Cart Girl ===

Chesko: [00:00:00] Hey, cool cats and kids. Welcome to the Mr. Pick Me and the Man Hater Radio Fun Time Show. I am Chesco the Pick Me Man. Only I've already been picked. And here is

Regan: Regan. Hello, this is Reagan, and I am the man hater, and I am confused. Why are you always making it a radio show?

Regan (2): We're

Regan: not

Regan (2): on the radio.

Chesko: Is this not on the radio?

Regan (2): You know what? Aside from the weird radio stuff, that was very coherent. That was, that was a solid run.

Chesko (2): This is why we should have let me do the intros this whole time.

Regan (2): Because I am the one asking me to do the intros?

Chesko (2): Clearly that's what it is. It's, it's [00:01:00] what I need. You needed a little bit of magic from me.

Regan (2): Yuck. I don't know about that. Just go. I don't know about that. Good God. Hello, everyone. Thank you for joining us today.

Chesko (2): I guess.

Regan (2): Chesco, don't, don't start. Don't start with our listeners, okay? You're going to be saying you love them by the end, so.

Chesko (2): I think, I think we did so good right now. I think we should just call it a show.

Chesko (2): Good night, everybody. I love you.

Regan (2): Chesco signed off. Sign back on. Thank you.

Chesko (2): Today's show is brought to you by

Regan (2): No fake sponsors! Stop it! Stop! Stop! Oh my god. I don't know how I got here. This is madness. But speaking of madness, let's have some more, Chesco. Because this is a topic you and I said we wanted to talk about at some point.

Regan (2): And, uh, we're gonna make our way into said [00:02:00] topic with a little question from Reddit. So, our question of the day is, Am I the asshole for not making him food after his quote unquote work wife kept making him food?

Chesko: I got some good advice for ya No you don't Like no you don't I got some good advice for ya No you don't

Dom: Like no you don't Shit

Regan (2): So, I know, many episodes ago, we were like Got on the topic of work wife and work husband and we're like, Oh, we should talk about that because that's so weird.

Regan (2): Okay. So let's do this. Am I the asshole? And then we can chat. All right.

Chesko (2): Okay. Okay.

Regan (2): It's short. So I'm going to read the whole thing and then we'll go for it. Okay.

Chesko (2): All right. You mean you didn't split it into five sections and screenshots like I did?

Regan (2): No, it's one screenshot. We're going to be one and done here.

Chesko (2): Okay.

Regan (2): Me, female 27, and my husband, male 34, [00:03:00] have been married for 3 years, but were dating 4 years prior. He recently got a promotion in his company and moved to a different department. In this department, he recently started interacting with female 24. I dislike her, and have from the start. Every time I'm there, she makes sure to call him her work husband.

Regan (2): Or she will do simple things such as making him food, or giving him extra tight hugs. But my breaking point was last week when he had come home with the food I made him. When I asked him why his lunch bag was still full of what I had made him in the morning, he said that the woman had made him food and he didn't want to seem rude and waste it.

Regan (2): So I ignored it till he threw away the food I made him. I woke up at 6 a. m. just to make his favorite food, but ever since then, this has been happening every day. It started to get annoying. Till today, I decided to not make him lunch. He came downstairs in the morning to be making breakfast and asking me where his lunch was.

Regan (2): I said I didn't make him one because it was going to [00:04:00] waste anyways. He started arguing that I was being petty over a little thing. But I tried to discuss how I felt and he went over it. So am I the asshole for not making him food?

Chesko (2): All I can think of is that if, uh, someone was making me lunch every day, like if I, if I had a situation where we, where my wife, maybe she doesn't, like, that's, I don't think I don't need her to be my mommy.

Chesko (2): Like, uh, and do that, you know, not, I don't, that sounds a bit like, and if that's your situation, that's what you worked out, whatever. I'm not going to, I'm not going to judge that. You're saving

Regan (2): money. We get it. Yeah.

Chesko (2): Yeah. But I'm, I'm just thinking about just before we analyze this exact situation, if it was in a situation where someone was making me lunch every day, my wife would be like, that's, that's awesome.

Chesko (2): I don't have to make you lunch anymore.

Regan (2): I know.

Chesko (2): I know. I know. Sorry. I've just, it's, I needed to put that out there. Cause I was just thinking about how It's exactly how she would react. She'd be like, this is great. They're going to buy. Like if we were at a [00:05:00] bar and somebody was like buying me drinks, she'd be like, can you get me one?

Chesko (2): I, yeah, I do want to be clear. This almost sounds like I'm siding with the work wife right there. I am not. I have a different opinion on this exact situation. I just needed, that was on my brain. If I didn't say it, it would have been stuck there. And I wouldn't have been able to rip this guy to shreds.

Chesko (2): Like I want to.

Regan (2): Yeah.

Chesko (2): Okay. No, we already

Regan (2): did that. Uh, so, so it's new. She's already saying she's the work wife. She's making a point of saying it in front of the wife. Now, several days in a row, she has made him lunch. And this other woman has also made him lunch.

Regan (3): Yeah.

Regan (2): And he has not had his, the wife's lunch.

Regan (2): Because he's eating this other woman's lunch. This seems like I'm being symbolic. I'm not. It's literal. Um, and now he is mad at her because she won't make his lunch anymore.

Chesko (2): And I think that's the, the crux of the, that [00:06:00] there's a lot of cruxes here, but one of the answers as far as specifically about the lunch, it's like, it's ignoring the fact that someone that you love, your wife did something of value, something to have made something for you that you thought you'd like.

Chesko (2): This is a, something you are expecting and doing. And. then when you're literally choosing somebody else's food over, over hers, right? That there is some symbolic value about there where you, and then not understanding why she'd be offended because she just, she woke up early. She put, you know, effort into, she didn't have to do that.

Dom: Right.

Chesko (2): Right. But the fact is if somebody is, like, if my wife did make me lunch, Every day. I'd feel terrible. I would, if I came home because somebody brought in some food for the office, I would still feel bad and be like, I'm so sorry. Somebody, we had a catered lunch. I'm so sorry you had to do that. Uh, you know, I, I, you know, well, I'll eat it.

Chesko (2): Maybe this could be my dinner. I think I would still feel bad about it. Um, but if I was doing that every day, we're like, I don't [00:07:00] know, they just keep catering our lunches. And my wife stopped making my food. Right. I wouldn't be like, Well, I still want you to get it, because then it becomes more about, like, I need you to still be in the role of making my lunch every day, even though I'm not showing that I value that at all.

Chesko (2): And that's, that's really problematic.

Regan (2): I feel like, can I just like, throw a theory out that probably may not be true?

Regan (3): Let's hear it.

Regan (2): I think they're going out to eat. I think the two of them are leaving and going to get food together. Because I just can't imagine a world in which a woman is making a lunch for a man she's not married, like, or isn't with, like, you know, a married man.

