welcome back to the Unscripted Bander podcast.

are episode 19 now.

All three of us back together.

Yeah, the Banford returns.

Yes, I had to come back.

Have you seen the numbers in the last episode?

It was a disaster.

Yeah, was one less, I think.

Because you weren't there.

What about, speaking of which, what about your egg situation?

Did you take the thing back?

no, took the, funny I've just used it there tonight, I took the cardboard thing off it, the cardboard holder.

It sits up alright, it certainly wouldn't be 100 % safe, but it sits up when you can get an egg done.

So I just had one there tonight, I had an egg with my tea.

It's not the type of thing that you'd wanna walk away from and let it sit for too long, but it was alright.

I if I go back to this thing, it was the pistol fella who put me off taking it back because I thought if I go back with this thing and they say take off the cardboard thing

and it sits up.

So I didn't want to be a mug for a fiver.

I didn't want to look stupid.

Now, well, you know, I got do with the fibre, but at the end of the day, thought, no, I better not go back and look stupid like this.

So I say I used it there too, and then when I did go lift it, I burnt the handle myself, the bloody handle was rusting.

It was sitting right over the top of the gas.

But you see, I was saying to Pistler before we came on to this, you see, I'm a bit like you, Banford.

I have to cook for myself.

He goes in, it's all laid out, prepared.

Dinner, hello fresh, or whatever it is he's getting, and it's all spread out.

starter, main meal, dessert.

He has the whole ensemble.

See, particularly lately.

So I've re -read Anthony Bourdain's book.

I've just finished Marco Pierre White's autobiography and now I'm getting into cooking, right?

And like I will regularly, I will regularly drop into our group chat.

Yeah, it was a steak, onion rings, carrot and parsnip and some champ.

Wow.

thought you'd went out for that dinner.

didn't realize you cooked up.

No, and a wee bit of red wine and I actually cooked off a second steak which I'll have later today.

Alright.

Did you cook the steak in the red wine?

Wrap it in tinfoil, it in the fridge, it does more than three days.

But yeah, so that's, I don't know if it's just subconsciously, you know, listening to all these tales from the kitchen that I'm just being motivated, but suppose you have to eat,

you?

Are you enjoying it?

I do enjoy, like I stick on some music or a podcast and I enjoy cooking.

I find it quite, see I'm quite a creative person, you know, so.

hangs right out of you.

It's time and this has to be ready in 10 minutes.

So that has to be ready at that temperature.

So you have time that to be ready at that time.

It's too mathematical.

Enjoy it!

we don't want to hear from you because you just walk in and it's all sitting on the table.

don't want - where have you got this idea from?

honestly, I do not

hear from you, Trinica.

You walk in, money I want, fair pay, pass up.

And it's all laid out.

whenever I was at home, my mother would, same scenario, it was like an all -inclusive resort.

Every time you sat down, there was another plate of food that was put down in front of you.

So I know, I know.

Occasionally I'll go back and they'll force -feed me, yeah.

Well, here, I want to get to the, let's get to the point here, right?

Well, speaking of all inclusive, I want to get, I want to get every, I want to get every detail of the holiday.

No you don't.

I want to get every single detail from start to finish.

you like bright?

No, I suppose I've got this white light.

you do look a wee but there's a colour around your nose.

You look a bit like you're carrying less stress, less of a burden.

Yeah, you look a bit more relieved.

Did you have a wank?

I was surprised myself, actually.

Thanks for holding on.

why on the front of all those Thomas Cook brochures they're doing that.

You

it's on the up.

I think it's that, what do call that, that stuff that was recommended by a colleague at work?

Syrah -jeet or whatever.

No, that's not crap, that doesn't work.

Syrah -jeet or something?

Syrah, you know that?

That so -called Asian tar paste or whatever it is.

It's all over the place, you hear all about it.

Syrah -jeet, it's meant to give you the spark of your life and all.

Nah, it doesn't work.

Again, how was your holiday?

You

Well, well what can you, you see I need to be very careful what I say about this thing because you know these places all have relationships with my employer so I need to be very

careful what I say about it.

I this chaos from starting to finish.

Okay

You know

about it is you turn up at the airport, but you went, what time was your flight?

seven.

Yes.

So you're up there from five o 'clock, right?

And of course,

don't mean to interrupt you, but I will.

I woke up that morning and you were at like six in the morning down at a pint?

I was.

You

I needed the calma nerves.

Okay, right, so.

you arrive up, you park your car, you get your ticket, like everybody knows this, who've all been to this place, and you jump on the bus and away you go across into the building

and then you stand and you queue.

And you just stand there and you stand there and you stand there and you look around you and there are two people on check -in desks.

Now some people might say, why were you queuing up at a check -in desk?

Well, the flight that I had had a free...

hold bag.

So rather than take all the liquids and throw all the liquids into this plastic bag and all this nonsense, 100 mils and all this nonsense, I put it in the hold bag.

So I had to stand and put this into the check -in thing.

So there were two people checking hundreds of people in.

So it was like 45 minutes there.

And then you go up to the security bit.

and you stand there for another 35 minutes.

Now, it wasn't as long for me because as I say, I didn't have any liquids.

I threw them all in the things.

It was only me standing.

I didn't have a bag or anything else.

So I was off with the belt, off with the shoes, the usual malarkey through you go.

And then you go from that into the facilities.

to the excitement not help you through that.

Are you not excited to get away?

You're stompin' for 45 minutes trying to get a bite.

Check that no.

Could you imagine, like, young kids and all with you?

Imagine young kids with you and stuff, you know.

You see it was a family friendly flight so there was loads of them.

And this is the other thing, I personally need to ask you this.

friendly?

What do you mean funny friendly?

Right, Pistol, would you, seriously, take your daughter?

Take your daughter, right?

on a flight at 7 o 'clock in the morning and haul her for a 3 and a half hour flight, would you seriously do that?

So we went to our our Disney flight last year was but it was the first one out yeah half six or something.

No no no just a Paris.

Right, was there any squill in the oven?

Well, typically that flight, because you go into Paris and it's that time of year, typically it was a Disney kind of crowd.

Right, so how does that affect, do you think, passengers who can't be bothered with that noise at six in the morning?

think you just expect that if you're going away at holiday season.

definitely, like remember a couple of weeks ago I had to go up and pick my brother, his wife and their two kids, young kids up from the airport and they were meant to come in at

three and then it was delayed to come in about half four, it's the same thing.

Yeah, but I just don't understand why you would have a six month old or a year old or a two month old or whatever baby on a plane at that time of the morning.

You know, I don't know why.

you like the one in front?

Yes.

Hey listen, do you remember -

to me all the friggin time, I'm the one in front and then on the way back, I'm the one in front of the five year old constantly kicking the seat and you're going, There's a lot to

be said about being a millionaire and having your own plane.

Do you by terms of you negotiated some sort of compensation before you left and they have free breakfast?

Yeah, how was the breakfast?

The breakfast was all right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Breakfast was OK.

And I seem to be the only one having a hot breakfast.

Everybody else.

Yeah, didn't seem to have anything.

But look, you know, once you get there and then once you get off and you get through all that stress and then I did send you the chaos and Faro Airport, those poor people were the

UK passport holders and the non -EU passport holders who were like there for four days trying to get through the security whereas us European passport holders are able just to

march ourselves round through the European gate and away you go.

And the same carry on coming back.

One question, was it hard to find your bus when you got to the airport?

god aye.

you

That's one thing I worry about.

Third one on the left, come out, go across, it's the third bus on the left.

L1 or L2.

But for frig's sake, you come out of that, I don't know if you've ever been to Faroe Airport, but you come out of Faroe Airport, and again, it's huge, and you're walking

about, no signs, no nothing.

Okay, were a couple of, if you remember, in the old days, they were called, and I remember my late father used to call them couriers, right?

You know, the holiday rep.

-huh.

Okay, right.

He used to call them couriers because he would have went up to them and said here curry these bags out to the bus So you found the courier at L2 down there five feet down go turn

left turn right turn so anyway, but the problem was then right Anyway, got myself down to the bus for sitting on the bus, right?

I gets onto the bus then I'm number five and we sat there and we sat there and we sat there and we sat there in the stifling heat and we sat there with the door of the bus open

because all the non -EU passport holders guess where they were?

yeah, still trying to get through.

I think of that.

They were still standing in the queue trying to get through the security.

Now, and I read from next year, you have to now have a visa to go to Europe if you're a non -EU passport holder.

A bit like a nice guy.

away soon and I have booked that same thing, the bus transfer.

Right, are you an EU passport holder?

Yes.

You are.

Well then you'll have no problems.

No, but I'm now thinking, now you're gonna have to wait for all the people who aren't.

Yes, yes, yes.

Well depends how busy the airport is of course.

But you have to sit there and wait for the people that are going on that bus to the different hotels because they're stuck at the so -called immigration because they are non

-EU passport holders.

So, welcome.

when the bus started to move, how long was the journey then to the hotel?

run forward 40 minutes.

40 minutes, okay.

Yeah.

Last two to get off, basically 40 minutes, know, because my hotel was like stuck out in the sticks, Ardol only.

Remember that one when it pulls up at a hotel and it's a real shithole and everybody's like, I hope this is not mine, you know?

know, I was crapping myself because I read the bloody review, rats, and we were lying at the pool and there was rats running around and there was flies all over the food.

I didn't witness any of that.

And it's very difficult and also very detrimental at what review you'd put on about somewhere because it can make people go, holy shit, I'm not going there.

But I didn't witness any of that.

The food was OK.

The place was clean.

There wasn't a lot of atmosphere about it, but it was clean.

comfortable bed, room was clean, dated, usual what you would expect from these holiday hotels.

Bathroom, dated, but clean.

And breakfast was all right.

The usual fruit, better ham, better cheese, bread.

The only downside was if you wanted to have breakfast, you only got one sausage.

Well, but

one bit of bacon, or as they called it, as they called it, and you two boys will appreciate this, as they called it on the sign above where they were cooking their hot

breakfasts.

What did I say?

One dose per person.

You only got the one dose every time.

Back up your point there about the reviews.

