husband and why are they because It's this this coercive Scary thing.

Regan: Well, it's also like there's a lot of people putting out like We cancel each other's vote out or whatever.

Regan: And it's like, uh, I don't know that that's a good thing. Like, I think we need to look at that. Like, if you have such different core values, it's like, is it okay? Are you okay with that? Like how, how different his values align with yours? How he's not prioritizing what's right for you. Like that's, that's bizarre to me.

Regan: There was even like a video. Where this was also not a joke like these were people I would say they're in their 50s to 60s maybe and this wife was like standing with her husband and he's like I tell her who to vote for because I'm the man of the house and i'm the one who makes these decisions and she's like and i'm happy I don't have to worry about it and I trust him as the man in this house and it was not a parody It was [00:35:00] serious

Chesko: And she

Regan: was just like standing there as he's like I choose how we vote in this house and that's how it should be I'm just like whoa Like and she's standing there smiling and i'm like this is a horror story.

Chesko: Yeah,

Regan: this is scary Like you don't have a say Oh,

Chesko: it's genuinely terrifying about how many women are having to go through marriages like that. And it's because there's no alternate, like in their eyes, that's it. This is, this is as good as it gets is, is being with this person who clearly does not view you as, as human, right.

Chesko: Or at least not as an equal.

Regan: There's a ton of men trying to like literally repeal the 19th amendment.

Chesko: Mm hmm.

Regan: And the women are like, okay,

Chesko: like,

Regan: what?

Chesko: You see, there was one, uh, a positive story about this. There was one woman, she was like in her eighties that, uh, she was voting for the first time this election because her [00:36:00] husband, her husband died and he wouldn't allow her to vote.

Chesko: And so she's voting for the first time. I should look up the story. I'll send it to you if I can find it. But it was a woman in her eighties that she's voting for the first time this election because her husband died.

Regan: That's really scary.

Chesko: Yeah.

Regan: That's scary. That was

Chesko: her entirety of her life. Good for her now for, you know, for taking that and, uh, you know, being able to, you know, finally experience.

Chesko: That aspect of her life, but the only reason she didn't perform was because she was a woman, she shouldn't be voting, and she listened to her husband.

Regan: I mean, I genuinely think about and am terrified about what my life would have been had I not come out. I would have just doubled down. Like I could have been in a bad relationship.

Chesko: I think that happens a lot though, where you people like, we'll end up like gaslighting themselves in order. And, and like into these really toxic relationships, because admitting that this is not working for you would be admitting this thing. You're not [00:37:00] supposed to, you won't admit to yourself.

Regan: Yeah.

Chesko: Which

Regan: can be a lot of things for people.

Regan: Maybe they could be gay, they could be religious. And then they'd have to admit that like, they're gay. There's some misogyny in the way that their religion is practiced, like in whatever church they're in or whatever. Like, there's so many things that are scary to people. So they just double down into these relationships and everybody should have autonomy.

Regan: Everybody should be able to have their own thoughts and desires and should be able to pursue, pursue the things that make them happy in life. And should have equal rights to each other. Like that should be a simple thing. And there's so many people who are being tricked into believing that they deserve less.

Regan: Um, and that's, that's scary to me. Yeah. That's like, it's Handmaid's Tale, really. You know, it's like, really scary.

Chesko: Right, and that's why so many men in these kind of traditional Uh, traditional, uh, households are trying to make it where your wife is financially dependent on you, where she does not have a social circle or so they cut out.

Chesko: That's why they always have these like, uh, no, you're not allowed to go on [00:38:00] friends trips. You're not allowed to, I don't want to interact with people without me there because they don't want them to, uh, to have someone, uh, open their eyes, right. To, to seeing how shitty their relationship is, right. We have to stay in our very specific bubble, right.

Chesko: Where I'm allowed to supervise what is said to you and what you are saying to keep you from experiencing and understanding how shitty of a husband I am.

Regan: I remember hearing, um, somebody say. Like if subservience of the subservient nature of woman was natural Why do they have to put so much work into convincing us?

