medical food ===

Chesko: [00:00:00] Welcome to F the Nice Guy featuring Mr. Pick Me and the Man.

Dom OB: Why? Why?

Chesko: Straight from the Galapagos Islands, brr brr brr

Dom OB: brr brr brr

Regan: brr brr brr brr brr brr brr brr,

Chesko: Reagan is back.

Regan: Did you miss me, friends? Because I sure missed you. I am alive. I am back. I am slightly suntanned, and I swam with a shark.

Chesko: I think that's Really mean to our felon, Kaylee, that you think that they missed you that much.

Chesko: That's very insulting. She herself

Regan: on the episode said we missed Reagan. So you can go ahead and that.

Chesko: No, Kaylee is great, but she's no Reagan. Get out of here, Kaylee. You're not welcome here.

Regan: Kaylee. I do not approve of that message. I don't know why Chesca is being so rude. Also, I just want to. Have a question with all of our listeners, which is why can you only do intros when I'm not present?

Regan: Hmm.

Chesko: I [00:01:00] Think it was not as good as you think it was

Regan: I heard it. You did the whole thing perfectly normal What what like why are you not calling it the wrong show? Listen,

Chesko: I am sorry for being adequate when you were gone. I apologize for my competence. What can I do? Right? You know, I think if I had done really badly without you here, wouldn't that be a form of weaponizing competence, right?

Chesko: Where I'm like, look it, I can't function without you, Regan. Never weave me again. I'm just a poor widow. Boy who doesn't know how to do what are buttons.

Regan: Okay, but why are you using weaponized incompetence when I'm present then?

Chesko: Listen, it is not weaponized incompetence. It is loving incompetence.

Regan: Non lethal

Chesko: incompetence.

Chesko: It is, you know, it's trust [00:02:00] incompetence. You know, you know Like how they talk about how your kids are always like louder and angrier yell more at home because they feel safe

Regan: Mm hmm.

Chesko: Right. They feel comfortable. I feel safe with you.

Regan: Are you my child in this scenario? No,

Chesko: no, no. But I feel safe enough to be my normal, natural, incompetent self.

Chesko: I don't feel pressured to be competent around you because I have so much trust in you. That I can just be myself and terrible.

Regan: Equally sweet as disturbing. So, thank you for that, Jessica.

Chesko: I feel like it's, it's a form of gaslighting, even though I'm complimenting you.

Regan: Wait a second! It does

Chesko: feel weird. I felt weird making that joke.

Chesko: I don't know why, it just, the alarms went off in my head that it felt like I was, I was gaslighting you there.

Regan: I mean, I think there was a little gaslighting going on. Yeah. But it's Is it loving gaslighting?

Chesko: I do it because I love you, Regan. It's, this is, [00:03:00] I only do it because I love you.

Regan: I'm going to get some comments from people being like, Regan, Regan, red flags, get out.

Regan: Red flags,

Chesko: they're showing.

Regan: We knew it! We knew it! It

Chesko: would not be doing a good job when you're gone. It would not

Regan: be. We knew it was faking his bad intros. We knew it. Well, now we know.

Chesko: Someone did say that, what did I say to you? The intro was perfect. I hated it.

Regan: I actually saw comments about the intro before I heard the intro.

Regan: I was like, oh, Reagan's gonna Reagan's gonna be mad.

Chesko: Uh, this show brought to you by Weaponized Incompetence. Weaponized Competence.

Regan: Weaponized Competence.

Chesko: This is Weaponized Competence.

Regan: For widow babies everywhere. Oh my god. Okay, well, speaking of Weaponized Incompetence, I have a story for you today.

Chesko: Exciting.

Regan: [00:04:00] So much enthusiasm. What we will be talking about today is And am I the asshole? Yes. Or am I overreacting when my husband ate all my food? And believe me, the details make this story much more nefarious.

Chesko: From, from first glance, you were never overreacting for someone eating all your food.

Regan: Sir, that was your theme Song Q

Chesko: theme song.

Chesko: You

Regan: want bad advice, man? I'll

Chesko: give it out. Glad I got some good advice for you. No you don't.

Chesko: Some good advice for you. No, you don't.

Dom OB: Shit.

Chesko: There you go. I can't even get that. I can't even get the one thing. I wasn't worried about it for once, Regan. I wasn't worried about it. That's because you twist

Regan: me. But no,

Chesko: but now it's back. Now it's never going away again. Now I'm going to [00:05:00] constantly be back. I had finally gotten out of my head about the theme song and now here we are.

Chesko: The

Regan: demon was gone and now the demon is back.

Chesko: And put back in me.

Regan: Jesus Christ. Okay. Are you ready for this? I

Chesko: guess so.

Regan: It's am I overreacting? So when we decide on what the answer is, we're saying yes, you're overreacting or no, you are not overreacting.

Chesko: Okay. Got it.

Regan: Do you want me to read the whole story or break it up?

Chesko: What do you think? You've read it before.

Regan: Well, I'll, I know where I'll break it up.

Chesko: Okay. Okay. So there you go. Then answer has been had. Okay.

Regan: Wow, you're really weaponizing right now.

Regan: Ow, I've been struck. Your incompetence.

Chesko: I used it all up last week. Now you got leftovers.

Regan: Competence light.

Chesko: Yes.

Regan: Okay, so I just had, this is the story, sorry. [00:06:00] So I just had surgery on my stomach and intestines almost two weeks ago. Because of the surgery, I have to adhere to a very strict diet until I'm fully healed.

Regan: If I stray from the diet, it could cause severe complications and possibly lead to death. The first two weeks after surgery, I can only eat slash drink a full liquid diet. The most solid thing I can eat is pudding. I can't even have soup with any chunks of vegetables or meat in it. Even if they're soft.

