cheating for the lord_mixdown ===

Regan: [00:00:00] Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Mr. Pick Me and the Man Hater podcast. I am Reagan, a. k. a. The Man

Chesko: Hater. Don't

Regan: you dare get in my stuff. So, so you ruin yours and you have to ruin mine.

Chesko: Yes, that's, it was, I just have to go for it now.

Regan: I get to do, okay, who are you?

Chesko: I'm Chesco.

Regan: Pick me! Mr. Pick me!

Chesko: How dare you?

Chesko: Do you know who I am?

Regan: No. I don't know. Do I?

Chesko: I don't. I'm

Regan: scared now. These days. Terrified.

Chesko: Yeah. My goal is to keep it going until I die. Are you a good person? If you do good things, even though you forever, but in the inside, you're actually a bad person. Would that still be a good person? I'm not saying that to me, but like, if you were a bad person that, that can, that just did good things forever and then just died, would you still be, is that still [00:01:00] a good person?

Chesko: Like if internally you're actually have like a bad person,

Regan: I mean, you would have done good, but you wouldn't have been a good person.

Chesko: Right.

Regan: Because your intentions wouldn't have been good. But I don't know anybody who would do that and then not somehow take that out on others. And then not somehow catch it

Chesko: and on it somehow.

Chesko: Or like,

Regan: just build up resentment and then blow up on somebody. Huh. Well, speaking of, speaking of whether or not someone is a good person.

Chesko: Yes.

Regan: I have. I have something for us today. It's a little story. So I was scrolling on TikTok per usual and as I was scrolling this story came up and this, this woman was, it was like a response to a sub comment critiquing the story that she had told and she was like, so I guess you guys just don't understand forgiveness.

Regan: I guess you guys, I guess you guys just don't get like how relationships can grow and I was like what on earth Could she be talking about what story could she [00:02:00] have told that she would feel the need to clap back in this manner Which I honestly thought I thought it was going to be more along the lines of like, you know, some people, women will do that.

Regan: They'll post like sad videos of themselves and their husbands, like not taking out the trash or something. And then women will comment like, Oh, that sucks. And they're like, how dare you talk about my husband?

Chesko: I, I, I know I framed it as a being a terrible person, but how dare you. I agree.

Regan: Yeah. I genuinely think at this point it's either rage bait or they're wanting other women to say like, Oh, I get it.

Regan: Like, I get it. Same, same, same girl, like, Oh, husbands. And they don't like the actual negative feedback, which I think is. The most obvious response you would get, you know, call me crazy, but that's what I assumed this was. But Chesco, when I tell you it is so much worse, it is one of the worst stories I have ever heard that is not criminal.

Regan: [00:03:00] And the woman telling it, Is a dating coach and has a podcast I don't know chesco. Is it

Chesko: theme song? You want bad advice man? I'll give it out. I got some good advice for you

Chesko: advice

Chesko: You know, it's in my head the entire time I know I say it

Regan: I will never let you I will get the theme song now because I have anxiety for you now I'm

Chesko: like waiting for and now I can relax if you look at the video I'm pretty sure I was like turning beet red waiting for my opportunity because I'm also trying to I'm genuinely trying to listen I'm like, I need to actually take in what you're saying So that I'm not just confused afterwards, but it's just, I think [00:04:00] you

Regan: glaze over and you're just like theme song, theme song, theme song, theme song, theme song, theme song, you don't hear a word I

Chesko: say.

Chesko: So, uh, Mr. Pick Me and the Man Hater.

Regan: What are you doing? That's not what we do. We don't go theme song and they go, Mr. Pick Me and the Man Hater.

Chesko: Is that what we do?

Regan: My mind

Chesko: every time. So what are we talking about today, Regan? You don't even know. You blacked out. Just in case somebody wasn't listening on the, uh, in our followers.

Chesko: Why don't you go over that again for them?

Regan: Just in case somebody was thinking about the theme song and having an internal meltdown about whether, when to interject with the screaming theme song. So. My thought process is I think, Oh, she probably has like weaponizing competence style content. And then she's like, ah, you don't talk about my husband.

Regan: Okay. That's what I'm thinking. And [00:05:00] then, uh, I go to her profile cause I'm trying to find like more about her. I'm not going to give her name. Don't worry. She's a marriage and faith coach and a podcast host with her husband. Okay, I want to be perfectly clear before I even start with this. Chesco and I, I'll speak for Chesco because God knows I need to.

Regan: We're not, we're not criticizing faith as in general at all.

Chesko: Right.

Regan: We're criticizing his behavior and as the story goes on we're criticizing this behavior and her supposed calling to accept said behavior under the guise of being a good woman and a good faithful wife under said faith. So this is more like, this is actual misogyny being masked under like, faith.

Regan: So, not faith. Right. We're not talking about faith, obviously, we don't subscribe to this, um, old atheist over here. Uh, [00:06:00] I don't want anyone to think that that's not the lesbian and the atheist. That's our second podcast. Um,

Chesko: That's our show title. It's

Regan: all about faith. Can you imagine?

Chesko: On that note, though, people do genuinely.

Chesko: Always assume when I say that I, I don't have faith that I must be anti theist and I don't think people understand that there is a difference between just the absence of faith versus, and there are aspects of Christianity that I do critique that I do have issues with, but that's not like, that's not it.

Chesko: My thing, right? I don't have this, this vendetta against it. I people, some people do that. That's, that's their thing. Um, but it is interesting that people immediately assume that if you're a lesbian or an atheist, you must be Christians

Regan: or whatever. I am taking all of my issues with whatever theology. I am not talking about [00:07:00] that.

Regan: Obviously as a lesbian. I've had some interesting run ins

Chesko: with

Regan: different theologies, but I am not talking about any of that. My point is strictly speaking about the mistreatment, in my opinion of this woman, and that it's kind of being like put under the umbrella of, Oh, well, that's just cause she's such a good woman.

Regan: So I'm going to say this again. These two have A podcast on marriage and they are marriage and faith coaches. As I tell you the story, or as you listen to the story, I think you will appreciate why that is. Shocking to me, but let's do this. We're just going to go through it. And if you want me to stop, just say stop.

Chesko: Well, one more disclaimer, I don't know what Reagan's going to say. So if it is offensive, it's her fault.

Regan: If anyone says something offensive of the two of us, who is it usually?

Chesko: Probably, it's probably [00:08:00] me. It's true.

Regan: And then you go, no, no, I didn't mean it like that. That's not what I meant.

Chesko: Of course I don't actually mean the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Cut that out. Cut that out.

Regan: And then you do a Italian accent.

Regan: Okay.

Chesko: Hey!

Regan: What do

Chesko: you

Regan: mean? Okay. That's what I was going to say

Chesko: about the story you got here.

Regan: I cannot. Okay, it's a three part story time and the little title on the video is How God Restored My Marriage After Infidelity and I Was Pregnant. So yeah, let's just dive in. Again, pause. Tell me to pause when you need me to pause.

So 2018, when my husband and I first separated, once we got back together, I ended up getting pregnant. Honestly, it wasn't really the best time because we were trying to work on our marriage, rekindle our intimacy, you know, and now we have to also worry about having another baby. So we tried to make it work and just focus on ourselves.