Chesko: Like

Regan: why does religion have to be so wrapped up in convincing us? Why do they have to like like the patriarchy tries to take over? Why do they have to beat it into us? Like well physically and mentally, um That we're meant to do is if it was just so natural, like why are they so controlling? because like I don't think it is natural [00:39:00] for women to be subservient to men.

Regan: I don't think anybody should be subservient to anybody. And it's like they're, they have to like hold the reins so hard and they're like trying to get more and more control because They're losing it.

Chesko: Not to get too serious here, but like, uh, the, you just heard about the Taliban banning women from hearing other women's voices?

Regan: I did hear about that.

Chesko: Like, like, there's like, you see, but the, and that's, that, the thing is that's the end game. You look at that, that's the extremist, this is, it's a spectrum of, of, uh, controlling women. Right. Yep. And, and at the end of the day, well, you, you can look at that and people will use it as an example of, Oh, look how much worse it could be.

Chesko: Right. As if that's not like, as if, as if that wasn't, um, things weren't better before, right. If, as if it didn't slowly. In the seventies, yeah. In the 1970s,

Regan: they were dressed just like we were in the 1970s. They were wearing bell bottoms and, and flowy tops. Like. They looked exactly like us. They were not, there was [00:40:00] no face coverings to my knowledge.

Regan: Um, and now there's

Chesko: not a religious, I mean, it's justified for religion, but it's unchecked misogyny, right? That, that when you have this, this, a, a. Cultural. And this is in America too. This is not me saying it's only it's because, and that's one of the reasons we speak out against here. Cause this is, it's, it's possible.

Chesko: It could happen anywhere, right? These sorts of things are we at, we like to act like, uh, you know, we're, we're better than everybody else, but there's, you know, we have so many shitty aspects of our country that, uh, that are coming to play. And I think the. You know, this is, I guess, perfect timing for this since the election's coming up, but right now, uh, I don't know if we want to formally endorse Kamala Harris or, uh, I mean, um, I mean, if they've seen my channel at all, my, my 50 videos I've made about it.

Chesko: But it's, uh, this shouldn't be shocking to anybody, obviously, but I think if you're seeing a lot of the uglier aspects of our society that are [00:41:00] just being put on a pedestal that are being highlighted, it's not like these are new Trump is now, isn't Trump didn't create these issues, right? He made it socially acceptable in certain circles to be able to just say, That's

Regan: exactly it.

Regan: I've been thinking about it a lot because obviously, um, you know, they're coming at a lot of my rights right now. Um, as a lesbian, who's a woman, obviously, and actively on birth control. Wow. They really, they're swinging at me, but, um, it's. So disheartening and so heartbreaking because it's not that this wasn't going on.

Regan: It's not that these ideas weren't out there. It's not that the bigotry wasn't out there. It's not that the racism wasn't out there, all these different things. It's the fact that you have a candidate openly saying misogynistic things, racist things, um, just horrible hate filled things. And [00:42:00] people are condoning it.

Regan: And when, when placed in front of them, like he says these things, they're like, well, I don't care. I don't care what he does. And before it was much more like in the subtext. It was much more hidden. It was much more covert. And now it's like, oh no, you really do support those things.

Chesko: You

Regan: really do. No, or it's not a deal breaker to you to have a candidate that's this way and the thing that really scares me is when people Who are religious back him as a religious person?

Chesko: Yeah, and i'm like if you back him because he's

Regan: hateful and you're hateful like I don't like it, but I I mean it makes sense but like, you know, I I mean I even have family members who tout him as some christ like figure and i'm like Where

Chesko: look

Regan: at the way he talks about people and he hates people. Um, I just look at the last rally, take any of that, take any of the things that were said there and then either things he says, um, It's just, it's been very eye opening because I'm like, okay, so you really are [00:43:00] either that hateful or willing to accept that level of hate because it's not hating you.

Regan: And that's, what's really eye opening for me. Or how's that? I mean, it's,

Chesko: it's

Regan: terrifying.

Chesko: There's, I think the, the polling said like, uh, only, or, 36 percent of, of white men are voting for Kamala Harris. So that is absurdly low number, right? When you look at like the, the, the 50, 50 split of our country, like, and it comes to so many different things.

