cat ===

Chesko: [00:00:00] Hello, everyone. And welcome to

Chesko: Mr. Pickles and the man not like her coming to you straight from Arizona, one of us.

Regan: You know what?

Chesko: When they hear this, I'll be back in California, so.

Regan: I literally did, posted the one with Michael. Somebody said, after my perfect intro, with no interruptions because Michael's a sweet baby angel, Uh, they're like, this intro's not it.

Regan: Oh,

Chesko: wait, did we do the full intro right now?

Regan: I don't know.

Chesko: I

Regan: think we did. You called me a man, not like her.

Chesko: Yeah,

Regan: that's pretty much what you

Chesko: do like men.

Regan: I do. Well, not like that, but I do platonically platonically. I like lots of men platonically.

Chesko: Somebody said, uh, by [00:01:00] the way, I mentioned you, they were the, it was one of my old videos about like, that men and women can't be friends.

Dom OB: Yeah.

Chesko: Uh, and, and I was like, uh, they're like, it's, it's, well, it's true. There's always something along the way. I was like, well, I'm like good friends with my podcast co host. And she was like, well, she just hasn't let you know yet. She was married to a woman. She was like, no, I don't know. I haven't seen, I've never seen it.

Chesko: So

Regan: ain't nobody going to be the one, but it certainly ain't you. Like, just get out. Excuse me? What are you trying to say? I'm a lesbian. You're a six five man. What do you want from me?

Chesko: No, no, I don't want that. I don't like how mean you were. I felt that was, that was, you didn't have to be, make me sound. Like I'm, nobody could desire me.

Chesko: I didn't

Dom OB: say that!

Chesko: I'm just saying! It's not gonna be you, Jasmine. If there's a man out there, that I would do, that I would be with, it is definitely not. Have you seen you? That's

Regan: not what I [00:02:00] meant! I just meant, UGH!

Chesko: You're

Regan: very far from a woman, is what I'm saying. You're very, you're 6'5 Read

Chesko: my comment sections.

Chesko: The guys do not think Ha ha

Regan: ha! Soy boy! I'm sorry, Tesco.

Chesko: I'm, yeah, I'm not actually offended. For what know, but now

Regan: that I think about it, that came out rude, but that's not what I meant. I just meant like, it's not, ugh. Anyways, that's very obnoxious because even though I'm gay, they're like, Well, something.

Regan: We

Chesko: never know. You never, well, there was, that also happened on the one about, uh, there was a clip of you saying, uh, leave me alone when I'm in public. Uh, and, and then they were like, oh, well, she'll regret it when the guys stop. And I was like, well, I don't think she

Dom OB: will.

Chesko: She still likes it. She still, it still makes her.

Chesko: Makes your day, even if you won't admit it.

Regan: What? I'll regret not being hit on? Like, I'll regret not being annoyed? Like, I'll be on my deathbed and be like, [00:03:00] Oh man, I have not a regret except that I didn't have more older men saying sexual comments towards me in public spaces.

Chesko: And not leaving me alone as I ask them to, please leave me alone.

Regan: Oh my God. Oh,

Chesko: so what are we talking about today, Reagan?

Regan: Yeah. What are we, it's your video.

Chesko: I know. It's, uh, it's, it's about treating your partner like a kitty cat theme song. You want bad advice, man? I'll give it out land. I got some good advice for you. You don't

Chesko: got some good advice for you? No, you don't.

Regan: That came off so dickish. I need to, I feel like I'm gonna be editing this and being like. Regan, what the hell was that? I

Chesko: don't think, I don't know, I don't think you actually were a dickish. I just made, I, I grabbed the breadcrumb of you being, uh, of it and turned it into something bigger than it [00:04:00] actually was.

Chesko: So, you're welcome for that. And then we turn off, we turn off the podcast and I just, I'm just sobbing in a bowl in the corner.

Regan: She said she wouldn't like me! If she was straight she wouldn't be attracted to me! No! If I said I'm gay so I'm not attracted to you. Ugh! Damn it.

Chesko: Um.

Regan: That was rude. I regret that.

Chesko: Thank you. I like

Regan: little women. You're a big man. That's all I'm saying. You

Chesko: Were you, were you attracted to, like, feminine men when you dated men? I mean, not attracted, but like, what men did you seek out when you were dating?

Regan: Uh, crazy ones. Before you knew? I actually did date very small men, mostly. There was like a couple tall, the majority of them were my size.

Regan: And some were thinner than me, for sure, so.

Chesko: So you like, yeah, you like pocket sized guys.

Regan: Pocket sized guys, yeah, I [00:05:00] think so.

Chesko: At the

Regan: time. Now I'm like, oh.

Chesko: You're like, uh, well that's close enough, I guess.

Regan: Emotional pocket sized men that are funny, that'll do.

Chesko: Mm, yep.

Regan: Well, but I'll tell you, the worst one was the tall one.

Regan: The worst one by far the tallest

Chesko: we always are.

Regan: Anywho

Chesko: before we go. to tangent about that real quick? Which part? About tall, the tall thing. Uh, there is in the same video online. And it was, I was, it was funny to me that there were guys that were coming after me about, cause I was at nail polish on the video and they were like about your, you know, I'm going to listen to the feminine soy boy, you know, blah, blah, blah about what it takes to be, um, a man like, like you would have any idea what women are attracted to, uh, and then in this same one.

