bad coffee man_mixdown ===

Regan: [00:00:00] Hello everyone, do you take a breath,

Chesko: but

Regan: why would you take a breath as I'm doing the interview? I'm sorry for

Chesko: breathing. It was

Regan: so loud. This is

Chesko: where we're at now. My breathing annoys you. We wonder what we talked in the pre show about what our first fight was going to be. Here it is. Chesco, you're breathing too much.

Chesko: You need to monitor that for our perfect intro. That wasn't my fault this time. I was about to mess it up, but you stopped our intro for me breathing. And I guarantee you, nobody heard it. Guarantee you.

Regan: Uh, I guarantee that I

Chesko: did that. I was just,

Regan: it just threw off my groove and you were starting to sing, sing the theme song.

Regan: So let's not play games.

Chesko: Oh, sorry. I didn't know we were beginning. I wasn't ready.

Regan: That's a

Chesko: damn lie, and you know it.

Regan: Hi friends! Welcome back to the Mr.

Chesko: Pickney and the You want some good advice? [00:01:00] That's what I was gonna do. I'd like some

Regan: therapy.

Chesko: Apparently all I had to do to mess up our intro was breathe too much.

Regan: You were like, I was not! I just Okay, forget it. Welcome to the Mr. Pick Me and the Man Hater show with two hosts that love each other so much and aren't arguing over breathing. Hi Chesco, how are you?

Chesko: I'm good.

Regan: How are you? I'm doing great.

Chesko: I saw a video of someone that said release all the air out of your lungs and then try yelling.

Chesko: No,

Regan: I'm not gonna do that right now because our poor microphones.

Regan: You are so dumb. You are so dumb. You know what I did see? Have you seen the Sprite Challenge? Where you like, I [00:02:00] don't know what the challenge, I feel like they're just drinking a whole thing of Sprite and then they burp like the demons out. Have you seen this? Oh,

Chesko: no.

Regan: Then we'll be on topic.

Chesko: One of my favorite videos of all time is a guy chugging LaCroix and then him chugging.

Chesko: Like, burping, like, thinking he's gonna, like, have a heart attack because he's, like, He's like, I don't know what's happening! And then he burps, and then he slams his head into the ground. Yes! That's the best video. Okay, just listen. My

Regan: tummy hurts. Oh,

Regan: Jesus Christ. That was one spray. Oh, God!

Regan: She's burping and laughing! It's so scary! I know! It's so scary! I'm telling you, it's like releasing demons.

Clip: Wow. It's

Regan: literally I don't know. I don't know what's wrong [00:03:00] with Sprite. I don't know if it's how fast they're drinking it. I don't know. I'm not going to drink Sprite again. I don't want to release any.

Regan: I don't know what's going on.

Chesko: By the way, if anybody has ever wondered what our pre show on Patreon is like, it's mainly an hour of us doing this.

Regan: Way to sell it, Jessica. Okay. Get

Chesko: rid of all of our asides before we started.

Regan: So, today, we are going to be talking about two things. Before we

Chesko: start, could you get me a coffee?

Chesko: Subtle foreshadowing.

Regan: You know what? I absolutely get my wife a coffee any time that she asks. I actually made a video about it of me jokingly like, being like, my wife just texted me from outside saying she needed coffee and the whole time I'm like pouring and making sure it's all, like getting it all together for her and her favorite cup.

Regan: Because that's what good partners do. Except apparently not. Because we're going to be talking about [00:04:00] A viral video of a man's interesting response to being asked to make his wife a coffee. And, Chesco, then you will be contributing a video about

Chesko: Men wanting to be widdle babies. Theme song! You want bad advice?

Chesko: Man, I'll give it out gladly. I got some good advice for ya. No you don't.

Chesko: Good advice for ya. No you don't. I can't believe,

Regan: I can't believe we started. This video with you letting all the air out of your lungs and screaming and then me doing perfect

Chesko: videos. It's the beauty, we don't know where it's going. That's show business for ya!

Regan: Oh god.

Chesko: Right, we're doing it live!

Regan: Except we don't, but it's still so unhinged. [00:05:00] I

Chesko: have the weirdest foot cramp right now.

Chesko: I don't know what's happening, it hurts so bad!

Regan: Like

Chesko: Yeah, something. Oh, okay. So what, what's this? Ow! God, what's happening? Are you the doctor? We're

Regan: getting

Chesko: too close.

Regan: I'm getting annoyed with you breathing and I'm hearing about all your physical ailments.

Chesko: All right.

Regan: Oh, I'm sweating right now. Oh lord.

Chesko: Can you stop?

Chesko: It's going to kill our YouTube views.

Regan: Me

Chesko: sweating? Ah. Get it together. Reagan .

Regan: I look so gross that they're like, ah, sweaty woman. Get her off here.

Chesko: Why can't you look as put together as the gorgeous chest gum?

Regan: You know what? I actually think some of our viewers believe that. You, you get a lot of comments of people thinking you're a little cutie patootie.

Regan: Well, not little, I guess. [00:06:00] Tall

Chesko: drink of water.

Regan: You have the bulge filter on secretly?

Chesko: But not for you. As we learned last week.

Regan: I was so funny. My wife's like, no, you were an asshole. That, that, that came out really harsh. I was like, no,

Chesko: definitely not. Definitely not like, Oh God, I need to be. fully clear about this.

Regan: There is

Chesko: no world.

