Hello and welcome back to another episode of the Unscripted Bantler podcast.

It's episode 20.

We have missed a week.

We were away last week.

And now this week, the Bamford is...

One thing I should say at the start is has he officially, what's the word, announced this new gig that he's on?

No, I don't think he has announced it yet, but I thought it was some sort of contractual issue between you and him.

Right

So I thought there was some sort of contractual issue that the contract hadn't been renewed and negotiations were underway.

He's negotiating now with everybody from what I'm allowed to believe.

Yeah, yeah.

He's like, no, and everything is to suit, you know, there's a football match on, so we can't do it then.

So let's, let's, let's move everything on.

crap, and let's be honest, that's crap yesterday, I can't do it because Man United are playing Liverpool.

You know, if my life, if my life circulated around having to get home to watch Man United play Liverpool, I think things would be bad.

And he was determined that he had to be watching Man United.

And then it turned out that they lose a £100 or something on a bet.

they?

Hang on, so he's a United man.

It's all right.

okay.

Okay.

Right.

swings between whoever may be on top form that particular week.

I remember years ago talking about that being, I don't mean a bit of a swinger, talking about that, I remember years ago I was given a whole load off.

Do remember those little scratch football cards you used to get to raise money for like little local teams?

And you sold them for like 50p or something and you scratched out

You you picked a team and then at the end of the week or something you scratched out the little silver bit to reveal the team.

But these little cards were like, there was like a little sticky thing over the top of them.

I remember peeling them all off.

to find out who the winner was to win the 1 .50 yeah that's where I started this round yeah one week I was supporting Wolverhampton Wanderers X look the winners were on the

following week was like Norwich City or something but sure enough we supported Wolverhampton Wander and I've changed

Yeah.

One of my friends, he's in the band actually, the bass player of the band.

He celebrates, or he celebrates, supports Wolves because they were by Doritos.

Alright.

So then if you're ready to just move on to the likes of Clacton City, you can move over to those guys.

Just as, yeah, that says it all.

I got to be honest.

I just don't really.

I would maybe watch a big match if it's like a final or if it's like Euros or something, but the everyday football just bores me now.

I never did.

I never was a big football sports fan.

Give me wee bit of rugby.

There's a bit more action than that.

At least the guys when they tackle and stuff, not rolling up and down the grass.

You know, in such agony.

And then it's a miracle within 30 seconds they're fixed.

You know, was a video on YouTube the other day I watched.

was a

some multi -million pound footballer and somebody pulled his shirt and he was rolling up and down the grass and they compared it to a formula one driver hitting the wall at 200

mile an hour and he gets out of the car and just walks away you know what I mean he's not rolling up and down the thing and the same for motorcycle racing you see those guys coming

off motorcycle racing and they skid along 50 yards on their backs into the gravel and they get up dust themselves off and some of them actually get on the bloody bikes and go on

That's so true.

Yeah.

lived was a physio, physio, physio.

look, he pulled my shirt.

God.

Goodness sake.

And actually what I like about rugby is, not that it was so much, but the fact you can hear the referee as well.

Isn't the referee mic'd up I think on some of the games?

Yeah, that's quite interesting.

No, I did hockey for two years.

That was it.

Hockey.

Hockey.

your knee -length socks!

boys hockey team obviously but then no what yeah hard one of those no what I play with the Belfast Giants no it was the hard ball that it was it was a see when you got a cold day

and you were wearing just your shorts like a cricket ball but harder and see when you get whacked with that with a hockey ball it was never a pain like it I remember getting

whacked in the top of the thigh

That's when I just said that's, that's enough.

I was, I was defense.

Yeah.

I was, I was never, I could, I couldn't, I couldn't, my problem was I couldn't dribble with the ball.

right.

OK.

I was never picked for any any school teams either because number one, I was either too fat or number two, I just couldn't care less.

I remember, but there was a guy in my class and he went on to actually play, think, for Hillsborough boys back in those days who were almost quite good.

And then I think he got selected for like some sort of Manchester United team, junior youth team or something.

Mm -hmm, mm -hmm.

and he did quite well and then the last I heard about him was he was actually playing professional football in Australia.

Now I don't know what football in Australia is, if it's like American football or rugby or football, football, soccer.

yeah, went, so yeah, so a claim to fame, yeah.

He was on the school team at the time and I usually went off and did my homework while sport was on.

come out and play!

No no no no you're alright, can't be bothered.

Thanks.

I do think that you can't learn something like that.

Okay, you can like train up, but I just think it's either in you or it's not.

How the hell can you learn to play?

Look, how could you go and learn to play football?

know, that's what mean, like how do you, like, and your aim, it's all about your aim and it's just yourself, like you can't, I just feel.

repeat, here comes the thing I want you to dribble.

You're only dribbling your dins out of your nose in a cold day.

flip me.

I also went to golf lessons when I was younger.

God, my dad was a great golfer, he used to play golf and he played off something, I think it was nine and he used to hold me around.

It was like he was intent on getting me to play golf.

And I remember he bought me a small junior kid at clubs and a driver and a putter and all this sort of malarkey and hold me around the golf club.

I hated it.

You know what worked for me?

The walking.

Yeah.

Yeah.

wanted the cart, I wanted the wee electric - I would have went if I would have got the wee electric cart and drove round like hell.

That would have soon made it down to the ground.