I was telling you about a week or two ago I did a wedding and a negative review came through and has since progressed to an online negative feedback review.

So listen, so I arrived, okay, let me get into this in a polite way, okay?

So the wedding reception was at, do you know Waterman House, Cathedral Quarter beside Hart Bar?

Right?

Saturday night.

to get to.

Saturday night, so busiest night of the week, also custom high squares on, so you have that traffic and footfall, So I was told I was starting at eight, so bear that in mind.

So I'm driving around trying to get a parking space count.

In the end, I had to park on the fifth floor of the multi -story at Seinan Square, right?

Then I had to haul a mobile DJ rig down.

On one occasion the flights of stairs, because the lift wouldn't come and there was a crowd building, but mostly using the lift.

It was a warm night too.

Multiple trips.

I got to the place, set up the stuff.

I probably started about a quarter past 20 past eight.

Then I asked, so they would have been asked in the run up to the wedding for a list of song requests and obviously first dance.

Nothing came through.

I cornered the bride and said, is there a first stand?

She says, she was Australian.

She said, no, we're not heavy one.

So I started the disco at 10 past 11, because I remember, you know, checking the time.

This guy came up.

No, I started the disco at about a quarter past eight, but at about 10 past 11, some guy came over and handed me an iPhone with Spotify open and said, can you plug that in and

just play that?

And I said, no.

And he said, why not?

And I says, because my name's not Alexa and you've not hired a smart speaker, you've hired a DJ, you were asked for a list of song requests in advance.

you know, show me it.

I'll play most of what's on there, but I'm not just plugging it in.

What's the point of me standing here then?

So he sort of scrunched up his face and marched off.

Next thing the groom came over and he asked me to do the same thing and I refused to do so.

And that was it.

So at about half 11,

the manager of the venue came over to me and said, wrap it up at 12, nobody's bought a drink since 11, right?

So at 12 on the button, I said, thanks very much, good night.

The party then realized what time it was and then realized that they were entitled to another hour.

So then the manager backed down, I played on, there was no issue there, played on till one.

So next thing a complaint comes through, when the DJ arrived, he looked rather flustered.

flustered and dragged a mobile DJ rig down a multi -story car park, right?

He was due to start at half seven.

He wasn't, he was due to start at eight, right?

And he refused to play.

They worded it as requests, but you know, I'll ask you two fellas as fellow DJs, if somebody handed you, you know, if somebody hands you or sends you a link in advance to

something like a wedding with a Spotify playlist, you will do your best to accommodate.

but you're not just gonna arrive, set up two speakers, set up the lights, plug Spotify in and just stand there.

Who was paying the bill?

I know.

That's not the point.

No, it's not the point.

It's not the point.

No.

if I employed you, Manford, as a DJ to come to me and I said you tell you what, just plug my phone in there and play all those songs, well surely your response would be dead on.

No bother about it.

at the time of booking a DJ, you had have made it clear that that's what you'd have wanted, I would have said, I'm not the guy for your party.

If you come to me at 10 past 11 while we're already into the thing and tell me to do that.

My example of that was it's like marching into the kitchen with a red email and saying to the chef, I don't like anything on your menu, you fuck that into the microwave.

So, customer's not always right.

The customer's not always right.

In this case, the customer's moron.

So that's that.

But I'm just looking for your opinion on how that played out.

But point was to follow on from you saw one hyper negative review of the place you were going to on holiday and naturally reacted to it.

Whereas your experience was very different.

Whereas, you know, I do weddings all over the land.

I have one negative review and now there's some traction to that, you know?

And all I'm doing is drawing more attention to it.

Well let's throw into the scenario you're a taxi driver right and you pick somebody up say on Lisburn they say take me to the Titanic quarter and you say right dead on mate and half

way down the road they say to you take me via Cumber to the Titanic quarter and you say no no no no I'm just gonna go straight to the Titanic quarter but hold on a second you're

working for me I'm paying you go to the Titanic or go to Cumber and then the Titanic quarter what's the difference?

if you'd have just plugged that in right

-huh.

End of story, no hassle, dead on, there you go mate, there's your songs playing, dander about, do what you have to do, nip down the birch for a cocktail, come back up, music

still playing, I'm doing what you asked me for, because then if they came to complain and say he all he did was play a Spotify playlist, well hold on, that's what you wanted me to

do.

No, yeah.

in the taxi like get out of the taxi and I'll drive.

I'll drive instead of you driving

Yeah.

Yeah

that, let's go.

How is that?

How is that?

And also what I'm saying is, week or a few days later, I did a wedding and well in advance, the link came through to a Spotify playlist that those attending the wedding were

asked to contribute to.

This thing had hundreds of songs, but you go down it and I even have it open as you're doing the wedding and you lean into that, you work, you have your stuff that you're mostly

gonna play anyway that would happen to be on the playlist anyway, but nobody unless you're...

I can't imagine that person who would just go, yeah, yeah, yeah, no problem.

Play and just stand there.

I can't find that person in my mind.

Did you not have an incident like that up at the Galgorm where you were handed a phone and said just play that list and you did?

No, that's not ringing a bell.

No.

Was that not the party at the Galcorm?

Or was it, you said, they'd have been better having just a Spotify list because you just played songs, they didn't do anything.

Do remember that?

38th birthday, whatever it was.

What I'm saying, what you're saying when people hire you and they hire your service, if people well in advance request or make it clear what they want, but they can't come to you

at 11 and just expect you to like stick it in the autopilot for two hours.

Well, let me give you another quick scenario then.

You employ a bricklayer, right?

And you bring them down.

just finish that point and it's just one person, say there wasn't that many people in the room there was probably only about 30 to 40 but this is one person trying to dictate the

night.

But was it the brighter groom?

No, initially it was one person, then the Grim chipped in, probably because he went to him.

And you have to factor in alcohol as well, he's then gone to him and gone, your DJ won't do, you know.

But if you did do that, if you did plug that in, right?

What's the comeback?

I plugged it in, you told me to plug it in, I plugged it in, there you go.

Because people don't own you, they're not like, you may as well, here mate, I know I've hired you as a DJ, here's a mop, can you go in and do the floor?

Like, you don't own me, you're hiring me as a DJ.

I think there's difference of like asking for requests through the night and then giving you an exact list that you have to play the entire night.

Yes, there's a difference between coming up and saying, can you play these five or 10 songs or just saying here, plug this in.

As if like your music's not good enough, put mine on.

Or I just want to completely dictate the whole thing,

Mm, yeah.

a second.

It's my night.

I'm playing for it.

So you'll play what I give you

So okay, let's go round the room.

So Paul, you would do it.

Yeah, I think under those circumstances, yeah, I would do it.

Right, Pistol?

I would take, I wouldn't make it, maybe we wouldn't make it as obvious.

I would maybe take a note of the songs that were there and say like, I'll work them in.

Maybe at some point.

I don't know if I would take the phone off and literally plug the phone in.

But why not?

I just think any other people will be like, they would think that you're not, they would think that they're trying to say that you're not good enough so plug their music in

instead of your music.

know that kind of way.

on let me say something

they've already sent you a list of what they want you to play anyway.

haven't

In this scenario they haven't.

In this scenario they haven't.

You've got nothing, you haven't even got a first dance song.

So my point is to, you know, relate that to any profession.

Like say a mechanic, that's like me throwing my car in and saying, mate, I'm hearing a rattle, what do you think?

And then he starts to work at it and then I say, move you on back, I'll fix it.

It's such a fine line but then people don't see that when they're out there drinking and they want to hear a certain song and they just think the whole room wants to hear the same

song as them and there's a it's a lose -lose.

but the general public I think think that DJs go out, set up the speakers on our BMP for just playing what they want to hear.

Yes, it's a weapon!

No, but as a normal human being, in my own free time, I'm not sitting here listening to Westlife, Girls Aloud and the Cha Cha Slide.

So you get a list of playlists right, let's go down this hill, you get the playlist and of course you get this nonsense about where they have asked all their guests to provide their

favourite song, it's a load of nonsense, they've provided their favourite song which means and brings back a memory to them and maybe one of those songs is bloody well, for example,

The White Cliffs of Dover.

reminds my granny of the times you threw the spitfire.

Right, so you come back and you look at that and you go, I'm not playing that crap.

You know, and you go, I write Dead On.

You know, I remember when my grandfather used to carry a grenade and he used to play this song and I remember from 1925.

You know, so hold on a second.

Yeah, yeah, Dead On, I'll do that.

I'll do that.

I'll do that.

But the point then you try to make to the bride and groom after that is look, that means nothing to nobody apart from your granny who flew the Spitfire over the White Cliffs and

over.

But that scenario had happened earlier in the evening.

The bride's mother came over and asked for, know that song, Love is in the Air?

I've never played that at a wedding in my life, but she asked for it and I stuck it on.

Yeah, and it got a bit of a reaction.

And I played it because she wanted to hear it.

Somebody else asked for Fallout Boy and Paramore, which I would never normally play at a wedding, but I stuck it on and there was a reaction to it.

There's a difference between somebody coming up and going, hey, how you doing?

Would you mind sticking on?

or coming up with a phone and a 3 hour playlist and just go and play that.

you

You had another conflict too the other day didn't you with the Garth Brooks song?

Not Garth Brooks, was it the Westlife one?

No, was it not Garth Brooks in Newcastle?

Hear me play Garth Brooks?

This is hilarious actually I sure told you that This is this was funny though, so this was a wedding at the Sleeve Donnerd right and as soon as I started as soon as I started I

looked to the left and there was this guy I would say early 50s early early to mid 50s and he stand there you know his hands in his pockets and I went over to say hi mate and he

goes here you wouldn't have any gas books with you and I says yeah I normally do play his stuff

Nice one, play friends in low places.

And I says, yep, no problem.

And he went, now we'll need a system.

And I said, a system?

And he went, something that lets me know that you're about to play it so I can begin to make my way to the dance floor.

And I said, what do you suggest?

And he says, what about you pick up your microphone and you just say, Brooks, Brooks, and I know it's time.

And I went, or you could just wait until you start to hear other popular country songs and then it's gonna be on the way.

And he went,

Radio!

That'll work, that'll work, right?