Regan: Let's go. I have a tendency to have incredibly harsh boundaries with people, right? And so I ended up saying, I've moved on

Chesko: and internalized it and just I'm listening. I'm just sit with the hurt. And let's go ahead and talk about coffee guy. I'm going to take out my hurt on him

Regan: as he takes his hurt on his wife.

Regan: Okay. Let's get on track.

Chesko: We're laughing and just a lone tear. And then you start hearing the background, the burp laugh. [00:07:00]

Regan: I really do. Honestly, though, I really do think like, I've always been very aggressive with boundaries with people. I told you this on the episode. I'm like, I really harsh. Cause I'm like,

Chesko: you'll

Regan: never, you'll never be confused by me.

Chesko: I'm very, you can, you can explain away your hurtful sentiments any way you want to. I'm, I've moved on. I get it. I know where I stand. My lesbian co host would never be with me.

Regan: I literally, as I said, I would in the, I was editing it and I was like, I feel, oh my God, I want to scream. Should I text him? I feel horrible.

Regan: I don't know. Okay. Anyways. Yeah. That's just me regretting that for the rest of time. Okay, let's talk about a guy who doesn't regret how he speaks to his wife.

Clip: Okay,

Regan: so the setup for this is The text, asking my hub to make me coffee just to see how he would respond, always turns into an [00:08:00] exchange eye roll.

Clip: Will you make me a

Regan: coffee?

Clip: Are you crazy? For real, I'm really about to fall asleep. Okay. Is this like a, a back and forth thing? Because last time It's a simple question. Just ask, will you make me coffee? I never ask you to make me coffee.

Chesko: His first sentence. Is wild. It may just something just to anything.

Chesko: It's not like she said, like, we have to murder someone where we have to, she said, can you give me some coffee? And he looks at her and goes. Are you crazy? Are you insane? What? Like I don't even understand like even if you like don't want to get coffee right now whatever reason right but to start off like Are you crazy?

Chesko: Have you lost your mind? Are you is your

Regan: you've lost your faculties? You're in hysterics right now The simple request is like You're going to the loony bin. [00:09:00] You're right now. They're taking you away.

Chesko: You have lost your place, woman.

Regan: That's what they, the loony, that's what they used to call it. They did send women for that!

Chesko: To be clear, I used hysterics. Purposefully there as a way to mock the, yes, I was, I realized the problematic aspect of that word and that is not me just being silly. I was being silly and progressive.

Regan: What a combination. All right, let's let him keep talking.

Chesko: All right. Is

Regan: this

Clip: like a, it's a simple question, just ask will you make me coffee?

Clip: I've never asked you to make me coffee. You keep on getting attitude,

Clip: you can do something with that too. You act like it has to be an exchange. What's wrong with you? It's always one sided. You walked your butt all the way down the hallway last night, then you [00:10:00] turned around and got to the bed and then handed me your cup.

Clip: It's a no. And then you were home all night. You were home all night. Can I finish? Why do you keep going on? Yeah, because it's real. You were home all night last night, and then you got up this morning and asked me to do the dishes. What? And I had all the kids last night. Oh, I freaking washed all those, keep it up.

Clip: You didn't wash all of them, because there were some that I was warming with. Somebody came in the middle of the night. What? My eyes are about to fall out. I'm tired. I'm very sleepy today. So I just thought it would be nice if you made me a cup of coffee. Who's calling me?

Clip: Somebody at work. I mean, most of us still work. I am working right now. So am I. [00:11:00] Looks like you're scrolling. I can do that because I work. You know how to make it? We'll see. We'll see what the exchange or we'll see what, do you know how to make my coffee? I want to know. Want, what the we'll see means there's no exchange.

Clip: It's a yes or no. You can say no. Oh, I know that. I hear it all the time. Hey, will you make some coffee? Oh, coffee. Oh, you don't have, we, we know, you know how to say no. We, we've got that. No. Understand. We know you know how to say no. So if that's the way you feel, you can say no. No, I just said, we know you know how to say no.

Clip: I don't feel any way. You're the one that's imposing your feelings on me. I don't know you haven't

Regan: answered me.

Clip: I don't need to answer you.

Regan: For our YouTube watchers, I'll put the video up, but for our listeners, I can't tell you enough how, like, not entertained this guy is by this conversation. Like, he is not laughing, he is not smiling, he is not, like,

Chesko: Wait, it's not like a playful, but yeah, like a

Regan: playful dick.[00:12:00]

Chesko: It's not, it's not someone saying like, Hey, your breathing is annoying me and throwing me off. Right. That's different. Then

Regan: I'm never going to recover from that phrase. Okay. Anyways, he, I mean like he looks, yeah. If your husband looks at you like he hates you, like this is the look of absolute disdain, right?

Regan: I mean, he is, it's like the grumpy, Old man at the store and your kid is giggling and they're like, Oh, stupid children. You know, that's a very specific example. I'm trying to

Chesko: imagine a scenario, like a comparable. The situation where somebody asked you something and you'd be like, you have the nerve to ask me to do something for you.

Chesko: If you were a

Regan: king.

Chesko: And

Regan: yeah, it's like you'd have to be an entitled privileged.

Chesko: [00:13:00] I've bestowed upon you my grace and my glory. I've let you

Regan: live. I literally didn't kill you. I've let you live

Chesko: in my kingdom and you have the audacity to. Wow. That's incredible. Expect acts of service from me.

Regan: I mean, we're not far off from that because what does he bring up?

Regan: He's, he says, everything's in exchange with you. I had the kids all night and you didn't do the dishes, which she said she did. Uh, he says you don't work. I'm guessing she's a stay at home mom by. What they're, I mean, those

Chesko: of us who work can do that or something. Uh,

Regan: yeah,

Chesko: I, well, first the, the transactional thing, let's talk about that first, the, cause there's a lot we can get into with the work thing.