Yeah.

Like from the outside hitting the ball and walking after the ball and then hitting the ball further and walk and then having to walk after it again.

It's a...

Yep.

I know.

I know.

I know.

I could, I could never hit a You do spend half the time looking because you have to get that ball back.

He was fanatical.

Pistol, was out, he, he, I remember a family holiday to Florida and he was fanatical about bloody golf and we had to go into all these golf shops and he had to, you know, test out

the

In those golf shops in America you can actually play golf in the shop.

Right?

You hit the ball, you know, like, I think there was one in Belfast wasn't there for a while there?

Wasn't there like a...

You went down and you played golf or something, I don't know if it's still there or not.

But you want to go and you have to...

So anyway, he bought this club, right?

This big driver thing.

And it actually had a name, right?

Now, not that he named it, it was the name of the club and it was called a Big Bertha.

Okay.

Right.

Big Bertha, okay, was carried around for like two weeks after he bought this thing and then you want to sort of carry on getting it onto the plane.

You get it back, right, this big thing, Big Bertha, right?

like an RPG?

You know what I mean, like trying to get an RPG onto your plane, just getting this thing onto the plane.

So anyway, we get home when he gets this Big Bertha thing home and...

goes to the golf club and all the boys, yeah, look at that, much was that, it was couple of hundred dollars back in those days and blah, blah, blah, blah, he went out on a

Saturday with his big Bertha, where he went, and he was playing at some sort of competition, and he came back, and I remember him coming into my mom, and the big Bertha

wasn't two bits.

Right?

She says Jackie, what happened to the big Bertha?

He says I couldn't hit a fucking ball he says and I broke the bastard.

Yeah.

And it actually must be one of them which for straight in sports.

I do get that.

get that.

I couldn't hit the fucking ball he says.

I think after the third or fourth go it went over the knee and that was the end of the big bertha.

Money well spent.

Yeah.

Yeah.

and hauling it around bloody Orlando for like two weeks.

It's big Earth I think.

What does it say?

The best crack getting it onto the flight for ex -sake.

Like I have been to the driving range a few times just as an activity, it just, I just don't, again, it's something I don't think you can learn.

Either just have it in you or you don't.

Look, there's a drive -in range down there as we well know on the way down to Radio Downtown on the left -hand side, there on the Belfast Road.

What's it called?

begins with a B, Something I forget, but anyway.

You go in anyway and you get 15 balls or whatever it is out of the machine and you just sit there and fire them up the hill.

Yeah.

Yep.

But apparently that perfects your swing.

And that also depends on what way you do swing.

know what I mean?

wait.

Well, right, right.

That's when you're swinging, Pesle.

What happens when you're swinging?

right, right, right.

what mean?

You've got the what is it?

I got all the different numbers of words then you've got like the irons and that.

How do know what one to use?

Well, the sand wedge you use in the bunker.

yeah, that's an obvious one.

Yes.

And the pottery using the green.

Yes.

you use a putter on the ground, you don't use like a driver in the friggin bunker.

No, but beyond that, all the six words, the seven words, the edit.

all those bloody bunkers high and convenient.

Same with the trees too.

Have you ever driven that road between, obviously you between Port Rush and Port Stewart and the golf course is on the road, is on the side of the road, but there's no fence.

Yeah, but there's no fence.

I remember driving down that road one time and the golf ball was rolling down the road.

because there's no separation between the road and the course.

and was that being chased by the player?

Not that I've seen, no.

I was more concerned of just getting the car out of the way rather than watching him.

especially you should have a look them up, especially in America, you maybe the golf ball lands on a tree or something like that and the bloody golfer, he's up the tree trying to

head it out of the tree or he's in a pond, trying to head it out of the bloody pond.

Because if you left the ball, apparently you get a penalty.

Yes, have to, where it lies, you have to take it.

Yeah, you have to do the shot.

movie as well, right?

And it's Goldfinger.

And Sean Connery is on the golf course with Goldfinger, right?

And they're playing for this gold bar.

And Connery swaps the balls in the hole at one stage.

And he goes, your man, you play with a pin with the number one?

yes, or whatever it was.

you've played the wrong ball back in the fairway or something.

and all those little things, they take it so seriously.

I would just be happy to find any ball.

Yeah.

I know that is true.

Yeah.

Yeah.

now in later years right they've put little beepers in them did you know that?

So that you go along if you've lost the bloody ball you go along with your phone right and you find you find where the bloody ball is like a tracker

So that just takes away the...

I thought that most of the thing is, know, that's part of the challenge to find the ball.

The whole...

personally you've got the whole golf thing wrong.

The whole concept is you have to get it in the hole.

Well, I know that, but that's cheating, surely, if you need to keep an eye on the If you don't keep an eye on your ball, that's your problem now.

if you don't keep an eye on your own ball is the main thing, but here's the problem, right?

The problem is, apparently, golf clubs are so bloody busy that all these clowns walking around looking for their balls are holding up all the boys coming along behind, because

they're all trapping around looking for these balls and can't find them.

So the troops that are all coming behind are all going, hold on, I'll be second, my tail will be ready in 20 minutes, I'm only on the ninth hole.

I've got a video here of the funniest golf fields of 2020.

It is moments like this where I just wouldn't go anywhere near it.

I'm trying to sign down.

See it's videos I guess I could just watch all day.

