Caitlin Van Mol 0:01 This episode contains descriptions of gun violence. Listener Discretion is Advised

Christian 0:07 is kind of difficult because like if I was never there, the night I requested, none of this would have happened.

Caitlin Van Mol 0:18 Christian Kimbrough grew up in Little Rock, Arkansas, and was your typical good kid. He got all A's was on the dance team, and was popular with his classmates. He had been best friends with CJ since second grade. And the two were inseparable. We

Christian 0:36 have similar interests, you know, we'd like to go to each other's house back and forth. So that just became my best friend. We we share the same mindsets, we share the same ideas it you know what, you can do it in the second grade?

Caitlin Van Mol 0:50 Yeah. It's gonna say eight year olds having like mindsets, right, right. During Christmas break, in 2005 13 year old Christian had been staying at CJs house, dealing

Christian 1:04 with our two year old boys do you know, jumping on the trampoline? You know, on the game games, this on the x box, you know, just really nothing out of the ordinary. Christian

Caitlin Van Mol 1:16 was supposed to go home on the 18th. But I had

Christian 1:20 to ask my mom for one more night. You know, obviously, it's the week before Christmas. And, you know, my mom wants me home. And I was like, please, please, please. And, you know, I got the okay from her. CJ,

Caitlin Van Mol 1:35 his family also had another guest. Blake, who was about 18 years old.

Christian 1:41 I think he was a family friend of theirs. And so he was bouncing around from house to house and you know, he was living in the attic at the time. That's how I met him. You know, we didn't have any bad words with each other. You know, we, you know, we always spoke when we saw each other laugh at a couple of his jokes. You know, I thought things were were good. The

Caitlin Van Mol 2:05 night of December 18. See Jays Mom took the younger boys to see a movie, a on flux, and then to IHOP

Christian 2:13 rooty Tooty fresh and fruity with this added cheese eggs when

Caitlin Van Mol 2:17 they got back. Blake was standing in the driveway waiting is

Christian 2:22 December so you know, it's very, very cold. And he's kind of like disgruntled because or annoyed because he couldn't get in the house because he didn't have a key. And with there was nobody to let them in, open the door, walk up the stairs. All of the bedrooms are on the second floor is pretty big. This is a pretty big house. Except the guy is in the attic.

Caitlin Van Mol 2:48 Christian started changing for bed and CJs room. CJ had to run downstairs to get some toilet paper for his mom who was in the bathroom. Blake

Christian 2:59 comes into Rome from the Eric with a god

Caitlin Van Mol 3:12 this is live to tell the podcast where I talk to some of the bravest people who have been through the most horrifying things and lived to tell the tale. I'm Caitlin van mol

Christian 3:30 and so he pointed it and I stood up and he's probably not even less than three hours away from me. And he says you know it's two blanks and guidance to real blessing and now I'm standing up with my hands up and I'm saying what are you doing? What what are you doing? What's was was you know, in my mind I'm like what what's going to happen? And he fires it and instantly my eyes close and it felt like a king Paul just struck me in a

Caitlin Van Mol 4:10 Christian had been shot in the head on his left side, shattering his skull.

Christian 4:17 And so as I'm able to you know open my eyes have you seen Macaulay? Culkin in Home Alone scenes where he's like

Caitlin Van Mol 4:26 Christian is doing the Home Alone aftershave Screen Face. Blake is making that face like he's making that face. So it's almost like Blake was surprised that brush shot because

Christian 4:38 and also why exactly, exactly. I don't I don't know you well enough. I you know, I haven't you know said anything mean towards you? Or you know, I haven't even had five minutes you know with you. So I'm just like, what what what, why me so When Blake is making a face only thing I know to do is try to because my head is ringing. And I'm not sure why. So I'm naturally right handed. And so I go to move my right arm and pain, and I couldn't. So I take my left hand and put it up to my, you know, where the pain is excruciating. And I saw, you know, bottles of blood, and I'm making a puddle on the floor. And Blake ran runs out. Oh my god, oh my God, come quick, come quit all my god.