Chesko: Cause we've talked about the before and I think we definitely want to sit. But like, so he's at first, he's like everything with you as a transaction, but then he, he's clearly saying everything. [00:14:00] Like, what do I get out of this? Yes. I already, I, I've already put my, my, I did dishes once.

Regan: Yeah. I mean, he's literally making it a transac to make it a transaction, right?

Regan: Is to want something in return. So he is the one making it a transaction by saying, what do I get out of it? And yet he's like, everything's a transaction with you. Like, uh, except I'm just asking you to do me a favor. You're the one making it transactional. And here's the things with transactions. I believe the same thing.

Regan: And I'm sure this is a factor in their relationship, by the way, that he says, Oh, you know how to say no. What a horrifying thing to say.

Chesko: Yeah, that was very clearly, uh, talking about, uh, the bedroom.

Regan: Yeah, the bedroom, as

Chesko: we said. The bedroom. You know,

Regan: uh, but when men, like, will take women out and then be furious.

Regan: That they didn't quote unquote put out or they didn't sleep with them. And because they see it as transactional, but the thing is, if it is transactional, then you [00:15:00] have to be upfront about said transaction. Otherwise it's manipulation period. So like. If you, if you want anything to be transactional, then make it a transaction.

Regan: Say it with your full chest. I'm going to take you out, but I expect you to sleep with me. You don't, because no woman would ever do that, right? Okay, so it's not transactional. And in this case, it's like, okay, it's a, it's transactional. It's like, then what is the transaction? And should every, like if your relationship comes down to transactions, like every nice thing you do for your partner has to be reciprocated, then we've got a problem.

Chesko: Well, it's, it's, we've talked about a little bit before about like how, if I'm going out with friends and I buy them dinner, right, or I buy them a drink or something like that, I'm never like, I don't, I don't, Maybe I don't know if this is normal or not normal, but I don't ever like remember that I did that, right?

Chesko: That's just like we were out together. Yeah, I bought it, right? It's I'm never like, okay Well remember last time [00:16:00] when I bought you a drink? Are you going to buy me a drink this time?

Regan: That's the thing is because then it's transactional. If you expect it to be reciprocated, you have to be upfront about that.

Regan: As is true for anything. Like you can't just like do a business deal and then after it's done, be like, well, actually I expected a hundred thousand dollars from that. You were the deal's done. So you have to give it to me. It's like, no, that's not how transactions work.

Chesko: So it's, it's very, it's, it's very odd.

Chesko: And then he brings up the fact that she handed him a cup the night previous. I

Regan: didn't even understand that part

Chesko: is it? Well, you had, I guess too, like, I'm my, this is what my envisioning it was the night before they were going into their bedroom and she notices that she'd left a cup there. And so she handed it to him to put, uh, Into the sink, like to bring back to the kitchen.

Chesko: It was a dirty cup, maybe, who knows? Yeah. And, and he clocked that as like, okay, that's one point of gift for me that I have done for you. Now you have to do an active [00:17:00] service, uh, and sleep with me. Well, you know, that's

Regan: no, I agree. That's an active service on her part, but also like, that's so fucking wild already dropped a bomb.

Regan: Sorry to me to think. That sleeping with someone would ever be in the same realm as making you a cup of coffee. Those are equal to you? You feel like if you make her a cup of coffee, she should give her body to you when she doesn't want to? Which is not right! It's coercion! Don't, ugh! But like, I can't imagine being in a relationship where they're like, Hey, well you did?

Regan: I don't know if you remember this, but you asked for a napkin. And I did hand it to you. So now we're going to go to the bedroom. Like what? Oh,

Chesko: so now you're going to say no. Now you're going to say no. Now it's okay to say no. Yeah.

Regan: Oh, I know you. Oh, I know you can say no. It's like

Chesko: such a weird, creepy response.

Regan: It is by far the creepiest response Spanish mall. But [00:18:00] like, do you want her to say yes when she doesn't want to? I think that's the more horrifying option. Don't you guys? Clearly not.

Chesko: Even talking about that. Like, I feel like. It's one thing if, if a guy was like, I, I need, I want to know, this is, he didn't say this at all.

Chesko: This is me just going on at a random, like trying of what a guy would be like, you know, I want to know what I'm doing wrong. That, that where you are not wanting to be with me in the bedroom or whatever it is. Like I, I I'm hurt. Not, not out of your unwillingness to comply, but is it like, if in a, in a dream world, your care would be about like, why is it, what is it that I'm doing wrong?

Chesko: What is it that's going on in your life or in your head that is not what making you want to be with me? A hundred percent. You know, I, so I can understand that more so we can understand you more so we can grow together so we can get back to that point as opposed to that. Once again, the transactional idea that I am, I do [00:19:00] job that brings money to house.

Chesko: You give me sex now still say no to sex. Why this? Why this? And now you want coffee on top of that? How dare you?

Regan: Yeah, it's so bizarre, but it highlights that like, misogynistic men see women like, and their relationship with them as transactions, as transactional.

Chesko: Like,

Regan: I I work, I should get what I want from you.

Regan: And also that he's done her a favor by doing the dishes. Hey bro, did you contribute to the dishes? Are you a parent? Then that seems like a shared responsibility. Yeah. I don't know, call me crazy, but like, the disdain and the way he talks it down to her is so gross. Like, she's laughing, almost like trying to make it, like, I think it's, she's like hoping he's gonna lighten up.