Regan: There's not a lot of variety to choose from, and I'm not having a good time at all. Plus, I'm still having pain from the procedure, and some nausea, and I've had to go in for IV fluids and iron twice now. Prior to surgery, I meal prepped for myself and for the family, so I wouldn't have to worry about it after.

Regan: I made meals for myself for every stage of the diet, and with specific macro ingredients in mind. To meet my needs and comply with my other health problems. For example, I have celiac disease, so everything has to be gluten free. I also follow a low [00:07:00] sugar, low carb diet, so everything had to comply with that as well.

Regan: I also made meals for him and our son, meals specifically requested by him. I stocked up on snacks they liked and asked for. We also have a fairly strict budget right now, so I made everything from scratch to save some money. About one fourth of everything I made is in the freezer, attached to our fridge for convenience sake.

Regan: The rest is in the deep freeze in the garage. So, most of the meals in the house So I went out to the garage to restock. All of the meals I'd made for myself are gone. Just completely emptied out. I'm really upset because I have no energy right now to make more. Living off of liquids and having anemia will do that to a person.

Regan: My diet is hopefully progressing to soft solids tomorrow, so I was really excited to be able to eat some of the food I'd made.

Chesko: Can we, can we talk first off about the idea of, you're no, you know you're going into surgery, [00:08:00] and so that you have to prepare food for the house? Yes! For weeks afterwards? That's

Regan: what I thought!

Regan: That was my first thought!

Chesko: That alone!

Regan: Red flag!

Chesko: Like what? And I know this isn't, I wish I could say I'm super surprised because I've heard stuff like this before, but it's like the absurdity of you being like, okay, well, my, my poor widow husband doesn't know how to use a stove, a stovetop, so my kids will literally, he'll starve and my kids will starve.

Chesko: If I don't remake weeks worth of meals as I recover from a major surgery that puts me on a liquid diet, that alone.

Regan: It's bad enough. Like, oh, I can't expect my husband to take care of me. When I've just had surgery. Like, that sucks. That's bad enough. Like, I can't expect he's gonna make food for me. Which, maybe she's at home, maybe he's working.

Regan: [00:09:00] I don't know. That's kinda rough enough. The fact that, like, I'll pre prep that because I already know he's not gonna help me. Right? But then, to your point, you have, I'm gonna make their meals also because they can't make their own food. For her to work that hard and have such insight. That's how much she knows her husband is going to be weaponized, like incompetent,

Chesko: you know, Just to give like an example of my current life right now, my wife is going on vacation for, I bought her a vacation to visit her friend.

Chesko: She's going to be gone for six days. Do you know how many meals she's prepped for the house? And it's not like, That's the end. Do you know how many like lists she's had to make me? Do you know how many like prethings she's had to make sure that I knew about all these everything? Zero. Right. And I'm also, I, and this is, this is why I don't feel a lot of sympathy for the guys that are like this.

Chesko: I [00:10:00] work two full time jobs. Yeah. Literally. I Two full time jobs, right? She does do a lot of the day to day stuff, right? A lot of, like, in general, that's kind of just because of our schedules. But I'm still making a point to be involved and know what is going on in my kid's life and our family life. And that when something like this happens where she's leaving, right?

Chesko: She just can go enjoy herself, right? I'm not going to be tech. And that's not a, that is not a, that's not a flex. That is not a look how impressive I am. That is just a basic parenting because I'm sure it's the exact same for you and your wife. Where if one of you leaves, even though there's certain things you might do better, there's, but one doesn't panic about having to do the things around the house because you're involved, right?

Chesko: And the only reason it's not, if you don't get to call it a flex in your house, Just because you're both women. I don't get to call it a flex at my house because I'm because of the bar has been set so low for dads.

Regan: And here's a crazy thing is in this case, [00:11:00] like you're talking about like a trip or like most of the time I leave for like a work thing.

Regan: Uh, I got a town to work. Uh, Like, that's when, you know, I, I think I'm like, okay, you know, you'll prep sometimes, just make sure. Right, there's,

Chesko: there's certain things to make sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Regan: This isn't even, this is, she's injured. This is, she needs help.

Chesko: Yeah.

Regan: You know, in sickness and health, as they say.

Regan: Right. Like, she needs assistance, and she's still the one, like, plotting and planning. It's like, If she could plan it, so could he like get Mac and cheese,

Chesko: you

Regan: know what I'm saying? Like,

Chesko: yeah, it doesn't have to be perfect. It doesn't have to be, you know, whatever. Yeah. Especially if he, you know, if maybe he is working, you know, as many hours I'm working right where he has a lot of stuff that he's doing, you can still figure out something where you can, you can still, it might be a little harder.

Chesko: Of course. It's like the next week when my wife has got, it's going to be a little harder. Cause it's like the, the stuff that we split up now is going to be a hundred percent on me. Right. Yeah. But it's still, that's what you do, right? When I travel for my job, she also has to then pick up [00:12:00] my, the side of the stuff.

Chesko: That's what you do as a parent, as a partner.

Regan: And the thing that kills me about this is she didn't know that was, so she had no idea the food was gone because she was looking at the freezer inside the house, the other freezers outside. So like she's eating food, meaning she's not prepping, she's not planning.

Regan: It was just going to come to a day when she was going to walk out there and it was going to be empty. Okay, let's keep going because it's not, it ain't over.

Chesko: That's not all? No. It's already, it's already, it's already she's not overreacting. That's the answer and I don't think Hey,

Regan: something could change, it won't, but it could.

Regan: Okay.

Chesko: Okay. Okay, let's hear it.

Regan: Immediately it's going to be a no. Okay. I asked him about it and he blamed it on our son first. Which I know is BS because the kid hates all of my special food with a passion. Again, this woman is eating gluten free, like low sugar, low carb.