Regan (2): Like, making him a lunch at your house? Like, what are you making? You'd have to make extra. You know what I'm saying? That's a whole Because that's the

Chesko (2): deal also. It's not like a one off kind of thing. Right.

Regan (2): Yes. [00:08:00]

Chesko (2): Like, it's not like, oh, you know what? I just I made too much food today. I'm bringing this in. Do you want some of this?

Chesko (2): Right. It's it's it. And even if she is specifically bringing him food, it's still like, what if like, I don't know, if somebody was doing that for me in a way, I'd be like, well, I, it's, I, you know, I, my wife packs me a lunch. I still feel weird saying that. I don't know. I've never felt comfortable being in a position where I could be like, Will you make my lunch for me to life?

Chesko (2): I dunno. For me, that feels weird. That's just that the meat thing I guess I used to make,

Regan (2): well, not now life is too chaotic, but I used to make my wife's lunch. That's what

Chesko (2): I said. I don't, I don't wanna be, I felt I, I sound very judgy there and I, that's what I'm trying to, the expectation your wife would for me personally.

Chesko (2): Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The, the idea that. If she had done that for me, I would, that would be fantastic. I would take it. I don't think it's weird. And someone wanting to do that for somebody else. It's that's what it is. You said it right. It's the expectation that she should be doing that for me that way. Anyways, back to what [00:09:00] you're saying there.

Chesko (2): Um, the, with that being said, if somebody was making me lunch, if a coworker was making me lunch, I'd be like, no, no, no, no. I, just so you know, I'm bringing in, I have, I have lunch, my wife is making lunch every day, I would

Regan (2): be so uncomfortable, that's so weird, then it becomes,

Chesko (2): it's a competitive. She's like, Oh, but look, I can make you a better lunch.

Regan (2): Well, that's what, I mean, to me, either they're lying about it, if that's actually happening. Yeah. Either they're just going out, which happened all the time where I used to work, we'd go out to get food and, Oh

Regan (3): yeah.

Regan (2): Because like, I just, it's very, it's very, It's one or the other in my mind, it's either that they're lying and they're going out to eat, which he doesn't want to admit, you know, cause then it's, what is it?

Regan (2): The two coworkers going out to eat together, you know?

Chesko (2): Right. And why are you hiding that from your spouse too? Cause that, cause you're right. That could absolutely be it.

Regan (3): Yeah.

Chesko (2): But if you don't, if you can't tell her that that's what, what's going on. It feels like there's a reason you're hiding it. It feels like there is something, or even, [00:10:00] even if he's not doing something technically, and I say, cause it's still wrong, but if he's technically not cheating, if he's technically not, but he just really enjoys the attention and doesn't want to ruin it, that's still a problem.

Chesko (2): I could totally see that being like, where he's like, I really like that. This younger woman is giving me attention and praising me and Buying me stuff or making me stuff. And I don't want that to go away. That's a, that's a problem.

Regan (2): Right? Dad. I'm double checking the ages. Now that you said that. So he's,

Chesko (2): Oh God.

Chesko (2): He's 10 years younger.

Regan (2): You're right. Oh God. He's 30. Cause I was the wife's age stuck out my brain. 27. So he's 10 years older than this Y So this younger woman is cons, I just don't see it. Mm-Hmm. I think he's taking her out, but, Mm-Hmm. Or, or they're going together, but maybe not. 'cause she maybe would see that on their statement, their [00:11:00] whatever, credit card statement or cash.

Regan (2): I don't know.

Chesko (2): Um, but I had, I had a coworker that, uh, was 10 years younger than me, uh, that we did. She was a professor. Mm-Hmm. , uh, that we were coaching for. We became really good friends. Yeah. But you know what happened after. My wife and her also became friends, right? Because it was not, it wasn't a weird thing.

Regan (2): If you're immediately like, we'll talk, I do want to get into work husband, work wife, but like, I think if the wife immediately had a bad vibe and like becoming work wife, work husband, like the closest of that, that happening very quickly is alarming. That's, that's usually built over time, right? Of getting to know someone, working hand in hand with someone.

Regan (2): He's 10 years older. That's also kind of strange to have that close of a bond, right? Immediately. But if, if they're not lying, if they are actually, if she actually is every day cooking him food and bring it to him, like I a hundred percent think it's a comp, a comp, a competitive thing, like a competition, because it's like who, like, she's [00:12:00] already saying I'm his work wife.

Regan (2): I'm his work wife. Oh,

Chesko (2): I didn't, I didn't think that was the actual thing. I mean, I've heard the, I thought, I thought the work wife was like more so when you're describing the situation, Oh, it's a work wife situation. I didn't think people actually,

Regan (2): they said,

Chesko (2): like, so that's, this is actually eye opening for me.

Chesko (2): Cause I think it's a blind spot. I genuinely thought it was, Oh, that's my work wife. The people it's like, kind of like, I don't know, I can't think of an analogy, but like I thought that was just a descriptive of like, Oh, when you have someone that you're close to at work

Regan (2): that you spend a lot of time. Yeah, no, people will label each other, work, wife, work, husband, and talk about it.

Regan (2): Uh, I'm not saying it for the record. I'm not saying anybody who uses that term is nefarious, but I am saying. It can be the sign of something nefarious, like if someone, the way that this woman is doing it, certainly, and I would say the husband is doing it as well, um, but the idea of like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna [00:13:00] also, I know that you get, cause she, at this point she knows he has lunch every day.

Regan (2): I know you have lunch every day, but I'm gonna cook you food and we'll see which one you eat. And he picks the 24 year old work wife? Yeah,

Chesko (2): yeah. That's what I'm saying. It's like That's

Regan (2): crazy. I

Chesko (2): don't even want to I don't know enough about her from this situation to know if she's actually being nefariously trying to like, like, or is he going in there and being like, Oh God, yeah, my wife always makes me this crappy food that I hate.

Chesko (2): The sandwich. The same sandwich I've told her, I don't like it, you know? And then, and so I don't, sometimes I'll just throw it away and I'm hungry for the whole day and blah, blah, blah. God, she just doesn't get me like you do. Like, is he like really kind

Regan (2): of like, yeah, I'm sure he, I, it's so outlandish that like, I feel like she has to be a participant on some level in this, but I, I certainly believe that someone who is in a situation like this, who's married is.

Regan (2): Saying one thing to his wife and [00:14:00] presenting something different to the other person. You

Chesko (2): need to, you need to set, like, if you are If it is, if she's being weird about it, you know, she, let's see, you know, cause that is weird. If you're trying, if you're like trying to woo this married man that you, that you were that, that's, that's what I mean by weird.

Chesko (2): Like that's, that's, you shouldn't like, that's, there's boundaries. You have to have it as the man though, as the husband in that situation, you need to set. Boundaries for that, because it's not and say like, that's a, that's, I, I, I appreciate you, but, but, and especially also your, your wife is the, is the priority in that situation, not

Regan (2): she should be.