Regan: But she just keeps laughing and he just keeps being like, What? What's fun? Why are you laughing? Like, I'm not, why would I make you? It's like, [00:20:00] I don't know. Cause you love her. I would hope. Cause you like her. Maybe. And she's asking you for it. Like, Oh God. I like, I hope that love never finds me truly.

Chesko: And I feel like there, there are definitely situations where, where like my wife, but could you do this to me?

Chesko: You'd be like, Oh, fine. You know, like I get, I get that, but it's or even a situation where you're like, just, please don't make me, please don't make me, right. I don't want to go to this. I don't want to go on a hike. I don't, I love you. I love you. I love you so much. I just, I am not. I don't want that. Right?

Chesko: Like, that's, that's, and it's because I think, I think that those are the kind of ideas that people in their head will get defensive and think, well, I I've been in a situation where I didn't want to do

Regan: right.

Chesko: Actors, I, this, blah, blah, blah. We're not talking about that. Obviously this is a very specific thing and whether or not this is, it's hard to tell with social media about whether or not it's real or staged or scripted or talked about ahead of time, [00:21:00] whatever.

Chesko: The reality is this does happen though. Yeah. Like this, this, whether or not this particular video is, is 100 percent real or not is. Regardless, right? This kind of stuff, these interactions, these responses do happen in relationships. There are guys that are absolutely like this that will respond in that way.

Regan: Well, to that point, I also wanted to discuss this aspect of it because I find it disturbing and fascinating, I suppose. Um, more disturbing than fascinating. Oh, sorry, the Sprite challenge is back. Um, so, This creator, this creator posts this video and gets 4 million views, okay? Most of people saying like, divorce him.

Regan: Now, she only has 4, 245 at the time of this recording. And [00:22:00] her bio says, it's not that serious. Laugh. Which makes me think like, this could be, A little bit of a staged video, right? But then the question is for what? So she only I say the number of her followers because that means she is not in the creators She cannot qualify to be paid for her videos.

Regan: So she's not making any money off of this. And that's the case for many of the videos I see that are staged. So what is the point of that? Like, why make this fake video? Because, I mean, she makes videos with her husbands all the time.

Chesko: I feel like the underlying, uh, a lot, because you see, this isn't just her.

Chesko: There's literally countless, countless. And part of it, I think, is this underlying theme of like, It not, not conscious, but someone seeking community with other people who also can say, no, no. Yeah. Yeah. You're it's, this is normal, right? This is okay. You don't have to feel, [00:23:00] you shouldn't leave your husband.

Chesko: This is what all husbands are like. And it's a way of it's, it's them like seeking out community through making it into a joke. Uh, when, even if it is real, because you want to have other people that are also justifying You not leaving him that you being in a bad relationship.

Regan: I definitely think that's an element of it Um with this type of rage bait like i've seen people do that who really are in bad relationships and they post about it and all they want is other people to Validate that they're Their staying is okay because they're also staying and I definitely see that aspect of it as well But it's it's interesting because like she's using his face So for you know, four million people are seeing her actual real husband being an absolute jackass to her And so it's so interesting to me to be like, okay, so you're making You look bad.

Regan: You're making him look bad If this is rage bait, which it's always a [00:24:00] fine line. It's hard to tell if it's real. And they're saying it's a joke just to like throw away any, you know, people who are like, Hey, you should leave him. It's like, it's a joke.

Clip: Right. It's a

Regan: joke. Um, or if it is rigged because there's whole accounts that are rage bait.

Regan: There's this one account. I don't remember the name where she's like, you know, Doing my hair because my husband like she's always like doing her hair because my husband doesn't notice me and and her whole account is fake like She admits that it's all satire, I guess But it's like so you're trying to monetize off of the real pain that lots of women face

Chesko: It's not funny when it's actually the lived experience, right of so many others.

Chesko: Yeah,

Regan: and you're getting fake sympathy, I guess But in this case, I just think it's bizarre because like, if anything, everyone is hating on her husband, like intensely.

Chesko: I wanted to make sure I had to like double check cause I didn't watch the video again today that it wasn't the same couple that did a video I [00:25:00] responded to a couple of weeks ago where, uh, she was saying, well, uh, what would you say about me going on a girl's trip?

Chesko: Oh,

Regan: I haven't seen that one.

Chesko: Oh, he's, and he was like, he was like, it's fine. I won't be mad. It's just, we are you're we're, we're just have to reassess. What our relationship is, you know, if you want to live a single girl life, then maybe you should be a single girl Maybe I'll take the saw it was a whole it and like I don't know if it was staged or not but it He was if he if it wasn't that guy should get an academy work because he definitely believed what he was saying.

Chesko: Like, right, right.

Regan: That's the thing is like half the time. I think they are staged. But the guy you have to have a guy who's willing. Like you, you couldn't pay me. Yeah, you couldn't pay me to talk to my wife like that. I don't care. I'm not doing it. Yeah. You have to be willing to degrade your wife for views.

Regan: What kind of person is willing to like the look of hate in his eyes? Like, again, [00:26:00] unless he is an Academy Award winning actor, I do believe he cuts her that look often.

Chesko: It's too subtle for it to not have realness beneath it, right? There's not like this, this person for a random guy who makes an appearance on his non creator spouse's TikTok is not that good of an actor, right?

Chesko: It's like, I'm sorry. It's like, I don't believe

Regan: he doesn't look like a thespian to me.

Chesko: Yeah. Yeah. I think this is literally, she's like, Oh, well let's play this out. I know how he'll react. And even if they talk, it's, there's something real there. Yeah.