Chesko: Right, all the stuff kids love.

Regan: Yeah, all the

Chesko: Yeah.

Regan: Um, there's no way he'd be sneaking [00:13:00] my food. So again, the food that's missing is her food as well. So I questioned my husband again, second time. He admitted it, said he'd been taking my meals to work as his lunch because he was too tired to make his own lunch before work. He had always made his own lunch up until now.

Regan: He also said he was bored with the lunches he makes and my food provided quote unquote variety. I am exhausted. This recovery period is kicking my ass. Before surgery, I ran a mile every day. Now, I barely have enough energy to walk up the stairs. I'm not supposed to lift more than 10 pounds. I'm not supposed to do anything more strenuous than walking.

Regan: Even taking a shower is tiring right now. The anemia, dehydration, and lack of proper nutrition is making it worse. Because he ate all her food,

Chesko: right?

Regan: So, when he admitted to taking my food, I just started crying. He hasn't been much help after my surgery. My son, who's 11, has been doing all of the [00:14:00] lifting for me and helping me with chores and cooking.

Regan: When I started crying, he got disgusted. And told me I was overreacting and being a baby. He refuses to make me new meals, he refuses to help me make new meals. He says it's almost been two weeks and I should be able to do stuff on my own. At this point, I'm seriously considering divorce. I mean, my son and I are already doing everything on our own, already.

Regan: And I know my kid won't eat my diet food. Am I overreacting? Also, I just found out he's raided my non perishable food stores in the pantry. It was mostly sugar free jello and pudding, stuff I can eat on the liquid diet. Pretty much everything is gone, except for some sugar free orange yellow.

Chesko: Like first off to the divorce thing.

Chesko: Yes, absolutely. Like there's, cause it's very clear. This guy, this man does not care about her. Does not like have any sort of interest. And I feel very comfortable saying that there's no world where you would. One, [00:15:00] knowing what your, your partner just went through, gone through all that, go through and eat everything of theirs that they had without feeling any remorse for it and without attempting to replace it, right?

Chesko: To, to, to get more of it. There's no world where this guy actually cares about her. She is a servant to him that does stuff for him and provides for him. And that is it. There was no love there and there was no care there. And I'm genuinely mad right now. This is, this is. Infuriating that she, cause, cause also for her to put this out there.

Chesko: And then to wonder, does this make me a bad person? Right,

Regan: exactly. To have to question that. There's

Chesko: some sort of abuse going on there, too, that would get you to the mindset of wondering, because that's so clear that it's a type of, obviously there's varying levels of abuse, right? There's different things.

Chesko: But there's, there's something else going on there where he could do all of this clearly malicious, like that's not even a, oopsie. [00:16:00] I ate one of your pudding cups, all of your perishable stuff, all of your prepped food. And that's on purpose. There's zero, why does he even want it? It's a liquid diet.

Regan: Exactly, like why would he even want this?

Regan: I'm gonna read a comment to that point that I thought was pretty profound. This is wildly malicious. There's a lot going on here, but let's think. You made liquid, gluten free, sugar free food, obviously for surgical recovery, and he took it for lunch? He suddenly got a massive craving for sugar free puddings and soups?

Regan: That is not what a fully functional healthy person chooses to eat when given a choice. Do you really think he decided to eat your restrictive lunches for two weeks because he was too tired to make a sandwich? Do you really think he found them to be full of variety? If you are miserable on this diet, why would he subscribe to it voluntarily?

Regan: He took the food to punish you for being sick. This is [00:17:00] absolutely divorce territory. At best, it was incompetence. At worst, it was malicious. Either way, his response to your understandable, exhausting crying is all you need to know. He has no remorse, and he will not care for you. And when you can't care for him, he will punish you.

Regan: You should leave for your own health and safety.

Chesko: I don't even think you could say, at best, it was incompetence. No, I don't think so either. At best it was a tantrum, right? Yes, yes. That was bad. At best, at best it was a little, it was him pouting. Yeah. Of like, well, I'll show you.

Regan: It's even more than pouting though, because like it's a, it's a malicious action.

Regan: Like pouting at least is like, like, Oh, he won't talk to me. Or he's quiet. Him going into the pantry, raiding her food. Like, and you know what's crazy too? I just thought of this. He was pulling food from the freezer she couldn't see. So that. She couldn't she wasn't able to gauge what he was doing So he had like he could have gone for the one that was in the house But he chose not to he specifically was [00:18:00] hiding it from her So eventually there would be the surprise of I ate all your food and you have nothing

Chesko: what now and that's what and I want To apologize even for you I'm trying to get the tip of the word tantrum out of my vocabulary because I think it's there's ableist undertones To it and yeah, there's It's a whole thing.

Chesko: Like as I'm, as I'm learning about my own children and researching and learning about stuff, but, but it, and so, uh, because I, I think it's used in place of someone that can't control what's happening. Right. You know, when it's, it's somebody having like, it's, it's something beyond their control, but this, it's not even an appropriate, even in the worst case scenario, even in the way that term is used, it's not, it doesn't apply to him because that wasn't, and.

Chesko: Something that was beyond his control. It was a malicious act. It was not just something that just happened because it was, it was, it was very clearly this, there's no world where this was an accident that it could happen one time as an accident, right? Oh, I'm hungry. Oh, I wonder what this tastes like. Oh, here's some soup.

Chesko: I'm going to eat the soup.

Regan: This has no taste because it has [00:19:00] nothing in

Chesko: it. But to raid through everything that is a conscious act of punishment for For what she's going through.

Regan: It's so, like, meticulous. You know what I mean? Like, When I think about what someone does to someone, this is like, I did an episode with Kate where this guy was tightening all the jars in her fridge to torture her, essentially.