It's like watching funny cats.

Looks like a very old video though.

See that would be me missing the ball.

And the club's out of the hand.

here's your mangan.

I thought this was going to be actually golf shots rather than

They always look so professional.

The balls actually stayed in the tea.

There's some of these shots where you could have kicked the ball further than...

Look at the swing on that.

After that.

foot and all up.

That's like, it's like, do you ever watch, what's it called?

Happy Gilmore?

Happy Gilmore?

Is that the movie?

The golf movie?

With Adam Sandler?

But you know what?

You see, these guys take this so seriously and even you know yourself, there's golfing societies everywhere and even in the fire service there was golfing societies, right?

And all these guys would all get together on a Saturday or Sunday, maybe 20 or 30 and they'd all go and play golf, right?

And they'd be out there maybe from half six in the morning, tea off at half six and they're still going around trying to find the bloody ball at three in the afternoon.

Yeah, that's right.

It's an early morning thing.

Yeah.

I need to be there early.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

father had to be out there for like five in the morning to put your name down.

Yeah.

I know.

I know.

Well, my philosophy on that would be either, number one, don't have so many members, right, or increase the size of the bloody course or do something.

But it sitting there from half five and then it'd come home at half nine or 10 o 'clock going, well, what happened?

I didn't get my name down.

He just went out and came back.

No, it's not.

It's not for me.

I did try it, but it's just it's not for me.

It's a bit of a close society golf club and pistol.

It's not a, it's not the type of thing that I said.

The only thing that would interest me is the wee cart.

I'd want to have a wee go on the cart.

The wee electric cart.

And then again, then there's videos of them driving the bloody carts into the lakes and stuff and crashing into the f***ing...

I did see one where was he stuck or something?

Because they're not the facet of things and he was stuck on a hill as you say and he just slid down the...

They do have a 4 mile hour, I like a 4 mile hour.

They're like an electric car, that's how the electric car was devised.

Yep, More little Teslas.

that's, they're the OG Tesla's.

Have you heard this week of this news?

And I want to hear the story for this week for the first time, but it's been going on for three months about the people on the cruise that are stuck in Belfast.

Yes, I actually saw the vessel yesterday.

I was trying not to.

only heard about this this week about they were on it's a three year cruise and they've got engine problems so they're stuck in Belfast now and they have been for three months.

Well, the story goes that this vessel came to Belfast for repairs.

Right, it was moved into Harland and Wolf for some sort of repair to the rudder or something.

And these people were aware of this, but it was only meant to take like a week or maybe 10 days.

And they've been here three months.

So they have to get off during the day to let the good brothers from Harland and Wolf work away on the machine.

And then they can get on it at night.

So they turn around Belfast all day.

the hell would you do tromping around Belfast for three months?

But anyway, the tromping around Belfast for three months and there was a guy on an interview the other day and he's done the bus tour and he's been to all the bars and he's

been to River Elst and he got that pissed off, he flew home.

Would you not have maybe thought about that, you know, like a month in?

Yeah, I know, I know why we had the extra three months.

Yeah.

in the stones there was he flew home on Monday and apparently things fixed

that's difficult.

That is difficult.

That's three months.

allegedly it's fixed, right?

But he waited three months, had pissed off, flew home Monday and the next thing then they've announced it's leaving on Thursday.

Allegedly.

But do you see the price of the cabins?

No.

Cabins start from a hundred thousand, right?

Yes, up to nine hundred thousand.

What's this for the entire...

apparently you buy the, you buy the cabin.

Okay, right.

So this is for the entire tour.

Right.

Yes, so you buy the cabin.

So this doll is in a £100 ,000 cabin and there was a thing on the other night again about it and she showed you around this cabin and it's like a tent.

A wee tiny table and a wee bed and a wee tiny TV and she was going on about, typical American, she's going on about, yes, all I do is sleep in it and everything else and your

man says, what have you been doing for the last wee while?

She's like this, walking round Belfast.

And the past three months we've had about like two sunny days so it's been just awful weather for three months.

around Belfast, she's got him walking around Belfast and she's got her dog with her.

Right

Don't even look at it that route.

This is the photograph that I, this is what made me come across it.

The mayor welcomes stranded cruise passengers to Belfast City Hall.

So this is the, yeah, welcomes them.

this just, this story was the 2nd of September and the photograph is, I guess it's not all, it could be all of them, it?

Maybe it's a selection of the people.

They're the only ones who can find them, Belfast are they?

They were scheduled to leave Queens Island in city in May.

They were still there.

That's, that's insane.

That is, that's just...

me, you're telling me the Mayor then invites him to the city hall three months later?

So your man that flew home missed that one as well, did he?

Or maybe that's him on the right there?

Maybe it was after the visit that he already decided to fly home.

This is the Murs words.

three months is a long time to stay in one place.

And then it goes down here.

Everything from our amazing food to our beautiful scenery.

They have had ample time to soak up everything Belfast has to offer.

But three months, three months of it.

Jesus.

This thing, will it be extended?

Surely you think it would be extended then if...

No disrespect to anybody but you could soak up what Belfast has to offer over the weekend.

That's like going back to the bus tour all over again and you're buying what?

Nine days or something.

You're to have one day or nine days or 20.

was a 20.

sick.

