Caitlin Van Mol 0:00 This episode contains descriptions of violence. Listener discretion is advised.

Speaker 1 0:07 I'm thinking in my head, I'm going down. Um, I gotta, I gotta brace myself. So I'm like, I gotta get away from him.

Caitlin Van Mol 0:16 In 2013, Donna Aang Shaco was living in Coldsnap, New Jersey. She lived in a rented farmhouse with her 20 year old daughter, Kiersten.

Speaker 1 0:26 So, in 2013, I was 41 years old, single. I was really in a good place mentally. I was happy, my social life was full. I was always out and about doing something going somewhere after work or on the weekends. I was also big on working out in the gym. I worked out five, six days a week, I was in the best shape of my life. I was also heavy into mindfulness and meditation. In the

Caitlin Van Mol 0:56 morning of Saturday, July 6, Donna was woken by a phone call.

Speaker 1 1:01 I want to say it was about eight o'clock in the morning I was I was sleeping still in bed. I get a phone call. It's my mother. And she says that she was moving some furniture and she fell. And She hurt herself. And she was in a lot of pain. Take her to the emergency room. She didn't break anything. But She hurt herself enough where she was in excruciating pain. So they eventually send her home with pain meds, and she's got pain patches on her back to get her in bed and settled. And later on that day, we were supposed to have like a family get together at the house. It was some event within the family. But because of my mom falling the we cancelled it. That's how my day started.

Caitlin Van Mol 1:51 It was the Saturday a Fourth of July weekend. But after the morning she had and now that her family's party was cancelled. Donna was happy to stay home. Kiersten was going out to a party. So Donna had the house all to herself.

Speaker 1 2:08 I had a bunch of invitations to go to like friends places, you know, for barbecues and stuff like that. But I was like, you know, I had to turn down and just take care of my stuff. And it's funny because as I was doing my laundry, I was even on the phone with a friend and he was like, Oh, just come out, you know, whatever. And I was just so insistent, like no, I have to I'm not coming out. I'm home. I'm home for the day. And this is what I'm doing. My laundry machines are in the cellar of the house. So you can imagine how hot it was there's a heatwave happening. This house that I lived in did not have central air conditioning. It was an old farmhouse. So I had the two windows open and my front door open. So like I'm trying to get like a breeze going in there.

Caitlin Van Mol 2:55 Donna was going in and out of the house to get her laundry from the cellar. And her cat was also going in and out to do cat things. Once done as laundry was done and put away she started to get ready for bed. She turned her bedroom window AC on and took a shower.

Speaker 1 3:13 I think it was about 1111 30 When I went up to bed to turn the lights out, start to drift off to sleep. And I hear what I think is the cat scratching at the window screen. So I jump out of bed and I'm like oh my gosh the cat let me go let them in. Right outside my bedroom door was the staircase and I didn't turn any lights on I just walked open my door went down the stairs and right at the bottom of the stairs is the front door I figured I'm going to open the door let the cat in go back to bed and then that'll be that but when I got to the bottom of the stairs in the door, open the door and I see this kid standing at the window which was directly next to next to the door. And I could I see the knife that he's like cutting into the screen with it

Caitlin Van Mol 4:13 this is live to tell the podcast where I talk to some of the bravest people who have been through the most horrifying things and lived to tell the tale. I'm Caitlin van mol the person cutting the window screen was a skinny teenage boy and Donna had no idea what he wanted.

Speaker 1 4:39 When I first saw him, I wasn't I wasn't like it didn't startle me like I was just like huh you know this kind of like this is weird. And I wasn't feeling startled but like it just took like that millisecond where I saw the knife and I'm immediately I was like, you know jarred into Like, Oh my gosh, what is happening right now. So he sees me, you know, he, I'm looking at him and he he's looking at me and I in that second I go to slam the door shot. And he comes out the door. And as my hand was, you know, this is the door and then here's my fingers are over it, her

Caitlin Van Mol 5:22 finger had been out just enough for the man to cut it with a knife.

Speaker 1 5:26 That was like the worst pain that I felt when that knife cut, like the very tip of my finger. And I just pulled my hand off the door. And I was just, you know, once again, like here, I'm like, what just happened? So he he pushes his way into, in into the house. And here he is coming, just coming in. So I'm like backing up and backing into my kitchen. And he's literally standing right in front of me with a knife.