Regan: Over and over and over, and even jars he didn't use. And it only happened when he was living with her, or was staying with her. And it was just like, At first you're like, well, that's dumb, but sometimes you have to really dig deep into like, why would they do it? And like how often they had to participate in it.

Dom OB: And

Regan: in this case, it's like, he consistently was going to the fridge, taking her food, not telling her, was going into the pantry, eating the only food she could eat. Like he knows this. He's been living with someone with celiac. So like, This is not new to him. You know what I mean? The idea of my partner has certain foods that only they can [00:20:00] eat that, that, that does make a big difference.

Regan: If you live with someone with like, who's like, you know, gluten has a gluten intolerance, like, and you eat their gluten free bread,

Dom OB: right?

Regan: That's messed up. They're going to be. You know, so this is not, this is not new to him. It's not like, Oh God, I didn't know, like, this was something purposeful. He did it over and over and over.

Regan: And there's something so malicious and like, I don't know, nefarious and scary about this constant act that he was doing over time. So for two weeks, he cleared it out in two weeks. How much of it was he eating?

Chesko: Right. How much did she make? She probably made a fair amount to make sure she'd have extra.

Chesko: Like if you can't. Trust your partner when you're at your weakest at your worst. Yes. Then you don't have a partner. That's scary. It is what happens if something worse happens, right? What happens if like, and they have a child together and they get it. It's like, When you have a child with somebody, it's extremely difficult to, to leave.

Chesko: Right. We don't [00:21:00] know their financial situation.

Regan: Well, we do know she said there, I guess it's tight.

Chesko: Right. And so I get it. And that's not, I think it's often easier. As we sit on a podcast, you know, to say like, leave him, like, you know, do all those things in, in real life. And I'm trying, I always try to be acknowledged that it's not always that easy, but if you have the means, you are going to be, you weren't, there was nothing in your life that will be worse with him.

Chesko: Not in it. If she's willing to do this sort of stuff. Yeah. There's nothing in your life there. There's even studies that show that with that, that women that divorced women divorced, single mothers. Tend to have, uh, spend less time doing housework and other chores as single mothers than they did when they were married, right?

Chesko: Because it's not that they lost a husband, they lost another child. They lost a, a grownup that they were, uh, they were married to another child. Well,

Regan: that's the thing is if someone is only taking and then taking like resources, like so food, so [00:22:00] you're having to cook extra, right? Um, if they're only taking and then refusing to help with any of the labor.

Dom OB: Then

Regan: all they do that's all they do is take so of course When left your own devices you have less work to do because they're contributing less in to take care of like but less laundry less dishes Cooking you have to cook less like it makes sense But it just shows you how little these type of men contribute to the household and in this case He's refusing to help her even when she's in need help.

Regan: Like this isn't jus like dishes, you know, yo dishes. She's saying I ph do this. And he's like, s Like what, like this, yeah, this is edging into like serious, like concern for me, it

Chesko: could lead to something far worse. Like if it's at this point already. And I think that's one of those, uh, more obvious, I think red flags for a marriage is [00:23:00] when you, cause I've seen people even in my own life that do this, where they start.

Chesko: Doing things to sabotage the other person and they start like it's almost like oh well I'll show you right i'm gonna set you up for failure like where it's consistently becomes this like competition to like Hurt harm the other and it's not hard because I think we always think of harm as being like physical abuse or sexual abuse Right.

Chesko: But, but when you're, when you're, you're starts off, it always starts off in these little ways, I say

Regan: that all the time because people will be like, that's like the dumb stuff that, you know, uh, red pillars online are like, well, men hurt physically and women hurt emotionally. And I was like, um, don't you think that if they're physically harming someone, they probably started with emotionally harming them, being cold to them, abusing them.

Regan: Like, Mentally, emotionally, like it always starts there.

Chesko: Also, as if there's no emotional component to physical harm.

Regan: Right! Like, it makes me sad! [00:24:00] You know? That hurts,

Chesko: but at least he loves me. Yeah. I still feel

Regan: loved. I'm not emotionally wounded at all.

Chesko: Mm

Dom OB: mm.

Regan: Yeah, it's just bizarre. But yeah, it's um, often the little things that stack up on each other.

Regan: It's this slow Just kind of chipping away at someone to the point that they would ask Am I overreacting for being upset that my husband ate all the meals? I cooked that to support me after surgery like that's how you get to that point is someone constantly questioning I mean even to the point where she's upset and he's like, oh you're being a baby That's how that happens.

Regan: Like, she's being devalued. She's being disregarded. Her emotions are being cast aside. And how she's feeling like. It's so interesting that he says being a baby. Cause like, you're being the baby. You're the one who can't take care of yourself. You're the one who can't make breakfast or lunch for yourself.

Regan: You're the one that's stealing her food from her. Like that's a baby.

Chesko: Right. That's the part of it, right? It's, I have to put, [00:25:00] it's the, uh, it's, uh, I don't know if this is part of DARVO, but like the idea, like this is, uh, deflecting, right? This is, uh, I can't be the baby. You're the baby, right? If I, if I can convince you that you're the one being childish, then you can't see that I'm the actual one.

Chesko: That's

Regan: the ERVO. Reverse victim and offender. Right.

Chesko: Right. That's what, yeah.

Regan: So, yeah. And I mean, I think that is it. I think he is like, because, you know, he probably knows that. She is probably feeling a little, you know, like infantilized in a sense, because she can't do things for herself like she normally can't.

Regan: She's a runner. She can barely, you know, Take a couple steps. She's exhausted. Like I'm sure she does feel like she is, you know, isn't providing like she should or she isn't living up to the standard that she's used to. Like it isn't vandalizing to be that sick or to have surgery when you are put in a state of feeling like a child because you can't take care of yourself like you usually would.