But honestly, me being [00:09:00] pregnant and my husband was trying to work through things in his own feelings and he kind of got to a place where he was like, look, it's too little, too late. And he let me know like, look, I just can't do this anymore. First sonogram that I got, I sent it to my husband and he didn't even respond.

Like that's how clocked out he was of our relationship. And it wasn't until I want to say like a month or two, maybe three months later that I found out that he was talking to someone at his job and they were in a relationship for the whole duration of my pregnancy. He is with that woman and we have not communicated at all.

No calls, no texts. He doesn't know anything about the baby. I don't know what's going on outside of like, when I have conversations with his mom. Okay. Um, this

Regan: is the man with that she does the podcast with. Okay. So while she's pregnant this with not their first child, they have other children.

Chesko: Oh, so they're like, they're to make sure I want to make sure they're already married here.

Regan: Yes.

Chesko: With Oh, okay.

Regan: Which if you think about it, then she's saying she had no communication with him.

Chesko: Yeah.

Regan: Does I'm assuming by her own words, [00:10:00] that means that he's not communicating with the other child. So, that's, that's an assumption. Let's, let's not assume. Although I don't think we are the ass in this.

Regan: Right. Sage! It makes an ass out of you and me. I don't think we're the asses here. Who is the asshole? Um, so her entire pregnancy, he does not speak to her once. And he doesn't even respond when she sends the sonogram. They are still married. Right. I don't. Chesco, do you have any

Chesko: thoughts

Regan: on that?

Chesko: Why?

Regan: The age old question.

Chesko: I just feel like, and this is, we're, it's, it's the, and this isn't even a religious thing. This is because there are people that do this that are not religious as well, but they, the, the institution of marriage becomes more important than anything else, right? The, the maintaining and having this, [00:11:00] the, uh, a successful marriage.

Chesko: Ends up being more important than. The, the health of anybody in that relationship, right? It's the, the, the picture of the sick, uh, of that marriage being good is more important than the marriage actually being good.

Regan: And to be clear, he has left her.

Chesko: He

Regan: doesn't text her. He doesn't check in. He doesn't seemingly have anything to do with the medical aspects of it.

Regan: I would assume he's not paying the bills if they're not in communication. Nothing. That whole freaking pregnancy. Okay. Let's just

keep, let's keep going. His mom is kind of telling me things. I'm believing that God is going to restore us, that he's going to change things around. And it was hard because I'm pregnant, I'm hormonal and I love his mom.

But there were even moments where talking to his mom was kind of detrimental for me because she would tell me things like, Oh, you know, they're having fun and they really like each other. So in my mind, I'm thinking he's in love with her and this is just, Like our marriage is over. And I want to also say that throughout this time, even though I wasn't talking to my husband, the Holy Spirit would tell me [00:12:00] a lot of things.

Like sometimes I would have dreams about my husband and the Lord would just speak to me through scripture. And there were times where God would give me dreams or give me scripture. And then his mom would end up telling me something that confirmed exactly what God would tell me. So even though one part of me thought, okay, our marriage is over and he wants this other woman.

I also knew that the truth of the matter was their relationship was very toxic. But fast forward now I'm at the end of my pregnancy and one night I'm watching this. prophetic video. And at the time I didn't really like prophetic videos too much. I was very like, you know, aware that some of these prophets are false.

So I didn't really take a lot of these videos too seriously. But this night, one of the videos that we're talking about that God was going to do something in three days, for some reason, it stuck with me. And I took mental, no, okay, three days, something is going to happen. So the third day comes and I'm eating my bowl of cereal at night.

Like I normally did. It was like 11 o'clock and I'm getting ready to get in a bed and I lift my My leg up to get into the bed and I felt like this sharp pain like, you know, in my abdomen area, I get up and I walked to the bathroom. I go sit down and a gush of water comes out. [00:13:00] My water breaks. So I'm sitting on the toilet.

I'm calling out to my mom. She comes running out. Her first thing is, well, I'm going to go tell Donnie. And in my mind, I'm like, do not call this man. We have not talked in all the time that I've been pregnant. He's probably not going to show up. He wants nothing to do with us. She decides to go ahead and call my husband anyway.

So now I'm on the toilet trying to figure out how I'm going to get up and, you know, get downstairs. I'm leaking everywhere. I'm worried about what is my husband going to think? I don't want him to think that I'm pressuring him to be there. And my mom is real adamant. And I'm nervous because my first son was an emergency C section.

So I've never had to push a baby out. There was a lot going on in my mind. My mom wakes my dad up to let him know that I'm in labor right now and she grabs my hospital bag up. We walk outside to go put the stuff in the car and I look out into the street and I see my husband's car is parked there. So I'll come back for part two so I can share what happens once I realize he's outside.

Regan: Did you hear the language there when she said, I don't want him to feel like I'm pressuring him to be at the birth.

Chesko: What? There's so much to unpack there. As if, like, [00:14:00] also, as if her, her water breaking is this, like, an active conscious choice.

Regan: Right!

Chesko: To, uh, yeah. Oh,

Regan: I shouldn't have done that. Why did I do that now?

Regan: Oh, you

Chesko: know what? Let's put it back in.

Regan: I don't want to pressure him. It's here's the thing. Even if he didn't want to be with her, okay. That's still your child, dude. Like, I don't care if you don't want to be with her. You need to be there for your kid. You've not been there the whole pregnancy,

Chesko: right?

Chesko: regardless of their relationship. That is not something that, yeah.

Regan: The second somebody is pregnant, there's two people there. And one of them is your responsibility. Unless she was like, I don't want you around this baby. Like for some reason,

Chesko: like

Regan: clearly she wanted him to be a part of this. And like, she's been alone this entire pregnancy and her concern when her water breaks is

Chesko: I

Regan: don't want to bother him.

Regan: Um,

Chesko: Mm hmm.

Regan: With the birth of his child. I don't want to pressure him into being there [00:15:00] for the birth of his child

Chesko: thinking this is a ploy or a trick of some sort of because it's obviously her fault for everything in general. Clearly. Yeah. Well, and it's, it's also the, and once again, this is not a religious thing.

Chesko: Cause I know there's people do this all over, but the, the looking for a sign also a bit, it's only, you ignore the 5, 000 signs that didn't actually come true, but then the one that came true because it was just, happened at that point is the only one you actually give any credit to, right?

Regan: And the thing is like, even if let's, let's go off of the assumption that this was assigned, something was going to happen in three days, which her water broke.

Regan: So yeah, that's something, definitely something to your point, it completely disregards. All of the other things that he did that are signs of his lack of empathy, his lack of care, like, you don't care about your pregnant wife, you're [00:16:00] separated, but that is your wife, that is your baby. And again, if he wants to say he's a dog, you know, he's a, he's not a good guy, then okay.

Regan: But as the story progresses, that is not the narrative of the story. The story is the story. is not about what a bad man he was.

Chesko: It's that continuous thing of, uh, we talked about, was that on your podcast? The, um, yeah, the, uh, Ashley Madison couple, that's the toxicity of this particular beliefs part. I'd say, I'd say like dynamic within, within this belief system is the idea that, um, you showing that you can be faithful despite being, you know, tortured really in a lot of ways, uh, Despite you being just completely disregarded, disrespected and, and, and any other situation, you would see that it's terrible and you should leave.