Chesko: There were guys that were argument. You don't know how hard it is. You're six foot five. It's very, it's so easy for you to get women. You don't know what it's like when there are [00:06:00] women. For us that are single, that are not, that don't fit this standard of beauty in our body. Wait, which is it? guy? Pick a side.

Chesko: Pick a side. Is it no woman could ever be attracted to me? Or I don't understand what it's like to be unattractive. You can't have it both ways.

Regan: It's because it's always projection. It's a literal because they don't know you. All they have is this like limited information, you know, which is whatever three minutes of seeing you on screen and they just project whatever serves their argument or serves their opinion.

Regan: I literally, I told a story

Dom OB: and

Regan: then some, this is when I don't know if you remember this, when they like did my wallpaper upside down and painted my house. Terrible. Do you remember that? It was horrible. And they like made up an element of the story that didn't happen. Like this is what happens when you don't do research, which I had the company had just started to contract out, which they didn't tell.[00:07:00]

Regan: So all the reviews were great. Cause it was for their crew. But then they were contracting stuff. So, um, anyways, so people were straight up like fighting to the death over a detail that was not true. They're like, well, it shouldn't matter where you do. She's like, well, she should have done a research. I was like, I did.

Regan: But it was like, they just fought to the death over a made up story. And I'm like, this is the internet. It's the internet. It's like, I didn't,

Chesko: um, I didn't, we're going to eventually get to the in this

Regan: recently.

Chesko: Well, the whole the 17 diapers video.

Regan: Oh my God. Yeah,

Chesko: I made a video response to the night and post it because I kind of ADHD'd it up and went all over the place with it.

Chesko: But, um, the, the, the fact that And it was like, oh, she must be X. She must be this. She must be all these horrible things. And then all of a sudden, not a single comment. I scrolled for like thousands of comments. Not a single one was like, why is her husband not going away yet? Hello?

Regan: Why doesn't [00:08:00] she have help?

Regan: Why, like?

Chesko: It was all, she was five days postpartum. You're a lying. No, she's five days postpartum and her husband, it turns out was away on a business trip. So she's home alone. With a five day old, after having just given birth.

Regan: He went on a business trip?

Chesko: Yep. People just giving her shit for being the worst mom, and disgusting, and filthy.

Chesko: For having, and also like, newborn diapers are nothing.

Regan: There's nothing in them, you just change them constantly. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, the internet. Oh, the internet.

Chesko: But they just create all the, nobody asks questions. Nobody asks for clarification.

Regan: People love to hate on a mom too, specifically. Oh, especially. People love to hate on a mom.

Chesko: Any chance to be a perfect parent is great, but especially if it's a chance to be, to shame a mom in the, in the, uh, the act of it, it's like, oh yeah.

Regan: Let me give you some unwanted advice. Let me tell you how great I am. You're like, [00:09:00] okay, great.

Chesko: With my, and it's always like, and this is no offense to anybody that this might apply to you, but it's always new parents who have one very easy child.

Regan: Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. Well, yeah, I had a guy at, um, my work, one of my acting things, he was saying how. His excellent parenting. His wife was this day at home, but he's like, yeah, over one, one week, I got the baby to sleep through the night. It's really not that hard. And I was like, sounds like your baby slept well.

Regan: Cause you can't force a baby to sleep.

Chesko: No,

Regan: like she just slept. Yeah,

Chesko: we I'm not gonna lie. There's even a part of me and I never I was never that person online internally, though. My first two kids were such good sleepers

Dom OB: that I

Chesko: did internalize. I was like, Wow, we are killing this parenting thing. We are we clearly whatever we're doing.

Chesko: And then Our third baby came [00:10:00] along to make us question everything about our lives.

Dom OB: Yeah.

Chesko: We did exactly the same thing with her as we did with our other two. And she's, uh, four now and has not slept through the night. Uh, or like maybe a handful of times throughout her life. And so it's just, people like to take credit for thinking they are responsible for every positive thing.

Chesko: Uh, and I think that's why, uh, Oftentimes we just need to shut the hell up online about, uh, these sort of things.

Regan: At least, like, care about what the person is going through. Like, don't make a judgment before you

Dom OB: Right.

Regan: Like, in this case, she's probably really struggling. She probably hasn't slept. Like, there's so many cases where, like, It's bizarre.

Regan: People feel, like, people feel more justified judging a mom than a misogynist.

Dom OB: Right. Oh, absolutely. Like, literally. Like,

Regan: this, the bandwagon of the 17 diapers, um, which, by the way, if you don't know what we're talking about, there's this video where this mom was saying she found 17 diapers in her house that she had to throw away, and the [00:11:00] internet crucified her.

Regan: This way. Or many people did. And like, I, there are times like I'll see a mom post a video like that and get absolutely slaughtered. And then I'll post a video about a blatant misogynist and they're like, well, we don't know his deal.

Chesko: Whoa, let's not jump to conclusions here.

Regan: You remember the car yeller? And people were like, what if his heart was broken?

Regan: What if he has PTSD and he's a returning vet? I was like, what are you talking about? He's not, by the way. I was just like, he's yelling in his car, like. People who are more willing to give a backstory and credit and the benefit of the doubt to a man who's openly being misogynist or scary than a mom who's struggling.