I saw it yesterday that bus here in the middle of that raining drizzle and three poor souls sitting on the top covered in what do you call them ponchos right now here's the

question here's the question well two questions number one maybe they were off the cruise right and number two now I might be wrong pistol right but if I'm on anything that it has

an open top and it's raining

I'll either sit underneath the roof bed at the front or I'll sit downstairs.

I'll not sit in the middle of the bus with nobody else there with a poncho around me.

I don't get it.

I just, I wonder sometimes people's mentality.

If you haven't heard that episode, there is, it's come back a few episodes now, but we did do the bus tour and you can hear the full rundown, let's just say, I'm not spoiled, but if

you haven't heard it, then it's one, it's one review.

Yeah.

And it was a review as well.

was, it was very honest.

Yeah.

Yeah.

the best of it was it was done on Binday but there you go.

Think of the bens those people have seen in three months!

I know, yeah, they'll know the schedule better than us.

yeah?

Hey, it's Bend Day up the East today.

How do you know?

I've been up and down for three months.

Speaking of people who are stuck, here's a question, would you rather be stuck in Belfast or rather be stuck in space?

for three months?

for these people are stuck in space until 2025.

Have you heard that?

they're sending up Elon Musk or something is sending up a rocket when he builds it.

Yeah.

Two astronauts are stuck in space and they will not get back until 2025.

They're only meant to be in space for eight days, but due to technical issues, they won't return until 2025.

That would be my worst nightmare.

Was that tour organised by the same tour company that organised the boat to come to Belfast?

Probably.

This is a picture of them.

imagine I couldn't even spend a day in that, like, so enclosed and claustrophobic and, so this was what, I mean this story's come back last month.

So it's going to be, well, yeah, four, at least four or five months then before they're even into the new year.

Well they're still there yeah, gosh.

But already Ilan I think is making a rocket or something to fly up and dock with them and bring them home when they get it out.

There's a picture of them eating pizza.

Now how the hell did they get the pizza there?

Hold on a second, if Domino's arrived with their delivery, surely they could have come back with them?

hang on.

sorry.

This is, this is 2017.

This is, this is, this is the space station, a previous photo, but still, but still the space station.

two for Tuesdays.

And they've taped all the, all the wee sauces down and they're, everything's taped down to the table.

Like...

don't get people.

Why is that food, why is the sauce not like flying off that pizza?

Why is the sauce not flying off it?

why would the sauce not just go all over the place?

There's no gravity.

would have thought that the pizza topping would be floating about there wouldn't you?

I think maybe, Pistola, think, now to be honest with you, I think that's maybe a conspiracy picture there.

The as walking on the moon.

I think that's a bit of a conspiracy there maybe.

That might have been filmed actually in some TV studio and then put up there.

there we go.

There's somebody needs her hair done.

Did you see that?

There she goes.

There you go.

Yeah, yeah.

of them.

I'm going to show you this.

I'm going to show you this video.

Actually, there was a, they did a, this is what amazes me.

They've got better signal up there than they do.

And I would do around the corner.

Guess look back when they landed on the bloody moon, it better signal!

They're talking back and forward from the moon!

Right, I can't talk to you any more!

Yeah.

That is true.

Live TV.

And this is live TV, a live interview.

This one, that one.

I think it this one.

That your man just looked like he wanted to cry, which would be probably about right.

Asthma second space.

Hey, cool and lovely.

there was.

always an expert.

that's not the one.

I thought this is the one that they were going to be appearing on.

There was one of them and they appeared and they just looked like so weak.

Apparently when you, I only learned this, apparently when you come back from space, have to do, well, when you're in space, you have to go to like a gym every day.

And then when you come back, you have to rebuild your body.

You have to go to the gym every single day to rebuild your muscles.

you're not using any...

I suppose it's bit like diving where you'd have to come back and decompress.

I never thought about it.

I never thought about like they actually have to do the exercises while they're up there.

Otherwise they'll just.

there's no weight, obviously.

Where did the thing go that took them up there?

What did they do with it?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I actually don't know.

Is this not what they're in?

What are they in?

Two astronauts who launched on a Boeing Starliner spaceship for a 10 day mission remain stuck on the International Space Station.

It must have, it must have blew up.

it?

I don't know.

plane, that plane probably is doing the London Heathrow route at the moment.

So it'll not be back up there to...

Maybe they're going to send up something from EasyJet very soon.

Or maybe Ryan Irmite might go and pick them up, you wouldn't know.

Look at this.

Just see the light.

Seriously.

She's like bloody Beetlejuice.

This is it, this is it.

What did you say?

What did it do?

It's it's just every everything to do with that.

It's just like even though that video of them like inside, look at the her here.

They're like.

Just like going to the toilet and making food and he looks like he's going to cry there to be honest.

He does not look happy.

There was some cracking, I'll tell you something, there was some answers needing asked if she comes back pregnant.

Seriously?

Yeah, that...

can crack with twi - Well, you know, you know, needs most, you never know!

Hang on, if they're not back, no, hang on, it's nine months to have a child, isn't it?

Yeah, nine months.

So I was going to say, what if she has it in space?

But that's not possible because it'll be back in February, saying.

Allegedly.

well that depends whether you don't get to his rocket belt to go back up and pick him up

What would happen if the lift didn't come?

That's like being out on a Saturday night in Belfast and your taxi isn't there.