Regan (2): And that's, I think, to your point, like, it's like, you're

Chesko (2): saying,

Regan (2): I don't want to make her uncomfortable, my coworker uncomfortable. And yet in doing what you're doing, you're making your wife uncomfortable. You're prioritizing. This other woman over your wife, which is wild to me and like that's not the first time i've heard that excuse of like [00:15:00] Well, I didn't want to be rude.

Regan (2): You know, you hear it when guys get hit on and stuff. They're like, Oh, what was I supposed to say? No. It's like, well, yeah, kind of. Yeah.

Chesko (2): Well, there are exceptions to that. Like there was a video. This is like two years ago. I responded to where, uh, a husband and wife and they were playful. They were, it was a funny video.

Chesko (2): That's what it was like. But, uh, one of his coworkers gave him a pie. Uh, and, uh, the wife was upset that he took the pie. Uh, and I was like, I'm on his side. If someone offers me a pie, I'm taking the pie. But it wasn't a, the work wife situation where it was like every day she's making him specifically a

Regan (2): pie

Chesko (2): and a pie.

Chesko (2): It was like, and everyone in the comments was pretty fair in agreement. Yeah. If someone offers you a pie, if it's a company, if it's a person that you trust to not be, uh, you know, weird, nefarious way, you take the pie home to you and you enjoy it with your spouse. Yeah. Give me some pie. Yeah. If

Regan (2): my wife got a pie made by someone and did not give me some of that pie, I would, that would make me, that [00:16:00] would make me frustrated.

Regan (2): I'd be like, give me some of that pie.

Chesko (2): If you find out, you're like, wait, you didn't bring it home. What? What? You know what? You said no, right? What

Regan: kind was it? Was it apple? Was it good? Was

Chesko (2): it? It was so good.

Regan (2): What the hell's wrong with you? Offended. I

Chesko (2): think it also, it depends on how healthy your relationship is with your spouse and how much trust you have with your, with your spouse.

Chesko (2): Like, and this is, uh, if you do really have a healthy, like if she is really, feeling anger or distrustful or whatever the situation he, I feel like he's given her a reason to feel that way. Oh, yes.

Regan (2): And, and she doesn't like whatever he's done. She also doesn't like this girl. She said that she's like this woman.

Chesko (2): Is there a Possible scenario where all of this is innocent. Sure. He's still doing something wrong though, by not, uh, by, by, by letting it play out in the way that it is. Right. It [00:17:00] is very possible that she is, she's, she's for whatever reason, for valid or not valid reasons. We don't know enough to know that she's jealous or, and that she's a little, maybe she doesn't want him to, to interact with women or whatever it is.

Chesko (2): It's possible that it's unfounded. But either way, like, you know, like you know you're you're that's your spouse. Right? And if you're going to be with them, if you're going to stay with them, right? That any, and you know, that that is something that they struggle with. You then need to adjust. You can't just be like, well, She's crazy.

Chesko (2): Right. Or, or, you know, you can't just like run and be like, and I really like the other person's food more. So I don't see why I should have to eat her food. And I still think she should make me food every day, though. That's the

Regan (2): thing is there's a lot of levels here. Cause you have the initial, she doesn't like her.

Regan (2): Then you have now somebody she does not like is. She said there's physical contact. She says that, you know,

Chesko (2): yeah, but the tight hugs, [00:18:00] the tight hugs, she's

Regan (2): saying that there is a, she's already labeled them as the word cousin. That she's the fact that she says in front of her again is another thing you're like, Ooh, sometimes that can be a dominance thing.

Regan: Yeah. But

Regan (2): even just like, I feel like you can cover up bad behavior by labeling it like that. Like, Oh, we're just work. But it's like, yeah, but it seems appropriate. Cause you're not actually, you know, like, are you guys being appropriate with each other? If you weren't labeling it as that, would somebody think.

Regan (2): You guys were up to no good. If you were like, and it almost gives you more freedom to be more touchy and silly. Cause you're like, Oh, there's my work husband. Let me give you a hug. Like, Oh, you know, because you're, it's like playful. But if you took that away, would what you're doing be seen as appropriate?

Regan (2): And

Dom: would your

Regan (2): wife find appropriate, which we know she doesn't. So then you go, then you have, she's making food. He's not eating the food that she's making. You have that she's uncomfortable and she's told him that. And now, She [00:19:00] stopped making the food because she's Making food for no reason where someone she does not like and has said she doesn't like and makes her uncomfortable is now making the food for her husband.

Regan (2): So she's like, I'm not doing that. So then she now is not going to make him any food. And he's upset about that. There's so many things there that are wrong on his part. There's so many things, even just the fact that like, she is uncomfortable. That's one he's prioritizing, uh, his coworker over her. That's one.

Regan (2): Uh, the fact that like, he still thinks she should have to make him food.

Chesko (2): Well, also on the comfort thing, right? What, because we talked, you touched on this a little earlier, like what, it, would it be an uncomfortable situation for him to have to tell her, Hey, I need you to back off a little bit. Sure. But it's by not having it, you're saying, well, I'd rather not have, I'd rather my wife be uncomfortable and remain uncomfortable so that I can avoid having that uncomfortable moment right there.

Chesko (2): So once again, it's that it's, it's [00:20:00] very much a. Uh, I don't, I, I, I don't want to, I don't care enough about her, put this burden on this quote unquote burden on to myself. Uh, and if, and if this person is actually your friend and not like an actual romantic interest, right. If they, they should want. Your wife to like them too, right?

Chesko (2): Right. I have never been friends with somebody where I'm like, I don't get, I like, where I don't also care about their partner.

Regan (3): Right. Sure.

Chesko (2): Like wanting them to like, and you're not always going to get along, but friendly is where, but if I knew I was doing something that made their car, their partner uncomfortable, then I, I, I wouldn't want that.

Chesko (2): I'd be like, okay, well, what can I do to, to, to stop that? Um, And

Regan (2): I think there's the assumption of discomfort in this case, right? Because any, you know, you like Reese, any reasonable person, like what's the thing with reasonable, reasonable [00:21:00] doubt, you know, it's like, there's so many terms at which we talk about, like what would a reasonable person do?

Regan (2): Like a reasonable person, I think would understand if I would assume she knows she doesn't like her. Maybe she doesn't, but like, If my co worker's wife keeps making him food and I am choosing to make him food anyways, even though I know she's making it, like, a reasonable person could assume she would have a problem with that, at the very least because she's wasting time.

Regan (2): Like, at the very, even if you weren't jealous, even if you weren't nervous, even if you didn't dislike that person, I personally would be like, why have I been making, getting up early to make your meals? Like, why, why would I, why have I been wasting my time and money? Like, food is money. Like, it's reasonable to assume that, that what you're doing would make her uncomfortable, even if you take out all the other factors which are also there, giving her the most benefit of the doubt.