Regan: And that's insane.

Chesko: I always feel like when it comes to like, especially with parenting advice, if they didn't explicitly say, Hey, do you have any advice about what I can do in this situation? Or, Hey, can you tell me, is this okay? Or should I be worried about it? Should I change it? Explicitly [00:12:00] say that. Yeah.

Chesko: Shut your fucking mouth. Just don't. Especially with um, having autistic children.

Dom OB: Yeah.

Chesko: Anytime I share any story. I don't think I should have to share. Oh, just so you know, before I share the story. My daughter's autistic, so, uh, don't be an asshole in the comments. Right. You can just not be an asshole. Like, I shared, uh, the other day I shared a story about, uh, how my daughter will only eat ham and cheese sandwiches from a specific store.

Chesko: Yeah. And, uh, some of the people in the comments were like, you know, you shouldn't be spoiling her that way. What I, what you should do is put the sandwich in front of her, and if she doesn't eat it, she'll get hungry and eat it eventually. And I was like, oh, uh, that's not how autistic brains work. She'll literally starve if I just, if I only feed her stuff that she refuses to eat, she will not eat and she will have, she'll literally, you know, waste away.[00:13:00]

Chesko: And so, and they were like, Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know she was autistic. Was it okay

Regan: before though?

Chesko: It was, it had nothing to do with the story. The story was on me. It's just like,

Regan: I've had that happen to me like, Oh, sorry. And I'm like, but even if I didn't give you that tidbit of every, I had somebody say, well, you should have said that

Chesko: I'm like, I was

Regan: telling like a traumatic story and they're like, well, you should have opened with that.

Regan: And I'm like, I don't have to tell you, like, I don't have to tell my story to prevent assholes. You're gonna be an asshole anyways. I don't have to format my story. Like, it's my fault you're being an asshole to me. I was like, you know, actually, I think it was the stalking story. I was like, actually, no, he stalked me for two years and he was really scary.

Regan: Uh, and they're like, well, I didn't know that you should've told me. I'm like, you're on my page, bro. Like, this is, I did a ten part series. Sorry you didn't go watch it. It's not on me to put context for you in a story that I'm telling to stop you from being an asshole. Like, [00:14:00] maybe just don't say things that are asshole like.

Chesko: Yeah, you can add anything. There's a different way to give advice. Like somebody, somebody said, I don't know if you've already tried this, but what we did with my daughter was we actually we bought bags from the restaurant. Uh, and, and like, nice. And do it that way. And I was like, and that, that's a, that's fine.

Chesko: That's, I know that, I know that wouldn't work with her because it's, it's a texture. It's a very specific thing about where she gets it from that. I get it. Um, yeah. And we've even brought, I bought bread rolls, uh, like specific, like sandwich rolls for it. And I tried to like, it just, it's, if it's not from the store, it's what it is.

Dom OB: Yeah. Yeah.

Chesko: But, but it's, but I appreciate someone like, say, like a genuine, like Yeah. Oh. Hey, have you tried this? Yeah.

Dom OB: As

Chesko: opposed to, hey, you're a shitty parent or whoa, parenting mistake there. If I'm not, if I'm hitting my kid on a video, yeah, feel free to say, if I'm doing something that is actually genuinely harming them, not [00:15:00] possibly having a consequence of some metaphorical harm later on down the road, actual harm.

Chesko: By all means, right? If I'm not buckling my kid's seatbelt in the car, right? If I'm, you know, something like that, sure. Say something about it, because that, that actually does have real world implications. But if it's something like, my daughter likes ham and cheese sandwiches from this restaurant, why do you have to be a dick about it?

Chesko: Leave me alone. Yeah.

Regan: Well, um. What is that

Chesko: social media? Why are we upset about something we are so embedded in?

Regan: People are bored. But speaking of trying to get us back on topic. Yes,

Chesko: 20 minutes into our podcast. Let's talk about the actual theme of the show. Yes.

Regan: Speaking of talking to people in a certain way to elicit a certain response, and maybe not doing it the best way, uh, this man has some advice for us on how to talk to our partners.

Regan: So let's, uh, let's hear him out.

TikTok: I'm going to teach you one of the best relationship hacks there is, which is treat your partner like a dog. I'm Fred. I'm here with Shanti [00:16:00] the cat. Can

Chesko: we pause right there real quick? Just from that, just from that first part. If you went to a relationship counselor, a marriage counselor, and they were like, Have you tried treating your wife like a dog or a cat?

Regan: I would be out of there so bad. Here's the thing, anytime anyone tells you, that in order for you to treat your partner correctly, you need to treat them like an animal or an inanimate object. I have got to go. I cannot.

Chesko: It's not even necessarily the effect of this. Cause I mean, the idea of being treated like a cat sounds pretty great.

Chesko: Belly rubs, little treats.

Regan: Not my partner.

Chesko: I get to like just lay out on the couch and do my, like, it's just, um, You know, make some butter and just think that there's something about maybe I want to be, am I a furry? I

Regan: think you want to be a cat. That's different than, okay. Wanting to be [00:17:00] a cat and live the life of ease that many cats do is not the same thing as wanting your partner to treat you like a cat.

Chesko: You're right. Do you remember? Sorry, this is my ADHD, so I overdrive this morning. Do you remember the song? And I dance, I'm a kitty cat. And I dance, dance, dance, and I dance, dance, dance. Dance, I'm a kitty cat. I'm just thinking of those.