Chesko: But the fact that it's seen as this, this, this beautiful, uh, amazing thing to be proud of, that you were [00:17:00] able to withstand all this horrible stuff and stick by them. And that is seen as virtuous, um, is so toxic. And, and as a result of it, it. Guys, guys know this, right? They're aware of it. They know that as long as they stick with that narrative and kind of say the right things that push that narrative, then they can do whatever the hell they want.

Chesko: And there's no reason to worry about it because there's no consequences, right? And when you live in a consequence free life, then why are you going to change? Why are you going to even, uh, to do anything different to respect and to cherish, which theoretically is also a part of it, right?

Regan: That's the thing is it's like, If their core values, they go both ways.

Regan: It's like honesty. Honesty goes both ways. Love, love should go both ways. Right. And if the core value is standing by your partner, supporting your partner, being a good parent, like, sorry, that's an epic failure on his part, but we're not talking about all [00:18:00] the wrongs that he's done. Even in this story, she's barely mentioning it.

Regan: She almost mentions it as if like, Oh, he was away from me and like her pursuit of him and trying to get back to him rather than he was doing these toxic actions to me. Like this, like his inaction is an action, right? Like he's not showing up for her. He's not supporting her. He's actively not responding to her.

Regan: He didn't respond to the sonogram. He's not checking in on her. He's not making sure the is okay. Like there's so much that can go on. And again, It seems like they have an, a child previously. Cause she talks about how she gave, this is her first giving birth. The other one was an emergency c section. Which, guess what?

Regan: Do you not think he should be more concerned if the first one was an emergency c section? She she she she she she she she. She sells

Chesko: seashells by the seashore? I'm foaming at the

Regan: mouth here. Like if, if The first pregnancy had issues [00:19:00] to the point that there was an emergency c section. This man is waiting until she, literally, her water breaks to be there.

Regan: What could have gone on before that? How could you care so little about someone who, like, once you have one difficult birth, like, , it could happen again, you know?

Chesko: Right. And just to stick with what you're saying, it, what we said right from the start is that it's not about the marriage. Sure. It's about being a, a parent at that point.

Chesko: A father and the, a father. Yeah. And, and the fact that you are showing such callous disregard for your, not only for your wife, but for your future child. Yeah. Uh, and then you hear her putting it on herself.

Regan: Yeah, to this day, this is years later after they have a podcast. Like, this is not fresh. This is not like, oh, she's unpacked that.

Regan: She's packing it. She's putting more on top, if anything. All right. All right. Let's go to the next part.

So I see my husband standing out there. I get in my dad's van and we head to the hospital. Whole time we're on the way to the hospital. I [00:20:00] keep looking back in the rear view mirror and seeing my husband like just keeping up with my dad So I get to the emergency room They put us in a wheelchair and now we're just waiting for them to bring me into a room So as i'm sitting there, my husband is there with us, but we're not saying a word to each other So I changed into like the gown and things like that Once I changed into the gown They basically allowed me to like walk through the hallways to kind of make the labor progress As i'm walking in the hallways, my mom is behind me and my husband They had some chairs up against the wall and he's knocked out because he was working overnight job.

Mind you, it is 11 o'clock. So he's literally snoring out loud. I'm walking, contractions are coming on strong. So we finally get back to the room. My husband is also sitting in the room and my mom is there with me and I'm still walking around because now I'm like the contractions are hitting real bad. So I'm like, where's the epidural?

Now I'm sitting on the hospital bed. little bit about to get the epidural. And you know, they tell you like, don't move because it could hit a nerve or something like that. And the doctor, the doctor ends up telling my husband, Oh, come and hold her. This doctor doesn't know how my husband and I [00:21:00] are that we haven't talked.

So my husband comes over and he just holds on to me and y'all, I swear when he put his hands on me, it like brought me so much peace. Like I felt so much more comfortable. So let's pull some of the facts from that, what

Regan: she just told us. He doesn't go in her, their car with them.

Chesko: He

Regan: rides separately to the hospital.

Regan: So he's not helping her while she's in, maybe not an active labor, but I mean her water's broken. He gets there. He doesn't speak to her. Then he falls asleep while she's actively having contractions. The first time he's interacted with her, period, he falls asleep because he's so tired from his job.

Chesko: Oh, it's

Regan: so hard.

Regan: And It's Then he only has physical contact with her when the doctor has to

Chesko: ask

Regan: him to hold her to get an epidural. Uh, that's the first time he touches her, is by the request of the doctor. And oh, what [00:22:00] a relief his touch was. This is her telling! The best version of the story. Yeah.

Chesko: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is the revised version.

Chesko: Also over the years,

Regan: this is what she thinks is a good story. The absolute disregard for her, like not being in the car with her. Like I can't imagine not being in the car with somebody who,

Chesko: no, it

Regan: was having my baby, you know? Uh, and then not speaking to her. Like, uh, I don't care if you don't want to talk about your issues.

Regan: How about can I get you some water? Can I, what can I do for you? What do you need? Can I get you a snack? Like, The things you ask anybody! You

Chesko: have to actively dislike the person, uh, you know, to, to not do those things. Cause even if it's just a stranger that you're with, you would be doing those exact things right.

Chesko: It has to, there's an active disdain there as if she's done something wrong, uh, in this particular, uh, situation.

Regan: Basic care for another human being is asking what can you do from [00:23:00] basic care for your own child? Then he falls asleep. I didn't even sleep when my wife slept, which actually is not a good idea.

Regan: But that is what I did because I was so scared of like, okay, what if she needs something? What if she needs me to rub her back? What if she needs, I was like psych, which, you know, it was a very long labor. So maybe, maybe catch sleep where you can, but I can't imagine not speaking to your wife and not speaking to her while she's pregnant, not speaking to her in the waiting room, getting in the room finally and sleeping while you're pregnant.

Regan: The mother of your child and children seemingly she's walking down the halls trying to advance this labor and you're sleeping

Chesko: Because it's also the the reason like so i'll give an example of me. So my I saw how Hard, obviously labor three, you know, three, three children. I've seen it three times live total tangential story right here.

Chesko: The first one, I hope this is okay with our, our followers. If I, uh, I'll [00:24:00] bring it back, but I have to share this one. Um, we, my wife wanted an epidural. Uh, and they, we were like, well, we don't, we, it's, you know, labors are theoretically long. We didn't, especially with our first, we didn't know how long it was going to go.

Chesko: Uh, and she didn't want to be stuck in the bed the whole time. She was like, okay, so we can, we can wait for a little bit. And they're like, yeah. And she was like, well, you know, you see in movies and they're like, There's no time we have to know. She was like, that won't happen. And the doctor laughed. She was like, no, no, no, that never happens.

Chesko: I've been doing this for a long time. If you want one, we'll, we'll be able to get, blah, blah, blah, blah. So long story short, right. When active labor, real active labor starts and she wants the epidural, there were two emergency C sections that happened simultaneously. And the, both, both the anesthesiologist and the backup one were both.