Well I would send them phone caps and number there and see if anybody could come and sort them out.

But what the hell are doing up there?

I don't know.

There's no even, there's no explanation.

what she's not doing.

She's not combing her hair, that's one sure thing.

Like imagine you're a woman Pistel and I'm sure you're a woman needs her curlers and tongs and blue dries and all these stuff.

How the hell would How would she coop up there looking like that?

How do you tan?

How do you do makeup?

How would you even do simple things like brushing your teeth and getting washed and all that?

There was the smell up there.

Well, it's the number twos that would worry me.

I don't know how you would do it.

Hang on.

I'm going to search.

I'm going to search a picture of that right now.

Space International Space.

My Internet search history is going to be all up.

it's a sucker.

Once you put the thing down it sucks it in.

You know, like on a boat you hear the big

Right?

So like a...

sucker.

So where does it go?

And a tank.

Right, but if they're, if they were really meant to be there 10 days and they're there seven months.

I would nearly say, and I'm no scientist, but I would nearly say that it goes into some sort of thing and it freezes it and then they dump it out the window.

Apparently that's it.

Just in space.

That looks like a contraption there, like a big tank with a big sucker.

you take the daughter out there at Pistil some night and you show her the stars and say there's the Milky Way and there's the Pluto and there's a dump.

There's a number 2.

Look at the glow on that one.

But see, to be sitting on something like that and going to the toilet, that's just not for me.

Well that just sucks it right out of I'll tell you, I've drained you.

You know what, but it frightens me, pistol, you see all this business, if you do go out seriously and you go and you have a look outside, and you see the stars and you see all

this other stuff, and it frightens me, because we are just like hanging.

We're just hanging here, we're just hanging.

There's nothing holding us up, we're just hanging.

Even the size that someone had put a video of Earth compared to, was it Saturn with the rings?

And it was like 10 times the size.

Like we are, we are, I suppose you'd be believing that there are people who don't believe in space.

Pistol, I know a fella who thinks the world's flat, he's a twat, right?

The world's flat, so let's give him his name as it is, he's a twat, the word's flat my arse.

But listen, here's the story, right?

Where did we come from?

Are you talking like the very first person?

The place, where did it come from?

you know, they go down this line of the Big Bang Theory and all this and that came from this and it came from that.

How the hell are where did we come from?

Stuff like this amazes me and it makes me sometimes people might think I don't get out much when I sit and about these things but I sometimes sit here and think as I look out

into the darkness here.

at all those stars and all these other things.

Is there anybody out there?

Look at Cerisee!

Is there anybody out there?

So then that makes me go up the stairs and get the computer out and start with the videos of UFOs and all this crap and Area 51 and all this nonsense and all this secrecy and where

the hell did we come from?

I don't think, literally, I don't think we are built to answer that question.

Well, somebody needs to find out.

I don't even know where to start because you'll get into the whole chat of religion and then science and it's just, it's a lose -lose situation.

I'm talking about the place, the planet, where did it come from?

know, but people will say it was created.

Some people.

Some people will say that it was created by a man.

But where'd he come from?

That's another question.

So you know you get all these where did you come from businesses the whole way throughout the whole thing.

So if you take Mars and Saturn and Jupiter and all these other places there must be, there has to be somewhere out there with a cruise ship stuck on a port for like six months on

some other planet.

It has to be.

Did they not find, this is years ago, did they not find, not running water, they found surface water on Mars or something like that?

They definitely found something that was close to us.

They found something apparently the other day in some dugout hole or something that could have been oil or something or maybe some sort of liquid.

saw that but that does not answer my question.

Do know what I mean?

What do you think the first search, if I put that into Google, where did we come from?

What do you think the first explanation is going to be?

In fact, do you know I'll do?

You know the way everyone's using chat GBT these days?

I wonder what...

a pre -camed from Pestle.

never really sat down and thought of it.

I would tend to go down the big buying theory.

So an asteroid crashed into us, first of all.

happened to me.

But then when you think about it, how is everything so like, like why do I have a liver?

Well, you couldn't survive without it.

No, but you know what I mean, like why are you born with it?

Like how are you born with everything that you need?

Like how is that possible?

Well designed pistol.

But who, but that's what I mean, is it, how is it designed?

Who designed it?

Well designed, and here's the other thing, if you sit down as well, there was a bloody wasp fleeing here the other day.

And I'm thinking...

What do you serve?

What?

Why are you on this earth?

What do you do?

Only fly around and sting people?

Do they, I was gonna say they transfer, but I don't think they do transfer or anything.

just it's like a mosquito who in their right mind would sit and say I think we need mosquitoes

Well, apparently the University of Gloucestershire says that wasps are vital predators controlling the numbers of potential pests like green fly and many caterpillars and

protecting our crops.

Okay, well here's the question, then why develop the bloody greenfly in the caterpillar for the first place?

And then have to develop a wasp to make sure you don't get overdeveloped?

This is something that I have a eureka moment about all the time.

I just cannot work this out.

And it's a sad place to be in.

Where you're laying in bed thinking, where the hell did you come from?

Do you know what I mean?

it could be worse, could we think of where you're going?

here's the other thing too that made me think one day.

How do I actually know my mother and father were my mother and father?

No, that sounds like a conspiracy.

Ready to start.