Regan: I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't know why you're singing.

Chesko: And

Regan: I dance, dance, dance,

Chesko: and I dance, dance, dance.

Regan: It's not helping.

Chesko: Let's go.

Regan: We've only gotten one. Line of this video in.

Chesko: I just want you to listen to it. I want you to see it, so you know what I'm talking about.

Regan: So just the inside of your brain, you know, 90 percent of the time. That's,

Chesko: that literally is my brain. That's, that's the, yeah, that's kind of playing on repeat for a while. [00:18:00] I think our audience will know that reference.

Regan: Okay, I'm so glad we went on that tangent. Would you like to listen to any more of the video for the episode?

Regan: I

Chesko: guess. Let's hear the real video.

Regan: Cool, cool.

TikTok: You and the best relationship.

Regan: I think I saved the wrong one.

TikTok: I'm Fred. I'm here with Shanti the cat. I've been a relationship saving marriage counselor for over 25 years. Follow me for more. I was single one time when I was dating a woman. She said to me, I wish you talked to me and treated me as good as you talk to and treat your cat. I love that cat. And how I talked and treated that cat.

TikTok: It's me at my best in a relationship. I vowed myself from that time forward, I would talk to and treat her and everybody in my life from then on, as good as I talked to and treated that cat. Me at my best. Think about who in your life you've talked to and treated your best. Put in the comments. [00:19:00] I'll talk to treat all with my best.

Chesko: I wish you'd talk to me like you talk to your cat. Why didn't you look at me the way you look at Princess Wiggles?

Regan: It's so bad. I mean that to me makes me think this person maybe doesn't like other people because like if you're treating someone so bad, like I just I think about like how bad you you would have to treat a woman when you're For her to look at you and be like, God, why can't you treat me the way you do that damn cat?

Regan: What are you doing to this woman? What have you done?

Chesko: If you get to that point in a relationship, it's it's best to move on. I think it's If they're if they're look longing At your cat, they look at your cat like if only if only I could find a man

Chesko: And like I said, like I said not discounting How great that life could [00:20:00] be

Regan: well, I feel like either he hates humans Which, fair. Or, he just really loved that cat because like something, like, It's not like he, you know, it's like she was saying like, God, you know, you treat your cat better than you treat me.

Regan: It sounds like she was like, I wish you treated me the way you treat Mrs. Wiggles. Like, I, I cannot, I cannot imagine the circumstances that I would say that to a man.

Chesko: No,

Regan: I think I'd be gone

Chesko: would be more like the last one. You can't even talk to me How you talk to your fucking cat? Yes slam the door and i'm out of there relationship over or hang up the phone Or

Regan: i'd be like i'd be leaving You know his apartment and be like damn he's nicer to the cat than he is to me.

Regan: All right, pack it up I just Like if you have to tell a man to imagine you're their animal for them to treat you Well, they're treating you worse than they treat their pets. Yeah. [00:21:00] That man is not for you.

Chesko: That really is. And this is, you know, mate, call me old fashioned. Oh God. Oh

Regan: God.

Chesko: Your standard should be to treat your partner better than your pet.

Regan: Whoa. Hot takes on this podcast. I know.

Chesko: I know. I think, and don't get me wrong, we treat our pets pretty good in our house. I don't know. Maybe I'm being hypocritical because I actually I do think I'm I'm kind of neck and neck with my dogs for who my wife loves the most in our house.

Regan: There are people who treat their pets better than humans.

Regan: And

Chesko: that is the thing. I don't think he's talking about like, the people that like, I get loving. I love animals, right? I get like how we we hold animals and we treat them wonderful and amazing. If you're a good pet owner, right? I don't I think he's just talking about like, or at least felt like. Yeah. Or can you at least like acknowledge that you like me?

Chesko: Right. Yeah.

Regan: We had a dog, um, when I was little that, uh, [00:22:00] we didn't know was territorial until I started getting older and was possessive over my mom, I think. And we were like, oh, we cannot keep this dog. So my dad had, I can't remember if it was a patient or if it was, Somebody that worked there. I don't remember.

Regan: But they took the dog in and like fed the dog steak. Like literally this dog. Checkers was like, See you later, suckers! Because I'm living the dream! Anywho, Point being, some people do treat their pets like gods. Or, you know, like royalty. But again, If you are second fiddle to a pet, And they're treating you way worse than a pet, And you have to say to yourself, Oh, let me treat other humans like I would my cat.

Regan: If you have to set that intention in your mind, I feel like something's going on with you.

Chesko: Mm hmm. Well, the last line, I think, was actually, uh, was good, was valid advice that was not about the pet. What did he say? He said, uh, treat others in your life. Uh, [00:23:00] can you play the last line again?

TikTok: Just go. Think about who in your life you've talked to and treated your best.

Chesko: Yeah, so like, like, talk to, uh, talk to your partner the way you talk to other people who you treat their bad, like, who you treat nicely. I don't think, I mean, that's, I think that's pretty obvious, hopefully obvious advice. Like, if you're like, if you're getting advice, you should treat your partner like you like them.