So every 20...

Radio, radio.

Radio, radio, radio!

So, about every 20 odd minutes, this guy appeared in front of me and he just went, Gareth Brooks.

And I went, yep, it's on the way, mate, it's on the way.

And, you know, he never stepped onto the dance floor.

He circled it like a boxer and then would try and stare me out, just like, Gareth Brooks, you just hear that every 20...

Gareth Brooks!

Somewhere in the room, Gareth Brooks, So, about...

I dunno, an hour and a half, two hours into this thing, bearing in mind it was a five hour gig, so it's way too early to start playing that sort of stuff, he came marching over to

me and he goes, what's the crack here?

You gotta play Garth Brooks or not?

I have two young 'uns need home to their bed.

And I sort of thought like, there's two ways you could react to that, right?

So the reality was I just played it just to get him out of my face.

So what you had was Whitney Houston's I Wanna Dance With Somebody, Garth Brooks' Friends in No Places, and I raise yours a little respect.

and other hobby, could have went home and put the brats to bed and put Garth Brooks only Smart Spokker.

did kept thinking to myself, I thought like, I guarantee you probably own every song he's ever recorded.

Why don't you just go and listen to it?

you know, I'll not mention his name because he might not want this, but another DJ had said to me that there was a guy hassling him one night for a song.

And he said, yep, no problem.

And he came up and he said, yep, no problem.

Yep, no problem.

And then he says, are you going to play it or what?

And the guy handed him the headphones and he says, what's that for?

And he says, you listen to it.

And he says, yeah, but it's not coming out the speakers.

no no no no no, it's not gonna work in the room but you wanna hear it so there you go.

I feel there's always that one person and they just spoil the night for you.

in my mind, that's all I think about them for the rest of the night.

That one guy or like, know, that one person who said something.

But I think too, you know, but is it a case though that like everybody has so much music easily accessible now on their phones, their smart speakers, you know, is it, is the whole

concept of a DJ and the public's perception, is there no respect there for it as some sort of like strategy or, or the art of building a night or an atmosphere?

Is it just like, yo, sticking on, I want to hear it.

Do these people want a DJ or do they want an entertainer?

I think they just want music.

plug in my Spotify into your PA system, there you go, case solved.

But more and more of these people now want an entertainer, they don't want a DJ, they want an entertainer and they want play your cards right and they want friggin Mr and Mrs and

they want Kayleys and they want all this.

Are you a DJ or are you an entertainer?

I don't necessarily agree with that.

I think some people want that and others just want you to shut up and play the music.

Right, so then just plug in, if they come up to you and say, where's my playlist, plug that in and let it go.

What about if they had sent you that list off that playlist and just you stuck it on your machine and let it play?

What difference would that have made?

If that had to come through even a day before, right?

I would have looked at what I would normally play, looked at what they want and worked with it.

But to just go do that, that's...

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And has this spiralled out of control now, Banford?

Is this complaint now an official complaint?

It just exists in the world, but my point is, just to circle back, it was just, again, backing up.

Maybe you had a disgruntled version of that who then made up something about rats and stuck it online.

You can just write whatever you want.

That's exactly right.

I agree with that 100%.

You can just put on whatever you want and people will go, my god, I'm not going there as in my scenario, which turned out to be all right.

And I'm sure your thing turned out to be all right too, till you tried to wrap it up at 12 o 'clock.

Like you are not on a winner there.

But that wasn't, again, you're only going by trying to keep even the venue happy and you know what I mean?

So why did he want to, see there again, even he's bloody wrong.

So if I had a pet for that venue to one o 'clock and he's coming along because nobody bought a drink that threw yous all out at 12, where's the refund?

Well, we all know what venues are like.

Well, you know, in a normal scenario when it hits 1 a it's get the hell out.

Yeah, at the very start of all this crap and we all know, you you go to the wedding planner and you go to the hotel and it's, yes, we'll provide this and we can do that and

we'll put on the table and we'll be looking at, and then come one o 'clock, let's get them out.

It's over, done.

Yeah, yeah.

But again, I'm sorry, I didn't mean, I just wanted to make a point there.

I didn't mean to go off on such a tangent.

But yes, continue about your holiday.

It's obviously Bonfort affected you.

It's not affected me, it's...

No, I wouldn't say that.

What I would try to say is...

It would put you off humans, would put you off like common sense, would make you think there's lot of really dumb self -absorbed wankers out there.

So have you lost your 5 star rating then, are you back down to like 4 .2?

Joke's on you, I never had one.

didn't have a five star rating?

No, well not me personally.

get one now the way you're getting on there.

That's three or four, three or four that have collided with you.

Or it's the old pistol fella who goes off, plays his organ and throws on a few tunes and everybody thinks he's great.

think sometimes less is more.

You just, just, just, just play the music.

I had a guy come up to me outside, outside between whatever you want to say, Dairy London, Dairy, between that and between Muff as it was, there's a wee time there.

Some guy said, play some ECDC or you get burnt out.

Wow.

And that's the type of people I think, I don't know.

That was his words.

That was his line.

And I was like, it is those people who just like stand in front of you and they say a request.

I've had like even that weekend there, there was a guy who said something.

can't remember what it was, but it just stirred you.

Even when they're sitting at their table, just stirred you waiting.

Like they're entitled to hear this song.

You should have stuck on the Prodigy and Firestarter, that would have fixed them.

I'm gonna be a Firestarter!

And then the usual, know, will you play, will you play grace?

Will you play this song that I'm showing you on Spotify that has an Irish flag on the front of it, has wolf tones, you know, sung by the wolf tones.

And then there's a whole argument there like, God.

Do you know what had the

at the stage where you're getting a bit fed up with?

at all because I think for the amount I'm doing at the minute to have one negative one, think you might say that's life.

what I'm trying to say is if I saw their point, but surely I'm telling you my version of event, there's their version of event.

And I think anybody as an outsider listening to the story would see you're up against it from the second you arrived after hauling the gear down five stories of stairs.

I wouldn't have done that by the way.

There's two you spoke at the same time there, what?

Was that a big pair that gig?

I'm sure that was a big 500 notes, was it?

I was no...

I'm...

I'm warm, but...

I'm warm.

I wouldn't have done that.

honestly, I would have just parked outside and got the gear out and just held up.

Like I would have to make a point of it is hard to get into so there's no other option.

You say that right?

Okay.

So I finished at one.

By about half one -ish, I'm looking at dragging the stuff out to the car.

So at that point, I brought the car out front of the venue.

And at that point, there wasn't, you know, when I first arrived, it was just taxi after taxi after taxi, and it's a one one -way street and a bit of footfall.

So I parked up on the curb, was bringing the stuff out.

It was all ready to go, just lifting it from the door right.

And I could even see like drunk people, like,

smocking against your wedding mirrors and all,

But basically then you can sympathize with the hotel and the review then.

can sympathize with a hotel and a bar review.

That's the roundabout way of saying that

yeah, yeah.

to say is here, what I'm trying to say in my perception, I did the best I could based upon trying circumstance and yet a negative review.

So you're getting no thanks for the effort.

So I'm relating that to him, whereas those people maybe had the same experience he had.

He seems happy enough and they're using words like rats.

So here's the other question, would you go back there then?

That venue?

I don't think I would ever play that venue again, no.

Just out of the awkwardness of it, yeah.

And I'm sure once you post this episode, it won't be an option.

do, yeah, the sensible thing for those guys to do, but put in a bloody installation, a couple of speakers, a deck and a couple of lights, that's all they need.

And then you've no hassle, you walk in, plug in, away you go.

But you those places aren't designed, they're not designed for mobile DJs.

There's a whole lot of venues like that in Belfast and they're not designed for How do they help?

gonna bring you back to a contract that says, you your start time, and then they can make up a start time which is not true and stick that online.

Well, have you counteracted that?

Have you come back with your response?

thought it was best not to make a big thing about it.

Alright.

Alright!

What's the last 30 minutes you have?

Yeah, you're doing well.

Yeah.

Well, read about that on Northern Ireland's best DJs,

To divert slightly then, we're at the hotel.

we're at the hotel the hotel as I say was a typical holiday hotel and but you remember years ago when you used to go to Spain and these places and Benidorm and all this and the

hotels like really just crap and you and that's what you expected and you expected the single hard bed and the one sheet and look this place was alright

It was comfortable, it was clean, it had no atmosphere.

you know, you make, well it had no atmosphere.

There was no like music around the bar area or music around the pool bar area, but it had a nice pool bar area.

You could sit in the water beside the bar.

That was all nice, but no atmosphere.

But obviously it was a needs must for adult people who maybe didn't want that music noise, who didn't want children running about, who wanted to sit by the bar.

sit by the pool and just sit and sip a cocktail.

Yeah, grand.

It was grand.

you did FaceTime me one day from the pool bar and I believe you were nursing a hangover and it did look very quiet.

It did look very quiet.

It was empty.

It was empty like during the day.

People obviously buggered off elsewhere.

But it was overpriced for what it was.

But it was clean and it was okay.

It was all right.

But I did send you the thing about I went down into town and bumped into this busker guy and he was friggin' superb.

Nino Eze, you should look him up.

He was absolutely brilliant and he's coming up to the North West.

He's playing again in the North West in November.

but such a talent wow he was brilliant absolutely phenomenal he's coming he's been a gig in that place with the two names

I'm spying.

No!

From Portugal!

Bye Portugal.

from Portugal to play a gig...

here.

going to Holland and he's playing a couple of gigs in Holland and he's a couple of gigs down south and blah, blah, blah.

This, this, Nino S, look, check him out.

Get him on the thing there, Pisco and Alba Ferrera.

But he's bloody good, I can tell you.

Nino - Nino Ass.

Get him over there!

he was just in the street singing Street Caroll.

Yeah, you've got it in there!

I...

And to be at that point you'd been lying in the sun all day drinking?

I

Is this Nino West?

As ESS, think it is NENOESS, NENOESS, AlbaFERRA.

I want to get a photo.

I want to try and get a photo of him.

Yeah, I want to try.

It's not come.

videos you can get off Paul's socials.

Nino and I and

ESS.