Caitlin Van Mol 5:59 How was he holding the knife just like down or up? Yeah, he

Speaker 1 6:02 was he was holding it down kind of like mid level. Like, you know, maybe body in, in like his abdominal area. But it was down a little. So it wasn't like, you know, he wasn't like in my face waving it like or anything. And so he never said anything. So he's standing in front of me. And before I know it, he whips the knife up, and he slashed my face. So I'm like, okay, so he cut my face and my hand immediately went up to my face. So I'm standing there, I'm holding my face. So now he starts slashing my neck, he slash slash slash. And, you know, I'm still like, Wait, like, you cut my face. And like I'm still on this. And now you're like, there's there's more happening here. So he slashes my neck three times. And in between those slashing those three slashings he had taken the knife and just punch it directly into my chest. I'm starting to feel like like queasy like, like faint, you know, lightheaded? I guess. So I'm like, slowly backing away. But as I was turning around, he was turning with me. He was following me. And he was very confident. He wasn't like, I better hurry up. And you know, get out of here. He was just kinda like I'm here. This is what's happening. He seemed very sure of what he was doing. So as I'm turning around, he's following me. And now he has the knife. And it's pointing it's at and it's like pointing at me. Not in you know, at any, like, he's going to like attack with it. So it just instinctually I guess I grabbed it. I tried to grab it, the knife, the blade. And that just went right into my hand, cut it open. And once again, I'm pulling my hand back. So now I'm I'm bleeding from my face from my neck, from my hand. I make it to the doorway, the doorway was just like another foot and a half or so. So I'm braced up against the wall. And he's still just standing there. And he seems he had no emotions, like, like, it was just a matter of fact of what was just happening. And I start sliding down the wall. Because now my legs are giving out and I'm like, I go down. And I'm like this, you know, I know this is not a good thing. Like, I'm in trouble now. I kind of fall over to the side. And I'm kind of like crouched there and basically in fetal position. Just trying to guard my myself. He comes over, he was like, jabbing at me. He jabs, you know, just jabbing and it was just weird, kinda like, he was kind of like, oh, like, are you still like able to, you know, move and function. Let me just stab you some more like he was poking you like poking and prodding kind of thing. Exactly. And, you know, so I'm trying to like wriggle around and get away from that. And you know, so in being in fetal position on the floor, like where am I gonna go, you know, and one of the one of the stabs got me in the back of the neck, and that did a lot of damage and caused a lot of nerve damage to this arm. So to the point where it was really useless to me in that moment. He

Caitlin Van Mol 9:25 then asked Donna for her car keys and a lighter,

Speaker 1 9:30 the car keys were on the table and there was a per there was a lighter in my purse, but before I even directed him to that I had said to them and again it the words just came out of my mouth that I said, I have a daughter and she still needs me. I can't die like this. You know, so he goes over he goes to the kitchen table. He gets the car keys and the lighter whatever. He's rummaging around and all my stuff. Then he came back over to me And I was down on the floor, still fetal position and like he straddled over me. And he just told me I was dead and plunged the knife into my chest, pulled it out, and he walked out the door. So I was like, he's he's gone, trying to like, sense like his movement and trying to feel like vibrations I was waiting to hear like, you know, he, I'm gonna hear the gravel in the driveway any minute, you know. But it was it was just like dead silence. And I just something just happened inside me. And I got up I didn't. I don't know how I did it. But I did. I remember going up the stairs, I don't remember actually my hands or my feet touching the stairs going up. But I made it. And I got to my cell phone, and my cell phone was on the charger. And it was on the dresser that was right next to the window that overlooks my driveway.

Caitlin Van Mol 11:02 Donna was terrified that if she lifted her phone up or disconnected it from the charger, it would light up and her attacker would see it through the window and come back for her.