Chesko: Well, that's, that's,

Regan: I just feel like though, like you shouldn't have to like, You know, mentally transpose someone else's head on your partner to treat them with dignity, respect and love. You should love them and therefore treat them like that. I think it's weird to have to like, think there's somebody else,

Dom OB: like

Regan: it's a weird, uh, parameter to set around a relationship for it to work.

Regan: Like, I feel like you should inherently treat them well. Like this guy, like, I feel like he should, it's almost like, uh, have you ever heard someone give advice or make a video that's way too pointed? And you're like, this might be about you. It's like, women are always [00:24:00] cheating. And they're always telling you, you smell and you have too close of a relationship with your mom.

Regan: And that when you took their car on Saturday, you didn't put gas. You know, it's like,

Chesko: you know, how women always do that,

Regan: like, Oh, that's a very specific thing to you that you're trying to make more universal. I feel like with this guy, it's like, I think. You have a very intense relationship with your cat or you treated your girlfriend terribly.

Regan: I don't know which

Chesko: I

Regan: also think and

Chesko: this is I know this isn't a shared perspective Uh, but I think people like some of this advice is like saving a marriage trying to like put a band in a marriage It's already failed like it's like yeah, it's like the if you're I, and I get, nobody wants a divorce, nobody wants to have to move on, but if you're like at a certain point, maybe that's better than, than having to like, like, I don't know, like emotionally manipulate yourself into like, into like, pretending that they are at [00:25:00] the level of your animal, in order to Did you see

Regan: your cat's face on them?

Regan: Like, okay. Mr. Whiskers, Mr. Whiskers. Can you put a little scarf on? Like a Here's some catnip, here's some

Chesko: catnip. Would you like, maybe if I buy a little scarf for my wife, that, that I'll be able to like, it'll trigger, it'll be like, Some ears. Device, yeah, that maybe, some little, put the little whiskers on.

Chesko: And I just, and so, if, if you're at a point where the, the, like, you're really struggling to like your partner.

Regan: Yeah.

Chesko: Maybe they're not the one, but like, maybe, and I know, like I said, I get it. Having a family, find, all the things are tied into it. Divorce is, is a lot harder than, than, Sure. Yeah. It's not as easy as like, all right, all right, well, this doesn't work out.

Chesko: Those players. It was a pleasure devoting, you know, 20 years of my life to, to, uh, to you, but what are you going to do? But I don't, I think the, and I'm not a marriage counselor, obviously, so I don't, I don't, uh, you know, shocking me.

Dom OB: Yeah.

Chesko: Um, [00:26:00] but I, I don't know. It's just like, if I ever got to that part of my relationship, like, I don't, what, what are you trying to say?

Chesko: But I don't like.

Regan: I feel like it's taking a, uh, interesting and valid observation and pulling the wrong takeaway from it. Right? So it's like, okay, somehow you've noticed you treat your cat or dog better than you treat your partner. That is an observation. That is a valid observation and one that needs attending to, right?

Regan: There's an underlying issue. I don't think the takeaway is then to say, okay, well, I'm just going to pretend. You're the cat or I'm gonna treat you like you're the cat rather than saying wow, I Treat my animal better than I treat my partner. Why why is that? Why do I treat my animal better than my partner?

Regan: Like is it about my partner? Is it that I'm very you know, my animal is it that I like animals better than people like is [00:27:00] it that my animal? Like, you know a lot of people with dogs. It's like they have undying love You know, they, animals don't say no to you or dog, I guess cats do, but dogs don't as much, you know, they don't want to, they don't, that's why men don't like

Chesko: cats, right?

Regan: I know exactly. That's my theory, but it's like, they don't need a ton of, you know, verbal, they don't need you to listen to their day. You know what I mean? There's a lot of things that an animal doesn't require that a human being in a, relationship does. And so it's like, if you prefer that relationship to your actual partner, then there's some issues you need to work out.

Chesko: I guess, to be fair, I think there is, what this is, is a, this isn't the cause of a problem. It's a symptom of an overlying problem of, uh, I think there's so many men that don't know how to Interact with women and especially not a romantic and a gallant, you know, a way where you actually care about women.

Chesko: Like you can't, if you're taught your entire life that women are [00:28:00] subservient, they're less than, they're not fun, you can't actually, you know, hang out with them and then you fall in love with them. One, then, then you have to, like, I mean, I don't know, given benefit of the doubt, is this a type of way you can, like, train your brain to deprogram the fact that you can actually like women in the same way that you can actually like your dog?

Regan: With your dog, though? I don't know.

Chesko: I don't know. I'm trying to, like, find a way and not be so negative, because I'm, but You

Regan: have to say that standard like, all right, brain, we're not treating anyone less than we would our dog, which I guess like should be everybody's

Chesko: right. That's,

Regan: but I, again, I think it's, if you have to mentally and purposefully think about that and put that into practice, there's an issue.

Regan: Like I just shudder to think about if I was in a relationship that I, you know, Actively noticed how much my partner preferred their animal to me [00:29:00] and then had to articulate that. Yeah. And then he had to say, Oh, you're right. Oh,

Chesko: I guess. I mean, I guess I could do that. I

Regan: guess I do treat you as subhuman. I guess I don't love on you.

Regan: I guess I don't care. It's almost

Chesko: like. You're like the dog, and my dog's my wife.

Regan: I mean, tell me where that's, tell me where the lie is. I know,

Chesko: but we talk about the bar being so low, and like, that's the, the discussion we're having is trying to find a way where this

Regan: Oh, I'm not trying, you are.