Regan: And so I think it's interesting that he uses that. He's like, Oh, you're being a baby. Cause it's like, Screw you, buddy. Like, to say that to [00:26:00] someone who's trying to recover from surgery after you ate all their food and then, like, are not taking care of them, to be like, you're just a baby. Like, where do you get off?

Regan: Like, I feel like that's like the worst thing you could say to her. I'm sure she's feeling horrible. And then, like, for her to finally show the emotion she's feeling. And part of this is just pure exhaustion, right? Because she's, she's anemic. Like, she is not well, she's not feeling well. And like, for him to just be like, ugh.

Regan: Like, oh my god. Like, the lack of care, compassion, and concern for his wife is, is astounding.

Chesko: I think, and you see this in a lot of aspects of her life, where people can't separate. You're, he's allowed to be upset at the situation for being uncomfortable. That doesn't mean that doesn't give you permission to then be angry at the person who has, who's also involved in this situation where she's also uncomfortable and, and heart, you know, Struggling during this situation.

Chesko: Like I'll give you a perfect example from, from, uh, this past year when I had, uh, my surgery, [00:27:00] right. Uh, as I came home and obviously I'm supposed to be recovering and literally, I've shared this before. I think, I don't know if to you or on here as I was, uh, waiting to be discharged from the hospital and, you know, pretty weak state at this point.

Chesko: Cause I've been in a bed to hospital bed for three days and just had surgery. Um, my wife calls me and she has two broken toes. Uh, and so I come home and have to take care of her because she's literally immobile. So even though I'm not feeling great, I can move, right? And I can do stuff, but she's not able to do all these things.

Chesko: Right. Was I upset at the situation? Yeah. I was upset at the situation because I was ready to be pampered. I was, I was ready to, and not just pampered in the sense of like, I want, I want to be treated like a king, but as I was ready to relax in my own home, right? Being a hospital is very uncomfortable.

Regan: You're too big for the bed.

Chesko: Yeah, I'm too big for the bed. I, I'm, yeah, the, the, the, I have a bad back. And so my back was hurting. And I, you know, all the other things that go along with being sedated and other things. I was excited to kind of get home and relax in my [00:28:00] bed and just, you know, Recover, right? And so, of course, I was upset at the situation.

Chesko: I didn't take it out on her. I didn't hide her crutches, right? I didn't, I didn't make things more difficult for her situation. We were both upset at the situation. She also was unhappy about having two broken toes.

Regan: It's a crazy thing is, you know, like This was planned. He knew about this. She knew about this.

Regan: And not only that, she did everything she could to help him.

Chesko: She did

Regan: everything she could to tee him up for success.

Chesko: And that's the extra. That's the frosting on the cake, right? It's that she did more than she ever should have had to do. In this situation, and he's still very clearly trying to punish her.

Regan: Well, and like, he weaponized her preparation, which is kind of crazy, because like, had she not prepped, he wouldn't have been able to do that, so then like, he knew that she had prepped and done all these things, so then, because she had prepped and it was [00:29:00] in a different location, he could secretly take all, eat all her food.

Regan: Right. So that, all of a sudden she would just have nothing, it's like,

Dom OB: oh

Regan: my god dude, so not only did you not care about the prep, or appreciate the prep, you weaponized the prep to eat her food in secret, and like, I don't believe that you thought the, the, the soup with no chunks in it was delicious.

Chesko: That's never there. That very clearly is only here for this very specific reason. In a

Regan: prepped box. Yeah,

Chesko: yeah.

Regan: That was so delicious. You wanted, you needed, you needed to keep going back for that. The food that people like, like, some people's least favorite part is the food after surgery like that. Like, you needed to eat that, you were dying to eat that, you were craving that.

Regan: Yeah. Bro, you were like, I can't think of anything other than like, I'm punishing you for being sick and not taking care of me. Even though you did. Thank you.

Chesko: I don't see another, if anybody listening can see a perspective on this, cause sometimes we do get [00:30:00] blinders on, I don't think we have them on in this case, um, where there's another way to view this, let us know, but I'm like, I can't think of anything else.

Regan: Yeah, I can't think of one, but even if there was some crazy thing, he lied about it when he found out he blamed the sun, which is wild. You throw your kid under the bus? Like, come on, man. Also, bad lie. And then And then, so it really does have the classic manipulator, right? So he's, he's does something really shitty.

Regan: He gets caught. He blames somebody else when that doesn't work. He attacks her, which is when he's like, you're being a baby. It's been already

Chesko: been two weeks. Yeah.

Regan: Like, uh, so regardless of any explanation you could give, which. You know, explaining is not excusing, um, that behavior, I, I, I can't, that's detestable.

Regan: That's awful.

Chesko: I was on a liquid diet for, uh, for a few [00:31:00] days and that was, I was so weak. Yeah. From being, it is, it, it, Takes it because you your body needs more than liquid. Yeah. Yeah. Um, I was already mad enough But she didn't she say maybe I'm reading into this that he ate her pudding as well and jello Yeah, and left her the orange jello, the worst kind!

Chesko: Ah, that was the best part of the liquid diet was a little treat My little my little snack at the end was the pudding and the jello and uh, man

Regan: I think she said it was no sugar, but it has a like flavors to it. Yeah, yeah Yeah, when you're on a liquid, Oh God, I've only, I feel like I've done it a couple of times, but just a nightmare.

Regan: Yeah. I did it on purpose

Chesko: back in, in, uh, college when I thought I did the, the lemonade cleanse thing.

Regan: Oh, it was like the cayenne pepper one. Oh my God. That was a night. I had girls in high school dropping like flies on that one. They pass out.

Dom OB: It was

Regan: literally, for those who don't know, there was a diet that went around.