Regan (2): Uh, and that's not even including if she,

Chesko (2): even [00:22:00] further, the one way where I think that she's not culpable at all is depending on the narrative that the husband is spinning her. If he, she, it's possible that she doesn't know that he is not eating his lunch. It's, I don't know if they've shared. We don't know the situation.

Chesko (2): It's possible that he has told her, Oh, my wife loves the fact that I have a work wife here. And Bob, she loves, he thinks that term is so fun. He could easily be spinning this into a web where, where she thinks that, and this is me, like I said, this is the most generous interpretation of this. Um, but it is possible just because knowing the men that I've seen online, they're responding to that.

Chesko (2): He is completely playing this, like spinning it to her as being this great thing where, because he really enjoys the, the, the attention, he really enjoys the fact. And the more he plays it up, like his wife is totally cool with everything and chill with it. Yeah. The more she is going to give him that attention, the more she's going to [00:23:00] continue, if not amping it up a little bit, because it's this innocent thing.

Chesko (2): It's this, Oh, it's, Oh, his wife knows that I don't actually, but maybe, so, so it is very possible that this is him just really wanting the attention from this younger woman and doing it.

Regan (2): I know for sure he's in the wrong. Like there is no question that he's absolutely in the wrong. And Being inappropriate, in my opinion.

Regan (2): Um, he's prioritizing. Cause, even if you look at like, uncomfortable, like, It's not that he's choosing between two uncomfortable conversations. He's choosing to just make her uncomfortable and him not uncomfortable. Because he's not having the conversation with her.

Chesko (2): No, you're right. Even at its core, just that very basic aspect.

Regan (2): Yeah, he's like, I, if I either have to talk to this person and be uncomfortable with, You know, rejecting them in some manner. Or I can keep getting free food and keep getting attention and just let my wife suffer. And I'm not going to [00:24:00] address it, which he didn't.

Regan (3): He

Regan (2): didn't address it until she stopped making food for him.

Regan (2): And then if anything, he was mad at her for not making food. So it's like they, he just expects to have both situations simultaneously to his benefit. And now the only thing he has a problem with, like, that's, that's kind of another part that I'm like, Ooh, he doesn't care that she's upset. He's not having conversations cause she's upset.

Regan (2): He's not having conversations because he's being open and honest. He's not having conversations to stop her from wasting her time, which she is. He's mad at her for not making him a lunch that he does not eat.

Chesko (2): Which is Absurd. Yeah, but and that's it. And that's why I think the more nefarious interpretation of it might be what it is.

Chesko (2): It's all about power. He wants power over both these women. He wants everything. He wants his cake and he wants his wife to still be this, do all these things for him to still remain in this doting wife role, but he Also wants this coworker to remain in this [00:25:00] 100 percent wife role. Yeah,

Regan (2): I agree. I just think she's being, I think she's being a little some, some there.

Regan (2): I think I can't imagine a world in which a 24 year old is not like making, it's just, you know, the work wife thing. Like maybe she's saying that to make her, it's possible. She could say that to make her more comfortable. Like we're just work, you know, but the hugging and stuff,

Chesko (2): Without seeing, it's also possible she thinks it's so absurd that they would have a romantic connection that she might say it as like, Oh yeah, I'm his work wife.

Regan (2): But it's the food though, like making him food every day. There's just a lot in a row to me that showcases, cause I've seen this dynamic play out.

Chesko (2): You're right. You're right.

Regan (2): It's possible. It's possible. She's completely innocent. She'd have to be very naive. I think to not. See,

Chesko (2): no, again,

Regan (2): she's not the one with the [00:26:00] responsibility, right?

Regan (2): She's not the one in the relationship. Um, she's not the one in the marriage, but I do, I do think something is off here with the, the hugging the work wife and then every day making him lunch. I just don't know what world that would happen unless someone was like starving or didn't have a lunch. Yeah.

Regan (3): Unless he

Regan (2): was hiding his lunch, you know, so she thought he didn't have one. That to me is such an act beyond No,

Chesko (2): you're right. You're right.

Regan (2): I would, I mean, I would do that for a friend if they weren't eating. So maybe if he's pretending he doesn't have a lunch.

Cart Dude: Oh yeah.

Regan (2): Yeah, but it's so weird to me. So we'll, we'll say we don't know.

Regan (2): We'll say we don't know on her part. I have seen this dynamic. I've seen some,

Chesko: I

Regan (2): let, hold on, let me just clear something up. I personally. Have a very serious problem with the way that some people act at the workplace. I personally have seen really inappropriate relationships at the workplace. Um, I work, I've worked at agencies and stuff where people are way [00:27:00] flirtatious and way in ways that I am 99 percent sure their partner would not be cool with.

Regan (2): Um, Some, you know, some relationships are a little more open, you know, that's which I totally approve of and think is great. I don't think the ones I were seeing were having met their wives and having met They're partners. Um, so I, I really have a distaste for when people do act inappropriately in the workplace.

Regan (2): So that's a part of why some of these things are flagging for me on her part as things I have seen. Um, there is a weird thing with partners, like, like one upping, like people in the workplace, one upping people's partners and like, Oh my God, you know, you're,

Regan (3): you're

Regan (2): My wife, you know, you know, the old ball and chain, like, and, and, and almost like this fantasy version of themselves.

Regan (2): Right. Cause they're not responsible to each other.

Regan (3): Right.

Regan (2): So that's why I have a harsher critique of this because I've seen it and it really, really bothers [00:28:00] me.

Chesko (2): You've also worked in traditional where I've, I've always had weird jobs. Like I've only, yeah, I've never really, aside from like a two month period between grad school and becoming a professor.

Chesko (2): Most of my jobs have been kind of like. non traditional workplace jobs. So I think it's, I I'm speaking at this from a, from a non, like literally from an outside, like, I didn't even know that the work wife they was like, like, this is, this is how this detached I am from. But

Regan (2): there is a point now, certainly like, um, there is a point where it can go too far where like someone's being probably mildly inappropriate.

Regan (2): Flirtatious with a coworker. And the coworker takes it too far and then they're like, Whoa, like, I thought this was like a playful thing, even though it was probably inappropriate. Um, sometimes people assume it's just a work flirt and it's not and then sometimes people don't assume [00:29:00] that and they have affairs.

Regan (2): So, um. Yeah, I just, um, I saw where I used to work. There was a lot of men that acted badly and there was women, some women who actively participated in that. Um, so, but I, I think he's obviously the most to blame. I just think it's possible. So that's why, just for everyone listening, like, why is Reagan got such a deal with this?

Regan (2): God,

Chesko (2): Reagan, come on. Jesus,

Regan (2): calm down. Yeah,

Chesko (2): does your wife have a work wife?