Chesko: Uh, stuck doing that. And so she ended up having to go, uh, El Natural for the, uh, the first, I mean, all births are natural. Uh, that's probably, I don't like the term, but they, but yeah, without medication, [00:25:00] uh, for, for the, uh, the first one and the second one went so quickly that she also had to go, uh, without it,

Regan: but

Chesko: the, like I said, the whole point of bringing it, that was total tension.

Chesko: Was I tried to remain. I never, I never actually could fall asleep, obviously, or anything, but I tried to remain as well rested leading up to it because after the birth, I stayed up all night long with all three of our kids, changing the diapers, doing the feeding, doing whatever I could because she needed rest.

Chesko: Because that was clearly the, by her words, the hardest thing she's ever done. Right. The most painful and the most exhausting thing she's ever done. Right. I don't like, so the, the reason I think him falling asleep becomes even more nefarious is because there's not like, Oh, I need to rest so that I can take care of her afterwards so that I can watch my child afterwards.

Chesko: Right. Cause I think people oftentimes hear that like, and this is me always being ultra sensitive because whatever I critique somebody like, well, my husband did this because, and they [00:26:00] say something really nice they did afterwards. Or my wife did this. Yeah. They're a good person. This is not, this is a guy that has not spoken to his pregnant wife that, uh, while cheating on her for nine months and then falls asleep inside the waiting room or inside, inside the room.

Chesko: That's why it is worth critique.

Regan: And, and she had an emergency C section. So like, I don't know what the, I don't know what the specifics of that were, but one can assume, you know, whatever, there could be an issue like during that labor, like. The fact that he's like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna take a snooze right now.

Regan: I know last time was really rough, but I really need that sleep. And like, she's making excuses for him, like, still like, Oh God. It would still be really shitty. But if she was like, you know, honestly he was kind of still being a jerk. Like he wasn't talking to me, you know, he fell asleep. Like he wasn't, he could be [00:27:00] walking with her.

Regan: Why is he not walking with her? I know my wife wanted me by her side. Like if she was moving around and like, I just in case, I mean, even to, cause your body and it's so stressful, it's so tiring by the time contractions are starting, like, it's not a good time. You want help. You want someone to take care of you.

Regan: And the fact that he didn't even. He didn't even think to touch her until a doctor told him to, which at that point is, is, you know, uh, is the optics, right? Then it's not just because he wanted to, it's because like a doctor, he probably didn't want to look bad, you know, was he going to say? Of course,

Chesko: it's all, yeah.

Regan: No? Yeah. No, thanks. But it's just the idea that even to this day, she's like, Oh, he was so tired. Instead of the, like, it'd be different if she was saying, Oh, he was a jerk. No, she still believes he had every right not to talk to her. Yeah. He had every right to sleep almost as if like, and not touch her at all, which is also bizarre to me.

Chesko: It's

Regan: because it's not about you. It's about her and your baby. Like it doesn't matter what [00:28:00] you want. Like unless someone's anti touch with definitely people are like, most people need a little, like a little something like to, to comfort them during pregnancy. She

Chesko: very clearly is not anti touch based on the language.

Chesko: Yeah. She really, really wants it. Yeah.

Regan: She's desperate for it seemingly by her response, but it's just this idea of like, You still are like, almost like they were just in a lover's spat. We weren't talking like, honey, he didn't speak to you while you were. Giving birth to his

child. Let's just keep going.

All

Chesko: right.

Once I get the epidural, I'm just laying there. My husband is still there. Like he's still sitting in that chair. We're not talking. My mom is not really talking to me and we're just waiting for my cervix to dilate even more. After about an hour, my cervix is dilated completely and I end up starting to push.

So I push, the baby comes out. Y'all, I have no idea what's going on with my husband or my mom or anybody. I'm just tired. Fast forward now, they move to the room after you give birth. I forget what the room is called. And my mom ends up leaving. My husband ends up leaving. So I never get [00:29:00] to tell him like, I want you to stay.

We had zero conversation. My mom ends up FaceTiming me and basically just trying to say goodnight for the night because she knew like nobody was coming back. And I wasn't expecting anybody to. So here I am preparing to be with my baby by myself for the first night, and mentally I was ready. I was like, alright, this is just what it is.

So I turn the TV on, I'm laying in the bed watching the TV, and I hear a knock at the door. I'm thinking it's the nurse. Cause y'all know when you have babies, the nurses are coming in and out constantly all day, and there is a curtain right in front of the door. So the person opens the door and walks in, I still can't see them until they pop up.

They pull the curtain back, and it's my husband, y'all. And not only is it just him, he has a bouquet of flowers in his hand. So I am completely shocked. He walks in, he sits on the bed in front of me, and for like 30 seconds we're just looking at each other. Just silent. He hands me the flowers, I take them, I put them on the table, and we're back to silence again.

So he starts to talk to me. I remember speaking to him. Specifically what he said he was doing before he had got to the hospital. So he said he was in the shower and he was on his way to go be with the woman that he was with. And he said something in him [00:30:00] was telling him, I don't want to go be with her. I want to go be with my wife.

I want to go be with Zaysha. He said, he called his mom. and told his mom how he felt and his mom said, well, then go be with your wife. So he said, he got out of the shower, went to go grab some flowers and came to me. And right after that conversation, it was like nothing had ever happened. It was like, we were not separated.

It was like, we hadn't stopped talking. He ended up picking up the baby and sitting next to me. And he was trying to help me breastfeed y'all. And all I could think about was the prophetic word that I saw that in three days, something was going to happen. And on the third day, that is exactly what happened.

The next day we get up, And we're sitting in the hospital bed and it's like kind of early in the day and my husband is sitting next to me and he's on his phone and I notice that her name pops up on the screen. I don't tell him that I noticed this I just take note of it and I'm kind of discouraged but I'm like you know whatever I'm gonna let it go.

The next day we spend the whole day at the hospital because our son had jaundice and then they finally let us go towards the end of the day so he drives us back to my mom's house and he ends up leaving. I'm thinking that, okay, this is it. Like everything's okay. He's going to stop talking to this woman.

And no, that is not what [00:31:00] happened. I want to say for the next couple of weeks, I honestly can't remember how long it was, but there were moments where he would show up to spend time with me and the baby and to see, you know, our oldest son, and then he would go and leave. And I specifically remember one time we're all laying in the bed together and it just felt so comfortable, it felt so right, and he ends up getting a call.

And I knew that it was her. And as soon as he got off the phone, he was like, I gotta go. He was so discouraged that at one point I sent him a text and I basically was like, you win, like, we can get a divorce, I'm not fighting for this anymore. I remember he texted me and was like, okay, Zaysha. Just very upset.

But God used my text message and he turned it all around for our good. So come back for part three so I can finish telling you how this story ends. Here's the thing.

Regan: Surprises aren't very fun when you've just had a baby.

Chesko: So

Regan: if you're going to go out and get her something nice, like it's nice to say, Hey, I'll be back.

Regan: You know, like, uh, even if you don't tell her what you're getting, I'm going to get a bite to eat, wink, wink, you know, but to just be like, she said, they just left. She said he left without having a [00:32:00] conversation with her. What does that mean? So what's going on with the baby? Are you just holding the baby?