Caitlin Van Mol 5:42 Blake started screaming that Christian had shot himself, CJ and his mom rushed into the room

Christian 5:50 and tried to pull me down on the bed, you know, and call 911. But my generally is going to so much they had to like forcefully hold me down. And as the EMC got there, as they were rolling me out, and out, I just remember how cold it was, you know, the way the way I felt. And just wide wise, it's happening to me. You know, I just blackout

Caitlin Van Mol 6:23 Christian fell into a coma.

Christian 6:26 To be in a coma was like a big dream. A lot of open plains, like, you know, valleys and everything like that is looking like a Microsoft Office like desktop. And I saw, I saw my grandmother. And she had just been a victim of murder, suicide. Thanksgiving 2004 She was making some murder suicide. And then in December to that five hour shot. I just remember her saying that, you know, maybe you can't stay here you can stay gotta go. Not really Talking. Talking to me, but just, you know, I can see her presence. I can see her movements and stuff like that. But that was to one thing that actually, you know, that stuck with me. And then I wake up seven days later on Christmas day.

Caitlin Van Mol 7:34 Yeah. What was it like waking up?

Christian 7:40 Not ideal for everybody that was around me. You know, I woke up but was wondering why I was there. You know, because I didn't I couldn't put two and two together. I couldn't imagine me getting shot. I couldn't imagine, you know, because I had did all the right things that I was told to do. I wasn't in a gang are made straight A's. And gangs are really prevalent at that time, especially where I'm from. So I was just wondering, like, why did that happen to me? Why am I going to get all of this? I couldn't get a grasp of it. I would just wake up, couldn't talk. But want to scream at everybody. I had to get restrain. They put like little hospital restraints on my bed. They put me in a straitjacket couple of times. Yeah, because I didn't I was I was the person that didn't like to sleep. And so after they injected me with some medicine that was supposed to help me sleep, it backfire severely. And you know, I was up for like 48 hours. You know, so good. I was I was a crazy series of events when I woke up because I was ripping off my catheter trying to go to the bathroom about myself. Like I was very, very, very strong willed. And I couldn't walk. I couldn't do any of that. I was just like, okay, whatever. I'm just pumped and tried to do everything by myself because I cannot be viewed as not normal. Christian

Caitlin Van Mol 9:23 had to relearn how to walk, talk, swallow, and a bunch of other physical things that used to come naturally. But a traumatic brain injury like this also came with cognitive problems as well.

Christian 9:40 Yeah, that was that was a very frustrating part about recovery because I thought people thought the teachers or anything any anybody that will actually come across me and try to teach me something. I thought they're claiming my intelligence. And she you know, she didn't mean anything by it, but It will be a teacher, we would go to for a short period of time in the hospital, she would just hold up shape, she will hold up colors. And I'm just like, Why? Why are you doing that? I was like, why are you doing it? But I couldn't talk. You know, I could tell but it kind of came up, mumbled in a way. But you know, me figuring out, I know everything. Say if it's live, for example, it's a red circle, and I'm saying a blue circle. You know, I know exactly what that thing is. And I'm trying to say, but it doesn't come out like that. And so I would just become, like, straight up beyond belief.

Caitlin Van Mol 10:42 Adding to this frustration was the fact that Christian had to be fed through a feeding tube. What is getting fed through a tube like?

Christian 10:54 Not Not pleasant at all. Yeah.

Caitlin Van Mol 10:57 I mean, I mean, you must be able to breathe while it happens. But also,

Christian 11:01 I'm able to breathe but they put a tube up through your nose, and then you go pull it out. I was the king of pulling it out, pulling out the tube through my nose, and it would, it would hurt all the way down. I'm like, okay, man, I'm serious. I couldn't talk. But I'm like, Okay, I'm serious. I want some food. Some of your food. So because I lost like, I was already frail, when I went in there, but I got extremely thin, when they were speeding through it, too. So I lost pounds there. But they just had to take a chew test. And they said, I passed with flying colors. So that was that was that was good.

Caitlin Van Mol 11:49 Even with this Triumph of being able to eat real food. Christian had a long recovery in front of him. This could have seemed insurmountable for any 13 year old. But Christian was motivated.