Regan (2): I don't think so. I don't think so. Oh, maybe I'd

Chesko (2): be

Regan (2): like not threatened. I don't even it's not even like the term I don't have a problem with work wife work husband. Um I think it's funny. I think most people do it in a lighthearted manner.

Regan (2): I don't think there's anything wrong with that, but there are some people [00:30:00] who utilize that to be weird and to be sketchy.

Chesko (2): Yeah, I do think at the core of it is still this whole, the, the whole misogynistic aspect of men not believing they could be women, or friends with women also. Yes, a hundred percent, because who, if it was, does he call his buddy at work, his work husband?

Chesko (2): No, no. Oh, it's just my work husband, Phil. No, it's like, Phil, we're going to get

Regan (2): a divorce, stop it.

Chesko (2): The only way I can justify meeting a woman who I actually enjoy as a friend is by calling her my work wife. Oh, I have to, I have to weirdly romanticize this and make it into a, platonic relationship to, to understand, to make sense of that.

Chesko (2): Holy crap. I can actually be friends with a woman. Nope. Fake

Regan (2): marriage. Only fake marriage. Yeah. And I think too, like, I do think some, like, so many, like. I'm not gonna say my best friend that's a girl. Right. Um, [00:31:00] but I also think there's an intimacy to it that it kind of shields by calling it that. Like, oh, she's my, she's my work wife or whatever.

Chesko: Right.

Regan (2): Like I've only, I've had one guy ever call me his work wife. Which, obviously, we were not interested in each other, like, uh, but he ended up being a creep, he ended up, and actually, so the story I was saying earlier, he, uh, touched someone inappropriately, we'll just leave it at that to keep it for later.

Regan (2): Censored, I guess. Uh, and it was a huge deal, and she thought they were just being playful. And he, he was trying to cheat on his, uh, wife. And it was really, it was really bad. And it, it blew up like it was a really big problem. And, um, yeah, I was like, oh God. I was like, I hope he wasn't thinking I was going down that road with him.

Regan (2): In our case, we were on so many projects together that we were around each other 24 7. [00:32:00] Uh, he was someone I really, really was close with. And then obviously when I found out about that, it was, Bye! Like, I never spoke to him again. Other than when I was forced to at work, but I was never, never texted, never kind.

Regan (2): We spoke every single day, uh, prior to that. But it was like, it blurs the lines. In ways that I think can end up bad, and can end up bad, cause like, even if you're, say, say you're her, say you're this, this 24 year old, say she has no nefarious intent, she's trying to be a nice person, let's just get on that road, he's not, because something's weird here, if you are willing to upset your wife, to have this close relationship with someone 10 years your junior, something's wrong.

Regan (2): Like, so she's setting herself up for, or being set up for a very bad situation. Like, what happens when he tries to push it too far?

Chesko (2): Right.

Regan (2): I don't think it's going to stop at lunches. You know, when I

Chesko (2): think, I think that goes, it's just to extend what you were saying [00:33:00] to the, the reason it blurs the lines is because so many, uh, men have never experienced non sexual intimacy.

Regan (2): That's a good point.

Chesko (2): But it goes back to the underpinnings of a patriarchal misogynistic society where, uh, men are taught to view women as objects. Always being sexual. The woman is breastfeeding in public. That's gross. That's bad. You should be hiding that because it's a sexual thing, even though it's clearly not any friendship with a woman.

Chesko (2): Can't really be a friendship. There's a, why are you trying to sleep with her? Because you cannot have this non sexual intimacy with a person that you perceive to only be for sex. Right? And so, of course, those lines are going to get blurred eventually because your entire life you have been. Taught by our society that the only way those relationships only exist in a sexual space.

Chesko (2): Yep. Right. And so it's, it's only a quote, unquote, matter of time. And the reason it probably leads to these things [00:34:00] is because of the fact that for, especially this guy's 34 for 34 years, he has never experienced a woman as anything other than an object of desire. Right. And so when he, when he finally gets in a position with somebody where he has.

Chesko (2): into because friendship is intimate, you know, my, my, my buddies, my best friends that are guys, I have an intimate friendship with them, right? That doesn't mean sexual intimacy. But once again, the yes, but that's, but that's the point. Yes. It's like, Oh, wait, wait, I I'm feeling the same way about her as I might feel about a guy that I'm just friends with, but because I have this baggage of the structural aspect for society with it, it starts shifting into something else, whether consciously or not.

Chesko (2): Right. And it's in it, and they, It turns into something bad. It's, it's only a matter, it's a ticking time bomb in that regard. And if they have not done the work, especially to unpack that part of, of [00:35:00] our culture and both and who they are in general.

Regan (2): And I think. To your point that it's also like I think about where the different environments I've worked in like when two guys Would like raz each other or like joke with each other.

Regan (2): You would just say they were friends

Dom: And

Regan (2): yet when you see a guy And a woman doing it like it's often called flirting, you know, and so it's like You see these friendships that are forming and there's always a weird taint to it when it's like a guy and a woman, like in the workplace, you know, because it's like, I do think that you're like, I like, I don't think a guy if another man treated them that way would be like, Oh, he's flirting with me.

Regan (2): But like when a woman does it, they often do think. That they're being flirted with. And like, I know from experience, like I razz people, you know, you're the, you're the victim

Regan: of this. You're victim

Regan (2): number one. Patient zero of my

Chesko (2): Stop flirting with me, Regan! [00:36:00]

Regan (2): You imagine. Uh, but honestly, like my whole life, that was viewed as flirtation.

Regan (2): And like, most of the time, I guess some of the time I was but like most of the time I was just trying to like joke around and have fun And I would be get accused of flirting and I was like I have no intention of that and yet because i'm a woman and because Men perceive it a certain way just me joking around

Dom: as soon as

Regan (2): flirting And so yeah, I I think I think men do have a serious issue relating to women in ways that are not sexual and that are that are friendship based and like even It's weird because even If they know that they're just friends, there's still the potential that it could be more like, I mean, I've had friendships that I thought were solid for like long amounts of time where the person turned on me down the line.

Regan (2): I was like, Whoa, what, why? Like why? Uh, and [00:37:00] it's like, they just, it's always in the back of their mind that it could happen, which absolutely jacks up the friendship. And again, like, In this situation where this girl was touched, again I'm trying to keep this, censor it, but he touched her in an inappropriate place, a very inappropriate place, and um, she was shocked, she was shocked by that, because she assumed there was some, there was some like blow he wouldn't go to, I think they were kind of flirtatious, but in a, what I would call harmless,

Regan (3): mhm.

Regan (2): So we thought, so we thought is the biggest point. Cause like, there are so many situations where one party is joking and being playful and the other party is not. And that's, that's how it happened is, and she, she was absolutely shocked that he did that. And we all were, and it was just like. You don't really know the intentions behind that, and it's just a really, it's a really slippery slope, [00:38:00] because like, even if you 100 percent say she's totally innocent in this, like, he may not be, and I would assume he's not if he's willing to throw his partner under for her.