Regan: Nobody's talking. You're not comforting yourself. Yeah. Yeah. And he, then he just leaves, but, but he gets the prize 'cause he comes back with flowers like every time she said y'all. But also he

Chesko: left and then went home to go, like you said, with the intention of going to spend time with this person. Isn't that what she said?

Regan: Let me double check that. I thought she was saying before he got there. Hold

Chesko: on. I, I heard it and may and it's maybe went through here, let's it again. That she said that he was going to go with her, but then he was like, no, you know what? I'm going to go back to the hospital. So I'm going to get some flowers and bring some flowers to her.

Regan: It is! So she said got, but in quotation it says back.

Chesko: Right. So he left the hospital to go cheat. Some more clearly he wasn't too tired to, uh, to go do that. And then he decided to come back. And then it sounds like, so that he's been, even after the baby was born and he's back with her, he's still [00:33:00] cheating on her with the other, this other woman,

Regan: I'm so sorry, my brain is absolutely, my mind is blown.

Regan: Like, you know, I feel that way. I feel like it just exploded out of my ears. I've watched all these videos. I was thinking when he said that, cause she says God and then it's quotations back. So I didn't see that in the text. I was thinking he meant like he, Oh, he had a, he was in the shower and, but when she like, when he figured out she was giving birth.

Chesko: No, he left the hospital, went back to his other

Regan: girl. Yeah, he was getting

Chesko: ready to go out and go back with his other girl, and then had this, but here's the, the part that blows my mind and my, like, and this is still a terrible story no matter what, but if, if the point was that was the turning point where he comes back to the hospital with flowers and that's where he realized he, all of his wrongs, but no.

Regan: He doesn't

Chesko: use that. He continues seeing this other person. [00:34:00] He just realizes I can have both of them.

Regan: Right. The selfishness of this man, like to, to barely be there for the birth. You know, like he's just, she says he sits in the chair the whole time. That's she says it several times. So, he just sits in the chair while she gives birth and he's like, Peace out, I'm gonna go.

Regan: I know you just had our child. Our, our, our newborn baby. Like, who has just, is somehow getting over jaundice. Which is serious. And very scary. Uh, I'm gonna go back to the other woman and leave you literally alone in the hospital.

Chesko: But,

Regan: but as I'm taking a shower to get these gross hospital cooties off me before I go with my other woman.

Regan: Oh God, the Lord came to me in the shower and I thought, it's like, maybe that was just like, I don't know, like just an ounce of like morals popped up on you. I know it's been missing for, from, for a while. Maybe it was just a, a bit of having respect for your [00:35:00] wife and your child that, that he's acting like I was struck by the Lord.

Regan: If the Lord has to strike you to know that you shouldn't leave your Wife, even if you're separated, who just had your baby alone in a hospital all night. Um,

Chesko: my wife and I have had conversations about like, how hard, because like I said, I had a single mom, uh, who was likely alone in the hospital with me after I was born.

Chesko: And so we, we, you know, just, you think about these things and how hard it was even together as this team with a newborn baby. In the hospital, figuring things out, even with our second one, you know, just, just being there together for each other, how hard it was with two people. Like it's blowing my mind.

Chesko: Cause that's, that's a conversation we've had about how hard it would be to do this alone.

Regan: Well, you think about like, I don't want to get into this topic, but during COVID times, there was a brief, very brief time. Um, I think it was in New York. I'm not positive that people were not allowed to have anybody with [00:36:00] them when they gave birth.

Regan: It was

Chesko: in California. My youngest was born the first week of lockdown and COVID. I don't know if I've told this before. She was born, my campus shut down, they stopped all the airplanes and my daughter was born, uh, like right, right then. And luckily my mother in law had flown in. I think the day before they shut down the airplanes from, for a while, Uh, and if, if she had been born three days later, my wife would have had to do the entire, uh, they, they, they hadn't had their protocols yet.

Chesko: And so I, we were in there. I sat with her. I was not allowed to leave the room. Uh, it was this whole, it was this whole thing, but that's one of the reasons, like I said, why this was on our mind, because if she was born just a few days later, then they, she would have had to do the entire thing alone.

Regan: We had each other, but we couldn't have guests.

Regan: So. That which I was like, fine. My wife doesn't like other people around her anyways.

Chesko: Yeah,

Regan: but I was like, they brought us like snacks and stuff, which like they even weren't going to let the snacks come up.

Chesko: Right.

Regan: But thank God they did. I was like, [00:37:00] my wife needs this. It was like a, her favorite coffee and like a treat.

Regan: And I was like, please, it was a two plus day later labor. It was horrible. Anyways, my point being like, oh, that's rough. I remember, no, Oh, poor wife. Um, but I remember thinking like, that's horrific to do to a pregnant person. And then you think he willingly willfully and on purpose was like, I'm gonna, I'm going to go and the first night is so hard to

Chesko: the intention matters.

Chesko: Right. Right. If he was like, you know, I'm just going to go, I just got off work. I feel, I'm going to go shower real quick, right back. That's yeah, no, I'm gonna go shower, get my thing on with my, this woman I'm cheating on my wife with.

Regan: And then the crazy thing is like, what he's doing is so clearly horrible.

Regan: Like, but then by just giving it the spin of, Oh, I had, you know, God spoke to me. So I [00:38:00] came back and here's, you know, 30 worth of flowers. I'm not going to go sleep with this other woman tonight. I'll stay with you, but because it's framed.

Chesko: Right. And that's, that's exactly the point. That's so, so succinct.

Chesko: It's not, I am not critiquing religion. I'm critiquing men using religion to excuse misogyny, to excuse bad behavior, to use that. I don't understand how anybody could hear us critiquing this stuff. And that, well, I do understand. Why that's a whole, that's a, we can continue that. But it's, it's the, the idea that we're upset at people using this as a reason to abuse other people.

Chesko: Right. It has nothing to do with religion because there are religious people, many wonderful, kindhearted, religious people that do not do this. So it's not part of the religion, right? It's not part of, it's not a base component of it. It's it's people using it. To justify being terrible people.

Regan: And again, [00:39:00] the framework of this is the woman's suffering, her pain proves what a good wife she is.

Regan: She is more godly. She is more faithful because she stayed through this abuse. Meanwhile, his actions don't have repercussions. It's it's the, his, his abuse of her, in my opinion, emotional abuse and his neglect of her certainly is the vehicle that. allowed her to go through the trials and tribulations of standing by her man.

Regan: So almost he's assisting her. He's aiding in their love story by neglecting her, by being with another woman. And I don't know in what world, whatever God you believe in, if you believe in one would be like, You know what this pregnant woman needs to go through? I'm, I'm going to set her up with a man who's cheating on her and neglecting her, ignoring her just to prove how faithful she is.

Regan: Cause it's like, she's faithful the whole time. The person with the faithful problem is the guy, you need to do a faithful lesson, [00:40:00] go ahead and send that energy to him. Cause he's the one who clearly is not getting it. He's the one who's neglecting. He's the one that's not being faithful. He's not speaking up.

Regan: Standing by his woman. He's not providing for his family and their son, which I'm glad we confirmed. Now they're saying is their son, so seemingly he abandoned his son as well. There is no world in which he's not talking to the mom. If he's seeing the child. She said the only way she's connecting was through the mom who, by the way, the mom clearly was trying to signal like,

Chesko: right.