Chesko: Um, but only 36%, uh, is, is, and it's, the reason is you have these, because, and this is, this is the part that once again, the quiet part is like, well, none of Trump's policies will necessarily hurt me. As a white, as like me specifically, right? If I, if I don't care about my family, if I don't care about my daughters, if I don't care about society as a whole and the women in my life, and all I care about is how is this going to affect me, [00:44:00] then yeah, I guess I have no motivation to, uh, other, because, but it's such a weird, even saying that out loud feels weird because it's like, I don't Society being good affects me, right?

Chesko: Like I want, I want a, a just society affects me positively. At least I, I that's, I don't, and it's the illogical aspect of, well, if it doesn't hurt me, then I'm going to keep on voting the same way I always have. And it's, it's scary that it's, and it's specifically the problem. being white men. Uh, you know, guys that look like me that are out there, uh, pushing this along, uh, because of the fact that all of this, many of the scariest things are giving more power to men over women in specific, giving more power to white men over the bodies of.

Chesko: And

Regan: we're talking about scare tactics, like they're just like, but I mean, he just says blatant [00:45:00] lies. Like there's just like, um, Right now we're in my state. We're voting on like reproductive rights and like rights um And there's all these billboards that are saying if you vote for for this amendment to give women Autonomy that they're going to gender transition children.

Regan: I'm like, that's not Not, no, that's not happening. Like, but there's all, people are just like, uh, I know Trump said something about how it was going to happen in schools, the schools.

Chesko: He's repeatedly, there, there was a montage. I saw him saying it like seven different times that kids are going to school and coming home, surgically transitioned, which is.

Chesko: The fact that there are people believing that is, I don't, beyond my understanding. Yeah, I mean, it's just

Regan: lies. It's like, it's crazy that he can, I mean, when they were against fact checking, you're like, really?

Chesko: Right. Mm hmm.

Regan: Like, what does that say? The fact that they're arguing that

Chesko: there are post birth [00:46:00] abortions happening.

Chesko: Just murder. It's not, it's just murder. Yeah, it's just a murder. Somebody, somebody argued in my comment sections. They're like, well, if you, if you don't think it's happening, then would you be okay with a law banning post birth abortions? And I was like, there is, there is, that's called murder. Murder is illegal.

Chesko: Once somebody is born, they're a human. They're, they're, and it's, it's the, the, the, The fact that that is the level of lie that is so clearly like something that the onion would, would have published just a few years ago. Right. But then, then people are. So caught up in this bubble of believing it that they don't care that it's a lie.

Chesko: That it's like, as long as it, it pushes their, that narrative forward. There was, there was a study that, um, that recently polled, uh, people solely based on the issues and did not attach name or party attached to it. And it was [00:47:00] overwhelmingly people supported. Kamala Harris's, uh, perspective on, on everything except for like one or two, and overwhelmingly there were like three that were above 50 percent for Trump's positions.

Chesko: And yet, but then the second you attach the name to it or the party to it, people forget uh, about what they actually care about. Cause it's all about the game. It's all about, um, so it is scary that this is the scariest episode we've ever done.

Regan: Yeah, no, I'm, I'm terrified, and like, I'm terrified that people, like, family members and people I know who just don't care about my rights or other people's rights, they just don't care.

Regan: Like, I can sit there and say, like, like, you say you care about me, my rights as a gay woman. person as a woman are at risk and being threatened openly not to mention all the other stuff like That's not even mentioning all the scary like racism and just all the other horrible things he says [00:48:00] um, and they'll just be like Well, I vote.

Regan: I vote that way

Chesko: I did finally, uh, get someone to where I could saw like that, the little switch, it was a, uh, not a acquaintance. It was somebody I knew, um, where I was talking to them about like if the department of education, uh, would, uh, it was somebody I know because they also have an autistic child. Um, I was like, you know, that that's that, that it could possibly cut services, right?

Chesko: That's the most likely outcome is that the services to our children getting in school are going to be cut as well. They're like, What? And they didn't even consider like all the possible, but it's, but once again, Oh, the only time it matters is when it could possibly affect them personally. Right. That's the only time that the wheel clicked is that, Oh, there's something in my life that could be affected negatively as a result of this.