Chesko: No, I know, I'm trying to find a way where this isn't just so depressing, about like,

Regan: Again, I think there are, I think there are cat people and dog people who prefer cats and dogs to people, like, and who their top priority is their animal.

Regan: But like, again, if your partner has to bring it up to you, and you're not treating your partner, like, it just makes, how bad are you treating your partner that that would come out of their mouth?

Chesko: Yeah.

Regan: Truly.

Chesko: Right. No, honestly, it's a, and it's like, it's a different kind of [00:30:00] like thing too. Like it's not like they don't actually want you to treat them like a cat and dog.

Chesko: Right. If that's coming up, it's they want you to feel the same love or at least the same kind of affection, kindness, like warmth that when you, when your dog walks in a room, your face lights up, right? Like, just thinking about like this

Regan: guy, it's like his wife comes and he's like. And then his dog comes in and he's like, Oh my God, that's my love.

Regan: I mean, that's facts. That's real life. When your wife comes in, the husband doesn't even notice. Dog comes in and he's like, Oh, come here, come here. Oh my God. I missed you all day. It's like, Oh yeah. I mean, again, I really, I stand by that. This is a very specific example that this guy took in and was like, I'm going to now tell all my clients about this.

Regan: Like imagine. You're in, you're fighting with your wife. You go into therapy or your partner, whatever the case is, and you sit down with this [00:31:00] professional. And have

Chesko: you considered,

Regan: I hear your troubles. I hear your problems. But have you considered, do

Chesko: you have a cat?

Regan: Step one, do you have any pets?

Chesko: Do you?

Chesko: Yeah, we have a, we have a dog.

Regan: Perfect.

Chesko: You'll get this then. You know how, you know how you love your dog and not your wife?

Regan: You know. You get it. She

Chesko: gets it. You get it. You know how like, you like really love your dog, but you know, you're kind of like whatever about what if, what if you also loved her?

Regan: What if you showed her some of that affection and love?

Chesko: Same thing. What if you actually felt happy to see her in the same way?

Regan: Holy shit. The bar is in hell though. Jessica, like the bar is in hell. Like just imagine being that woman. Like, I just can't, I can't with the idea that like, there actually has to be that advice that are like a woman is being treated less than a dog.

Regan: Like a [00:32:00] woman is shown that little love or affection. Like if you're jealous of the pet. Come on. Come on.

Chesko: I bet the husband wouldn't go on a business trip five days after the dog had surgery if it was still

Regan: You know what? Maybe not. Maybe not. People have more sympathy for pets online than people.

Chesko: Maybe he's on to something.

Chesko: Maybe we're wrong here.

Regan: Maybe the bar is this low. Maybe. Maybe

Chesko: the sooner we accept that and, uh, we just, we just need to start praising men for the bare minimum. Oh, never,

Regan: never. I, I honestly think that like, that's a good sign. Um, not like the specific example, but it's a good sign that your partner is treating you poorly is when you see them treating other people.

Regan: Well, like if your partner, uh, acts. Like, you know, comes home and treats you like shit, and then says they have no energy to do [00:33:00] anything, and I'm too tired to do the chores, and I'm this, that, or the other thing, and then, like, you go out with friends, and they become a different person, and they're treating other people so much better than you.

Regan: Like, that is such a red flag, and it's an important red flag. That that isn't addressed by then imagining, Oh, I'll treat you like I treat my dog, you know, it's like, that's an internal issue with the person or they don't value you, but like, I do think it's important to acknowledge, like, it is good to flag these things, probably not the dog part, but like another person.

Regan: If your partner is treating other people better than you, and it's noticeable, like, that's something to definitely keep an eye on. And, and address. And

Chesko: understand what, yeah, why, what is going on, what is happening.

Regan: Yeah.

Chesko: And, and it's not, it's not that they, you know, you're allowed to have bad days. You know, you're allowed to have, have bad months.

Chesko: Like, you know, every relationship has, like, pretty dramatic swings. You don't have to actually have them. But if it is something that is consistent, And becomes the norm, then it is something to, uh, to, [00:34:00] to, a little, putting in a little, you know, a little mental checklist that you should probably, um, have some concern about that.

Regan: I'm concerned. I'm very concerned. I'm concerned about what other lessons this guy brings to the table. I know. Like, hold on, let's look.

TikTok: I'm going to teach you how to, how to make your partner treat you with the love and respect that you deserve. I'm Fred, I'm here with Shanti at the Cat. I've been a Relationship Saving Marriage Counselor for over 25 years.

TikTok: Follow me for more. One time I was volunteering at the daycare center. I overheard a teacher say to a kid, You're screwing up all the time. We got new pastel paints for the school. You already mixed them together and they're murky brown. We got new toys for the school and you already broke one. Now I'm gonna show you how to ride a bike.

TikTok: If you complain even once, I'm gonna yank you off the bike. And that'll be it for the day. I was shocked at how she was speaking to him. But later time I heard a different teacher talking to a different child who was the biggest screw up in [00:35:00] the school. She said to this child, there's so many things that you do so well.