NEE, ESS, NEE -no -WES.

hang on to that come up there Barcelona.

No, I'll be fair.

I know, so that's coming up in the name of a hotel, that's not him.

I'll prefer Old Town Portugal.

Let me, I want to the WhatsApp and I want to play the video of the busker because, no, he was good.

I would say that those are not just professional, the tour's round and not local to the place.

bye.

Bye bye.

But if you see that, that whole street is rammed with people.

Did you chat to him and tell him how much you enjoyed it?

yes!

He gave me his USB stick.

He gave me his USB stick.

I'm sure you did.

Did you give him a couple of quid?

No, because it's euros, man.

Did you give him some money, Weetep?

No, I'm cashless.

I just tap.

So that shows you what Puskers are up against, you loved it, you didn't even get me man.

know!

No sound there,

Madonna hat mics.

Are you sure that's not...

Andrew Tate?

That looks pretty like him.

These kids are good, right?

They're already be fun.

It's rummed!

Imagine trying to get the Peugeot parked there to gather up the gear.

Was that the best part of the holiday?

That guy was in the street, in that street in the old town there.

Those people just sort of flocked around him.

He does a Tuesday and a Thursday.

It's just rammed.

That's a Phantom of the Opera.

the other nights, what I'm saying is that just generally a busy place where people gather at night?

mean, the other nights when he's not on, would it be equally as busy for other people?

it certainly wouldn't be crammed like that.

I suppose it is the drinking area and the party area of the old town.

Not having been there before, I went a couple of times down there and it was just, as you can see, absolutely stuffed.

And what an atmosphere.

That guy, Balford, I was thinking about it and thinking about weddings and thinking about you and thinking about these so -called over 30s gigs and stuff that are all popping up

now all over the place.

you know, return to the coach and the legends and all these things and all these DJs here trying to come back and, relive the 80s and relive the 90s and all.

That guy would have been, would be phenomenal at something like that.

Absolutely phenomenal.

Than having a bloody DJs, I tell you.

He's here in November, I'm going to go up.

I told him I'm going to go up and have a chat with him, he's brilliant.

Absolutely great.

He's a type of guy.

If it was me getting married, I would have that guy.

He's an all round, as we spoke earlier on about like entertainer, played the tunes, brilliant, great singles, great singing.

I really prefer, or Pistla, if you could get one of the clips, not that other crappy clip that I had, because I was blocked, a couple of bloody clips from his YouTube or from

Facebook and stuff there with that crowd.

And he's doing edge sharing and doing Coldplay and the script and...

Kings of Leon, Saxon Fire and stuff and the place going mad.

And how do you think Nino would react if halfway through the gig he came up to him and said Nino I want to dictate your playlist for the rest of the night?

think then we'll tell your fuck off.

you

Let's be honest, I think that would be the scenario but then the difference is Bonford, I'm not paying you no!

Let's not get into this again.

No, you have it.

say, right, want you to play that, that, that, that, that.

Hey, let's get, nah.

So,

else very pixelated or am I just seeing myself pixelated?

Yeah, you're very...

and the...

I don't know if it's the same...

it's the same for me, but I'm just not getting it, but you two just keep dropping in and out screen -wise and sound -wise.

I go over it just says, actual recording is higher quality, but I just can't see myself for some reason.

She must be flat out and peppa pig.

at one point you were further away pestle and at one point you zoom quite in, the closer you zoomed in, the more blurry it was.

Well Pistole you need to take an authoritarian role and go straight in immediately and turn Peppa Pig off and put the tomb to bed.

I think that's the problem.

I think that's the problem.

come out and do your thing.

Here's the thing we changed internet, but last year we changed to Fibros and it was all going good.

it's, know, when it slowly starts to get the end of the contract, I feel there's something in that they do something to it and they, what's the word, decrease your quality or

something to try and make you, you know, upgrade or, know, like people say that the Apple or putting things in your phone to make your battery go down.

I'm convinced internet companies have allegedly do that.

you need to use that allegedly.

allegedly.

Or maybe they look on radio.

What's that?

Fiber to the, yeah, fiber to the home.

Is that what it is?

Fiber to the home.

the Bannford fella tried that but he's living in a dungeon there so he can't get that, he can only get like 32 megabytes a second or something, he's crap.

But his quality looks good.

They keep saying, every time I ring them, they'll say, any day now it'll be available in your area.

They've been selling it for about two, three years.

public areas, that's good.

You keep panning the moment, won't

In my area, cannot for about a week now, there's been no phone signal because the phone signal keeps going down.

There's no...

How can you get...

Like sometimes I am way out in the country and I'm getting like 5G and then he's getting closer to the city.

Nothing.

Nothing like 3G.

I'm going to tell you something, I turned the 5G off because it's crap.

The 4G is flying but the 5G just sits and spins and spins and spins.

See in Portugal there, it's flying, I just don't understand it.

And you come back to this nonsense again, you can't even phone in the banger.

Did you see yourself be relocating?

God, I've thought about a lot of What, didn't I live in Spain for two years?

But could you imagine you going to watch Nino two or three times a week?

I could end up Nino's warm up act on his manager, Tony.

What would you say?

What would you say is a Wormock?

I would just buy a Spotify playlist.

You

Do you not feel, what do you like to do in your holidays?

Is that what you like to do?

You like to go into the old town and have a few, or do you like to just sit by the pool?

I was into the old time, I did the boat tour.

I sent you a few pictures of the boat tour, didn't I?

Of the cliffs and the scenery and all that sort of stuff.

Taking all that in.

love all that.

Really good.

Then we went dolphin searching, trying to find dolphins.

I was very nearly going to go up on a paraglider or parasail or whatever you call that thing.

Yeah, I was very, very close to doing that.

But I got turned down.

So is that the one where you attach to the boat?

Aye, you tornt me down.

He turned you down.

Mm -hmm

Why?

Too heavy.

Didn't say that, did it?

It did!

He says that life vest will not fit you.

my God.

How'd you feel about that?

vest, I tried the life vest on, me being a man of particular body and soul, the life vest.

I'm so gonna do it!

The life vest did click in, but it was a tad under pressure.

A wee tad under pressure.

Nah, I wasn't wearing a jumper at the time.

Could you all listen to it now?

The straps were fully out pistol.

So my advice to him was to get bigger life vests.

As on my parting, my ...Patroy.

Now you can picture the scene.

I'm there in my shorts, ready to go.

My nice little t -shirt.

Hanky.

Ready for...

Ready for the Farah sale.

I think they're taking that away.

I said, well I can get that alright, so of course in front of all these wee slim things I'm sat trying to get on this life vest.

It did click but as I said it was a tad under pressure.

But then you have all these other wee dolls and all these wee lads who are know, six stone.

So I ended up then on the...

Look it would have been a tad...

When I thought about it, it would have been a tad...

out of place because we both held ten and they're all sitting you know we large and no well they both took ten but they put two up at once

Right, there was two in the harness and two would go up at once.

But you know, had wee Jim Enies girlfriend and all these wee things all sitting, know, all scantily clad and trying to, you know, push their way up on the friggin thing and there's

me sitting, you know, a more mature sort of girthy man in the middle.

You you could have been saving for their bloody father, but you know, you're sitting there and who turns it now?

It's my turn, my turn!

So, yeah.

how how much, like, have I ever run up?

Does the boat need to get you up in the air?

Well, yeah, so I got turned down, I did try it.

It 45 euros, but I took myself off then and got a jug of sangria.

You got high anyway.

I saw you seemed to indulge in quite a few, I mean you were good to yourself, I saw quite a big stakes and stuff.

aye, aye.

Especially that one you had to cook yourself.

That came out, but then again, hold on a second, I sent you a picture of that, that was like a side of beef, and I was talking about it on the radio the other day, about this

side of beef that came out that you had to cook yourself in this hot stone business, right?

How much was that?

30 euros.

You wouldn't get that here for 30 euros?

And to crooked yourself though, that's what I don't really understand.

Well look, I've only ever done that once and there was a place in Banbridge I went to one night but it was rammed but everybody's cooking off this hot plate stone thing and you

couldn't see in the bloody restaurant for the smoke you know coming off the bloody meat and you went in there and you came out stinking and you couldn't see with that smoke and

there wasn't enough extractors and all that sort of business but of course that was outside 28 degrees 7 o 'clock 8 o 'clock at night

and you're just cooking it over a stone cutting off a wee piece and doing it nicely whatever way you want.

It was a nice experience and I must say I enjoyed it.

But for that piece of meat I would say that on the Banford's Butchers are for 60 quid.

Don't fall.

Don't fall.

that.

Doubtful, but you wouldn't get a piece of meat like that, you know, as thick as that.

That would have to be cut.

That would have to be cut, Banford, not these islands.

You know that way you'd produce a sirloin steak there and it's like ham?

You see, you need to be careful because certain people listen to this podcast and then you might look for another meat order and then it's like, my hands are tied.

My hands are tied.

I'm not a clairvoyant.

You left the phone, you say Bamford, I'd like another bag of meat please.

I thought was a weekly thing but then you tackled me you said that should do you a month.

So you message me and you say Bamford at another wafer thin steak and I will make the necessary arrangements?

like, two pasties and a bit of chicken and two burgers should do me a month?

Like, ta -da!

Hold on, no, we've already had this conversation, no doesn't matter.

imagine that you would get up early for the sun beds.

No, did you have like a wake up call?

No?

Any amount of sun beds, not enough people.

Right.

Is that because of the adult or anything?

I think so.

I think that's the glory of an adult omeceus.

And you know what the other big benefit was?

No slamming doors up the corridor.

No people tromping up, trailing their bloody brats up the hall.

know, none of that.

Why is everyone in here all late from Belfast?

Why do they all have a stroke?

None of that nonsense.

You end up in your room and say 11 o 'clock at night if you wanted or 12, it was quiet, you were able to sleep the whole night.

No nonsense.

Whereas as we all know, if you go down to any of these hotels and there's four five youngsters in the room next day and they're squealing and yelling, Pissle when you get to

this age you will understand.

What was the, what was the beer, was it Sagris?

Cyprus, yeah.

Very good.

And San Miguel was another big one.

