Hello and welcome to Revolutionize your love life. Do you

want to know more about love relationships? What makes them

work? How to create the one of your best dreams?

Do you want to be in a really healthy juicy,

love relationship? In these podcasts, we will give ideas and

practical advice to light your way. Whether you're looking for

a love partner already in a relationship, you wish could

be better or leaving one that has run its course.

There will be something to inspire empower and support you.

Revolutionize your love life is a fortnightly podcast where you

will access the knowledge and wisdom of love experts and

relationship coaches from across the world to help you find

true fulfillment in love. I am your host, Heather Garbett.

Welcome. Hello, everybody. I'm here today with a wonderful Beatrice

Allen. She's an author who writes about wealth consciousness for

both young Children and adults, especially young girls. And she's

here today to talk about how this consciousness relates to

love and lack of love and living in a scarcity

paradigm. Welcome, Beatrice. Oh, thank you so much, Heather. Thank

you for that wonderful introduction. Um You're very welcome. So

tell me then about love and lack of love and

how it affects us. Mhm Yes. So what first comes

into, what first comes into mind is that in both

my experience as what I've, what I've experienced myself and

also in my experience with the women, especially we're talking

about women is that it's something that we're born into.

So when we know in, in the sense of, um,

in terms of, in terms of psychology, in terms of

how we learn to love, how we learn to relate.

I think here, your um your listeners might not be

um friend to attachment theory that helps us understand why

we love as we do and why we relate as

we do. Um We get to see that our mother

is our first love and it's not only when we're

outside of her room, it begins from the very day

we're even thought of, we're even conceived in her body.

And depending on the experience that she's carrying with her

in her life where she is while carrying us, while

being pregnant, giving birth. And then um how she is

relating to us um as we grew up as Children

and becoming adults that has such a powerful effect on

how we experience love, how we were learned to be

loved, how we're sorry, taught to be loved and how

we learned to love. Um And so that when, when

you then um when you then have an experience that

is opposite of this nurturing this protective and this guiding

love, this guiding maternal presence. Um We actually, in my

experience, end up having and growing up with this scarcity

paradigm, this scarcity way of thinking and seeing the world

because we grew up in a lack of love situation

where love actually might have been even dangerous where um

um where our mother um or those caregivers, those close

to us just didn't feel safe to us in some

way. And so that was something that I started to

see when I was stepping out of my own career,

when I was meeting other women that were also stepping

out in their especially entrepreneurial career where you get to

be faced with a lot of your own beliefs, right?

And seeing that they were actually reliving that lack of

love experience in their not o not only in their

lives, but they were seeing it so powerfully because they

think there's something that becomes very powerful when we deal

with numbers and in business. And they were seeing that

they're actually reliving that lack of love experience in their

career, in their money situation as well. So that was

how I started to see and put together like it

wasn't just an experience I was having, it was something

that other women was, were also having. And when I

started to go deep into understanding why this was was

what, what all of us we had in common. Um

I started to see uh a term that psychologist um

Kelly Kelly mcdaniel, her name is Kelly mcdowell. She's a

cli clinical psychologist as far as I know, and she

turned, she coined this term called mother hunger. And um

and that was something I identified in myself. It was

something that in conversation with these other women um that

they also started to identify for themselves. They started to

see, oh, they actually have this experience of their mother,

not actually being nurturing in some situations, not as in

all the time there is. Um but maybe as in

hm, most of the time or um or their mother,

not in some way, being able to protect them again

for whatever reason is not. Um It's not a invitation

to have any to, to cultivate blame or, or um

or any complaint of our mothers is, is, is more,

it was truly in an inquiry of understanding. Hm, what

is the root cause? Like what is the route to

why I'm hungering money? And we sort of went on

the journey and found out that a lot of it

had to do with the way we're actually hungering love

from our mothers still as adults, right? So the process

of, go ahead, go ahead. No, no, I was just

agreeing with you. I think you're right that there is

such a deep hunger for the sort of love you

first described that creates safety and security. And from that

place. You have expectations that there will be safety and

security and being met and welcomed, being held lovingly accountable,

being encouraged from, uh, that secure base. But if you

don't have that then you're always on shaky ground and

you will not expect to have money because you didn't

expect to have love, money will come, uh, and not

feel safe or you'll somehow feel, yeah, you'll somehow feel,

um, you're not worth giving to. So you'll probably not

pursue, uh, a good education or a, a good career

or find your place or express yourself. Yes, absolutely. Um,

like these, in, in many ways it was, the situations

were very similar. It was really women that they would

find themselves, um, exactly in situations where they wouldn't ask

for money where they wouldn't, um, ask for what they

wanted or where they would give off of themselves, um,

way more than, you know, that, that would ultimately cause

exhaustion and, um, just being in, in ways that were

not self, sort of uplifting but the opposite. Um, but

in so subtle ways that it was really, really challenging

to, to put a finger on the, the, the financial

co dependence that was happening, the sort of different kinds

of financial behavior, behavior with money and even not just

behavior but thinking in, in, in such a subtle way

where the body, in a way that was because these

women, they've done a lot of work on their minds.