Regan: Yeah. I mean. It, it felt maybe staged at the front end, but then it just got like, he really went all into it.

Regan: Like, to stage a video, if this is staged, I don't know. If it is staged, to make a video reenacting the way that so many men degrade their wives, with the talking points that so many men use. As a way to devalue what a woman who stays at home brings to the [00:27:00] table as a parent to devalue her and to make her seem as less than and that what she's doing isn't work and she's not providing quote unquote, right?

Regan: Like that classic misogynistic. Talk those talking points that they use to, to reenact that and to have actual women, actual women, actual women responding to that, being impacted by that, being probably triggered. Like it's very, I mean, me watching, I'm like, uh, um, to do that and to have this real dialogue in the comment section of people being like, get out, like this guy's scary.

Regan: And then just to have in your bio, like. It's not that serious. It's just for laughs. I think that is so messed up. And I think knowing that most people aren't checking your bio once they watch your video, like I think it's so disingenuous. I think it's manipulative and I think it's really unethical to make these type of rage bait videos because you're getting real responses from people.

Regan: You're upsetting people. You [00:28:00] have people worried about your health and wellbeing. And you could say, well, People shouldn't have parasocial relationships. People shouldn't be that invested. It's like, yeah, but that's the point of the video.

Chesko: That's literally how

Regan: it gets views.

Chesko: What's the joke? There is no joke.

Chesko: That's what I'm saying. There's no, then I get rage bait, but it's supposed to theoretically be funny. Right? Like, oh, look at this funny interaction between me and my husband, right? I don't

Regan: know. Sometimes, I think sometimes it's just rage. Like, rage inducing.

Chesko: Because it's like, you think about like, that, the stuff he said would be, uh, the, the dad comedian in the 80s.

Chesko: Being like, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, you can say no. Now, I know you can say no, you know, how to say no. Right. Yeah. Am I right? Everybody.

Chesko: Funny. Yeah. I know that women can say no and have agency over their own bodies. [00:29:00] So funny. I love that. Uh,

Regan: being with the woman is equated to a cup of coffee.

Chesko: Yeah. Cause you do do all the work. Am I right? The real work.

Regan: The real work. I did you. I'm just raising our children. I'm just in the one responsible for their emotional well being and their mental well being and their physical well being and making sure that they're good people who contribute to society and love themselves.

Regan: But hey, you work. So what am I doing? Women's labor ain't shit.

Chesko: I'm allowed to play on my phone right now because I am. Yeah. And it's like the, the amount of. It really does make me mad. Cause like, I know. I work a lot in magi and I know that my wife is doing a lot of stuff too, because there's always, there's the, the, the way that we delegate labor in our house is like the daytime stuff.

Chesko: I'm not in charge of, right? Like I'm not, [00:30:00] I'm not focused on making sure that, you know, what, cause I'm, when they get home from school, uh, you know, I, I, I do pick up one of my do her stuff, but like in general, the other two kids. She's the one in charge of making sure that they are getting their homework done.

Chesko: Right. She's the one in charge of doing those things because I, I'm just not there. Right. I am not, my, my body is not present to get those things done. Right. And that's a lot. If you've never tried working with kids to get them to do, get their shit done, that is way harder than what I'm doing. It is. It's a lot.

Chesko: It's

Regan: mentally, it's a lot. It takes a lot of will, but it's also like, I think it's fascinating because these men like to talk about it. Like you're not doing anything. Um, I'm doing a job, but if you look at both of them as jobs, okay. So you have a time limit on your job. You have, say, say it's nine to five.

Regan: Okay. You get up, you go to work, you come home and you expect to relax. Okay, your wife is doing her [00:31:00] job the whole time. And this is, this is almost a non existent anyways because who can afford to not both be working anymore? Like almost nobody has a stay at home, solely stay at home. But in, in an imaginary world where that's possible.

Regan: So, she works the whole time you're gone. And then you both come home and yet, she's never off the clock. She never gets to be done. Okay. And if you, if you do any of the things that she, like, if you help with the children, which is your responsibility as a parent You are a parent, then you think you've done her a favor.

Regan: It's like, if you want to clock it, then you both should be off the clock at the same time. And then you would have shared responsibilities because that's how work works. Like just because she's a stay at home mom does not mean, well, now you work literally 24 seven and you don't even, you're on the clock when you're sleeping.

Regan: Cause if the kid wakes up, who's getting up with the child, probably that mom

Chesko: and those households. Absolutely. Yeah.

Regan: And those households. Yeah. So it's [00:32:00] like.

Chesko: You

Regan: can't say, you know, you're the big work guy, you get work, you get all these things, and then not allow your wife the same luxuries, like the idea of, well, I've been working all day, so this is my time off.

Regan: Why is it your time off? Why doesn't she get any relaxation? I just think it's wild. Like, if you, if you don't expect her to do anything the whole time she's home, Okay, but I guarantee you do.

Chesko: Yeah, the whole situation would be I think in a truly equitable household at least at least one that strives for it.

Chesko: It should be difficult for either partner. If the other one's not there. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, you know, I mean because of the fact that your life should be easier. As a result of having your partner there. Right. So if I remove myself, her job becomes harder. If she removes herself, my job becomes harder, right?

Chesko: Because that we are both striving to make the life of the other person easier. If he removes himself and nothing [00:33:00] changes. Then that showed that that's an obvious reason, right? Red flag right there, right? And obviously the it's, it's, it's, and you see this though, so much is like, where the idea is just simply because of the value that we put to money and our society, the value that.