Well, that brings me on nicely to the doll in America who's, I think we spoke about this before, who's suing her mother and father for conceiving her without her consent.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She's suing her for conceiving her without her consent.

How much money would you be wanting for that kind of thing?

I think she's looking 10 million.

anything to make quick money these days.

Like your guy, on that same episode we were talking with the cruise guy as well, because he walked into a See if this was like 30 years ago, you would just say, it's your fault

you walked into the door.

But now, because everything's woke, I suppose you would say.

Yeah, woke.

That's the right phrase, think, to use, isn't Woke.

like, if you've heard of the phrase woke.

saying?

No, what's with you?

You're, you see, you've got that University of the Education behind you pistol.

What's that, what is woke?

I woke?

Is that you in the morning?

Do you do that in the morning?

Do you woke up in the mornings?

no, no, like, like, see, this is the thing.

I don't even know the definition of the word, but it's, it's like, it's, it's, it's being aware.

You have to be aware of things now these days.

Being woke.

I'm going to get the being woke meaning.

Being woke meaning is, it started off with race, with African -American

racial prejudice and discrimination.

And then in 2010s it became to be used as a slang for border awareness of social inequality, as racial injustice, sexism and denial of LGBT rights.

So just like being aware of everything and

think that's a phrase that's used for everything now.

Like, so you can't say anything these days, you can't imply anything or that kind of a thing.

Alright.

Well here's the -

he walked into that door 30 years ago, he'd be called stupid.

But you can't do that now.

you couldn't call him twat either, like you'd have to be...

You know, you couldn't say any of that.

But let me tell you a wee story here too as well.

Do know what else I was many years ago frightened of?

Sleeping.

sleeping I was always terrified of sleeping as well just in she didn't wake up

I got it.

thing years ago.

You see now I could sleep the bloody world round, but

That's because you're making up for all the sleep.

Yeah, but you see that's the other thing.

What the hell's going on when you're sleeping?

Well, I have a theory that it, well it's not really a theory, but I believe that during the day you pick up things and then on that night that's what runs past.

Cause you know you think about something during the day and then suddenly you're dreaming about it.

But I'm talking about if you're lying sleeping there's somebody tromping around the house and you don't even know.

That's not stuff.

People have been burgled etc etc and they've slept they didn't even know because they've been sleeping.

She could, Kirsten could sleep through, I could, I could, I don't know, I could set the house on fire and she'd be snoring.

Well, that's a good time, Pustle, if you need to e -fart.

Now there's no explain to be done.

so you don't fart in front of her then?

No?

Okay yeah.

I'm sure she does.

She will never be.

I don't think any woman will be comfortable with that.

me a couple of times and you're stinkin' but you know it's just one of those things.

But if you gotta let it out, you gotta let it out.

But it's nature though.

Yeah, it's gas.

You got a line about it.

I've seen it, she'd do the same but you won't hear it.

But it's actually, will hurt you, it will hurt, it's bad for your body to keep it in.

Of course it is.

You end up with a rupture.

You understand?

Did you not then, did you not purposely go to sleep then because you were afraid of off going to sleep?

Yeah.

As sad as that may be, yeah, I used to fight it and fight it and fight it and fight it.

Like even this afternoon, there and I, must say now, I had a wee siesta, okay?

A wee siesta.

No, a siesta.

A snooze.

I thought that was a slang for party.

You've never heard of it?

This is the Spanish influence.

The Spanish have siesta and the same in the Portuguese and all these people.

They all go for siesta between 2 and 4 in the afternoon.

So I came home after a very strenuous morning and I decided I'd have a wee siesta.

If someone asked me to go for siesta, I'd be here, no problem.

Where's the drink?

and you just lie down and have a wee siesta and you wake up an hour and a half later feeling great then the problem is you can't bloody sleep at night

Yeah, you do get to that age.

No, don't mean I'm even not that age.

mean, you passed like you passed like as a teenager.

just preparing myself for the nursing home pistol.

Getting myself prepared for the big high chair and snoring dribble.

So I'm getting, there.

Because I woke up, I all dribbled.

I had dribbled all over me.

But what brought you out of that fear of sleeping?

Dunno, it's the funniest thing, I don't know what maybe age or whatever the case may be or maybe it was a need, needs most but yeah, sleeping frightens me actually because not to be

morbid or anything but when you're sleeping you're either sleeping or you're dead.

I feel that when you're sleeping, I feel that's the state you're going to be in when that happens.

that's what it must be like.

You don't know, that's it.

And you don't wake up, so you just don't know.

No, you wake up dead.

So you're ghost.

know, so that's, that's yes, that that's what sort of terrifies me about it as well.

Because, you know, I'd be planning things to do tomorrow.

If I didn't wake up, those things wouldn't get done.

And that's the problem.

And then I have nobody to be able to tell, look, I need you tomorrow to water the plants.

Or do whatever I need to be here, I need to be there or do whatever.

Do you leave a wee note in the kitchen?

Just in case something ever happened?

An emergency note?

Well that's quite a good idea actually so if when my wee cleaner would come in once a fortnight and I could leave a wee note and say if you detect a strong smell

Yeah.

Smash.

Have that, have the way emergency glass.

Smash for emergencies and then yeah.

Don't come up the stairs.

Yeah, because I belan and swallow.

Yeah.

You start thinking about it, I've been a bit morbid.

Sounded a bit like Dr.

Death.

Your death.