Speaker 1 11:13 I was so scared. And so I was like I kind of like, you know, brought it down low to the ground and tried to get it off the charger that way. And when I started to die on my hands were just covered in blood. And I couldn't and it was you know, it was frustrating because I was so desperate. So I started to wipe it off on my my blankets my bed that was right there. And I was able to dial 911 and get through to the operator. When the 911 operator answered, I was again I was just so desperate. I was just like, please just somebody has to I'm like I'm dying, like I'm going to be dead just come and find my body just come and find me. The 911 operator, like I could sense like her, like the kindness and her wanting to help. And she asked what happened? What did he look like? For me, I was like, I was determined to get all of the information out, you know, I stood face to face with this kid, I know exactly what he looks like. And here it is, you know, here's a full description of everything. And that was that was my goal to get all that information out. Because I really thought I was gonna die. The 911 Operator stayed on the phone with me. I was in and out of consciousness she had directed me I told her that I had been stabbed in the neck and I think in the chest and she said, Do you have something a blanket or something like that. And I remember telling her, like, I'm near my bed and I have my pillows, I'll grab my pillows, but I never actually made it to the pillows to you know, to get them to put the pressure on. So I was you know, I was going in and out. So the pressure I was putting on wasn't very effective. And I was just soaked. And I'm telling her please, you know, please tell them to hurry up. When she's telling me they're coming. And the next thing you know, I hear. I mean, I see a flashlight, I see the light from a flashlight. And I'm like, please, please be the police because I'm thinking it could be him because he was just outside. And that could be him coming in. He maybe he heard me get on the phone or saw the light or whatever. And I was I remember just talking to myself saying, Please, please be the police. And it was it was the paramedics and the first two police officers to show up. I believe there was one. It was the first paramedic and two police officers that came in.

Caitlin Van Mol 13:57 Donna was wearing a black tank top and black shorts. Her hair was also black. So

Speaker 1 14:04 when the paramedics had gotten there, they didn't know that I had other injuries like injuries to my chest because I'm like, you know, they could see they could definitely see my face and my neck and everything like that. But I had two holes in my chest that they didn't know about and it was all like disguised in the tank top I was wearing in the blood that was soaking into it for them to fully assess and see what you know where all the where the all the holes from the knife were was tough. One

Caitlin Van Mol 14:35 of the officers got behind her and held her.

Speaker 1 14:39 He kind of he kind of got behind me and he was kind of cradling me, and I lost consciousness and when I woke up he's cradling my head and his hands and and he's like, you know help is on the way and he was just talking to me and I remember feeling like like looking up and Seeing this police officer there. And like, I felt like I can just relax in this moment like I'm, I'm safe in the moment, that feeling in that moment, you know, I feel just this forever connectedness to that police officer,

Caitlin Van Mol 15:13 Donna was in her bedroom, which was upstairs. The paramedics needed to figure out how to get her downstairs into an ambulance. So

Speaker 1 15:23 this is an old farmhouse, and the staircase was very narrow, and they couldn't fit the structure. So they took a sheet. And they wrapped me like a mummy. Kinda. They just like wrapped me in the sheet. Yeah, like a little burrito? Yes, like a burrito. Exactly. And I just remember them saying, like, we're gonna carry you down like this, you got to trust us, and I'm going with it. You know, I had full faith and trust and that they weren't going to drop me. But um, imagine that imagine they show up and you can't get the structure. It's crazy to think

Caitlin Van Mol 15:59 once they got her down the stairs, she was loaded into the ambulance and rushed to the hospital. She went into surgery, as soon as she got there.

Speaker 1 16:08 I was told that surgery lasted seven hours, little over seven hours. So imagine the damage that he did for them to be doing all that work for seven hours. And so to get to all that, you know, they had to basically do like you would in an open heart and they cracked my sternum open to get inside and the knife neck to one of my lungs. So my lung, one lung collapsed. The knife missed my heart by what I forget the millimeters, but they said it's basically the edge of a dime. The knife missed your heart by the edge of the time. I was in a medically induced coma. So that's not good. For how long? I think it was basically just after surgery to keep me calm, I

Caitlin Van Mol 16:59 guess. Meanwhile, Donna's daughter KEARSON came home from her party to find their house surrounded by police.