Chesko: Well, the bills wouldn't get you'd be homeless and not have electricity and not have food if I wasn't paying for if I wasn't if my Particular job and the skills that I use in my job did not pay for these things And so that way that's my excuse to not do anything right there. You should have a family then don't choose to like

Regan: That's the thing right?

Regan: It's like because what would your life be? Right if she wasn't so so say that like if she wasn't there you want to talk about the bills What would your house look like? Would your laundry be done with the dishes be done with the kids be taken care of who would be taking care of the kids? You probably have to pay for them to be taken care of now Even if they're in school, you'd have to be doing pickups and drop offs like there's so many things

Chesko: That [00:34:00] you would pay for

Regan: yeah that you would literally be spending money on

Chesko: The idea of invisible labor.

Chesko: Right. It's this. Yes, truly. And you're the only way. And you don't, it's invisible because you choose to not see it too. It's not like it's not invisible. You're closing your eyes. Subtle labor that nobody, how was I to know that she was doing all these things? You're making a conscious decision to not ask about it.

Chesko: Let's say, let's say you are technically out of the house. So you're not, you're not in the actual house itself during the day, right? You are making a conscious decision to not find out what's going on during the day. Learn about it to see what is

Regan: happening. It's not like we've talked about this stupid sketch where like the magic table where he's like when I put my laundry on this table, I leave to go to work and it's clean.

Regan: It's like you're not a fool. If you have fresh clothes and fresh laundry, you know that the laundry is done. If you're eating off of clean dishes and you didn't do the dishes, somebody did the dishes. Like these are all things that any person with a functioning brain Witness and [00:35:00] understand it is willful ignorance on their part.

Regan: And just, I keep coming back to the fact that he's like, well, you know, make you a coffee, which I'm sure he would expect of her, but you, you didn't put out in the bedroom. So no. Uh, there is no world in which those are equal things at all. And if they are equal things to you, then you do not respect your wife in any way, shape, or form.

Regan: You don't respect her autonomy. You don't respect her wishes. You don't respect, you are seeing her essentially as a cup of coffee. That is foul. If they are the equivalent to you, you pouring, literally getting up, making a little coffee is her giving her body to you, then. You do not see your wife as a human being, period.

Regan: Yeah. And maybe that's, maybe they're not stupid. Maybe they know that that's not an equivalent, but they're just saying it.

Chesko: It's, it is malicious. Yeah. It's not even kinda, it's not like almost, it's, it's. Yeah. It's. [00:36:00] It's bad, right? They're, they're, they're bad people.

Regan: I'm not going to do basic partner things for you unless you put out, period.

Regan: Unless

Chesko: I feel that I'm getting, uh, the transactional aspect from your end, you're not getting any transactional things from me. Right. Not even

Regan: small little things that every partner should do for each other. It's so gross. And again, like, I think it is, Intention. I think it is a manipulation. He has to know those two things aren't equal on some level.

Chesko: And he was waiting for that moment to say, Oh yeah, you know, like that was there. It was, it was too

Regan: fast on the queue. Like

Chesko: it's

Regan: definitely been. And that's the thing too, is like the men who see women as like their relationships with them as transactional is they log that shit. I mean, you, you talked about like, I don't keep track of this.

Regan: These men do, and they will weaponize that. So it's like, Oh, you said no to me. Maybe they don't even make a huge deal out of it. Maybe they're mad, but they, they're like, okay, but then the next day, when you want something for them, guess what's going to come up, guess what's going to be weaponized as a reason.

Regan: [00:37:00] They're not going to do something for you. So they're literally punishing you for not putting out now. What is that coercion? If your wife sleeps with you because you withhold. The normal things that one does in a partnership as a punishment for not sleeping with you Then guess what? That's coercion.

Regan: She's not consenting. She's doing it because of fear of punishment What?

Chesko: What? And it's, it's the, I think the sad reality is that is the lived experience of countless, you know, relationships and marriages around, uh, you know, around the world, right. Especially around the world. Um, the, the, and it's, it's, it's so normalized.

Chesko: And it's so, and your kid, you know, they have, Kids. I think you heard it. You can hear them in the background. Yeah. Uh, you know, they're, they're witnessing that and seeing that. And now that's the, that's how they're going to enter in their relay own relationships. If it's a little boy, he's going to expect his partner to act the same [00:38:00] way.

Chesko: If it's a little girl, she's going to think, okay, well, that's what my dad did. So it's okay for me to, to do these sorts of things that people don't think. And that's not the only reason that respect your partner. Right. But especially if you're a parent, Like the, you have to keep in mind, like the, that they're seeing your actions.

Chesko: They're seeing this relationship and you're literally modeling for them what you want their future to be. And it's so sad that it's still happening, right? This is not like, we're not looking at videos. 20, 30 years ago, where this is still look a norm in a lot of houses in America and too many houses, uh, around the world.

Chesko: And it's, it's hard to see and think about, about like the fact that, Oh, this is no, my own kids are going to still be dealing with this shit.

Clip: Yeah.

Chesko: When, you know, my, my, my daughters are going to get into a relationship and it's possible that the guy they're with was grew up in a house like this. And he's going to be like, What, you [00:39:00] know, serve me, right?

Chesko: This is transactional job.

Regan: Yeah. Uh, it's horrifying for sure. And it's just, um, on the one hand, I understand why it's very hard to accept that these type of relationships are coercive. Okay, because probably most people listening who are not cis men Have experienced and and some cis men probably too. Um have experienced this type of abuse in my opinion Because I believe coercion is uh manipulative and abusive.