Good God.

to appear talking about that there was a picture appeared on my Facebook the other day and One of these historical pictures, okay And again that goes unexplained one of these

historical things with this family are photographed way back in 1904 or something like that and there's the mother standing and the father and their son the best and the three

youngsters and Behind them is this seven or eight foot what can only be described as a

like a deer or an elk or something standing on two rear legs with big horns and a nose and all this, but on two arms.

And the whole caption is, you know, this is the other fella.

You know the other fella?

The fella who lives in the grind?

No.

starting behind us, family.

they know that that was there at the time?

well of course that was the whole idea of this whole picture and all because they're all trying to understand why did these people not turn around and see this thing standing

behind them in the photograph and then somebody said, the photographs been manipulated and all this nonsense but it certainly looks quite realistic to me and the family are standing

posing for this camera and don't forget back in those days to take a picture took about 30 minutes.

You had to know, take the lens.

the under the class now

and you just have to stand there with a pleasant smile for like 30 minutes and why they didn't, you know, notice this so -called thing behind them and not carry on.

You know, even stuff like that sort of makes me start to think because many years ago, I remember one night we were bored out of our heads one night actually on a quiet evening,

which is very rare.

And of course somebody decided we'll do this Ouija board thing.

Well, that scared the crap right out of me.

Yeah, yeah.

I still say to this very day somebody was pushing the glass, but they're all denying it and all the other boys said, no, no, It frightened the bejesus out of me.

All that.

No, well, you can't, but this thing started spelling out on the board and stuff and I'm bloody hell.

Now, the only thing that I would say to you, Pistons, right, which to me was the frightening bit, for some unknown reason, I couldn't actually get my finger off the glass.

Right?

My finger just wouldn't come off the glass.

Right?

That would freak me out.

I couldn't get my finger off the glass.

I wanted off it, I wanted out of it.

And my finger literally wouldn't come off the glass.

Now I don't know what the hell was going on, But anyway, a couple of months later, the banter came up again about this.

I says, I right boys, no problem.

Cause I thought something.

So I put a wee drop of super glue on top of the glass.

Right?

And all those nutters put their hands and their fingers on the glass.

So that thing started and then I started pushing the glass, you know, spelling out.

I think the word was twat.

And the boys couldn't get their fingers off the glass.

for God's

time around, like, it scared the petesas out of me, it was wild.

I remember watching when I was like a teenager, I used to watch Most Haunted and I used to watch this before bed.

What was it?

it Yvette Fielding?

The presenter and Derek Ikora and all and we were talking about that actually on the last episode, but

your name John?

I'm getting the name John.

It's scary.

See when you watch it you're into it, it's scary.

it does.

You start to believe it when you watch it.

These nutters all turn up don't they with all these seismologists and all these things that make sounds and record vibrations and they go into this house and yes there's a

presence it's look at look at the screen look at the screen and the screens going bloody mad and then your heart rate's going mad and you're going what the hell is it I don't know

I don't know piss live I believe in all that I don't know I really don't

think even in that scenario, like if you're anxious, it just builds up and builds up and your body just makes you think stuff that's there.

gotta tell you what's building up now, I don't think I'll go to sleep tonight.

Yeah, it's frightening to be Jesus, do we all get all that You can go on those ghost story tours and you can go, that's probably something we should do, and you can do like a, you

know, go and stay overnight in the most haunted house and all that.

no, why would you do that to yourself?

No, no, no, I couldn't.

I couldn't do that.

But at end of the day though, is it?

the end of the day, you don't know for sure.

Well, there's a hotel in Ballygalley, and it's the Ballygalley Castle.

And allegedly, allegedly, one of the top rooms in the old castle is haunted.

I have been up in it, okay?

And you go, no, no, no, I've been up in it, and you can go up the stairs.

You can't actually stay in the room, it's too small.

You can go up into this tower or this room.

Now, it is very cold.

It does feel very cold, and it feels...

It does feel funny, but it's all maybe all psychological.

There's a whole story about the woman from whoever she was way back in like 1400 or whatever it is that in this room and blah, blah, blah.

But I think the reason is because it's bloody cold.

There's a couple of reasons.

Number one, there's no window and number two, there's no.

Yeah.

And you're on the coast.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

inch gale.

yeah, but you know those stories, they're all very good and they sell things and all, but there's a house in the States, right?

Again, you might be able to find it there.

There's a house in the States and I think the Amityville Horror might have been filmed at it, or one of those movies.

But this house in this little town in America is completely...

is completely mad.

The...

the...

the ga...

hang on...

G -A -I...

J -I...

can't pronounce what the ghost is called.

that the one?

Apparently that is just absolutely mad.

Any families that have ever moved in did have to move out.

I've had to move out.

Mm

No, I see.

But why would you put yourself through that?

Let me get more photos of the house.

I know.

Where's something?

How could you hide something like that though?

How would I?

Yeah, I see what you mean.

It does have like a typical Halloween house look to...

I'll them that picture there.

a movie was filmed and they filmed the movie in the house, right?

And sort of like over a period of two or three years, all the actors died in mysterious circumstances.

no.

So yeah, stuff like that.

But then it has to be, coincidence has to come into it as well.

I don't know, I don't know, I just, I just...

happened to that movie Carrie, remember Carrie, the wee girl Carrie?