Done a lot of conscious um money work and had

money books. And there was like, again, educated themselves within

what is money and how can I, how can I

receive more of it? And still there was this um

body based experience of, of understanding why is my body

somehow reacting to money in a way that's um that

just is not in alignment with how I've come to

learn to think about money because they could, you know,

of money is good and I have gone through all

the mental mental work. Um but on a very subtle

somatic body based level, there is this lineage, this heritage

of money that's been um in ingrained in a cellular

level in a way. It's the trauma that Yeah. Mm

Yeah. Mm OK. Yes, because the body holds all sorts

of emotions. And I, I see parallels, you know, when

I think about working with people who are looking for

love for a true love, romantic relationship and they're coming

with similar mindset and body experience, which is not expecting

to find a partner anymore than they would expect to

receive money. And, and it's that cool um tension the

makes people not see opportunities, you know, been working with

somebody who's absolutely lovely, but she walks with her eyes

down and bristly out of a, a sort of bodily

defense from years and years of criticism by her mother

um sort of contempt for feelings and needs. So she's

learned that that's a very tense thing to expect anything

from anybody else. So she, you know, I'm gonna be

independent. I'm not looking at anybody. I'm not going to

be open to love because it's so dangerous if, if

what love means is criticism and contempt. No, no. Thank

you. And that's in her body. Mhm Yeah. Well, that's,

that, that is, that is, yeah, that's powerful in, in

that sense that, that, that, that in order for that

to release, that's, that's body based, body based healing. Uh

At least that's in my experience. And also that's why

that some of the things that at least I'm excited

as I write because um sharing these practices, sharing, how

do you move through that? There is what I experienced

as there is when you sit, which is, is powerful

work too. Of course, when you sit one on one

and in that, that work is that needs to be

done. And then there is this work that you can

um that you can do when you read about when

you read about something, right? And you read all that

person just as you told that experience with this wonderful

woman you're working with, right? Just listening to that experience

can help someone recognize. Oh, is that something that's alive

within me too? And if so um how can I

be released from it? And, and you, you gave the

sort of um yeah, you gave part of the, the

answer of just realizing and bringing awareness to where does

that come from? That comes from that criticism back from

that mother. And, and when you can sort of have

that awareness of seeing. Ok, well, yeah, I mean, you're,

you would, you would probably be the be the one

to, to, to go through um how to move through

that, right? But just listening to, to you telling about

that um brings about a small healing in my awareness,

which is what I enjoy with by, by, by writing

is to bring, be able to bring those experiences to

people that didn't maybe think that that the correlation but

simply by writing or sorry, by reading um the experience

of, of, of somebody else you can have and receive

that little tiny healing because of your awareness shifts. So

yeah, absolutely. It's the real gift because identifying with you

and you're writing whatever you're writing about what the characters

you're writing about or if it's first person, sometimes I

think people really can then relate and reflect and see

it in themselves. And that's a lovely way of bringing

things into awareness because if they're not aware and they're

not in awareness, they can't be dealt with, they're just

embodied. Yeah, absolutely. And I what what really came from

from being in conversation with, with some of these women

with was just the awareness, just the awareness was enough

for them to shift into healing. It was tremendous healing.

Healing relationship with, with their mother that has been, that

was, you know, struck in um in, in dysfunction um

thought patterns and feelings and um and, and also the

other way around of healing relationship to Children and their

own daughters. And just seeing that, that awareness of just

knowing the root and knowing sometimes where to look. And

um and of course, for some, now, I know I

mentioned this concept of mother hunger, hunger and for some

that can be um something that they need, of course

support to go through one on one support. Um Because

just the awareness of, oh there was something that um

that was in my experience with my mother as I

grew up, that wasn't really serving me just that processing

can be um quite challenging. Um because we've also learned

to be in some ways about all mothers and to,

we've been uh domesticated and programmed to like to, to,

to put our mothers specifically um to protect our mothers

to, to, to, to, to always um have them in

a certain light sometimes. Um at least um I come

from a background where, where that is uh that was

the case. And so just unfolding the modern theme and

being able to um cultivate a safe space, not only

to speak, but also to think of um of my,

the real experience um just wanted to hold space for

some that can be necessary to, to do that in

a, in a therapeutic setting. Right. Yes, it's, it's really

important. There's, there's so much here because I think, yeah,

there's a real place to therapy and coaching and reading

and talking with friends and colleagues that's really invaluable in

this growth. I also think we need to look at

the, the bigger context and I'm, I'm glad you're talking

about not blaming and shaming our mothers if they have

been abusive and violent or whatever, then yes, they know

that, that they shouldn't have done that. Hopefully they're mature

enough to be able to make amends, apologize and make

amends if they're not, you probably need to create some

distance. But regardless the, there's this sort of historical context,

like in the UK, we've got a lot about class

and culture. Um, aside from family, you know, there's the

north, the south, the working class, the middle class, the

upper class, the upper upper class and all of that,

um, which each of them bring their values and ways

of being and a sort of sense of what's allowed

and what isn't. And there's the heritage of that. I,

I come from a, a line of military people. So

there's a lot of heavy discipline and self denial, you

know, bat on through no matter what's happening and feelings

don't really matter. And I, I feel, you know, my

mother is long gone now, but I feel like that's

how she was brought up. So she didn't really know

how to be different with me. I think she probably

shifted an awful lot from her childhood to be with

me. But to be with me in the age that

I came alive, she was out of experience. She was

out of education. We've got much more education now, you

know, we're talking in the fifties and sixties. So now

there's so much more to be read about child development

and what Children.