Speaker 1 17:07 I wasn't expecting Kiersten to come home that night. She was at a party. And she was planning on staying at the house where the party was, for some whatever reason she had decided she was going to come home that night and she wanted to sleep in her own bed. And so when she was coming home, it was I don't know what time it was like, probably like two o'clock in the morning. She could see all the commotion of the lights and everything the police lights. And she you know, as she got closer, she realized it was this was happening at at her house. And so she when she gets out and says like, Where's my mom, and they tell her your mom was attacked and she was taken to a hospital. They wouldn't even tell her which hospital they wouldn't tell her exactly what condition I was in. She had no idea like if I was alive or dead or you know, you know, what have you. And they just kind of basically said you have somewhere where you can go where we can take you. My brother, one of my brothers lived up the street, literally like two minutes up the street. So they took her to his house and basically told my brother the same things like I was taken to a hospital and what was happening and did he know anybody that would want to hurt me or anything like that and those kinds of things. Kiersten stayed

Caitlin Van Mol 18:27 at her uncle's house that night, until they were able to go see Donna in the hospital.

Speaker 1 18:34 I got out of the surgery and survived. And they wanted to be the first ones to talk to me, the police. So it was, you know, way into the next day that they even knew where I was or what was happening. You know, and then at that point, it was my brother, it was up to my brother, then to go to my parents house and tell them what had happened. My brother said when he walked in the door, my sister was there and she was like, you know what's going on? She could see something wasn't right. And he's he told them my sister at that point, I think she said she just screamed and just fell to her knees and you know, just you just you just can't make sense of it. You know,

Caitlin Van Mol 19:17 before she was allowed to see her mom, or even before she knew if Donna was alive or dead. Kirsten was allowed back in the house.

Speaker 1 19:26 Pearson actually went into the house where their blood was and you know, my blood was pooled and my blood was trailed and they saw it and they had to step over it. She had to get go up the stairs to her bedroom to get you know, get her stuff and to get the cat.

Caitlin Van Mol 19:41 Meanwhile, Donna was still in a medically induced coma at the hospital. But they soon Bronner out of it and back to consciousness.

Speaker 1 19:50 I was on a ventilator. And I remember I don't have any recollection of what the ICU Have you room looked like. But I remember being in the room when they were taking me off of the ventilator, and I'm waking up out of this heavy sedation, and I didn't, I couldn't see anybody. But I was told that all of my family was in there. And they were around my bed. And everybody was talking to me and trying to encourage me. Now they're putting an oxygen mask on me and everything. And I'm like, coming to I still couldn't see any anybody, which is so weird, because everybody was like, Yeah, you were, you know, when they took the ventilator took you off the ventilator. You were, you know, you woke right up. And we were all there. And we were so happy. And you know, you seem so relieved and what have you, but I still have no recollection of that visual memory of everybody being around me. Having

Caitlin Van Mol 20:50 her family there was very important to Donna. But having her daughter by her side was imperative. When

Speaker 1 20:58 I saw her in the hospital, I just wanted, like, I could see, she was horrified, I could see the horrified looks on everybody's faces. And it was so heavy for me. And I just wanted her near me. And she was there. I think every day with my sister, the two of them. And I was just, I just was just so I was so like happy just to have her near me. My mom was there in ICU and my mom's finish. And in Finnish, there's a word and it's called Si su, si su. And I grew up with this word and knowing about this word, and its meaning and stuff seems to when you try to translate it to English from Finnish, just gonna read this, there is no direct translation. But it's basically extraordinary strength of will determination, courage and resolve. Resolve to continue and overcome in the face of adversity, backbone, spunk, stamina, guts, drive, is not momentary courage, but the ability to sustain that courage and strength. And so she was saying to me, you know, you're going to make a you're going to, you know, you're strong, UFC suing you, you're going to be okay, you're strong, that story of her doing that, because, you know, you can imagine your mom, my mom was 75 at the time, and if you remember, she was in the emergency room, you know, only hours earlier and excruciating pain, but she, it took every bit of her own strength to get out of bed with her injury, her own injuries and get to the emergency room, and, you know, to stand by my bedside. So that is that was like this, like, strong strength. You know, this is my mother, I have this in May, it's, you know, kind of thing. So it was just very, very encouraging.

Caitlin Van Mol 23:00 As her condition improved, Donald was released from the ICU, and put into a regular recovery room.