TikTok: You make great mud pies. And the new little girl came to the school and she was really shy, really kind to her, and made her really feel at ease. There's so many things you do so well. I'm going to teach you how to ride a bicycle and you'll do as good at that As all those other things you're already so good at that child learned how to ride a bicycle so quickly In your relationship you're likely to get what you give Put in the comments I vow to be like the second teacher

Regan: What's interesting is the title to this is power move if your partner treats you like garbage So does that mean the power move is to treat her like garbage?

Regan: Also someone call the police on that teacher

Chesko: Yeah, fuck that first teacher. I don't think any of that's real, though. I think that's the other aspect. I don't, first off, I don't believe this man should be allowed to go and observe preschools. Like, why was he there? I can't! I can't imagine a scenario where this [00:36:00] man's like, May I come in and watch your teachers, your children?

Chesko: And they were like, Oh, sure, just come on in.

Regan: His eyes are piercingly blue, too. He's got those intense eyeballs. Those peepers. Uh, well, it's like, what, what instance would a teacher, first of all, be saying these things? Be like, Here's the pastels you messed up. Here's this you messed up. And now I'm gonna put you on a bike and I swear to God, if you, if you complain one time, I'm ripping you off of it.

Chesko: I know. Like And it's, the thing is, the underlying And this is why I struggled so much. My response, I don't know if you saw my video response to this, uh, online. It was just, I don't know what to say. Cause I didn't, I was like, I don't know how, how to respond to, cause the underlying message isn't terrible.

Chesko: Don't treat people like shit. If you want them to do well, you should treat them with kindness and emphasize the things they do well. I can get behind that. It's just the way it's being delivered.

Regan: I just don't understand. [00:37:00] Why is it children and animals? Like, why is it not, like, a peer? Like, why is every relationship advice he's given is like, Let's pretend your partner's something else.

Chesko: I want to know. I bet if you go through there, there's got to be at least a half dozen more about cats.

Regan: They're all cat videos.

Chesko: They're all just, it's just really, he's talking about his cat the entire time. What if this guy is a cat? That's why he looks

Regan: In a cat suit! In a human suit! He's a

Chesko: cat in a human

Regan: suit!

Regan: Okay, hold on, listen to this. Okay, hold on. Here we go. Treating strangers. Most people who

TikTok: treat strangers are better than they treat their partner or their kids. Here's how to break that pattern. Hi, I'm Fred. I'm here with Shanti the cat. I've been a relationship revitalizing marriage counselor for over 25 years.

TikTok: A really important element to consistently make a relationship work better is to have a clear, consistent, unconditional commitment to yourself. How you speak to and treat your partner. Identify who in your life you treated the best, adult, child, or animal. Let that be [00:38:00] your model of how you want to treat everybody in your life from now on.

TikTok: I know you can do it, my friend. Put it in the comments.

Chesko: It is the same advice. That's his one advice. And the fact that he introduces everybody with his cat, no wonder his ex, or whatever, wanted to know, he's like, it's like, oh my god, it's like Remy from, um, the, uh, the, uh, the cook, uh,

Regan: back to me. He looks like he would be a nice person.

Regan: Like, he seems, I mean, he's smiling, he has a very nice shirt on, but my, my issue is, like,

Chesko: I wouldn't want to be left alone in a room with him.

Regan: Not with him and his cat, because I know, I know if something went down in that room and there was a fire or an emergency.

Chesko: Oh, that cat's getting saved.

Regan: Left. Thing is, it's like.

Regan: Again, if you have to envision your partner as an animal, or as someone else, or like, you have to [00:39:00] picture your partner as a stranger to treat them better, like, are we a narcissist? Do we have empathy problems? Like, what is going on that just based off of them being your partner, you should love them, you should enjoy them, like, why are we having to literally pretend they're something else?

Regan: What's, what's happening right now? Jessica, what's happening? I'm asking.

Chesko: I'm begging you. I think this is, I do think, I think the underlying advice though is like, it's, there are many, there's many reasons to work on a relationship, many reasons to save a, you know, to try to work through things with your partner.

Chesko: But I just don't think this is it. I don't think this is the way

Dom OB: that if you

Chesko: get to the point where you're like, well, I can do my best to treat them like a cat. Oh

Regan: my God. Sorry, he's He used to have long hair and a long beard, and [00:40:00] he, he's really upgraded his setup.

TikTok: I've been saving relationships and keeping families together for 45 years.

TikTok: I've been afraid of ageism, age discrimination against me. I was afraid it would hurt my income. I was afraid people actually knew how old I am and how long I've been saving relationships. It would work against me. The picture on my website is 30 years old and about to change. I was saying on my website that I've been in practice for over 20 years saving relationships and keeping families together.

TikTok: I've saved hundreds of relationships. True, but misleading. I've saved thousands of relationships and kept thousands of families together. I've been in practice for over 45 years. My wife and I have been happily married happily together [00:41:00] for over 28 years. Okay I practiced what I teach.

Regan: Oh, there it is After this he's posting in like a button down a bright blue button down.

Regan: His hair is like You know, combed back, he looks like a businessman, and then all these videos before, he has long hair, he's got a beard, and he's wearing like a tie dye t shirt. What is going on?

Chesko: First off, his age had nothing to do with my reaction to him. That is, that is not what I, uh, Was referring to? No.

Chesko: As far as how he like, yeah,

Regan: but he says he uses everything he's telling you to do in his own relationship. So I think he does. I believe it. Treat his wife. Wait like the cat.