Regan: He's not that into, you know, cause he's with this other woman. And then, sorry, I, this really pisses me off. And then to think about the emotional rollercoaster and absolute, like punch to the face, it would be to have this man. Who you've adored and loved this whole time who used to buy come back with flowers And and picking up right where you left off, which is a red flag Everybody listening if someone goes from zero to a hundred with you goes from neglecting and harming you to being Like no time has [00:41:00] passed and everything's fine that lacks accountability.

Regan: That's not a good sign, right? But to go back to that and she admits thinking oh my god, he's back. We're going to be a happy family You These nine months have not been in vain. He's coming back to me. She's got all the hormones in the world firing off. And then, at some point, he inevitably had to have said, Okay, well, I'm going back to the other woman now.

Chesko: How

Regan: horrible. Would that have felt because it's not like he's being honest. He could have come back in and said, Hey, I, you know, I want to support you in this moment. I don't want you to think that means we're back together, but I'm here for you. I'm here for you right now. This is my baby. Like I want to take care of it.

Regan: That I could, well, the, the, whatever amount of respect I could give him. the situation. I would give a little bit of it for the idea of the you're being honest about your intentions, but that's not what he does. He comes back [00:42:00] in like everything's fine. Cause he wants it. He wants a perfect family. He wants to enjoy those moments without feeling uncomfortable.

Regan: Ugh. I don't want to feel uncomfortable. So I'm just going to play pretend for a little bit. And then I'm going to go to my other woman and then I'm going to go back and forth because I deserve it.

Chesko: And that's the most nefarious part is that the fact that this is not, it's not only the dishonesty, but it's the stringing along this other person for so long, because you know what she wants, you know, the only way she's going to get that thing that she wants is through you.

Chesko: And you know, she's going to continue waiting for it as long as you don't. Cut it off. So what do you do? You just kind of let it linger there until you either get bored of your, your new, the new person you're with, or you decide that's what you want at that period. And that's the nefarious part. It's when you're actively harming somebody else with knowledge that you're doing it, right?

Chesko: It's not an accidental harm. It's not like, you know, Oh, I had no idea. [00:43:00]

Regan: Oopsie! Me being with another woman hurt your feelings?

Chesko: Yeah, she, I thought she knew that we were done. No, it's very clearly that this is like something that he wanted to leave on the side and, and has let her just in, in this, this, um, space in between where she has no idea what, what the future is going to hold.

Chesko: And that's, that's the evil part.

Regan: And we're not talking about her obviously, but the other woman is actively getting harmed as well now.

Chesko: Right,

Regan: right, right. By the way that this woman's being spun, I have no doubts that he spun her as well, spun a story for her. Like, we're separated. And like, I, I, I hate that we haven't mentioned this thus far.

Regan: In the first video, he says it was a woman from work. So that leads me to believe he had an affair with a woman from work. Right. Which is so awful. You can't even trust him at work. You know what I mean? So it's like, you know, he's, he stoked a relationship with a woman at work, which was probably. I think it was an affair.

Regan: I mean, they're still married, so I'm assuming it [00:44:00] wasn't a fair. Uh, and we're not even talking about the harm to her. Cause even if she was somehow behaving in an unethical manner, which she could have been, I don't know, but she's being harmed too, because how do you think she feels when he's flipping back and forth?

Regan: And I, I would assume it's the narrative that they usually say, which is like, um, Oh, you know, she's just, I just, that's my baby. I have to take care of it. They always, when they have affairs like that, it's like, they're always trying to make it seem like they're being a good person by having an affair.

Regan: Yeah. But, um, before we get into the last part, because, you know, to your point, you eventually have to make a decision. And she said, whatever, we can get divorced, which seemingly shifted things a little bit for him. I remember I, uh, my really good friend. When I was in my 20s, she was much older than me, and she really liked this guy, and, um, he was the scum of the earth, um, but we didn't know that at the time, and it was like [00:45:00] this big romance, and then he left her for another woman.

Regan: And it was at work and her heart was broken. And it was that same thing where she told her, it wasn't religion based. It's always religion based. Right. But it was like this idea of like fate and romance and true love. And she was like, I'm just going to stand by him. And she kept actively pursuing him because it was like, he made her feel so special and so seen.

Regan: And it was later in life too. So it just, when the pieces came together the way that they did, she was like, Oh, this has to be fate, you know? So she kept pursuing him. And then he cheated on this other woman with her. And she's like, Oh my God, he loves me. I knew it. All of this pain and suffering has been for a purpose.

Regan: Right. And so she's cheating with him, but in her mind, she's doing the right thing because he, He shouldn't have [00:46:00] been, been with her anyways. Right. Um, which, you know, it's similar to this where it's like, yeah, he's, he's with both of us, but like the other one, she's bad and I'm good. He should be with me.

Regan: Meanwhile, the guy is sleeping with both parties because he gets the world, I guess, well, two women suffer. And then guess what happens? Like they, they get back together. And I remember the text. She's like, he loves me. He told me he loves, like, I literally remember getting the text. I'd be like, so they get back together, get back together.

Regan: They're in love. Every, every negative comment I said was dumb. I'm the fool for giving her this advice, which at some point you are so desperate to prove yourself, right. To prove yourself worthy, to prove you weren't an idiot, like, because This woman as well as my friend got so much bad feedback of like, dude, this guy's a jerk.

Regan: Like,

Chesko: right.

Regan: You know, and guess, guess what happened at the [00:47:00] end of that relationship.

Chesko: Did he cheat again?

Regan: He left her for a girl he was cheating on her with at his work. One of his clients. Because he was a trainer.

Chesko: We I had a, I had a friend of mine as well where, uh, she was in a long term relationship with this guy and, uh, he decided he needed a break, uh, from the relationship.

Chesko: And, uh, really just, you know, he went, he, he was like, they, they got together young. I wanna sleep around for a little while. Yeah. And come back. Uh, and yeah. And then she was at, she was like, I don't know, like I do, she know, should I move on? I was like, yes, you should absolutely move. Absolutely, you should.

Chesko: She was like, well, we're just on like a break though. I don't want it to feel like, and I was like, well, is he sleeping with other people? She's like, well, yeah. And I was like, okay, don't. Like, and she was like, do you think I should get back with it? And I was giving my honest opinion. I was like, I don't, I think I feel like, and there's more, I'm not giving all the details right now, but I was trying to keep stuff ambiguous enough that it's not going to like identify the [00:48:00] people.

Chesko: Um, but it was very clear. I was like, I was giving her, I was like, look, if you want my honest opinion, move on, this is a terrible situation you're in. And then she got back with him. Uh, of course. And, uh, and it ended horribly. And now like my friendship with her is kind of odd because I can tell she, she feels like, cause when they got back together, after I told, I, after I'd like given her my honest advice that this is going to end, Bad.

Chesko: This is, he's not a good guy. Uh, I could tell that she didn't want to talk to me because of the fact she was like, well, you were wrong. Look how happy we are. And then when it eventually happened, I'm, and I'm not going to be like, I told you so, but I could tell she, she's still like, our friendship is, is, Jar is not never, it probably will never come back the way it was, uh, years ago.