Huge Spanish influence down there, obviously, you know, and the language is very similar to Spanish and then I have, I can speak Spanish, so I was able to coerce myself.

Hmm?

can you speak?

Are you fluent?

no, I be fluent but can speak Spanish, can hold a conversation and I can't speak Catalan now but can, or the Basque area of Spain, it's a completely different dialect but from my

experience down in the South, you know, I can get by and I can do stuff and order what I need and talk to people, order a taxi, tell them where I want to go, that sort of stuff.

But the Portuguese is very, very similar.

Like in Spanish for the bill it's La Cuenta por favor, right, so that's the bill please.

Whereas in La Cuenta, La Cuenta, favor.

Quent de Port -au -Pivot.

Yeah, that's Spanish for the bill please.

So in Portuguese, it's very similar to that.

in Spain, for example, if you're saying thank you, it's gratia and denara, you're welcome, that type of thing.

But in Portuguese, it was completely different.

was alabalgo.

Do you not fear that if you start, do not fear if you start speaking Spanish they think that you know how to speak Spanish and then you end up in the conversation that you don't

know what they're saying?

No, do you know what I think they think?

I think they respect you more for it because you're trying to do their lingo.

Now the French are friggin mad.

I was at the motorbike in France there in April and they will not, they just will not, you know, and I have no French at all.

But one of the guys who was with me had a wee bit of French and he was able to, you know, wee tiny bit of French.

And they sort of respected him more than they respected me because I had no idea what they were talking about.

And those people were speaking English, I heard them speak in English, but they wouldn't coerce with me in English because they just don't do it for badness.

Yeah, I got a really grumpy waiter in Paris when I ordered this thing and I didn't know what it was.

I knew it involved eggs, but obviously didn't really look at the menu.

And he came out and what only can be described as he brought me chips with a fried egg on top.

And I thought I was getting like some kind of succulent French dish.

then because I didn't say, well, I said thank you.

And because I didn't try to say thank you in French, he got really kind of arsey about it.

He just kind of shook his head.

aye.

Hmm.

All for not ten.

One moment to say.

How much French for eggs, pistol?

huh.

Is it not oofs or something like that?

Oofs?

La oofs or something?

I read it, I read it, I do not like egg frampon.

Single, oofs or something.

Oofs, yeah.

But it makes you think about, it makes you think about when you were back in school, why did you not sit and study the bloody languages and learn a bloody language?

But it's the strangest thing that couple of years I spent in Spain.

And because you were working with obviously Spanish people through an interpreter, you would start to pick it up and you do start to pick it up.

And that's how you learn it.

But to sit, think, in a classroom trying to read a Spanish book or read a, you can't do it.

I can't really read it now, but I can speak it.

ever go on that, is it place in the sun or you know that where you sell up here and you go out and you look at some of the places that you can get for the amount of money that say

you would sell your house for here.

Alright, but that was back then.

Personal arts not nice.

What would that be?

There was a, where my hotel was, was a villa being built across the street, right?

And this is the other thing that gets me as well.

These guys would arrive down about maybe seven o 'clock in the morning.

What they were doing was they were tiling the sun terrace.

Okay, so all these boys arrived and they're tiling the sun terrace up the stairs.

And the wee waitress who obviously I've got to know, and I said to her, know, what sort of money would you pay for that across the street?

And I thought to myself, 300, 350 ,000 euros maybe?

It was a very nice house.

Much.

Are you talking like an apartment?

Kind of villa or a house.

villa, a house.

Two story house, but very, very, very Portuguese, sun terrace, big, big wide windows, open area, lovely big modern thing.

I thought about 350 ,000, my bieis.

We can go more than that.

You know?

What was it?

Wow.

God, where were you staying?

Cross the road from a

Wow.

built on a bit of waste ground, two million, your woman says two million, two million?

So, but it's right down near the coast and it's, you know, it's in a very affluent area, Alba Fera, it's only ten minutes from the centre of the old town.

I don't like their style like they're it's all very beige.

Everything's beige like beige tiles.

No, this, no, no, no, this was white, white, and nice lovely grey tile.

It was a very modern, lovely looking villa type of thing that you would, you would jump at.

You would just, yeah.

But, you know, I remember sitting, all that place in the sun and all that sort of stuff.

Yeah, I would love to do that.

And I did do it.

I did do it as you well know.

But I'm going to tell you, unless you have something to do, and here's a bit of advice for anybody that watches this, thinks I'm going to sell up and go and live in Spain.

Great.

Fill your boots, but make sure you have something to do because you can't sit about the pool all day, every day.

You just can't do it mentally.

Plus, I like a blast of hate, but if it was hot all the time, and also, their plumbin's dodgy.

But know what, Banford, good morning to my mate for DJs.

Right there?

why?

Every bar has a DJ.

There's DJs, they're all over the place.

But they don't speak, they just sit there and play Spotify music mixes.

But they're getting well paid.

They're everywhere.

But the only issue is you're there to maybe five in the morning.

So a younger man like yourself, Bonford or Pistol would thrive out there.

But for me, I've been there to learn.

I used to gig in a bar when I was out there and...

It was called Leniker's Bar and it was owned by Gary Leniker's brother.

No way!

When?

I can't believe you're only bringing this up now!

Yeah, I do, Jade, in there, down at the Port of Benoist.

He's like a big public figure of scrutiny, isn't he?

Yeah, I went down there and DJ'd down there many years ago in Lenikers Bar, which was the very top of Port of Benoist and you were there maybe four or five in the morning.

The money was good and the banter was good and there was loads of everything you'd want.

But there was loads and loads of different gigs going out there, all that sort of stuff.

very good.

Very good.

all back, like I'm going back.

in somewhere like what do you play you're not gonna play be Grease Megamix are you?

No, you play this year we're off to sunny Spain, a vie via Spagna.

Ole, ole, ole, ole, ole.

You play what's ever relevant, piss alone the day.

The big thing that I used to play out there, and it was one of the ones that I brought back here as well, do you remember call me Spagna?

Call me, call all that sort of stuff, all that summer stuff.

love the fact that you brought it back here.

Well, was never new.

I was in the Dawn Royal here at the time and they had never heard of it.

Would you play the Macarena?

Out there?

I've an account number.

I'm talking 16 years ago.

long time ago, but that barn was closed down, that's all.

I was there, I went back there before Christmas and that was all closed up.

There was a whole controversy going on there, it was all closed up.

You what I love to do?

Maybe can't do it now.

I would love maybe if I wasn't a DJ, maybe if I was like a hypnotist or or I was a magician or so I would love to be able to do something like that right and go on like the

cruise ships and do like you know a year on a cruise ship doing.

I think if you're a hypnotist or a magician your life's easier than like say a DJ or a musician because you just go and do your thing and that's what you do.

I think that's what you do you know.

there was a hypnotist on before me at a birthday party fairly recently and he arrived after a good couple of hours of drinking.

And for something like that to work, you need people's attention and you essentially need silence.

And there were quite a few kids running around and bursting balloons and conversations.

And he kept having to go, excuse me, excuse me, of attention, bit of shush, please shush, shush.

And.

In the end, he only got about five volunteers and out of that, he was only able to briefly hypnotize two and put one into a deep trance.

And then he even kept saying, this isn't really working because it almost seems like I'm like embarrassing this girl because she's the only one, any more volunteers, any more, and

nobody went up.

Do you know I think it blows your mind though when you're there in person and you see someone getting hypnotized?

But do you believe in that?

I wish I could do it.

I wish I could have that kind of power over people.

I only believe in it because I've seen it several times and I know a guy who does do it.

So I think I do believe in it.

Yeah.

I don't think people are, people who are planted if you go to a show or something like that, but...

people are planted pistol because I did the same thing gigged one night in this guy and he'd whispered in your woman's ear now when I tell you to do this you do this and you do

that and all this sort of nonsense.

a wedding and you're gassed, why would you do that?

to please the feminist.

it's entertainment, but I don't believe in it.

I don't think it's...

You know, when I click my fingers, you'll be a dandy, lan.

But would you ever listen to any, there's stuff available online that will like relax you or calm stress or maybe give you a better night's sleep?

And I would occasionally, but before it starts, it's like, you know, find a comfortable place, lie down, no distractions, take the phone off the hook.

So having experienced that, to then a guy walks into a room with kids running around and drunk people, it's not gonna work.

But I know people who have been hypnotized to stop smoking.

I'm sure, but apparently it only really works if you're quite highly intelligent.

To where fucked?

that's a bit of a head -winds, I'll say.

I don't know, don't know if I believe in it.

I was on a cruise there last year as well and there was a hypnotist magician and I thought the whole thing was all a setup and it looked all plank to me and I thought to be honest

the people who were on the stage were crew members because I'd seen them about I thought that's not that's a whole setup it's not a that's not a real thing.

Have you ever read the game?

No, I wouldn't be as intellectual if you've heard.

There's a book over here.

There it is.

read it.

The only book I've ever read in my life is Jeremy Clarkson's Farm.

the right?

And it's all about, yeah, it's the secret society of pickup artists.

It's how you manipulate people, specifically in this case, women.

And it's all about, know, without, just something that stands out to me was say you saw a woman that you quite liked in a bar.

If you made a beeline for her as a stranger and just launched into conversation, you're probably not gonna get anywhere and her guards up, et cetera, et cetera.

But if you wait for her to go somewhere like the bar,

you go up beside her with the intention of ordering a drink and then you just at some point subtly, have you got the time or who you here with?

You're more likely to have more, there's always these subtle ways about doing things or if you see a girl you like and she's with a group of friends, if you give more attention to

one that you don't particularly like, she can't help then start to get jealous and develop a slight interest in you.

because that's the way women are?

I do.

I have no, no, I do.

I do believe, I do believe that it's all there is tricks in the mind.

They will definitely.

In fact, here's a, and I've just pulled up a completely random clip of online about a guy who's hypnotized someone in the audience with TV show.

I don't feel here audio or not.

Is that a woman?

Yes.

Can you hear it?

So nice.

No.

Nope.

It is a woman.

It's got ponytail.

Some man -of -port details.

So these people are all happy to taste in the audience.