Regan: It's hard to say Oh, that person I dated, my husband, my partner, uh, God, my, could be my wife. I don't know. I, I, I, you see this with misogyny a lot, but I mean, anybody can do it. It's hard to accept that that happened to you. You experienced that. And then it's hard to rationalize. How do I now [00:40:00] see this person now that I know they did this to me?

Regan: So it's easier for people to just say, Oh, well, everybody does it like, Oh, it's, it's just a joke. We're just joking around. But the reality is this is not okay. It's never been okay. And I don't care how many people do it. It's not okay. If someone does it to you and it is a reflection of the person who does it.

Regan: And we need to start taking it seriously and we're not going to take it seriously by joking around on the internet about it. That's not going to do us any favors. That's like, if you make a joke out of it, how are we ever going to address it? These men thrive off of these jokes because they can say really shitty things to you.

Regan: And it's, it's a joke. I'm just joking. If we make it clear that these aren't funny things and these aren't things we joke about, then we advance like the experience of women in this, like in this world who are going to experience this behavior. Because when it happens to them, they're not going to think it's funny.

Regan: They're not going to think it's a joke.

Chesko: And we forgive it and I think that like we we [00:41:00] allow it to happen and we write it off And then when a guy does it we just kind of like, well That's how boys are.

Regan: That's, boys will be boys.

Chesko: Boys will be boys. That's how they are. Uh, they're grown

Regan: men, first of all. It's like, uh, like, literally, like, this guy has gray hair.

Regan: Like, he's old.

Chesko: Ugh. Speaking of which, we don't have a ton of time to, to go into the whole video. No, we might have to just

Regan: skip our other one.

Chesko: But I, I can say, I can just say, like, the, there was a, the video we were gonna talk about was, Uh, I, I responded to it and there was some people saying, Oh, well, he had a bigger point.

Chesko: It was the clip of it I saw was posted to like this red pill, uh, kind of like a place where they were showing, uh, like put it to, you know, and they only put their entire purpose of those kind of websites is to put women in their place and show guys, see, this is how it should be. And it was this guy doing a lecture.

Chesko: on, uh, how, you know, we, we need to treat our partners in the same way that we treat our under three year old children and expect that, you know, when they are mad about something, you know, when a [00:42:00] child throws the food on the ground, we don't get it. We don't yell at them, scream at them. We, we look into what might've caused that, that reaction.

Chesko: And we, Gently, you know, we, we, we redirect it and we wonder, you know, maybe they had a bad day, maybe they eat enough, maybe they have a flu and we need to treat our partners the same way when they get mad. Um, and obviously no, like if you're a grown adult in a relationship, uh, you don't get, I think the, the line I said in my response is right.

Chesko: Just because you have the emotional maturity of a three year old. Doesn't mean you'd have the lack of accountability of a three year old, right? Obviously we're teaching our three year olds How to manage their emotions how to interact with the world how to be? healthy emotionally stable adults, right if your 42 year old husband is acting like a baby and throwing a fit, you're, you are not responsible for mothering them, right?

Chesko: You're not responsible for saying, Oh, it's okay, sweetie. And obviously there's no [00:43:00] gender specified, right? But who is the, who are the, the people that are having to do this more often than not? Who's latching

Regan: onto this idea and who's going to be doing the, that's the thing is it's like, It's not going both ways when a guy is, is having an outburst, it's yelling, is throwing things like it is often a woman who is then treating them like a child that is expected to do the emotional labor that is expected to see past the action.

Regan: But it's these same men that are acting like this, who are saying, I'm the big man who works, I'm, I'm in charge, I, like, you cannot both be the provider and the person in charge, and the responsible one, and the one who gets to dictate how the world works, while simultaneously being a baby.

Clip: You

Regan: cannot be both things.

Regan: And if you expect that your partner does emotional labor for you, you also would then be doing it for them. But it's never that way. It's the men expect the women to do the emotional labor for them, which again is absolutely invisible to [00:44:00] them.

Clip: And you

Regan: should just know, you should just know that I had a rough day at work.

Regan: You should just know things are hard for me. You should just assume

Chesko: that if I'm treating you like garbage, that it must be because I had a bad day and not because I don't respect you or care about you.

Regan: Except when she says no because she doesn't want to sleep with him. There's none of that. There's no God, she must What am I doing?

Regan: What am I doing? Maybe Maybe she's not, like, feeling herself. Maybe she's exhausted. Maybe she's tired from having the kids touch her all day. No. It's just, I'm insulted and I should have access to you. Like, when you look at these behaviors, it's very easy To see it from an empathetic point of view and see these videos not this one because the three year old thing is brutal But like, you know, give your give your partner a second Just I know they're even though they're taking a harsh action take a breath and look beneath that and you're like, okay But if in your relationship, you are the [00:45:00] only one doing that.

Regan: You are the only one expected to do the emotional labor. You are expected to bear the brunt of their emotions, their bad moods, their bad days, their abusive behavior. If that is solely your responsibility and it does not go both ways, then that's just, that's abuse. Like that's just a power dynamic. That's not right.

Regan: That's the

Chesko: key. The video that I, I am talking about with the guy that made that lecture, you hear the response from the audience. And it sounds like it's all women that are, that are hearing it and listening to it in that situation. There might be some men there. I can only hear the voices obviously from, from the background, because once again, it is the people that are hearing that the people that need to hear that are the guys that are not doing that, that work.