Regan (2): You know, if he's willing to upset his wife. To stay in this, whatever this is, um, I would assume he doesn't have good intentions, and it's, it's a scary thing, you have to be really careful, and uh, because, I, I think there's the, this idea of someone's married, like, I, I guess, I assume that, maybe not everybody assumes that, maybe I don't know enough about cheating people, but, I think there's a little bit of an assumption that like, Oh, he's married.

Regan (2): He's 10 years older. He's married. Like he's not going to be weird if that's saying if she's not doing something that varies, but

Chesko (2): right.

Regan (2): Uh, and that's right though.

Chesko (2): Because it goes back to once again, he's, he almost certainly. If this is a typical guy, right? Let's just say an average, an average dude in, in Western culture.

Chesko (2): Right. [00:39:00] Right. If, if she is treating him a certain way in the back of his mind, he's like, she wants me.

Dom: Yeah.

Chesko (2): Right. You know? And he's like, she's clearly, I could have a shot. I can't imagine thinking like that, I can't. It's true! It is true!

Regan (2): Do you know, there was a whole, oh god, there was a whole discourse and I think there was an article involved, I don't know.

Regan (2): But there was this huge thing of like men, There's two parts of this men getting in open relationships thinking they're going to get laid And then their partner is the one who gets all the attention And then men who leave their relationships and think like I have heard men in marriages, which yes, I do yell at them um They're usually like people i've worked with that.

Regan (2): I

Dom: I

Regan (2): only had so much control But I would be like, whoa, don't you probably shouldn't say that if you're married there friend, you know um, but they would they would Confidently say things about women that I was like That girl has no interest in you. Like, [00:40:00] are you joking me? Are you, like, I had a guy who was actually above me at a place that I worked and we were out to eat, like we were doing a, it was kind of like a bonding thing, bonding meal.

Regan (2): I don't know. Uh, and I know his wife, so, and she is just the cutest, loveliest little woman. Okay, and he's fine. So, just to be fair, anyways, I remember that we were like, You know that

Chesko (2): we know the couple we're talking about. I don't know this particular couple. We all know exactly what you're talking about.

Chesko (2): Been

Regan (2): together since they were young. She, he was probably cute when he was younger. He's, you know, that cute little guy thing. And they age and are just, That you don't ever give that up. Um, that's a, that's a, uh, episode for a different time. But we are out, and um, this woman was like just sitting there waiting for I assume her date.

Regan (3): And

Regan (2): he just like walked up and was like, [00:41:00] Hey, uh, no man should be making a woman like you wait. And I was like, I was shocked because this is with coworkers. And I was like, what are you doing? Like, I, that was my response was like, Horror! I was aghast. Um, I was like, it was shocking to me. Cause I know, we all know he's married and we all know his wife.

Regan (2): And he did that and then like another guy's like, oh high five. And I'm like, that woman is Is not interested in you that woman felt uncomfortable like her body language is uncomfortable her face was like she just was like Oh I've been i've been there where someone says something weird to you and you're like, okay So and we all leave two of the dudes give him a high five and he's literally saying verbally That was so smooth like oh my god, like I got like she really liked that which again All of her, all of her body language was like, you know, like, dude, [00:42:00] and then on the drive home, he was telling us like her story, like, Oh, she's by her second marriage.

Regan (2): And, you know, she's going for the big guy who's going to treat her wrong. And she's going to keep going for that guy, you know, instead of, and I'm like, you're making this up. This is completely made up on your part. Like, you don't know her. Like, I was like, I visibly saw that she was not into what you did.

Regan (2): Also, no woman sitting by themselves waiting for somebody who wants a stranger man to approach who's 20 years older than them. Like, that just doesn't, no. So, it was just shocking to see, like, him genuinely believing the things that he was saying. And then all of us being like, oh, you're married, you really shouldn't have done that.

Regan (2): So, and again, to the, to the, like, he actually believed it. He genuinely thought he made her night. He said that. I made her night. I was like, uh, you made her uncomfortable. Certainly made that.

Chesko (2): Have you seen, there was a video recently, I got tagged in a bunch of a woman that [00:43:00] works at like a golf course. And this guy comes up to her and he's like leaning really, he's like, I need you to know you, I'm sure you know this.

Chesko (2): You're a beauty. I only watched it one time. I don't remember, but it was like, you are the most beautiful girl. I want to play it for you.

Cart Dude: I am, I am being dangerous. You do recognize that you are absolutely stunning, right? Most men, I would imagine, most men, especially of an older generation, they're not used to seeing such apparent beauty.

Cart Dude: No, when they see someone just as breathtaking as you, it is a wonderful thing to find someone attractive and then to have their attention. For however fleeting it may be. And so for me as a man, to see someone as stunning as you, it is exhilarating. So imagine being in your presence, being in your orbit, these older gentlemen who have never seen such beauty.

Cart Dude: I would imagine that they are just taken so aback that they become monkeys, like most [00:44:00] men are. More into understanding why I feel what I feel.

Regan (2): Are you doing card?

Cart Dude: Yes, but I will tell you this if I do see it

Chesko (2): keeps on going. Is it real?

Regan (2): Are you sure it's real? That sounds like a weird script

Chesko (2): No, no, this is 100 percent it's cut, it's cut like to, uh, like some of the gaps in it.

Dom: Oh,

Chesko (2): yeah. Also, I'm going to send it to you so you can look at, but it's this guy at a golf course and she is, she's sitting in the golf cart, uh, at the, it says, it says POV, you're a cart girl. So I don't know that. I don't know. I don't golf. So I don't know what that is. And they, they

Regan (2): like, uh, drive around with them.

Regan (2): Sometimes they'll have drinks. Sometimes they'll have like sandwiches. They make bank there. They also will test out. Like if I were pigtails, do I make more money? Like, it's crazy. And it's a lot of drugs. He's

Chesko (2): like, yeah, leaning like into her, like on the car and just like, you need to know you are going in at these old and he's like acting like I'm not like the other, he says, I'm, uh, and he's clearly anyway.

Chesko (2): So that's, [00:45:00] um, that's that situation. It's the worst.

Regan (2): It's so gross.

Chesko (2): I'm married. So, uh, I would

Regan (2): never, but

Chesko (2): never, but let me just blatantly get in your face and tell you and hit on you. Gorgeous. I think you are because, and also I, I, I, I swear we've talked about this for a little bit, but it's, I feel like the underlying more, uh, time when guys are doing this, it's, there's this glimmer of hope that like, she'll actually, you know, Like reciprocate and come back and then it's going to be something else, but it's like, Oh no, I have a freebie.