Christian 12:04 The funny story that what kicked off my my recovery journey. My mom was she had rolled me to the ledge, where I could see downtown Little Rock, Arkansas. And mom was just saying that. She was like, Okay, so, you know, are you ready? Ready to give her all you know, ready? You know, because I want to go home, I know you want to go home. And it just clicked. I was like, Okay, I'm about to go crazy in the CEO, because I know I had to do it for her. The tribes for me, where I had to learn how to button up my buttons, zip up my zipper. And so I was I was burning buttons and stuff in no time. So but when you look at you, you're like, oh, no, man, you're not ready to go anywhere. So they I'm trying to push everything off. I lived everything. I'm trying to go to the bathroom on my own. I'm just trying to do everything I can because I want to get out of this hospital. And I want to get out of this house to the best. And from a gunshot to the head. I've made it out in record time.

Caitlin Van Mol 13:24 Christian had been shot in the head in such a way that he lost a lot of his skull. The plan was to cover the area with a plate. But they couldn't do that right away. So Christian had to live with a hole in his skull for six months. You

Christian 13:41 know, when I woke up in the morning, it was bulging out of my head. So your brain? I wish I could have a picture. Yeah. My brain was bulging out of my muscle, right?

Caitlin Van Mol 13:54 Just a curiosity question. But did you did you try to like poke your brain?

Christian 14:00 Oh, yeah. Measles.

Caitlin Van Mol 14:02 Why did that feel like, Oh, I'm

Christian 14:05 soft, soft, because I still had skin on it. You know, I still have my hair on and every night,

Caitlin Van Mol 14:13 I would poke my brain to all that stood between Christians brain and the open air was skin. So if Christian left the house, he needed to wear a helmet. So in those six months that you're waiting, were you allowed out into the world? Oh.

Christian 14:36 Oh, no. I mean, my mom tried her. try her best, you know, I will fight her. You know, because me being 13 Now would you know try to you know, ride in the car without the helmet. I'm like, No, that's not that's not cool. And she will always say, hey, what if I get into an accident? Hey, what if I did or what if I have to make a sharp turn or it was like that? weeks and weeks of firing. But she eventually got her way. Christian

Caitlin Van Mol 15:04 was homeschooled for the rest of that school year. He was allowed a few times to visit his friends at his middle school. wearing the helmet in the car for safety was one thing. But he refused to wear it in front of his friends. His mom reluctantly agreed, but was going to lay down the law about how to act around her son. While he still had a hole in his skull.

Christian 15:30 She thought, okay, you don't want to wait. Okay, I gotta, you know, make it known that can't have any horseplay because she wasn't golfer any of that, you know, she's only five, two, but she was standing. She was like, Hey, do not touch his head or come around his head, or anything like that. Like

Caitlin Van Mol 15:47 this is obviously pre COVID. But let's do COVID realize that you stay six feet away.

Christian 15:53 Right? She's like, Yeah, I will let you go see your friends occasionally, you know, that was fine. Just being normal, somewhat.

Caitlin Van Mol 16:03 This period of extra caution lasted six months, until he could have a plate implanted to cover the hole.

Christian 16:11 They had to actually get everything correct. They had to actually mold it because I had to actually like make the plate it had to actually make the plate.

Caitlin Van Mol 16:21 How does one get fitted? Or a skull?

Christian 16:25 Right? They they actually took the X rays. And I guess you know, Dr. Dahl, was my doctor. In the last steel price presences day he was actually responsible for just detailing it as best as he could. What played a major part in just recreating what, what what you see now.

Caitlin Van Mol 16:51 While Christian was still in the hospital immediately after the attack, investigators were waiting for him to be able to talk again, so he could tell them what happened. Blake had said Christian shot himself. So they needed to get Christian side of the story.

Christian 17:09 My mom was fine out detectives like crazy. They kept asking her questions. It was rumors that you know, I was playing with a gun, I shot myself. Why would I do something like that? Meanwhile, you know, I'm that I'm not responsible for anything except, you know, being the victim. I eventually, you know, just said what happened, where I was, how it transpired. And you know, who will support yourself?

Caitlin Van Mol 17:40 Did that did like get arrested?