Speaker 1 23:06 Now I'm fully aware of where I am in the hospital room, and I'm freaking out. I'm like, this kid is coming here. He's gonna kill me, like, you know, I'm expecting like, you see in the movies, like, there should be a guard outside my door, you know, there should be a guard here in this room. And they're telling me no, it's okay, this is a secure floor. Nobody's getting on this floor. And I was admitted under an alias. So anybody that knew my name, they told me, that was a red flag, if anybody in here comes in and says, Hey, Donna, that's a red flag, and you need to let us know, because you're not nobody knows your real name here. You know, my little nieces and nephews, my younger nieces and nephews and stuff. They drew little pictures for me dear aunt Donna, and we put it on the wall in the room. And then like the police would come in, and they'd be like, No, take that down. And here we are scribbling out my name. And so that was scary. It was it was very scary. And especially through through the night, you know, nobody was there. So I'm like, I don't want to sleep. They're giving me stuff to sleep, but I don't want to sleep. I'm fighting it. And I'm just waiting for this kid to come in, you know, dressed in a white doctor's coat. And that's gonna be the end of it. So I'm like, I gotta get out of here. Thursday, I'm like, okay, like I'm ready to go. So whatever you need me to do to get out of here like we need to do it. You know, they had to have the, the occupational therapist or physical therapist come in and make sure I could walk by myself up a set of stairs and I can lift things and they had to make sure I had no blood clots and things so like, all these tests and things were happening and stuff, you know, I was like, I'm doing everything. Just get me I need out it out of here and finally on Thursday A, they discharged me.

Caitlin Van Mol 25:02 Donna was only in the hospital for four days. And there was no way Donna was going back to her farmhouse the scene of the crime. So she needed to figure out another place to go. So

Speaker 1 25:15 I went to my parents house, your parents have a pretty decent sized house, but I have siblings that live there with their kids. So there was really no room for me. They weren't expecting me. I got put into my niece's room who was she was a teenager, you know. So you can imagine a teenager's room like the walls are like plastered in just cut outs from magazines, clothes all over the place. And I just want to lay down in comfort and safety and peace, and I just want to heal and sleep. And there's all this commotion happening in this room. And I'm just like, oh, I need my own space. And I need my my bed. And you know, so it was tough.

Caitlin Van Mol 26:04 Though her living situation was cramped. Everything was supposed to get better from here. But that's not what happened. I

Speaker 1 26:13 kind of felt okay, in the idea that I could have scar revision surgery and, and everything will work out, everything's going to be fine. I made it through the worst part, it's going to be fine. But that was pretty much the beginning of I felt like I was in shock for like years. But you know, coming out of the hospital, then the next couple of days and weeks as they went on, you know, I started to have symptoms of post traumatic stress. And I was I was like, freaking out at everything. I was crying all the time. Like, I wasn't crying, like, you know, like, you cry when you're sad or something. It was just tears would just pour out of me. Like, I could just be standing there and all of a sudden it would be like wish this is happening. And you know, I'd be walking around like I'm like, I don't know what's happening. It's just happening. I'm okay, just go about your business. Or, you know, one minute I'm like, happy and smiling the next minute, I'm like, I have to lay down before I fall down. Or you know, I'm freaking out because somebody turned a light out or the door a door was left unlocked. You know, I was very like, locked the doors, locked the doors, locked the doors, what was that noise? Turn the lights on? And if anybody came around and and mess with that, I was like, Why do you want me to like get murdered because that kids coming in here like in the split second that I looked from over here to over here in my head. This kid got in somehow. And now it's hiding in a closet or under the bed.