Chesko: Right. It's because like you said, in the house, when they say, when no is happening, right. When in any situation, when anger is happening, when, when all these kinds of stressful things are happening, that I, There's almost certainly [00:46:00] not the spouse or husband or partner, whoever it is that the male figure in the house is not doing the work to try to understand why, right?

Chesko: They're just, they're mad and they're like, I did my, my transaction

Regan: and

Chesko: you are punishing me for, for no reason and never, and they will never do the work. And eventually. Either they break up, they leave, she leaves, right? Or that, uh, she decides that, you know what, she listens to the guide saying, I'm going to treat him, I'm going to treat my husband like a toddler, I'm going to mother him, and also somehow be his lover.

Chesko: And that is the weirdest fucking thing. But that's, that's the situation of how many partners out there. Like that's so sad and gross

Regan: and like it disregards two important things one as as someone who I'm bipolar right so um, there are times I could be [00:47:00] depressed or you know, maybe I am edging on mania a little bit and I my emotions when I am kind of getting up there.

Regan: I just start to get really upset easily and fixated on things and my emotions get intense. Mm hmm. There are times I may have a big reaction. I would never talk to my wife like that. But you know, maybe I get frustrated or you know, get upset or you know, if you're depressed you cry, whatever. There are times where you could say, okay, she's going through something.

Regan: I'm gonna have grace with her. But the second part of that is accountability, which is after that, I mean, we need to talk about why that happened. We need to talk about what we can do. What are you going to do? Like, like, where is your accountability in this? Because that's inner work. You got to do inner work for that.

Regan: It's not just you get to blow up whenever you don't feel good. Right. You have to do the inner work to fix whatever is causing that problem, because we [00:48:00] are responsible for our own emotional regulation. That's how it should be. And then you have the second factor. The reason you don't get upset at a child when they have an outburst is because they are a child, because they don't have.

Regan: The, the cognitive ability, the life experience, the emotional regulation to handle what's going on in their current situation. So you do have patience with them because you are going to teach them how to be an adult, right? It's because they're a child. It's not, it doesn't work the same with a full grown adult, with a full life, who doesn't go off on everybody.

Regan: If they went off on every single person, then you could say, Oh, well, we got to work on whatever's going on there. You're not in control. But if someone only goes off on their partner, then they absolutely do have emotional regulation. They're choosing to let themselves be dysregulated with their partner because they feel they have the right to do that.

Chesko: And it's like, I think going back to what you said that too, [00:49:00] it's the, the, whether it's empathy or accountability or whatever it is. There's nothing wrong with doing those things when it's both sides doing it, right? If it's when only one side of the one person in the relationship, almost always the woman is expected to be the empathetic one, but also expected to be the, the one that takes accountability.

Chesko: Once something goes wrong, also expected to be the caretaker also expected to get an X, Y, and Z. And the only expectation on the other side is the paycheck. Right. Is money. Yeah. Then that's, you can't have that. That's not a relationship. It is a transaction at that case. And it is just, uh, you know, you, you, you are paying for, uh, this person to have the title of wife, right?

Chesko: At your house. It is not a relationship. It's not a, uh, a partnership. It is literally just going back to like, Previous generations of how we [00:50:00] treated it and it's just a different title now. It's it's just it's just it's just packaged differently But it's the same 100

Regan: and it's also like you cannot be both boss and baby You can't be mother and lover.

Regan: we used to watch it all the time. Um, but you really can't, like a man cannot do that. Like I cannot hold both titles, right? Like if a man wants to be a baby and a relationship with you, then. Then he's a baby, then he's not making the choices. Then he's not dictating how you do anything. But the, the fact that they want to be these two completely contradictory roles, whatever serves them in the moment to have the least accountability.

Regan: That's not, that doesn't make sense. And so if someone is doing that to you, whatever gender that is not an okay, that, that, that makes no sense. And you don't have to agree to that because. That's just, I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it. And I'm gonna say you have to treat me whichever way.

Regan: Because like, if you went up to a man who was not, [00:51:00] you know, having an outburst like that, Uh, and said, Oh, you're, you're a baby. I should treat you like a three year old. They'd be like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, like, I'm a grown man. I'm not a baby. And yet, in the moments where they're, they're, someone dares to ask them to be accountable.

Regan: Then all of a sudden, I'm a little baby. I'm sorry. Don't blame me. It's like, I'm having a hard

Chesko: time. All of

Regan: these things are, can't be both. It can't be both. It can be one. It can be you're both accountable or you're neither accountable. So, so just make sure when you're in relationships this one sided shit is not happening to you.

Regan: Because they will try and sell it to you like it's normal. And um, we, and I think collectively we all, should stop normalizing this type of behavior. Because there's nothing funny and there's nothing normal about treating your partner this way.

Chesko: Boom.

Regan: Boom!

Chesko: Nailed it.

Regan: Alright friends, well that's our episode for today.

Regan: See ya!

Chesko: That was a weird smile I just [00:52:00] did.

Regan: Love that. All the YouTube friends will see it. Um, it was weird.

Clip: Thank

Regan: you so much for listening. As you know, we have a Patreon where we just are unhinged much like the beginning of the show. Sprite videos. I stand by

Chesko: it's the better podcast. I stand by it. Oh, stop it.

Chesko: It is the better podcast.

Regan: I disagree.

Chesko: Find out for yourself at patreon. com.

Regan: Okay, Frenzel, thank you for listening. Thank you for watching. If you're on YouTube, make sure to check out our socials and we will see you next week.

Chesko: Bye.

Regan: Bye.

Chesko: Love you.

Regan: There it is.