Regan: I don't remember the name, but like the first, um, Couple [00:32:00] days was like cayenne pepper lemon water and like honey or something when there's something else in there

Chesko: Yeah, I think there's honey in it. Yeah,

Regan: and that was it and I'm not joking There's girls who were dropping weight, but also dropping to the floor like passing out from lack of nutrition I

Chesko: got through seven days

Regan: Of that.

Chesko: Of that. I'm surprised I didn't. This is the, this is where it shows how bad, why, why I think it's important to have voices fighting and talking against all this bad health information online. Uh, and this is like dating, bad dating information. This bad information has been around for a long time, right?

Chesko: That was what, like 15 years ago or something like that? Yeah.

Regan: When I was in high school. So yeah, it was 15. Yeah.

Chesko: And so I remember, and there was also another aspect of what we had to do with saltwater cleanse with it every morning.

Regan: Ugh. Ugh.

Chesko: It's bad. You drink the salt water and you're just on the toilet for hours.

Chesko: No, it's like when people

Regan: chug, uh, apple cider vinegar and stuff. You're like, ah! It's not worth it!

Chesko: Long story short, uh, that was, yeah, that was dumb. I don't know what else to say. I was trying to make it [00:33:00] a point. It was not good. It was not healthy for

Regan: people. They gained the weight back because they weren't starving themselves.

Chesko: Um, That was when I was already at my thinnest and I, but I wasn't happy with, I definitely had some eating issues that I wasn't, that I wasn't aware of at the time. Um, but I was at my thinnest and I did that then because I was like, well, this'll help me get to the next level. Yeah. Oh, Tesco.

Regan: Yeah. I mean, that was what was going on with the girls.

Regan: Like they were all panicked about being just like, The way their bodies are

Chesko: but you were able to packages. No. No, i'm doing this to cleanse my body of toxins Don't you love that

Regan: was a cleanse?

Chesko: I'm, not doing it to lose. I mean, it's a great little side benefit, I guess No, that was in hindsight. That was I because I convinced myself.

Chesko: I wasn't doing it for that It was 100 to lose weight

Regan: people can do cleanses There's like liver like detail like all this I believe in those but there are a lot of people Who are trying to lose weight? Who will do a, a, [00:34:00] a risky cleanse. There are cleanses that are healthier, I think, like clean eating and stuff.

Regan: And then there are things that you should not do, uh, that will harm your body.

Chesko: Like drinking cayenne pepper and lemonade and chugging salt water every morning.

Regan: It's crazy what we do. Um, anyways, but someone who is forced on a liquid diet due to medical necessity, like. And this had

Chesko: to be, she didn't say what surgery she had, but if, if it's a two weeks.

Regan: No, she said it was surgery, didn't she?

Chesko: No, no. She didn't say what kind of surgery. It was like

Regan: intestine and something else.

Chesko: It's something big though. If it's like, it's a major stomach and intestines.

Regan: If it's in your

Chesko: two weeks of a liquid diet, at least that's a major surgery that she has to deal with.

Chesko: This bullshit. And

Regan: he's not helping her. Like he's not even taking care of her. That's what makes me sad. Like obviously the food is really messed up, but just like the fact that he's not like taking care of her, getting her drinks, like waiting on her, like. You don't deserve her.

Chesko: Yeah, you're supposed to be pampering a [00:35:00] person and That that is supposed to be like their time to focus on healing

Regan: right

Chesko: and not focus it because the stress also now He's putting her under is going to cause stress harms your body, right?

Chesko: Yeah,

Regan: she has to cook and he he will not help her cook

Chesko: Yeah

Regan: I think we need to pay more attention when people clearly show us they do not give a shit about us like honestly Because there's so much like In my time, I have had friends dating people who have shown blatant, if not just like disregard for them, but like contempt for them.

Regan: And have done things that are harmful and malicious and they're like, Ah, they just don't get it, or like they were really tired, or like to his point, I'm tired, I can't make my own lunch. Like, And I, I'm not saying it's hurtful at all, that's not what I mean, but I just mean like, we gotta take it seriously when people show us they don't care about us.

Regan: Doing harm sometimes just as bad can be not caring if harm comes to you in any way, shape, or form.

Dom OB: Absolutely. You know what I mean? Absolutely.

Regan: Like, he may not, he's not actively trying to, well, I, he's not, [00:36:00] like, physically hurt, harming her with his, Two hands, right? But what he's doing is a hundred percent harmful to her and shows a complete disregard for her and disregard for her health and her well being.

Regan: And if something bad happens to her, he's like, and I think that that's the harder one to figure out is like, if someone does not care what happens to you and does things that could impact you in such a negative way where it's like, Oh, well that's on you now, I guess you have to make more meals. It's like, no, that is, they are harming you just because they're not putting their hands on you.

Regan: Doesn't mean they're not harming you. I mean, you need to take that seriously because this is how it gets. I doubt this is the first time he's done something like this. I doubt this is the first time he's been selfish. Uh, and now she is barely functioning post surgery with nothing to eat and a husband that won't help and she can't even lift 10 pounds.

Regan: And now she's left with that and like, I wish we taught people how to recognize these, these signs of, of abusive people earlier, because I hate that this is how, [00:37:00] how often they find out. And like, she didn't, she didn't even find out till Reddit. That's crazy. She had to ask.

Chesko: It's because we normalize these actions.

Chesko: We normalize this stuff that, uh, well, I mean, at least he's not hitting me, right? At least, I've heard that before, you know, well, you know. Could be worse. That's crazy. It could be worse. Yeah, of course, it could always be worse. There's always worse. Uh, it doesn't mean you don't deserve better though. And that's the sad reality of why I think it's like I said, why we talk about these sort of issues and why it's important to point these out is because I do think there is a significant difference.