Chesko: Right. As it, as if seeing all the other harms that could be doing to all the other people that are not, you was not enough. It took that [00:49:00] one little, and it's sad that that's so much of our society is based on, well, what about me? Yeah. What about, what about how it's going to hurt me? And then when you tell them all the financial reasons, why it's going to hurt them and all the other things, they're like, well, no, I don't like that answer.

Regan: Well, I mean, even like, like, like emergency where people to save the life of the mother where they need to get a procedure done. Um, like now it's at the discretion of the hospitals who don't want liability. They literally wait until you're dying enough and people have died. There are many women who have died because of that because it's at the discretion of the hospital And I don't want to get into this whole debate But guess who the hospital treats with the least respect and cares the least about and statistically Is at the most risk with like infant mortality and their the safety of themselves as well as when they're giving birth Which is women of color

Chesko: [00:50:00] So

Regan: a lot of women of color are dying.

Regan: It's just like right Oh my god, like please for the love of god, like people are dying because of your choices People are dying. Period.

Chesko: I don't get it. Not, I, I don't think any, uh, hopefully anybody listening to this podcast is nothing we're saying is controversial because if it is, read, read, like, actually, like, research what you're doing.

Chesko: Honestly,

Regan: just like, look, look up the policies. Just go look up the actual policies.

Chesko: And just see the harm that's, that's happening because it is absolutely terrifying to me that it is. This close. If this is the Elon Musk, what he tweeted the other day about, uh, somebody said, well, this will likely crash the economy.

Chesko: Like if Trump's policies go in, it's a conservative saying is there, there's going to be, the economy is going to crash. Everyone's going to be suffering for a little while. And then, but from the, the, from the ashes, then we will rebuild a new, like a newer [00:51:00] society based on the correct ways of doing things.

Chesko: And Elon Musk retweeted it saying, yeah, that sounds about right. They're even admitting they're like, Oh, it's going to be, it's like the, the only outcome from, from if everything happens the way that they want it to happen is literal suffering and great depression style level, uh, or that won't harm rich white guys.

Chesko: Right. Right. But then, so that's why they're like, well, that's fine. Then we'll get more power in the long run. Over it. That's all it comes down to. And it's. It's very, it's, it is scary and it is terrifying and I'm really hoping that our episode following this one is, is a joyous episode and not one where we are questioning everything about our society.

Regan: Yeah, I, I, I mean, I, I, I don't know, I'm genuinely terrified and like, regardless of the outcome, this has changed.

Chesko: Yeah,

Regan: the way [00:52:00] I see so many people

Chesko: so many people

Regan: so many people. Yes, it's not

Chesko: like even if Trump loses It's not like all of a sudden all it's all fine Support and I okay. I hope they don't

Regan: expect it to be.

Chesko: Mm hmm

Regan: in the sense of like if I If given all the facts and all the horrible things he's done and wants to do, if you still backed him, I don't really stand with you as the person whose rights you were directly trying to take. And regardless, no matter what, I know that no matter what outcome I'm aware.

Regan: So yeah, that's been the scariest thing of all seeing the monster come out. Of the people during this time

Chesko: on that. Happy note.

Chesko: Go vote. Everyone, please. Please for love of God. Let's not have that. Let's not have a whole series of spooky episodes going forward. [00:53:00] Let's have a

Regan: living nightmares.

Chesko: Yeah. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. Next week is the episode. I think either will be devoted to us crying and worrying about the world. We may not have an episode next week.

Chesko: I'll be honest. I don't know if I'm gonna be in the mood to record if, if shit goes bad. Yeah. Um, we'll see. We'll see how things go. Hopefully we'll see you next week.

Regan: On that note, friends, this has been Mr. Pygmy and the Man Hater. Make sure to check out our pre show and our socials. I

Chesko: love you all. I do love you all.

Chesko: That's all. We do

Regan: love you. Yeah. We're just very spooked out.

Chesko: Very spooked.

Regan: Yeah. Scared right now. Very spooked out. We're very scared for Halloween and the election. I'm sure you all are too. All right. Well, we love you. We're here for you. And we will see you next week. Bye. Bye.