Chesko (2): I can say this. I can say this because I'm married. I'm not, I'm not doing exactly. I'm safe. You're not into this though, right. But argue you're not, are you?

Regan (2): I, I would argue even more than that. I would argue that there is an absolute expectation of reciprocation. Mm-Hmm. Even if it's just being nice back, because those guys that do that, Mm-Hmm.

Regan (2): I mean, I, I showed you the, the one clip where the woman was on her front yard and her married neighbor came up and like would not leave [00:46:00] until she said, that's very flattering, thank you. And he's like, thank you. But prior to that he wouldn't stop. And I think like I have tried to reject them. When they do that and they just don't stop.

Regan (2): They just, because then they're like, I'm no, no, no, no, I'm not, I'm not hitting on you because they're like, I'm a good guy and I want a good response. And if you don't think I'm a good guy and I don't get a good response, I'll just keep talking.

Dom: And

Regan (2): so I think there's absolutely an expectation, especially when you're doing it to someone who's in the service industry of some way they have to.

Regan (3): Right

Regan (2): now people don't do it as much as they used to but like it used to be expected that you know The customer you have to be nice to the customer So like they know they're in a power position when they pull shit like that, right? They're just dying for the validation They're doing it for themselves They don't it's not about the like once you realize it's not about you.

Regan (2): It's 100 about them they just want you to to stroke their ego and you just just saying like Okay. Like, thank you. They just like, like I told you, the guy [00:47:00] took and ran with it was like, Oh, she's I made her day and she's this is her second marriage. It's just so weird. It's like they just run with these narratives in their head and it just like proves their masculinity to them somehow.

Regan (2): And it's really weird. And it's it's very toxic. And like they hide behind being married a lot of the time or being older. Like they'll they'll give you something. Why it's not actually bad.

Chesko (2): Yeah,

Regan (2): I'm doing it, but it's not actually bad. You're, you're kind of safe. Mm-Hmm. . But I swear to God, if you do not give them positive feedback, they will either get mad at you or they will keep going.

Chesko (2): Mm-Hmm. . Mm-Hmm. .

Regan (2): Yeah. It's, it's, it's, so,

Chesko (2): it's very weird. I, I think this happens in, uh, you know, I do photography, we've talked about this before. I do photography on the side and stuff, and, uh, a lot of times I'll have people that will work with me. More than like repeatedly, um, for different projects and things because of the fact that, uh, I treat it like a business, right?

Chesko (2): I'm weird to take photos. [00:48:00] I'm never once like, and even in photography, you do you, obviously you comment on what that looks like. You say, Oh, these look great. Oh, you look great. There's a difference between saying, Oh, these photos are turning out great. Oh, look how cool you look in this. Look how nice you look here versus man.

Chesko (2): You are. You know, if I, if I was a single guy, man, I would not be able to be here. Like it's, you hear that shit all the time, though, and especially in photography, photography is a terrible industry, the

Regan (2): film industry as well.

Chesko (2): Yeah, I'm sure. I'm certain. Um, but it's kind of power again. Well, it's, it's in a situation where you're like, I can say this.

Chesko (2): Because of the role that I'm at right there. Um, and it, and it just, I think we need to get to a point where, uh, and I don't know how we get there. Um, where, where these people need to understand that just because you have a roller position, uh, Where you know that you're not going to get with them doesn't [00:49:00] mean now you're allowed to harass and say these things to them.

Regan (2): Yeah, I mean, I definitely think there's a point at which we just have to accept. No, that's inappropriate. It's inappropriate. I don't care how old you are. It's inappropriate. It's I don't care. that your work wife or husband, it's inappropriate

Regan (3): to

Regan (2): do this with this coworker. It's inappropriate that like, I think it's also recognizing the wife is upset.

Regan (2): The wife is like, is hurt by this. If the wife was like, I don't care. Then that would be a different story. They're

Chesko (2): very different if they were more

Regan (2): open. That would be a different story You know it like there are plenty of situations in which people don't care how their partner flirts Because they know at the end of the day they're coming home to them and they have a boundary Or they they trust them and that's great.

Regan (2): And in those situations, that's great and that works out

Dom: But

Regan (2): there's a lot of situations in which that's not the case and the woman is uncomfortable or somebody else is lying about their [00:50:00] situation Or lying about what they're doing or even like even some people who think Like there are people who do work flirting and maybe it's a little bit inappropriate, but don't know how bad it's gonna go Like that friend of mine.

Regan (2): I was like, I mean I had I was friends with him, too And like god, I can't imagine if you would have tried something with me. What would happen? I I I literally can't It's horrifying, but it was like she thought they were good and they weren't you know, it's like You Even if you say even the wife was okay with it and say even say even the woman was a little bit inappropriate.

Regan (2): The husband is still the driving force of what is wrong there and also could be in the wrong and take it too far. And that's the part that's just, that's upsetting and frightening.

Chesko (2): This is also, it's a big thing in, um, uh, autistic communities. I'm a part of it. We'll talk about like how, uh, flirting, like it's, uh, You get getting accused of flirting when you know, [00:51:00] especially because, and it's, it's a whole thing because of the fact that there's so much the entire conversation about like the underlying, what do they really mean versus in neurodivergent, especially the autistic community.

Chesko (2): It's like there, no, there was no hidden message there.

Regan (2): Well, I

Chesko (2): just, I just said, I liked your hat, right? There was no,

Regan (2): Well, that's the other thing is because people are so deceptive all the time. They say they have to they speak in code and they do So like one if you're if you're someone who's autistic and someone said to you Oh, i'm married.

Regan (2): I'm safe. I would never do that. You may be like i'll take you at what you said You know, and then they get in a bad situation, but I know some audie hd girlies who uh,

Regan: Which

Regan (2): is like more, you know in my category, but yeah, um who like You know, they, they're trying, I guess it's like masking, but like, because they know they have problems with eye contact, they make intense eye contact

Chesko (2): and they

Regan (2): know they're like, Oh, this is the proper way to like be physical.

Regan (2): Or this [00:52:00] is, this is how I should be social. So they like overly do it. And then men are like, Oh my God, she's in love with me. She stared in my eyes. She touched my shoulder and she's, you know, she's, she's, It's, it's just like a heightened, sometimes they'll do heightened social expression, because, or like, like we do, how we both are like, I'm listening to you, I'm gonna, we do both the non verbals, but they'll do intense non verbals, because they're like, I want you to know that I'm listening, and then they're like, oh my god, she's eating up every word I say, it's, or, uh,

Chesko (2): Another thing, like I have, uh, I have a mild audio processing disorder.

Chesko (2): Uh, and so I stare at mouths cause it helps me know what people are saying. And there's so many guys are like, if you look, if she looks at your mouth, it means she wants to kiss you. But, but I mean, if you're a woman that has prostate, like the same thing, that you're looking at a mouth to help you understand what it's saying, how many dudes are hearing, seeing videos like that online that like, Oh, she's into you.