Chesko: portion of our society that doesn't know that there is better, right? That doesn't know that it's normal.

Dom OB: Yeah.

Chesko: That it, yeah, that, that, that where it's just like, Oh, well, I mean, that's what my dad did.

Dom OB: Oh,

Chesko: right. That's, that's who it cause. And then the sons in the house right now in this particular situation, seeing their father act this way, right?

Chesko: What's he going to think is the expectation when he gets older and because then the cycle just continues to the point. And so you need [00:38:00] to, to, to may intercede or else your kids are going to just continue doing the same thing and there's going to be some poor other woman, 10, 15, 20 years from now, that is also going through this exact same thing with now your son who's just acting like his dad did.

Regan: That's so real. Like, there's so many. I mean, I, I, I do think people are responsible for themselves, but I also believe that like so many young men witness horrible behavior from their fathers and then think that that's normal and then are like, what's your problem to the woman when she has a reasonable objection to their bad behavior?

Regan: They're like, You're the weird one, you know? And you know what's interesting? I've said this before, like, I honestly believe it took me so long to come out because of how normalized it is for women to not like their partners because of bad behavior, right? Because like, I would be like, I don't really Like [00:39:00] stuff with boys, you know, and they would be like, oh me either you know like oh like I you know because boys pressure girls to do stuff sooner than they want to and boys wanted more from girls than they wanted to give and um, there was so much pressure and like So it was a common conversation that girls would say they weren't interested or didn't want to or you hear it with grown women and their husbands Like how leave me alone like I don't like right and so when I was young I was like, okay And I'm like, I don't know.

Regan: We're not getting along. I feel like something off to like Oh my my boyfriend always annoys me my you know He just did these five things to me that were terrible. And so it was just like so normal for

Chesko: don't worry I don't get I don't get any pleasure out of sex either or is like, you know, like because that is a normal

Regan: But it's like it's it's You I, I genuinely believe that that played a part in it taking so long for me to figure out, because that was the conversation was girls, you know, at [00:40:00] the girls into younger women, young women, whatever, up into what was I in my inner twenties, early twenties, um, saying like, I don't like the way he treats me.

Regan: I don't like the way I feel with him. He does these things that don't feel right, but that's just kind of the way it is. And, you know, I, I got into a really bad, uh, I won't get too into it, but like I was in a very bad relationship in my early twenties. was in his late twenties. And there was so much of his behavior that I didn't recognize as abuse.

Regan: And it got into like, it got much worse that I won't get into that, but it did get really bad. And it was because I did not recognize the smaller things when, when he would just criticize or be degrading or like, Or just like, just, you know, a devaluing, like there's just these little, like they'll start where you're the best and then they'll devalue you and get you to question yourself and make you think you're not doing enough.

Regan: And like, to me [00:41:00] it's always, let me get, let me get you to focus so entirely on yourself, about how you're not enough, how you need to change, what you're doing wrong, so you don't have a second to think about what I am doing and how I am not right for you. Like, to your point when you're like, Well, they don't even know anything's better.

Regan: I think half the time they're so convinced. They they're horrible. I suck. I'm the worst I'm not a good partner because that's what abusive men do because then oh if I'm fixated on myself and how I need to change I don't even have a second to to point the finger in your direction and get you to change and I think it's a really Really sad pattern and we see that here because the question is not is he the asshole?

Regan: The question is am I overreacting? Because she thinks she could be the one that's in the wrong.

Chesko: No, you're under reacting like the opposite of, of what's going on there. And there's, there've been videos I've, I've, uh, critiqued of these dating coaches where they, they're literally giving the advice [00:42:00] though, of do not Compliment her.

Chesko: Yep. Do not like, this is split. There's a lot of them. It's not like this is like one bad advice, like there's a lot of this. Do not make her feel special. Do not feel like or feel like she's the quote unquote prize, right? You need, you need to make her know like, or to, to psychologically abuse her to the point where she doesn't believe she deserves you.

Chesko: Yeah. And, and, and that's when you get her. That's

Regan: the advice. I'm like, that's abusing someone.

Chesko: It's literally, it's just, it's just abuse.

Regan: It's like, I always compare it to like, stealing. Cause it's like, hey, I got a crazy thing. If you want to have this item, you could just go up and take it. And it's like, yeah, but that's wrong cause you're harming someone.

Regan: You're harming the person that you're stealing from. No shit, it's easier to do that.

Chesko: Yeah, but I really want it.

Regan: I know. I know. It's like, it's not advice. It's a crime. It's a crime. It's like that, uh, Chase Bank glitch that was just [00:43:00] fraud.

Dom OB: You know what I'm saying?

Regan: But that's, that's the thing is it's like, no, you're just abusing her.

Regan: Like, it's like, they'll say like, oh, she only wants the bad boys. So just be mean to her. Make her think you don't like her. It's like, that's lying. That's manipulating. That's not a dating hack. That's not like a tip. That's just doing the same thing that toxic men have done forever. I don't

Chesko: understand why she cheated on me.

Regan: Because she doesn't like you. You're abusing her. Like, if you get her to like you by lying to her and making her feel less than,

Dom OB: then

Regan: all you've done is abuse her. And okay, maybe she got with you, but that you're a bad person. Like, you're doing harm. Like, that's not dating tips. Like, that's the thing that's crazy to me.

Regan: I'm like, you know, you could really have more money if you stole the cash out of her purse. Like, yeah, duh. But you would be harming.

Chesko: It is. It is wild to me how obvious, like the, the dots connect in some of these things. Cause obviously we've talked about this before too, but, [00:44:00] um, I I'm cheating. I don't believe is ever.