Christian 17:44 No, no, he did not get arrested for shooting me.

Caitlin Van Mol 17:49 Do you know why he wasn't arrested for what he did? Do you know? Is that frustrating?

Christian 17:59 Um, at one point in time, I would say yes. But I kind of got over, I got over it. You know, getting shot at 13 going through puberty in the you know, just wanting to be with the, you know, with your friends with you know, your your comrades or what have you, and just rushing to become normal. That's, that's what I actually wanted. So what the case was put everything was, you know, it's just, I just brushed it off. But I guess karma, you know, worked itself out because I look up his name like a year or so ago. And he was wanted for murder. In Phoenix, Arizona. In

Caitlin Van Mol 18:55 2021. Blake Porter was arrested for lethally shooting Ricky Garza, who lived in the same apartment complex as Blake. Blake is now in prison until 2033. That,

Christian 19:09 you know, Comic Con McCain actually came back tenfold. So recipe so the person he you know, healed and the more people his family,

Caitlin Van Mol 19:20 Christian has put so much effort into going back to normal. But that doesn't mean he's completely fine with having to put that effort in in the first place. You talked a lot about like, why did this happen to me, but were you like, I think I would just be really angry.

Christian 19:40 Oh, I'm still kind of angry. But it's not like I don't want to say it's like, it's I don't I don't know. I'm trying to become a better person. All these years because I recognize it myself. And I'll be an idiot. Not too, but I'm trying to become a better person trying to, you know, being positive on most things, and not be so angry because you know, the symptoms of TBI,

Caitlin Van Mol 20:15 traumatic brain injury,

Christian 20:16 you're not that great friend, you know, you're, you don't allow people to, you know, get that close to you becoming becoming friends, it's kind of hard for me, you know, everybody doesn't have your best interests, you know, things. And so I always keep that in the back of my mind, like, and that's why it's hard, so hard for me to actually, you know, extend that, that grace and, you know, extend that friendship. But, you know, as I say, a work in progress.

Caitlin Van Mol 20:51 Did you ever, like see a counselor at any point? No,

Christian 20:55 no, I didn't speak to anybody until I was like, what, 29 years old? So I talked with, with him, my therapist, but he was just like, you know, you're just not coming to see me, you just now coming in, you know, you should have been in here by I'm glad you're here now. But we see. Well, you know, I haven't been like Kobe, Kobe years. So

Caitlin Van Mol 21:23 what made you go the first time, just wanted to,

Christian 21:28 I was depressed, I was depressed out of this out of this world. I just thought the worst. Just the way my life was, I have a whole lot to be grateful for. But I couldn't see it at the time. To be honest with you, you know, I was, I was struggling, struggling to be at control. And just was like, Hey, I'm just gonna, you know, touch try to talk to somebody about it and get a different perspective. It didn't change too much. But it's needed. It's needed to have somebody to talk to.

Caitlin Van Mol 22:08 Yeah, I also have depression. So I'm, I know that feeling, yeah. Like, even, you can be grateful for everything you have. And you're like, why am I so sad? When I have so much like people that left me,

Christian 22:25 it's hard. I mean, it's is very difficult when you know, you're surrounded by, you know, people that love you people, you know, that want to see you good, but inside, you're not good with your stuff. Because I felt like I was falling behind. In some, I was comparing myself a lot to, you know, just other people and not really receiving the things that I that I that I wanted, and then I was 29. So I'm like, Man, when I turned 30, that if I could have gone with this, I would have been here by now if I would have just started kept speaking about it in public settings, I would have been this far by now. So it was a lot of a lot of that. And I just got depressed beyond beyond belief. So I'm with you, you know, I have depression too. So it's just like, I don't I don't have I don't want to say I have depression, I don't want to say I have depression, I've been depressed. I have depression as is, it's an ongoing thing. Because if if the biceps and I have depression, the tongue is a powerful thing. So I don't want to say I have depression, I just want to say I've been depressed before. And that led me to seeing somebody about it. So while

Caitlin Van Mol 23:55 he may not have been talking about the assault with a therapist, he was talking about it. Christian saw an opportunity to use his story in a positive way.