In the film the movie called Carrie and they all died in mysterious circumstances as well.

So, know, a few things like that.

just, I would just rather not think about it.

And then, then it just wouldn't happen.

that space station up there, not worrying about it.

I don't

Wondered as anybody, you know, when we go back to where we all came from, we go back to like how we arrived and they're up there.

Right, I wonder, you know, would they ever get a visit?

I

I'm just Sam, you know.

Yeah, I just know.

think if you start, what's the word, like opening up that side of the world, like you're asking for trouble.

Yeah, quite possibly, but I still go down the conspiracy theories.

I don't believe that ever.

Do you believe any conspiracy theory?

There's someone on my Facebook and every day he's out taking photos of this guy and saying about the planes and the trails.

a couple of things that on on those conspiracy theories that that do have me thinking sometimes.

And again, no disrespect to anybody, but one of them is 9 -11.

And I've watched several conspiracy theories on that.

And then even with my background and stuff, you you wonder and how did that not couldn't happen and this couldn't happen.

And the Pentagon thing, you know, like, where's the wreckage and things like that, you know, where's the like, all these

Boeing 757s and 767s, they're friggin huge.

There's always something.

And my past experience in my career, anything you go to, there's always something.

There's something.

There has to be something.

In that pen, there was nothing.

The Pennsylvania thing, there was nothing.

There wasn't even a wheel or a seat or a bit of a fin or a wing.

There has to be something.

So I just, you know, how could anybody, you know,

cover all that up or arrange all that, which is the other side of it of course.

And then the other conspiracy thing is the moon landing.

The more you watch that and the more you see the different perspective of the flag flying, who put the camera there before the bloody thing landed?

How did the camera get there?

The camera's there, video not landing, so how did that work?

You know, why is the flag originally fluttering in a so -called non -atmospheric place with no wind?

Yeah, there's something about shadows too as well.

Is there something that shadows?

Yeah.

How did the film and get the footage back off the blast off from the moon?

How did they get the footage back from that?

I'm gonna, I haven't seen this.

Was that camera connected to wifi?

Why did this work?

Maybe they had that.

What's that new thing called that Elon Musk has that is a star, a star linker star or something like that.

Maybe they had that.

I haven't.

2025 pistol and we've only got five Jane or phones which doesn't work.

Starlink thing which is really good from what I'm led to believe has only been developed over this last number of years but way back in the 1960s they were talking back from the

bloody moon and sending video

When you say it like that.

For the last item of this podcast, let's sit and we'll watch the first moonlight.

Because I have not watched this video in years.

So here, so we're starting off.

So here's the rocket, right?

I'll not put the full volume up, put a wee bit of it.

no dispute that that that took off yes there's no dispute about that yes but then back in the 60s what a great achievement that was even for that now here we go right

the footage of the thing landing.

You can see the moon coming.

I'm going to be honest with you.

The moon looks a wee bit suspicious.

But anyway, here's the thing.

I've landed.

The engines stopped and so on.

Right?

So when they open the door and they're coming out, how come the camera was out there videoing them coming out?

Maybe did he run out and set the camera and then he went back in again and he's now going for a second take.

So here he is, he's coming out of the...

who put the camera there?

Now, has this footage been slowed down or is this as slow as he's walking?

Well that's the way they walk apparently.

So there is, there's a footstep on the moon.

and resend one small step from mine.

huh.

Everything is very slow and very cinematic I must say.

What's this?

It looks like a golf buggy he's driving to.

Right here he is.

See, honest, seeing the more I watch this, it looks, it does look a bit suspicious.

Now what weight is that car when there's no atmosphere?

That car must be 50 or 80 or 90 tonne.

How did they get the car there?

In the rocket?

No.

There was no room in that wee pod thing.

How did they get the car there?

Is this him about to put the flag up?

this?

I think if you look away in the very distance you can see a door.

here's something else taking off.

videoed that?

You

I must say it's been a while since I've seen that footage.

Who video, so the question for this podcast and for the punters is who videoed that robot taking off?

Right?

And are you telling me, are you telling me back in those days, how did they get the SD card out of that camera?

So how did that footage actually get back?

suppose they couldn't stream it either in those days, could they?

Is dead?

That's too many questions in my head now.

So you tell me how all that happened in the 1960s.

Mobile phones weren't even invented and they're talking back and forward no problem.

A funny thing, a lot of people are going to have a lot of opinions on this.

And the only delay was, hey, how's it going, Houston?

Beep.

Great.

Beep.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, that was it.

And now if I'm phoning you I'm going, hello?

Hello?

You're breaking up Pistol, you're breaking up.

that is true.

Yeah.

you with no signal?

How many times have we sat on those radios and there's no signal?

I know, I know it's like in a bunker.

Yeah.

Yeah.

are sitting up on the bloody moon.

Talking away like a snow baller.

I don't, I don't...

think this podcast is going to give you any answers.

I have no answers.

Yeah.

I tell you what we'll do when Bonprin's back the next time we'll put it to him and we'll ask him.

He'll know the answer.

He'll no doubt he'll give you a rundown of how it's streamed back and all.

He'll be getting the opinion and he'll just have to follow that opinion.

It happened.

That's what you'll get.

It Like Sarah said.

until that moment, we'll see you next time.

That's good.

That's good.

Like and subscribe.

Yeah.

sleep well.

Hahaha