Chesko: Okay. Right. I'm never. Okay. With, with cheating. Uh, but this is a weird, having said that. If you, if, when it happens, I'm not surprised when these, with these guys that are like, if you are constantly abusing somebody and constantly harming them, and then somebody else actually gives them a glimmer of, Oh, you actually like me, you're actually a good person who likes me.

Chesko: You don't have to treat me this way. And they stray and they, they, you know, Commit adultery there or they cheat on them. Yeah. I mean, it's, it's, it's one of those things where I, I, well, I, I don't, I don't want to say there's an exception for it, but it's like, I, I get it. Like I get why it's, and why is it that so many of these guys constantly talk about the worry about their, their partner cheating on them because they're constantly, they're, they're, all they're doing is abusing the women their way.

Chesko: Yeah.

Regan: And I've said, I think most of the guys who say the cheating thing have not been cheated on because like, It's [00:45:00] just so wildly popular in that sphere when you don't hear it everywhere else. Like, cheating is not gendered. Anybody can cheat, right? So this idea of like, just in these men, women are all cheaters.

Regan: But, um, I have known I don't know. At least a handful of people that, some of them didn't cheat, some of them just talked to men, but like, who were in very, very abusive, toxic relationships, that because somebody on the outside acknowledged them, treated them like a human, made them feel beautiful, like, made them see they weren't this disgusting waste of space, like, gave them, like, it's almost like living in the dark and someone shines a light.

Regan: Like I don't think cheating is okay either. I'm very much against cheating. Even in those situations, I'm against cheating, but

Chesko: to be clear, if

Regan: cheating is what gets Anyone, anyone away from an abuser who's [00:46:00] abusing them. I, you know, lesser harm. I would say that is the less harmful thing. But, uh, but I have seen that because it's like these men will, will get people, you know, I think we have to recognize isolation for what it is.

Regan: They'll say, well, I, you know, I don't trust other men. And like, I don't know what your friends are like. They'll, Often isolate you from your friends. They they'll not like your family or your family won't like them because they treat you like shit. Right, right. So they do, they get you isolated and in their bubble and in their world where all you're hearing is them.

Regan: The only voice is theirs and the only feedback is from them. And so they just break women down. Again, this can be any gender we're talking about men, but it can be any gender. Um, it's just common when it comes to. Men who are misogynist because they already inherently feel like they're better than them So it's easier to do this behavior to someone you see as less than yourself Um, so yeah, they just they just isolate them and break them down and like sometimes you do need an outside source It's not your your [00:47:00] gal pals, you know someone who you find attractive maybe or just as attracted to you to say You have value.

Regan: Like it's sad. I think it's sad when you think about it, like, is that just a person seeing them as human? Like, because I, some of the most beautiful people I know inside and out I've seen in these relationships and they'll say things that I'm like. What? They're like, I'm just, you know, I'm just uglier. I'm overweight.

Regan: Cause that's the big one with these dudes is making them feel overweight. Um, or, you know, I'm just dumb. I just can't keep the house together. I'm such a mess. And I'm like, you're the most type A person I know. What does that mean? Like, what is, what does a mess mean to you?

Dom OB: And then

Regan: these dudes are, it's like, they're never, they're never living up to the standard that they're They're expecting of the woman like ever like if this guy if this guy did this to her like She ate his food when he was having surgery,

Chesko: right,

Regan: please

Dom OB: right,

Regan: please So [00:48:00] who's yes or no overreacting?

Chesko: No, she's not overreacting. She is the opposite of overreacting React more we need we need more reaction.

Regan: We need more reaction.

Chesko: Yes

Regan: That's a cowbell reference?

Chesko: Yep.

Regan: Oh, shit. Well, thank you everybody for listening. Let us know your thoughts on this. Is she overreacting? I'm pretty sure we're all gonna have the same thought there.

Regan: Uh, don't forget we have our Patreon where we do our pre show every single week. It is always unhinged, but it is fun.

Chesko: And Reagan's back. So it's going to be out on time.

Regan: You know what? That's one thing I'm good for is, uh, timeliness.

Chesko: That's it.

Regan: Yes. Go.

Chesko: In case anybody is just new to this, this, uh, podcast. I'm not actually mean to Reagan.

Chesko: Well, I mean,

Regan: not actually,

Chesko: not actually me, but we have both giving consent [00:49:00] to each other to be mean to each other.

Regan: I heard you, how you and Kaylee talk to each other. And I was like, what is that? Cause you guys are so nice to each other. You guys like, you're so great. You're so wonderful. And you both are obviously, but I was listening.

Regan: I was like. What is this? What is this dynamic? Why aren't you ripping on each other?

Chesko: If you read the text messages between Reagan and I, sometimes you would

Regan: think we hate each other. Savage. Absolutely terrible. Although, and

Chesko: for the record, she is much meaner to me than I am to her.

Regan: That is not true. That is not true.

Chesko: No, I think it is because I really

Regan: screenshot. No, you have screenshotted me this is one

Chesko: time one time and I felt terrible about it.

Regan: Don't don't come for me for meanness because I also say a lot of nice things to you.

Chesko: I say nice thing doing that. No, you do. I'm just joking. Yes, you got to do better.

Regan: If you want validation.

Chesko: Oh man, this was [00:50:00] not the episode. Have this back and forth.

Regan: Anyways, friends, we can do this off the air, but thank you for listening. Uh, do we have anything set? Check out our socials. Do we have anything else?

Chesko: I

Regan: think that's

Chesko: about it.

Regan: Did you want to confess anything?

Chesko: Um, I ate my wife's dinner.

Regan: You did not.

Regan: You would never. I

Chesko: would never. I would never.

Regan: I met your love. I love

Chesko: you all and we're happy to have you back, Regan. We all missed you.

Regan: Oh my god, thank you so much after all the mean things you've said. I very much appreciate that. All right, friends, we love and we will see you next week. Bye.