Christian 24:06 You know, I tend to talk to middle school and high school kids and, you know, because I've been in their shoes before and they, they, they sometimes don't have it all together. Just my whole thing is okay. You know, I told you what happened to me, I hope I told you how we came that I'm being so very vulnerable with you. And I want I want you to tell your story. Now it's your turn now, you know, whatever you going through, whatever whatever you have going on, you know, just openly share that and stop trying stop trying to think that you can hold it all in because of that. They will be taking my own advice, but hopefully, you know, they can be the person that actually gets people to actually open up and share their

Caitlin Van Mol 25:00 These talks led first to a T shirt brand called revive mines, that expanded into hats. Once Christian started public speaking, he decided to cut his hair short. He'd had long dreads before. But this exposed the scars he had on his head from the gunshot. You

Christian 25:19 know, I guess, really self conscious about it. Because I'm like, Oh my God, why did I do this? I started wearing hats I started wearing has to cover it up. And my girlfriend was like, why don't you just sell those? And I'm like, no, nobody will buy them. And so I'll just continue with the, with the, with the T shirts. You know, she took a few pictures of the hat her way in the head. And, you know, everybody liked my story, everybody could put two and two together, why I sell these hats because of my insecurities. And I always think that the hats were like my saving grace, they are like my safe haven, like my forcefield or like, a superhero. You know, it just gives me some strength or whatever. It's just been, you know, flying off the shelves ever since revile moments.com Are the indie nd s.com. This Well, I love this journey that I'm on, but few setbacks is just I'm living, I'm living proof that you can get over any obstacle that you're faced with. It doesn't have to be a gunshot. It doesn't have to be in, you know, some s. 's life changing. But, you know, everybody has a story to tell. And, you know, to just want to be the platform that they can be heard. In

Caitlin Van Mol 26:43 your teens, you didn't want to be the kid that got shot in the head, you just want to be a kid. Right? But this brand leans into that story. Right? So can you kind of talk about like, when that kind of switch flipped?

Christian 26:58 This funny, I didn't realize my fullest potential with Brandon. And so I've started to focus on hats and the reasoning behind them. And just knowing that, you know, it is my identity now, you know, I can't I can't change anything that happens to me. I can't know. Well, I would want to change it.

Caitlin Van Mol 27:21 Yeah, how do you feel about your scars today?

Christian 27:24 That's a touchy subject. Because even though I preach, you know, I can take the hair off, I'm still feel a slight a bit of insecurity. When I have my head off, I'm the type to, I get a haircut and I put the hat on right away. I can have a fully cut hair, you know, it's just, it's just I made that my part of my brand identity and my identity myself. But I could learn to be more comfortable with my scars. I'm 31 years old, I am still not actually comfortable with the scars and stuff like that. So I'm human, you know, I haven't overcame fine, you know, overcame it. But I don't feel as bad about my scars as I once did. And that's because I started to look at it in a different way. And I have a product that can really help me out. So

Caitlin Van Mol 28:23 I'm sure you hear this all the time, but just give yourself don't go hard. Don't be hard on yourself.

Christian 28:28 Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I hear from my friends. I'm a little too hard on myself. I have so many things to be grateful for, like, I have my own day with the CEO of a Rock Arkansas robot. And so but I've still felt like okay, that's not enough. You know, I still feel like I'm not doing enough. You know, and I just constantly put that pressure on myself to get what

Caitlin Van Mol 28:54 I mean, I do too. I get that I also I also always am just like, you're doing great.

Christian 29:04 We all gotta have those individual looks in the mirror and pep talks and affirmation and everything like that. Hey, like you are doing very great. You are who you say you are. You know what I said before he like the tongue is a powerful thing. So if he's, you know, a notch yourself and you know, speak highly of yourself then mountains are going to move for you. Yeah. So just just working on myself working on my craft and just trying to stay true to to the rice that I'm running.

Caitlin Van Mol 29:41 This is live to tell. I'm Caitlin van mol. You can follow the show on Instagram and Tiktok at lift to tell podcast. If you enjoyed today's episode, please rate review and subscribe. It really helps the show. I'll see you soon. In two weeks

Transcribed by https://otter.ai