Chesko (2): My

Regan (2): wife just has, Is hearing problem. Like [00:53:00] she, she has crazy

Chesko: eyes off my lips. I can't

Regan (2): hear you. Like if we're in a crowded place, my wife, like if there's too many sound sources, my wife can't hear very well. So she has crazy vision. She, what is it like 15, 20 or whatever it is where she's like got better.

Regan (2): I'm like, shut up. I have horrible vision. I mean, I'm basically blind. It's great. Um, so good. But like when we go out to eat she stares at my mouth because she's she just can't hear and she can read lips I can also read lips. I don't think there's anything wrong with my hearing. I just think i'm fascinated So i'm like but like

Dom: there

Regan (2): are plenty of people who look Again to your point.

Regan (2): There are plenty of non sexual explanations. There are plenty of non like Relationship explanations for why people do what they do. And unfortunately, men who don't relate to women very often, see them all as sexual. This is one of those

Chesko (2): situations where I think neurotypical people are the real weird ones.

Regan (2): Well, [00:54:00] you know, it's, it's, it's, It's its own little language. It's its own little dance. Um, that doesn't make sense, really. I mean, just be like, as most people, cause it's deceptive. The reason people do a lot of things is to be deceptive because I want to hit on you, but I don't want you to know I'm hitting on you, you know, so I'm just like, that's fine.

Regan (2): But like, like this is another one of my issues. It's like right and wrong. Like, yeah, it's just, it's really hard to see like these work, work flirt or work wife or work husband. Cause it's always, I just, I did not like that environment. I've been in multiple, I've worked for multiple different places. You would see that stuff.

Regan (2): And like,

Regan (3): people

Regan (2): would have affairs and like, I was like, what the heck? Cause to me, I'm like, why are you doing this? You know, like, why? Okay. Uh, but, you know, people get away with it by having these weirdly blurred boundaries and like, oh, that was just playful. Oh, you know how I am. And, um, you know, you would find out later that it was more definitely more than that.

Regan (2): It's just, yeah, it's, it baffles me. It [00:55:00] certainly baffles me. I can't imagine, I can't imagine my wife making me lunch that I don't eat me doing something actively and purposefully that upsets them. Cause once, once your partner knows something they're doing.

Regan (3): Mm hmm

Regan (2): upsets you if you there could be maybe someone's being like say she just had a jealousy issue And it was completely harmless, and he wasn't doing anything wrong.

Regan (2): It still needs to be addressed

Regan (3): Mm hmm

Regan (2): if he wants to hear you're being harmed and then keep harming you without doing anything to fix that or to talk about that Then that's not okay That's not right. And that's all it

Chesko (2): comes down to. It's like actually respecting your partner as your partner, right? If you don't view your partner as, as less than you, or as, as a, as a object or subservient, then you actually care when you, the things you're doing are hurting them or, you know, in some way or [00:56:00] another.

Chesko (2): Right. And that's, I know, I just blew your mind, right?

Chesko: No, no, but really But it happens all

Chesko (2): the time, but it does. It's like, and even the fact that she's having to ask, uh, I don't remember how it was phrased, but like, Am I the asshole or is my husband being the asshole here? It's like, yeah, like He is the asshole.

Chesko (2): Of course he is. Because he doesn't Even, even if Like I said, we don't know enough to, to, to say what, beyond a doubt, this is exactly the situation, but even if she is being overly jealous and there's nothing going on, he's still being the asshole by not listening to her concerns, not listening to her feelings and not trying to do something to make her feel better and antagonizing, because at the end of the day, this is your wife.

Chesko (2): This is your partner that you're going to be with. Theoretically, the rest of your life, maybe not now, maybe not in this situation, but if you do actually care about that person, regardless of rationality, irrationality, et cetera, you have to be willing [00:57:00] to make changes to make that sit, that relationship work, right.

Chesko (2): Or else, or if someone's going to, unless you're okay with one of you just being depressed and unhappy and unfulfilled the entire time.

Regan (2): And I, I think it's, uh, very telling that the question isn't am I an asshole because I have a problem with this? Like,

Dom: her

Regan (2): question is am I the asshole because now I don't make his lunches?

Dom: Mm hmm.

Regan (2): That, to me, is very telling of the dynamic there. Right. Cause, like, she's not even giving herself that, like, she would have the right to stop before. Mm hmm. She's saying, oh, is, am I mean because I won't make his lunches cause I know he's not gonna eat them? I'm like, girl, woman, lady, run,

Regan (3): run,

Regan (2): uh, well, at the very least, uh, understand that the scene, which is not

Chesko (2): an issue is a symptom of a bigger issue.

Chesko (2): To the exact question you asked, no, you are not the asshole.

Regan (2): Yeah.

Chesko (2): Any final, anything else you have to say?

Regan (2): Final [00:58:00] thoughts are, yeah, just be careful. I guess from my perspective, be careful with work flirts. Be careful with that. But if you see them, be careful. Like, even if you have good intentions, someone could have bad intention, and blurred lines are never a good thing in the workplace, so.

Chesko (2): And, to any men listening, our few, we do have men that listen to our, our. I have,

Regan (2): I have men on F the Nice Guy, so I know we have men here, yeah.

Chesko (2): You, you can have a friend that's a woman without her being your work wife.

Chesko: Non sexual intimacy. You can just

Chesko (2): say, this is my friend. Do it, please. That's, that's my buddy at work.

Chesko (2): That's fine. That's my best bud. My best bud, you can have a best friend

Dom: that

Chesko (2): is, that is not, does not have the same genitals as you. And that is okay. It's fine. You don't have

Regan (2): to quantify or,

Chesko (2): uh, somehow justify it or make it weird. Why are we purposely making it weird? It's weird. You're making it even more weird.

Regan (2): Yeah. If, I would say if you have to justify it with something weird like that, I would look at the relationship itself because there might be something weird there. If you feel like you [00:59:00] have to qualify it with some weird

Dom: work

Regan (2): wife, you know, then maybe there's something. Just check it out. Just make sure you're in integrity there.

Regan (2): All parties, everybody. So, yep, that's it. Well, thank you so much to everybody for listening. Thank you, Chisco, for being here and continuing to say this is a radio show. As you know, we do the pre show every week on the Patreon, so make sure to check that out. We love our patrons so, so much. And we also love our listeners.

Regan (2): Don't worry, but it is It always helps us as does leaving us a review. So thank you so much. Check us at our socials and bye.

Chesko (2): Bye. To all my listener wives, I love you.

Regan (2): Ew. No. No.

Chesko (2): No. I would. Leave it in, but I don't buy it. K, don't

Chesko: rhyme slinger. Good at Today's show is brought to you by Taco. No specific brand, I just really enjoy tacos.

Chesko: You [01:00:00] see, your boss a clicker, uh.