Caitlin Van Mol 27:44 While the police did have some leads on who did this to downer. Her attacker hadn't been arrested. They kept me

Speaker 1 27:54 informed about everything that they possibly could. Because I told them I want to know everything. Every like if they they would say like we have we're working on a couple of leads or we're waiting on these, you know, DNA tests or this evidence or they're running this or they're doing that. So they knew who he was. Like right away. I think it was eight days that the detective had said eight days, but I didn't know that I knew they had they were working on leads

Caitlin Van Mol 28:25 the night of Donna's attack. Police received a 911 call from a Taco Bell five miles from Donna's house. There was a young man walking around their drive thru holding a knife that appeared to have blood on it. Police were dispatched to the Taco Bell. And while they didn't find the man, they did find Donna's car abandoned behind a movie theater nearby. A witness from the Taco Bell worked with a police sketch artist. And that sketch was then shown to Donna in the hospital. It was incredibly close to her attacker. The sketch was circulated and police received a phone call from a woman who said it looked a lot like her 16 year old cousin, Brendan Doyle. The woman was able to provide a photo of Brennan at her wedding just days before the attack. He had the same shaggy hair as the scotch. The Doyles lived within walking distance of Donna and while police were following other leads, they got Brendan's fingerprints and DNA. They matched what was found in Donna's abandoned car. Then in early October, three months after the attack, service men were working on the roof of the same shopping center as the Taco Bell and where the car was discovered. They found the knife used to stab Donna multiple times on the roof. It was one in a set of knives found in the Doyle home. Brendan Doyle was arrested in October of 20 13th

Speaker 1 30:02 I believe according to the mother, one of the interviews, I don't know when exactly the interview was, but the mother had described what he was like when he came home the next day. And he had no shirt on, he was soaking wet. He wasn't like himself, he was in a different state of mind emotional state. And he had told her that he had buried his phone. So she, she had taken him to go get his phone. But but that was it. She claimed that she didn't know that he had anything to do with the, you know, the stabbing right down the road. And the father, in one of the interviews had said that, that night, there was an argument between the father and the kid, and the kid had, I don't know, presented the knife, you know, to the Father, and the father was like, not going to have it. So he locked him out of the house that night, and the mother had gone out to drive his friend home or something. And when she came back, she learned that this happened, the husband locked him out of the house, and the kid was gone. And when she was asked, like, Well, why didn't you call the police, she, he was like, in an irate state, he had a knife and he was locked out of the house. I didn't want them to shoot him.

Caitlin Van Mol 31:27 Donna attended every single court hearing, first in juvenile court, then in regular criminal court, after it was determined Doyle will be charged as an adult,

Speaker 1 31:38 at all of these court appearances, where I was even though he was on video he could see in the courtroom. So he never like looked at me, I always looked at him, but he never looked at me. So he was instructed, probably, to not make eye contact, not look at me not make eye contact. So even though in my head like, I points I was I hoped for, like, maybe he'll just catch my eye, and I'll see some glimmer or something to give me like, hope that this kid is, has regrets is sorry. And you know, just like, I'm just looking for that little tiny glimmer, but it never happened.

Caitlin Van Mol 32:21 Initially, Doyle pleaded not guilty, but then went on to take a plea deal for attempted murder in carjacking. This should have made the rest of the court proceedings go smoothly. But

Speaker 1 32:34 at the sentencing, they originally had a date set. And like everybody was there, like all of my colleagues were there, my family was there, all my friends were there, like it was just, it was a lot. And like I work myself up for it, I'm prepared for this is going to happen, I'm going to be so happy he's going to be go behind bars, and this is this is happening. And the judge says, Where is the father of this kid, and he was not present. He just didn't come? The judge then said like, Okay, well, we're going to come back next Tuesday, whatever, because this kid is going away. And it was it's important that his father be present. So we're gonna give him an opportunity to show up. So then they pushed it, like, it was like such a slap in the face, kind of

Caitlin Van Mol 33:23 at the actual sentencing in October 2015. Doyle read a statement where he claimed to be high on mushrooms at the time of the attack. He asked for forgiveness, and then was sentenced to 15 years in prison.