Chesko: This is a long time ago. Uh, and it hasn't. So I guess that's, that's the, you know, the truth. Um, because of the fact that she was like, I could tell she was like, almost mad at me for being correct.

Regan: [00:49:00] You're telling me. I've been in that situation so many times just because I dated really bad men. And so I recognize, um, not all of them, but some of them were really bad.

Regan: Uh, and I recognize some of the things it's like, once, you know, you're like, Oh no, I know that one. And it's also easier to see from the outside, but that's another aspect. I think that we don't really acknowledge as much as we should for women in these, uh, Horrible relationships in my opinion that this is horrible is this the social app the social side of this which is like Women who are in these these relationships where they're pining after them and like they're being strung along.

Regan: It is so isolating When you get in that type of thing, because everybody in your world is telling you get away from this dude. Like his own mother is like, they're seem really happy. And she's like, Oh yeah, that really, it was really detrimental to talk to her because she told you the truth. That's why it was detrimental.

Regan: And so so many relationships go bad and the [00:50:00] people that are supporting you are lying to you. That this is healthy because they want you to be, they don't want to hurt your feelings. So then you lose, anybody who's being honest is outside and then you're isolated. And so then what do you have? All you have is this relationship.

Regan: All you have is the fantasy of this relationship. And so when they give you crumbs, you just like, like, Oh, this is it. This is it. I told you, he brought me flowers. I told you, even though he's about to go be with her, he, you know, was struck by, by the Lord speaking to him that he needed to be with his wife.

Regan: And it's like, That's that he should have been with you like the fact that he needed divine intervention to be with you post pregnancy and post birth It's insane girl.

It's

Regan: insane. Oh, okay. Let's finish this. Let's finish this

I tell my husband you win we can get a divorce. He's upset I don't understand why and a couple of days later He reaches out to me and says hey I want to come get our oldest son to bring him with me to my mom's house to spend time with my family And I was like, okay great And yes, I was kind of worried that he would be around that other [00:51:00] woman because I didn't want my son to be around her I didn't really know her like that But I put my trust in god and I believe that look if anything is going to happen That is not going to benefit my son.

I know that you would stop it and you're not going to allow it So i'ma just trust you so later that evening I'm watching a video again on youtube this woman that I trust and she's talking about what it's like when you are married and Separated and what you're supposed to be like when your husband comes back Basically being like the prodigal son's father and just having open arms She was saying that we need to be compassionate and showing mercy and being gracious and I knew all of that But as i'm listening to it, I hear the holy spirit tell me When he comes back, give him a hug.

I'm terrified y'all. I'm terrified because again, we're not on that type of time. We have not physically touched each other since he was in the hospital with me holding me for the epidural. But again, I was very obedient to the Lord. Whatever the Lord needed me to do. I was going to do it. No shame. No pride.

So my husband gets here and he walks in the door puts my son stuff in bring my son upstairs and he's still downstairs waiting. So I walk back down the steps and he's getting ready to leave and I just hug him. I just wrap my arms around him and I hold him and he's just holding on tight. He doesn't even let go.[00:52:00]

And as I'm holding him, I can feel that he needed it. I just knew that he needed it. And he says to me, well, what is this for? And I was like, oh, nothing. Like, I just, I just feel like you needed it. I just feel like you needed a hug. He's like, okay, well, thanks. He went upstairs. I call his mom. Like, he just came over.

I gave him a hug. Like, he didn't fight it. Like, I feel like he needed it. And she was like, tell him to come back. And I'm like, okay, like, why not? Um, my mother in law lives 30 minutes away and that's where my husband was living at the time. So he had to drive 30 minutes from my house to get to his mom's.

So I hurry up and I text him. I'm like, hey, can you come back? Like, can you stay here? And he's like, I'm already home. So I'm thinking the conversation is going to end, but he continues to text me and tells me that he's had dreams about me. And he's just been feeling all these things. And I'm like, okay, great.

Like, what are the dreams? Like, how do you feel? He's just kind of speaking really like in a cryptic way. But again, I'm not trying to push boundaries. I really just want him to lead and as he's sharing these dreams with me and what he feels and what he thinks it means he ends up telling me like look, I want my family back.

I want to be back with you guys. [00:53:00] I need my family and it almost felt like it was too good to be true because I go through the situation at the hospital. I'm thinking God done it already just for him to leave the hospital and he's still talking to this woman and now here he is saying he wants his family back.

family. So he tells me that he's gonna come over tomorrow. The next day comes and I'm waiting for him hours long and I don't know where he's at. I'm texting him. He's not responding. So he finally gets to my mom's house and he admits that he had been over at the other woman's house because he felt like he needed to give her closure because he had ended their relationship abruptly and he knew that she was feeling some type of way.

Now, in my mind, I'm like, she don't need no closure. I'm your wife. But I also understood that they have been together for almost nine months. And so there was still something there. And after that, we laid in that bed. I laid on his chest and he just told me how much he missed us and how much he loves me.

And he kind of just poured his heart out to me. And I started to tell him all the different things that God told me, all the things God shared with me about us and being restored and how God had even used my son one time. And he's just laying there and I don't know what he was thinking. I should ask him one day, [00:54:00] but he was kind of laying there like, okay, whatever.

But I could tell he was at peace just being with his family. Now I was in a place where I realized we were restored. And I think that I was moving a little too fast because I was like, let's go on dates. Let's go to the movies. And he wasn't ready. And so he ended up telling me one time, like, Zay, this is too soon for this.

Like, I can't just pretend like I'm still not feeling some type of way about you. I can't pretend that I'm not like grieving this other woman. Like I just need some time. So a week goes by where we do not talk at all. And at the end of that week, he sends me a message and says, I think we should be friends.

And y'all, I almost cried. I'm like, ain't no way I'm gonna be right back in this place where this man just wants to be friends. So I texted him, I said, you only want to be friends? He's like, no dummy, I want us to rebuild our friendship. I want us to start being friends again. And y'all, we've been together ever since.

And no, it hasn't been easy. There's been a lot of warfare, a lot of issues. There's been a lot that has gone into both he and I growing and being where we are right now. And it even was at the point where he was explaining to me, you know, what that relationship was like for him and what they went through and how much they argued and how much they fought.

And it was just very, [00:55:00] very toxic. And so I pray that y'all hearing this, I know it's crazy, but just understanding how good God is and how faithful God is because six years now, I'm not worried about that woman. I trust him. I don't think about her like I used to. So it doesn't bother me anymore because I know where God has.

Brought us from and where we are at now. So God bless y'all. Those of you that are still standing for your marriages. I'm praying that you just keep the faith and you keep trusting in God, cause he can do it.

Chesko: No dummy.

That caught me too. No

Chesko: dummy. Why would you even think that? I don't know. I don't know anything anymore.

Regan: Can

Chesko: you, I just, the. I mean, this is a proper use of audacity of like, of, of breaking up with the woman you were cheating on your wife with, and then acting like, hold on, you're moving too fast as I'm grieving, as I'm grieving this relationship. [00:56:00] Oh my God. Oh, sorry. She can't say

Regan: that to her. The idea that, you know, he didn't need time to leave her for another woman he met at work and jump right into that shit.