He's saying there in the clip that he had five minutes with them before the show to plant this whatever it was into their mind.

And then he's recalled it now in the audience and he recalls whatever word it is and they instantly just fall asleep.

think if you're a hypnotist or a magician performing in a theater, you can smuggle in a plant.

But if you walk into your wedding, people are gonna say, who's this guy that's, you know what I mean?

say they can speak to the dead and, and, and, you know, bring people back and there's a woman who keeps coming up on my time name from here and there's like, she passes the mic

around the room and people are saying that she's speaking about their granny or granda and just getting every detail.

Right.

There's a great documentary on YouTube about Darren Brown basically spending time with a load of UK people who claim to be able to do that.

And he's like, it's not possible.

Nobody has that ability.

So he travels around with these people who claim to be able to do it.

And he just keeps calling them out and calling them out.

But it's also interesting to see, he basically,

His voiceover is letting you know why that person's saying that to that person because there's certain tells you would give you.

People seem to blink or respond or they'll have a slight facial expression that would lead you in one way.

I got involved one night in a bit of a party and they started the Ouija board and I could tell you it scared the shit out of me.

I don't know whether anybody was pushing the glass or not but I certainly wasn't pushing it but it was bloody scary.

It scared the shit right out of me.

in case.

and this thing started to spell out a name and all on the board and I go bloody hell you keep asking are you pushing it?

No, no, are you pushing it?

No, no.

Friggin hell, I never did it again but I don't believe in psychics and all that nonsense and where you go and they'll tell you I think you're gonna be a big star.

was it Port Stewart or one of those kind of like seaside shows they have and I went into this weird or something like that.

Like we carry a dirty caravan I went into and then she was saying all these things.

don't you're going to come into money and don't lend it to this person.

And then all this kind of generic stuff about relationships, you you're having a hard time with this person.

You need to clean, cleanse your life of the bad and all this.

It was of all very generic.

Wasn't very specific.

I used to work with a girl in Banford Nosier but I'll not name her.

She was on the radio for a while.

She went a couple of times to a psychic or whatever they're meant to be called and spent big money, £25, £30 a week ago but she swore that there's stuff that your woman told her

that she could not have known.

Yeah, but she also with respect and listen each to their own and if she got something out of it or it made her feel good, fair enough.

I do know who you're talking about, but I noticed that she would go like she would go and see somebody until she got a bit of bad news and then she would start to doubt them a wee

bit and then she would find another one and she would go and see them for as long until she heard something she didn't like, you know, but I actually went a few times with her

and I think I went three times.

and every single time the person refused to do me, they said they couldn't read me, they said, have a very cynical negative energy and it's just not gonna work.

I was like, no, I'm up for it, I wanna do it.

And maybe there's something to it, maybe people like that can read somebody who's more likely to be a little more, I wanna use a nicer word than gullible.

Well there was a bio, wasn't there a bio back in the day, and he was on a lot of the TV shows and a lot of the chat shows and he was able to talk to the deceased and talk to this

and talk to that.

But he started off, when he'd get the mic he'd go out onto the stage, I think he's actually passed away, he'd go out onto the stage and he'd, now yes, I'm hearing, I'm

hearing, now take in the audience, right, maybe 150, 200 people, and he'd say, I'm hearing, yeah, yeah, the word,

John comes to mind.

Anybody call John, and about 50 hands go up, I am John, I am John!

do you know, you'll know this.

Do know Clinton Baptist?

is that not...

Is that not what I'm trying to talk about?

Is it the guy?

he's a comedic.

He's pretending to be a clairvoyant, but he's a comedian, right?

He's very, like, pull up a clip, if he can, we'll watch it without sound.

we went to see him last year in the Ulster Hall and he just, for some reason, because I follow this guy's name's Alex Lowe and I follow him on social media and I don't know if he

reckoned, I don't know if he reckoned, I don't know, he follows me, I follow him, but he kept.

picking on me and he came over at one point and he went like, I'm getting a really, ooh, a really heavy spiritual energy around you.

Tell me this, are you wearing a cock ring?

real?

Christ.

What, the cock ring?

What about the guy Derek Acora?

yeah, he would...

I think he...

dick.

talking about, Derek O 'Cora.

Wasn't he then proven to be a fraud or something?

Wasn't it all bluff?

Yeah.

a thing.

Yeah, let I want to try and get signed.

Let me get my let me get my sign set up here.

Hang on

as they think you'd come here prepared.

Pistol, pull up if you can, Clinton Baptiste on Phoenix Nights.

My bloody bookmark fell out of my copy of the game.

God, what page were you on, Balford?

Right?

I did, I got really in there at one point.

It's not gonna work for some reason.

It's because I don't know how to get this out and...

It should just play the sound from the computer, which is what I'm trying to but it's obviously not.

Bad man, workmanship, bad tools.

I thought by this stage I think you would have invested in proper apartment pestle.

Do you ever feel like Paul when you're on downtown radio, you're talking to the dead?

Well, Banford, let's just say, let's just say, as you saw, my figures went up again by another 10 % there.

And, let's just say that, as the man says, you know, if you want to bring in, and competition between me and you on your wee radio show for five hours now, the figures say

it all, Banford.

So if you want to...

That bloody...

he's got it, he's got it, okay.

want to throw up the Raidyard figures?

Please do and let's compare and see where we stand.

I think you'll find Banford Ure in the trailing section.

tab audio and it was on tech.

Clint, Clint, where am I?

Clinton Bob Tastes?

I did that, I did that one time over here.

I tend to make a couple of takes.

He's made a couple of things.

I have time to get another Foster's.

you

I was gonna go send.

Yes, speaking about those, Clinton, Poptiste from Phoenix Nights.

Is that the guy you're talking about?

So is he taking the piss out of...

Hang on, is he a character of someone or is he just a random...

So he's a comedic actor in real life and this is just one of the characters he happens to play.

This was a character that first appeared in Phoenix Nights and then became so popular he now goes out and plays the likes of the Ulster Hall and stuff.

you

I'll fast forward to the.

John!

Hehehehehe

Let me just go across this other one here.

Is he kind of impersonating Derek?

Because he's he's scoushed and all, he's the right accent and all.

It's just, I don't know.

But then it's things like you don't know whether to believe it or not.

I wouldn't, it's bollocks.

Did you ever have anything charmed?

Like a snake?

I used to be years ago I used to be I used to have a very bad problem right with warts okay my hands and fingers were all covered in warts and no matter what you did you

couldn't get rid of them and my mom and my dad took me up to this this so -called wart charmer wearing the black arsha nowhere

and you put your hand out and she rubs your hand and covers it.

What she did was she cut a potato into four squares.

I remember this so well.

And she rubbed the potato, these squares of the potato onto each wart.

And she ran out some hookery, pookery charm crap.

And she says, you take that back and put that in the garden and bury it.

And as the potato rots, your warts will rot.

Shut up.

Six weeks, all my warts were gone.

Never had one since.

I swear.

well look it up I don't know I never had I never had a wart since and I mean I was covered in them I had like maybe seven on one finger and four or five on another finger and they

were everywhere big heavy warts and what used to happen when I was a school I used to bite them because they were hard skin I used to bite them and then they would start to bleed

and apparently if a wart it's like a Faruka if a wart starts to bleed and gets onto another part of your skin another wart will grow

because the blood is so, I don't know.

But they took me to this doll and she read out this pokery pokery stuff, covered, rubbed my hands with the four bits of potato and said, you bury that in the ground and once the

potato rots, your watch will rot and it'll fall off.

And they did.

I never had one sense.

I remember as a kid having friends who had them and hearing stories about them going, would you have gone to get them frozen?

Well, now you do, you get stuff and you put it like a frugal, it freezes them, it's like the stuff that you would get for like a skin tag, you'd freeze them.

But back in those days, you would have went to a wart charmer, or a charmer, there was other people who went to charmers for maybe like some sort of a growth on their face or

something like that.

And I'll tell you, I never had no sense.

strange that you would discover that you have that ability, isn't it?

Well, it's not going back to the old housewives tales and the old granny tales and that's how they did things way back then.

warts away?

Bye!

never, I never had no sense.

think by this is say what type of warts they are.

If they're common warts, if they're genital, if they're...

No, it's not listed as a...

Did you ever have any general warts?

No?

let her rub the potato around my plums now to be honest.

But this was an old lady that did all this and then she read out this okry pokry rhyme or something.

an electric current has been used by dermatologists.

I think that's going to be professional advice.

rubbed a potato on it.

I read out a load of hookery.

Read out some thing and then go you and wrapped it up in an old cloth and said go and bury that in the garden.

Did they all disappear at the same time?

Yeah?

Wow.

And what did you think?

Were you perplexed by this?

Did you think, God, this is witchcraft?

Yeah.

Do know how much you charged?

Nothing.

No - what?

was my man, Dad, took me, I'm going back here.

I think maybe they gave her a fiver or something, you, I don't, but it was a big potato cut into four bits and she rubbed one piece of potato onto one bit and then took another

piece of potato, rubbed the other hand, the other piece of potato on the inside, the other piece of potato, then she wrapped it all up in this old raggy cloth, set a load of hookery

-pokery over it, take that and bury it in the garden and you'll never have another word again, and I never did.

for warts.

You can try this method by cutting a small potato in half, rub the cut side on the wart until it's covered in potato juice.

As some people say that potato juice can dehydrate a wart.

Well mine were dehydrated

Now off.

Never had another one since and I'm only telling you that from a life story, a life true story.

people get warts and burglars at the swimming pools?

That's

It's a virus?

Huh?

So if someone has a varuca, which is a wart, and you walk around in the swimming pool, and you walk on top of where they have walked, you can pick up that virus and you end up with

a varuca.

yeah, yeah, yeah.

What was happening, well, I still have some scars actually on my hands where the warts were, but I was biting them.

And because the skin was so hard, you'd bite and bite and bite and the next thing would start to bleed.

And then maybe you'd rub it like with your thumb and then you got the blood in your thumb and then you got another bloody wart there too and it was non -stop.

So I had so many that something had to be done.

But from that time I never had another one.

cuts potatoes on them.