Chesko: What if his wife is the cat? I am critical of the point he's making. I'm critical of the idea of it. I don't, he, I don't, he doesn't come off to me as like an evil person.

Chesko: He's not like an [00:42:00] aggretate of the work. I do genuinely think he's trying to help people. Um, and so that's, that's why I've been so like, I think both of us have been so like, hesitant to like go after him, but there's still just something just.

Regan: It's the idea of it. It's what he's saying.

Chesko: The notion of what he's saying is, I think, is, it can also, um, set people up to stay in relationships where they're not respected, and they're not loved, and they're not valued, uh, by, by attempting to manufacture some sort of a value,

Dom OB: uh,

Chesko: out of the person you're with, and I think that's, that's where, for me, that's where I draw the line between, like, All right, let's try to rediscover why you fell in love.

Chesko: That's different than let's try to fake being in love. Let's try to fake.

Regan: I'll pretend you're my cat.

Chesko: That's a, that's a big difference to me.

Regan: I think so too. And like, again, I think it's not addressing the actual issue. I think so many times people treat. Their partners with disrespect or indifference [00:43:00] and they they notice that but they take the wrong like take away from it Which in this case, you know, well just pretend you're my cat like no you need to think about that Why don't you like your partner?

Regan: Why don't you treat your why do you treat your cat better than your partner? What's going on with that? Because there's something wrong, whether that's within the relationship, whether that's within themselves. There's a reason that that's the case. And we see this all the time where people will recognize a problem and then be like, but what, like, let me do this other thing or let me run away from it.

Regan: It's like, no, you got to address whatever the core issue is. It's not enough to acknowledge there's a problem you have to address. Well, why is there a problem? What, like what's going on within you? You know, I, I think especially with, uh, with men, they're not, they don't go the next level. A lot of times I cheat, but I guess that's just my demons.

Regan: You know, you're like, okay, no, no. But why, why do you cheat? Like, why is it okay for you to cheat? Like what let's, let's go [00:44:00] beneath that. Or like, you know, I I've known a lot of men who. didn't process their emotions and their trauma very well. They'd recognize they had trauma or they'd recognize, you know, they had like a bad past or whatever, bad relationships.

Regan: And they'd be like, Oh yeah, I'm hurt by that. But then they would never do the work to fix it. They would just be like, Oh, well, I have trauma. And that's what it is. It's like, okay. But like, how do you heal yourself? How do you get the support you need to feel better so that you don't bring that into your next, partnership because, um, a lot of women were on the other end of that.

Regan: So it's like, if there is a problem, I'm glad that we found it, but like, let's address the problem. Let's not start pretending people are cats.

Chesko: I know we need to wrap up, but I did think of exactly how he would address a guy that didn't understand why cheating is wrong. He would say, you know how if you were out and you were petting another cat and he smelled like it when you come home and the cat gets jealous and starts rubbing on you to get their scent back on you.

Chesko: That's how your wife feels when [00:45:00] you've been sleeping with another woman. She doesn't like that you came home with another Santa. I

Regan: mean, it's not as bad, obviously, like what you did. If you do that to your cat, that's much better. That's

Chesko: real. But if you could, like, take even just a portion of understanding of how upset your cat was and think about how upset it made your wife when you strayed.

Dom OB: Yeah.

Chesko: Stray. Cats stray. And the husband's like, I'm so sorry, honey. I had no idea. That it was like.

Dom OB: Jingles.

Chesko: Ms. Jingles. Mr. Jingles. I think it would be amazing. The way Mr. Jingles gets upset at me when I pet other cats. I will never do this again. You've saved our lives.

Regan: I didn't realize you had emotions. I didn't realize you were a person.

Regan: Honestly, I thought you were a lamp this whole time. I'm shocked.

Chesko: You're talking to the cat. Oh, sorry. I didn't realize.

Regan: How long has she been in here? Oh my God. And that's that.

Chesko: That's that. That was our, that

Regan: [00:46:00] was our episode this week. We're sorry. Totally on point. No tangents. Editing this is gonna be a delight.

Chesko: I'm sure it will be.

Regan: Oh shit. Well, thank you my friends for listening to this week's episode. We're back. Are you leaving again or are you back?

Chesko: No, I'm back next week. As of now, I am back next week.

Regan: Don't, don't, don't set me up for failure, okay? Alright, alright. You wouldn't do that to your, to your animals.

Regan: Don't do it to me.

Chesko: All right. Oh, okay. I'm gonna I feel I do feel bad about leaving my dogs. So

Regan: think of me as

Chesko: all right

Regan: Okay, well friends thank you for listening Uh, as you know, we do a pre show every week on the patreon. So make sure to check that out It's always an unhinged time You can check out our socials and other than that, we will see you.

Regan: Oh, you just ripped off those glasses

Regan: What was that Did

Chesko: you get distracted? Did you get distracted?

Regan: I got distracted. Uh oh. Uh [00:47:00] oh. Little kitty. Where? Where? Well, it was just like Clark Kent all of a sudden. He had his glasses on. He just whipped them off and looked intense. I was like, whoa. Anyways, don't worry about us. Everything's fine. And other than that, we will see you next week.

Regan: Bye. Dance

Chesko: like a kitty cat. Dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance, dance. Love you.

Regan: I'm cutting you off.