Regan: But when he told her, I want to be back with my family, and she then treated him like, a partner. He was like, whoa, slow down crazy. This is way too much. You're

Chesko: moving way too fast for me for the, as the husband of your, of our two children together.

Regan: After I just had a nine month affair while you were pregnant.

Regan: I

Chesko: had to say goodbye to her when I gave

Regan: her closure. What is that code for?

Chesko: Yeah. Yeah. You know exactly what that is. Yeah.

Regan: Oh.

Chesko: He wanted one last, he needed it last one out of the system. Really

Regan: close it.

Chesko: Yeah, yeah.

Regan: Again, the selfishness. He's saying, Oh, I'm coming to your house. [00:57:00] And then, oh, while she's there waiting by the door, I'm gonna go to my other, my side piece's house to get closure while you're waiting for me.

Regan: This is a horror story. This is a nightmare. Like, if she told the story time with all the same facts and was like, Listen to how shitty my ex, what my ex did to me,

Chesko: right? Story time. People would be like,

Regan: what the,

Chesko: this is unbelievable. And I can't believe how dumb I was to do this. I had to be like, don't worry.

Chesko: We all do it. That's yeah. You can see instead. No, you don't also, you don't have to share this story.

Regan: Well, it's here. This is the craziest part, Chesco. This is the basis. Of why they should tell their whole thing. Yeah. Why they are in the position to give counseling to other, to people and like to say like, this is the proof.

Regan: This is the proof that if you stick in it, you can have a man absolutely drag you along. [00:58:00] You can have him not support you. Mm-Hmm. , you can carry his child with zero support from him. You can have him be there one minute, then go sleep with somebody else and completely confuse you and put you on an emotional rollercoaster and tell you he wants to be friends, but he wants to build up your friendship.

Regan: You too can have that. And they should just to say like, the Lord did this. It's like, Oh,

Chesko: Oh, Hashtag relationship goals. I know.

Regan: Okay, but just to point out like how much like how the narrative is like God put put us through these trials and tribulations to to strengthen us, but it's like You're the only one though.

Regan: You're the one who went through the trials. You're the one who was abandoned You're the one who was neglected. He was What he got to cheat on you and be with another woman and not support you during the pregnancy and then Go between equally as

Chesko: hard, right? Right

Regan: like what you're the faithful one Why would your faithfulness need to be tested by him in that way?

Regan: Like he's not doing [00:59:00] you a service But the whole thing is like her suffering is the story. So listen to the way this is him talking by the way Listen to this we'll close on his thoughts

I'm using the bathroom. I'm using the bathroom and I'm just like, babe, you know what? I'm just gonna tell you everything. I got to tell you everything. And it was just, and he got out, he came, he sat on the bed and he just told me everything. And like he said before, it was things that I, some of them were things I already knew, but I also didn't know the extent and how much you struggled and how hard things were for you.

And I knew in that moment, like I just had to be there. So it's like, This part for the women that are like standing for their marriages, like when it is time for your husband or wife or whatever to be delivered, there may be a moment where like they need to share because God is placing it on them. And let me tell y'all something, the grace this woman displayed was up Christ.

You understand what I'm saying? Like you laughing, I'm dead serious. I told my aunt, I told my mother. It didn't. The truth that I was [01:00:00] explaining was enough to justify her going and grabbing a gun and shooting me in my face. You understand what I'm saying? I don't believe that. Nothing is that deep. But, but yeah, just a normal, let me not say a normal.

Most people will not be able to sit there and hear that much. Not saying, you know, It's all you. I'm just the biggest sinner out there. I'm sure there's men that have done worse things, but it's just the rapid fire of truths, the rapid fire of, of hurt that I was dealing to my wife and she's just sitting there calmly listening.

Like, it's okay, babe. It's okay. Tell me. Tell me. Okay. Okay. Just the, the understanding, and I'm just like, babe, like, I know that everything I'm telling you is hurting you right now, and there's a lot of follow up that needs to be had, but this feels so good to be able to tell you everything.

Chesko: And this has been Mr.

Chesko: Pikmin.

Regan: It's so bad! He's like I'm, and he's calling it truth or [01:01:00] whatever, but it's like, he essentially was like, Oh, this is really weighing on me. So he's just sitting there and telling her all the way he's betrayed her. And like, she's just like, okay, okay. And he's like, God, the way she, it's basically like the way she sat there while I punched her, the grace with which she was able to take all of those strikes.

Regan: Was of Christ. And that's, it's really amazing on her. And like, she even talks about like, I could tell he, he really needed to tell me these things. And it's like, what, what?

Chesko: The, the issue was also the, when you then take the story. I, and I didn't know that this is what they, their whole thing is you're, You're literally using your own story of abuse to then justify and allow other men to abuse perpetuate.

Chesko: That's really what this is. It's now other people hear this and they're like, Oh, [01:02:00] sweet. Like I, I can do this. And as long as I say that I'm a man of God. As long as I say that our marriage is more important than my sin, then I can do whatever I want with no consequence.

Regan: And the value of my wife and as a wife, your value is that you can sit there and take it and stand by it as bad as it gets, no matter how bad it gets.

Regan: And he's like saying, he was saying like atrocious things to her, which I'm like, What the hell did you say to her? This idea of like, Hey ladies, like you just got to sit through it. You just got to be kind. And Christ's like, it's Christ's like to let yourself be abused by men. You're closer to God. And then again, it's like, it doesn't go both ways though.

Regan: Do the men have to sit there while their wives cheat and come to them? I don't know. Cause

Chesko: if, if, if his wife cheated on him, there's absolutely zero chance. That he would have stayed in that relationship. It's always one sided. There was a video just the other [01:03:00] day about a, there was, there was a, it was a podcast, but it was, it was a woman speaking and giving advice about how well, men, men cheat.

Chesko: It's what they do. They're allowed. It doesn't mean anything. It's your bubble. And then someone asked her, she was like, well, is your, does your boyfriend cheat on you? And she was like, yeah, but you know, he provides for me. And it's, it's, once again, it's, I have to say that all men do this or else I have to admit that it's no, it's just, it's my men.

Chesko: That, uh, I mean, a lot of guys, you know, pretend like it's like it's, but, but it's, it's this mentality. And then I'm going to spread this mentality that it's okay. That this it's for men to do this thing, because as long as it's okay for all men to do this, it's okay for my man to do this. It's okay for me to be in this terrible relationship.

Chesko: It's okay for me to sit with that. Cause the worst possible scenario would be that I'm divorced and single. Right. I, it's better to be an unhappy, abusive marriage than it would be to be alone.

Regan: Yeah. I mean, that's a hundred percent what it is because [01:04:00] yeah, at the end of the day, like the most nefarious part is now you're teaching other people to do the same.

Regan: Now you will validate in a therapy session that the abuse of the man is not the problem, but the wife's ability to withstand it is.

Chesko: I gotta go pick up my daughter from dance camp. Yes. Okay.

Regan: So this is it. Uh, thank you so much for listening today. Uh, check out our Patreon, check out our socials, and we will see you next week.

Chesko: Love you all. Bye.