Yeah

Well of course my da heard from somebody at work who heard from somebody else who heard from somebody else and I'm telling you now I remember the wee cottage in New Eden and she

was like that's hookery -pookery and I thought I'm talking about Jesus Christ

I might have been maybe nine or 10, maybe not even that.

But I never had another wart since, but my hands were literally covered in warts that were everywhere.

Big ones, wee ones, really hard ones, In fact, the next time you take us out for lunch, personally, I'll show you my hands where the scars are.

yeah, I've never had another one since.

Never even had a varicum after that.

Did anybody ever tease you about your warts?

Well they were embarrassing, especially the ones that came around your cuticles and around your nails.

They were all around my nails.

You know your cuticles?

I had maybe four five around there and they were all around the end of my fingers and the end of my nails.

It was really...

Did you, like, do you remember, did you remember telling people at the time, God all my warts have gone.

Aye, but when they say what happened, your warts have cleared up, aye they rubbed a potato on me.

know whether to believe this or not.

I told him, yeah.

But I never had normal sense.

I'm telling you, Nye, I'm telling you.

You couldn't make that up.

honest that's an honest true story and never she was way down band bridger lock brickland or somewhere because my father worked down that direction and I never had another one

since and about six weeks later they all fell off or disappear I'm never come back

remedies and all that would be something now that they tell you not to do.

know, that kind of thing.

No!

All she did was rub a potato on them, pissing them right out some hookery -pookery.

I think if you rubbed a potato on your nose, be nothing happening you.

she said.

What do you mean by hokey pokey?

Keep sad, okay, what do you mean?

all hook hookery pookery.

You read out this.

You

Like it was a very sugarisinal close now remembering a tall over her head and all this wee cantling touching my hands and rubbing the potato and then talking to the potato and all.

She's talking to the potato!

alakazam, the warts be gone.

But then, maybe it's all psychological.

Maybe you go back and psychological and you think, hold on a second, know, and if you don't believe in it, it doesn't happen.

Because I think she did say you must believe in it.

I think that was her part in working with me.

It's amazing I can actually remember that.

I she said you must believe.

Bury the potato as it rots.

Your warts will rot.

Now if you take a potato out today and bury it, it'll grow.

Did that rot?

grow?

Well it obviously rotted.

I didn't go and dig it up again.

She said as the potato starts to rot, your warts will rot and fall off and within a couple of days they will start to go black.

Well they were starting to go black, pissing on either retreat or receding or whatever the case but they started to go black and then like if you go for a say a skip it goes black

and falls off.

you know they're all, as you were washing your hands they were beginning to come off and all that sort of thing.

You see, my mom's a great one for if you tell her like you've got, you're suffering from anything, she can go into her like larder area pantry and pull out something and she'll

say, you know, some wee woman in a hut in the arse end of nowhere makes this and you can't get it anywhere else.

And she only makes 12 bottles a year.

And I am so lucky to have gotten one.

you know, I'm gonna...

I'm gonna let you have some of it, I'm telling you.

It'll be cleared up, it'll be gone in two days.

What's in it?

there's, nobody knows.

It's a secret recipe, it's a secret recipe.

And you'll take it and it'll be gone in two days.

Ha ha!

up the STD?

I've never had an STD.

I think you've got to have sex.

sex?

wish I hadn't started searching this now because the only sentence I'm stirring at right now is one thing about a raw potato getting warts away and the next sentence says another

old wive's tail says to bite off the wart, chew it, swallow it, then spit on that spot every day.

You

Pestilive got a steak wrapped in tin foil.

I don't know.

else to bite it off and spit on you.

I will you bite this for my eye?

Then you can run the bond for tomorrow and get a potion to cure that up.

works so.

I'm telling you that's the truth, it worked 100%.

Never had another one since.

And apparently she also was, you know, for people with acne and that sort of stuff.

But I don't know, see back in those days, even back in your grandmother's day and your great -grandmother's day, they all relied on stuff like that.

You they weren't running around with bloody penicillin and take two aspirin when you need it.

Did it change how you perceive an potato?

No, but it certainly gave me in those days a lot more confidence because you were trying to cover your hands up constantly because of the state of them.

they were just, and if you went near any young filly, you know, my God, look at the state of your hand.

You're not touching me there.

You look at the state of your hands.

Well, you just never rub your shoulder or something, but you're not going, you know.

Back when you used go in the back of the bike shits and stuff.

You ever go in the back of the bike shits?

didn't have a bike, no.

I stayed away from the smoking hot.

you wouldn't wear the back of the bike, in those days, would meet up on the bogs.

had a kiss with?

I hope what?

Yes, and I've since run into her and brought it up in casual, jokey conversation and she denies that it happened.

It was like do you remember or do know you were my first or whatever and she laughs and she goes no no it wasn't it didn't happen It did it fucking did happen.

It did happen

No?

Well, obviously it wasn't that good for her.

I don't know, it's just in the room.

Like, school?

I don't know.

Dang.

I don't know.

What age do kids go to primary school?

Probably like, like P3, P4 or something?

No, I'm not talking about kiss!

having sex at five years old.

Hold on!

Hold on!

Woah woah woah woah woah!

This is not full penetration, this is just a smooch.

Yes!

With a potato?

Mmm.

Yeah.

Hi, share a cut, We're talking here when was your first solid curt?

No!

There's a great bloody song about that you should be listening to at Paradise by the Dashboard like me love.

That'll take you through the whole stages.

You know what, I love that song right?

But I hate when then it, you know what, it speeds up and it moves into like baseball commentary and it's like two songs joined together.

We're gonna go all the way tonight, we're gonna go all the way tonight, tonight.

I know, that's a great song, absolutely great song.

And then the other one too about, you know, where he's talking about, would you give your lips to the wolf if you had one those?

those were belters.

I bet you say that to all the boys.

It's belter.

Absolutely.

We're making one of the other, aren't we?

Absolutely belters.

that's one.

Absolute belterstruck.

say, Pistol and you're a fan of a musical, there's no...

Because Meatloaf's music was always very theatrical.

There's no bad out of hell musical, which I've seen.

I think it's very...

To bring that music to the stage, it's very well done.

Did he do not a dry eye on the host in that one?

They actually did, yeah.

The story's a bit rubbish, but the songs are very well delivered.

Well, most of those things are, but it's the unigo for the music.

It's like the Michael Jackson thing we went to, we went for the music, the storyline was shit.

But the songs were good.

And you relate to them all, they were absolutely phenomenal.

Like that Bad Outta Hell album, it's just absolutely...

It's just a classic, you just, you never get it.

I remember band that on cassette when I was like 17, 18, and just constantly playing it in the car over and over and over and over, till the bloody cassette wound out and filled up

the stereo and bollocks that...

It still stands up, but I feel like I've probably said this before, worst gig I ever went to was the real meatloaf, worst gig ever.

Yeah, it was like...

You know, he should have stopped.

The voice wasn't there anymore.

He couldn't hit the notes.

I think maybe out of frustration he just started picking fights with people in the crowd.

was just crap.

Well talking about crap I was at the Galagher on Friday night and like...

J -Bush.

Talk about a bloke that came out couldn't care less just did it, way well.

Pouched and shoved him, throwing bare cups and...

show and he was just he was just shouting at them and

Bye, Unreal.

and the cap on and the coat, you could hardly see him.

But that's his persona, that's the way he gets on.

He couldn't give one iota about the crowd.

Absolutely no communication, no banter.

A couple of foul obscenities, and that was about the head of it.

It's amazing though how, I mean those first two Oasis albums were very groundbreaking and it's great music but it was a long time ago to still be playing for like 40 ,000 people,

isn't it?

But then there's not been a significant band since, has there?

Well Coldplay, the 1975, but the 1975 couldn't do big outdoor shows like that, I don't think.

a craze of 1975 shows.

was a, I don't know where that came from.

Just a sudden boom.

That last tour they did was unbelievable.

He came out pretending to be drunk and off his head and did a whole lame Gallagher like muttered bollocks into the mic in between songs.

And then halfway through the show, there was a TV on stage and he climbed into the TV.

then it said like end of first half or whatever.

And then he came out in the second half wearing like a suit and he was like, good evening.

It's nice to be here.

It's a pleasure to play for you.

It was all an act.

Didn't he used to bring like big guests on as well that just didn't know who was gonna appear on some of them.

Don't know about that, don't know about that.

But some great songs actually.

And for, I would say, people in their mid -twenties, they are a significant band.

I know.

I...

maybe a bit, maybe 30 odd, I don't know.

Anyway.

Talking about 30 odds, I'm making a guest appearance at the 30 plus club on Sunday.

Dequalify?

you?

Mm -hmm.

Well hold up, is this the one at Customise Square?

What are you doing?

set

The entrance event is the entrance.

On the main stage?

He is, imagine going, imagine having tickets to the 30 plus club and he is the first face that you see when you get to the gate.

You just like a better concept.

No, no, no.

If it was you on stage, hold on.

If it was you on stage, DJing for 5 ,000 people, I would, I'd be on right now on like, I don't know, one of those online sites trying to buy tickets.

Sold out, Banford, sold out.

You're not getting that.

And you're not part of that big group now, so you'll not be getting in.

You'll be capped out.

yeah, it's not what I thought it was, but yeah.

part of the competition on the other side.

Once you guys get your over 55s going, you'll be rocking.

side note, like no matter the person running that, and I'm not talking about the people who are running it or anything like that, it's a very good idea though, that 30 plus club.

I will learn the role.

don't know, but I feel...

They're all at it.

Everybody's at it now.

A night of legends.

Bring in a night of legends.

The return to the coach.

Return to

it was always there if you weren't looking for it, but nobody marketed it in such a simplistic way and put it in people's faces, you know?

I had to laugh there today and it took me back to the days when I would have been down royal and DJing in the down royal.

It was called Silk's nightclub then, was also called Stallion's nightclub and it was rammed and it was one of the big places off the day and many years ago they had a down

royal reunion, right?

Somebody came up with this idea, we'll have a down royal reunion.

I thought gosh yeah, that's yeah.

I wonder will the contact me being one of the resident DJs there and blah blah blah.

No, of course they didn't.

But it was held in an orange hall, right?

That held about 90 people.

And all it was, they 80s music, 90s music, like a lot of crap.

But why I'm bringing that up, I saw one today, there was another place I used to DJ back in the day called Chester's.

Do you remember Ed Pistol?

Chester's in Moira, right?

And we used to do out there.

I saw a thing popping up today on Facebook, Chester's reunion, get your tickets now.

Big night, the big night.

Remember Chester's back in the day, back in the day.

It's in some farmer's hall out at the maze out here.

Yeah, it only works like the Bamboo Beach Club or something if you actually reopen a venue and actually do it again, it only works.

But, and you would have done, the Club.

Yeah.

There's another one, let's have an Club reunion, yeah great.

And that was the big, the Club in those days was the big venue, it was the place to be.

And you dart across the bay ships and get a free supper first, then over into the Club.

Club was the big, the big place.

Yeah, but that's all gone as has been proven with these plus 30 gigs.

All that stuff is gone.

People don't go to that now.

They go to a bar, they go to like a bar with music.

They don't go to a disco.

It just doesn't happen.

thing is the likes of the club, right, would have essentially been what is the 30 plus club.

But so if you do it week after week after week, nobody sort of cares.

But if you do it like, I don't know, once a month or once every other month and brand it well, it seems to really work.

the next generation.

All of that will just die out.

clubbing.

I think maybe the people who are involved in doing it now, who were all involved back in those days doing all this sort of stuff are getting to the age now and getting to the

stage where it will begin to, I can't be bothered with that, I can't be bothered with that.

And it says like this, it's flashing up there like the Night of Legends.

you know, what DJ in the 1980s and 1980s was a legend?

You know, not me, not you, not Alex.

You know, but the branded as a Night of Legends.

But the significant move with the likes of 30 plus club was putting it on so early in the day.

you know, people were told, you know, be in the nightclub for, I don't know, five or six, you'll be home for nine or 10.

These other ones are all the same, know, starts at 4NZ8, they're all at it now, they're all doing the same thing, but it's in different, they're trying different venues, so

what's going to happen is then the whole market is going to be flooded and then the notion wears off, the people say, actually I've been to that before, I'll back.

DJ'd?

DJ from a 16, eh?

Motion detected at the door.

was hockey clubs and golf clubs and rugby clubs and I was doing all that from when was 16 because my father used to have to drive me to and from the venue for I had no licence and

all the gear in the back of the van, his wee builder's van.

and you touched on it earlier, you speak to a lot of people who've been doing it for a long time and they're all sort of a bit jaded and fed up with it all.

Do you have fond memories or do you look back at it like that was then, this is now?

Look, let's go back to those days, right?

And in those days, you know, for a gig you were lifting maybe a hundred pound, back then.

And we had, you know, I knocked about with fellows who were at like the YTP, the Youth Training Programme Centre, and they were learning to be a joiner or learning to be a

bricklayer for like 22 pound a week.

And I was lifting a hundred pound an egg.

You know, and a lot of people would say, and again, my, you know, with exams and stuff that have all gone there and, you know, A levels and GCSEs and stuff, and all these people

trying to make their career moves and go to university and go, I never went to university or anywhere.

came out, I came out of school with nothing, but I money in my pocket.

It was the money in your pocket that was getting you where you needed to be.

It wasn't what you had in your head.

There's no good going down to the likes of the, let's say the merchant.

and them, I've got two degrees in architecture and a degree in bloody biochemistry.

You still have to pay for your dinner.

So, that's what you have in your pocket.

But, you know, I'm only saying, you know, it's not where you go to study and you end up with 15 or 20 degrees.

You still maybe can't get a bloody job and you still can't pay for your dinner.

No, and you still can't pay for your dinner.

Banford, you pull a hundred pound out of your pocket, you can go and have a...

How'd you get that £100?

I played a few songs out of Wadden.

Yeah.

you will.

Like even when I'm up at the ice bowl, I will occasionally run in and there's nothing wrong with working up there or whatever.

But, you know, I'll run into people who are maybe, I don't know, working in the part where you hire out your skates and sometimes you talk and they've got like multiple degrees and

stuff.

Yeah, but look, that's because probably they can't get a job or whatever.

I'm doing a thing at the minute where I'm with people and I'm training them to do a certain thing at the minute.

And a couple of them have four or five degrees, can't get jobs.

And here's Joe Bloggs here, sitting with nothing.

As far as academically is concerned, only from what I learned myself.

And I'm training them to do stuff that no one else can really do.

But I picked it up myself, so.

like if you go onto any of those job websites or recruitment websites, it seems like unless you've got a degree, it seems like the bare minimum to do it.

there is obviously a natural thing for young people to go, God, I need to do that.

Look, there's part -time jobs going for the run up to Christmas in a large shopping centre right beside me here.

I just saw it tonight on Facebook.

22 hours a week and 18 hours a week and 16 hours a week and all this sort of stuff.

You want to see the criteria to apply.

What you have to have to go and pack shelves.

18 and 21.

It's far too young to figure out what like GCSEs and A levels and you don't know what you want to do really.

You don't.

Peter, what did you, so after uni, did you go straight into the wedding band or what was the thing after uni?

Yeah, straight in.

Just by pure luck.

Like most of the people that were in my class are...

No, but that's what I mean.

Most of the people in my class went to like, as you say, like supermarkets or...

They're supermarkets or teacher training.

That was the two paths.

Like what do you do with music or arts?

It's only, it's who you know.

It was just about making contacts really.

It wasn't about the bit of paper, you know.

I like...

I can't speak universally, but I do think there comes a point when at school, college, whatever, the guidance for young people is abysmal.

You know, it needs to be an individual case by case thing.

Here's what we recommend.

Here's the path we think you should go down.

Teachers don't wanna know.

They don't wanna know.

have you academically, Confford?

What have you got academically?

Academically, I just did GCSEs, then I went to college, did media and performing arts, learned how to bake cooked breakfast.

And then I worked at multiple call centers and then sort of a similar thing, I realized why would I sit here arguing with people over the phone for this amount of hours for a

couple of hundred quid, where you can go out a Friday, a Saturday night and get the same money for less hassle.

And you have a genuine interest in music anyway.

And then when started doing the mobile DJ, thought, well, the progression or the way to charge more money or the way to get bigger and better gigs is to try and get on the radio.

So it boils down to what you have in your pocket.

But you have to have that, you do speak to a lot of young people these days and I don't want to say they don't want to work, but they just think somebody's going to knock at the

door and hand it all to them.

because we're looking at changing something in our bathroom in a minute.

And I remember like last year, another different plumber was out and all this.

I carry on.

And he said that he had about five young people in the space of like two weeks just come and go because they just thought they'd come in and get their day's wage and then go home

again.

And then maybe didn't show up the next day and like there's no commitment or they didn't want to work.

They want the money, but they don't want to work for the money.

Well, what blew my mind was always, you know, how difficult it was to get into a proper radio station.

And yet when you were there, every other week a young person would be in for work experience.

And on day one, you'd go, what is it you'd like to do?

What would you like to learn more about?

Do you have any interest?

What music do you like?

Do you want to be a presenter?

Do you want to be a newsreader?

Do you want to be an engineer?

And they just shrug their shoulders like, I'm just putting my week in.

When was the last time you saw a radio station advertising for presenters?

I think, what is that radio today?

If you go on there, you will find it, but I suppose you have to even be in the industry to know what radio today is.

Yeah.

it's like trains driving a train.

When was the last time you saw an advert for a train driver?

Inside.

All inside.

Really?

train driver sounds like 60 grand a year.

You know what you never see?

A Chinese funeral.

Did do!

You see a load of...

Like a load of Chinese people gathering at a funeral, you never see it.

Alright, okay, fair enough.

I don't know how you see it or where you see it, but...

I'd drive it a boat.

on that note, and all of that said, thanks so much for watching and listening.

If you can hit the subscribe

Yeah, I can't do this.

Yeah, I can't do this.

Maybe next week or so.

See, I'm heading holiday, so I'm counting the pennies, you know.

I know.

Well, I can't do anything daytime for the next six weeks.

I've taken on a wee training thing.

I'm training people, so I can't.

Yeah, so I'm only available after tea time.

of September, so two weeks.

me orca.

Okay, fair enough.

going?

aye, very nice.

I got to help Bob Weller there, you see it?

The gales and the storms.

all that.

Just get a taxi.

read something about it.

I had read something about not Uber, but the other one that they just charge over the one bolt.

was that.

Yeah.

Bolt.

Bolt?

No, that's not true, personally it'll come up on the app on how it's going to cost and you pay for it in advance.

Or sorry, well don't, the actual money isn't taken off you in advance but it's like held and then they have to put a pin code into the thing once they get you to the destination

before they get the money.

Uber, I can't speak about Bolt but that's how Uber works, when I was a Porsche I did that Uber back and forward and yes it would say thank you blah blah blah and then when you got

there

the app would pop up with a PIN number that you gave to him, he put that into his phone and then he got paid.

So it seems alright.

no baller.

100 %

just seemed to go in and just.

Well if I was you, make sure you take out the full waiver insurance because the Spanish don't give a shit, they'll push into it, they'll move it, they'll shove it into the side,

they don't give a shit.

So make sure you take out the full waiver insurance so that you don't go back and they say it's been dented at the front or it's been dented at the back and you lose your £500

access or whatever it is.

it will just be us because because we got Irish passports just for this and we thought it was be straight through, but then you're going to be sitting there waiting on other people

coming through the UK line.

Well you will be, you will be.

You will be.

And then as I say from next year now you need a visa.

Did you see that in the paper today?

It's like an F.

Well, I was on that thing for nearly an hour waiting for people trying to get through the immigration.

I know.

It's only an R?

Well, no, no, an R on the coach, it said.

So, but by the it stops.

Aye that's because all the drop -offs may be before you but the taxi itself might only be 20 minutes.

Just don't forget that's going to go to all the hotels before it gets to you.

I think you should look at your private transfer.

Anyway, for this episode, thanks for listening and watching and please hit like and subscribe.

That's gonna happen.

I'll never rest up.

See you again.