Speaker 1 33:39 So his statement I thought was, I didn't find it very sincere. I feel like he was sorry that he got caught. And he felt sorry that he was going to be pulled out of his life as he knew it. He came from a wealthy family and lived in a, you know, million dollar home and had probably everything he could have ever wanted. And he was sorry that he was not going to have those luxuries, I think. So I didn't find it very sincere, with a plea deal on the table. And it was he had to admit guilt to the court. He had to say it. That was what was important to me, because I was like, even if he gets four years and goes to jail, that doesn't mean anything if he's like, I'm innocent. I'm innocent. I didn't do it. Not that I was happy with the amount of time that he got, but I was glad that he had to admit his guilt. I don't think I didn't think it was enough time then. I don't think it's enough time now. Like I feel like he could do a lot more time and being you know, now all this time that has gone by there's the No Contact To order so I will never know if he ever is really truly sorry. Or if he ever really has understands the magnitude of his actions, that information will never be passed along to me. You know what I mean? Like, because there's no contact, no contact means no contact. Would

Caitlin Van Mol 35:19 you ever be interested in like having a conversation with him?

Speaker 1 35:23 I've always thought about that. And I think I would, but just not right now. Totally. Yeah. You know, but I think that, yeah, that I think that would be something I would be interested in down the line.

Caitlin Van Mol 35:40 Donna also filed a civil suit against Brendan and his father, a judge awarded her $5 million. But Donna hasn't seen any of that money.

Speaker 1 35:52 That's something that I need a lot of help with, because so I have an attorney who took my case on contingency. So it goes in front of the judge, there's a hearing. So we get out and we walk out of that meeting, and my attorney says, You'll never see a dime of it. Nobody's paying? And in, nobody's enforcing it. You know, I have no explanation as to why it's not happening. I really don't. Did you have to pay that lawyer? No, he took the case on contingency. And every time I tried to press him about it, he would not take my calls, he would not return my emails. You know, he's just very, wasn't interested in entertaining any sort of conversation with me and was insistent that he told me from the beginning that I would never see a dime.

Caitlin Van Mol 36:43 Well, if you don't see a dime, he doesn't see a dime. So I don't understand, like, with all this, all that work, anyway,

Speaker 1 36:51 exactly. So I'm currently looking for an attorney who will take that, I mean, the case is one it's, it's already the award is there just needs to be collected.

Caitlin Van Mol 37:03 And Donna could really use that money. In addition to being stabbed multiple times and losing almost three quarters of her blood. The aftermath of the attack left Donna in a terrible place financially.

Speaker 1 37:16 I was kicked out. And like all I could do was basically just, I was just existing, you know, it was it was like hard to get out of bed in the morning, it was hard to take a shower, it was hard to make it from upstairs to downstairs, just mentally, mentally, physically, emotionally, everything, it was just, it was rough for a long time. And on top of that, my car, the kid stole it was taken into evidence. So I still had a note on the car. So I had to pay for that car. While I couldn't drive. While it was still in evidence. And my end the rental house as well, my This happened in July, I believe my lease was up for that year in September. So I still had to pay the rent on the farmhouse that I wasn't living in. So I'm paying rent on a house I can be in, I'm paying for a car, I can't drive, all of my stuff was packed up and put into storage. So now I'm paying for storage. Next thing I know, I'm getting calls, like, you know, this is such an such creditor, you haven't paid us in three months next call is going to be We're suing you or whatever. So now I'm getting notices, like We're suing you. And you owe us money times like 3000 Because now you can we're being now we're hitting you with fees and stuff like that. And I'm like, you know, I don't know what I'm supposed to do, because I can't function and that's great. You know, the creditors didn't realize. So it's like call the creditors and just tell them what happened. And they'll stop, you know, so I remember, like, it took all of my energy and effort and I remember calling him and saying like, I'm getting all these notices and you're suing me and I'm not not paying you I know I'm not paying you and I'm not not paying you on purpose but I'm having a tough time right now and I can't you know I'm not functioning properly and I just need to get myself together and they were like, We're really sorry to hear that. How would you like to pay for your you know, debt? How would you like to pay that? No. And I remember just like hanging up the phone and just crying and just I can't so even with all that. All this time goes by and all the notices and it was so far beyond the I ended up having to file bankruptcy.

Caitlin Van Mol 39:48 Donna knew she needed help handling all of these things just piling and piling on her.

Speaker 1 39:53 And I started seeing a therapist I was gone to therapy be twice a week. Eventually, I started with a psychiatrist who I was on medication. So I was on medication for anxiety, I was on medication to sleep, medication a wake up, and medication that stopped was supposed to stop, like the movie playing in my head over and over again. And talk therapy was what really worked for me. And that was with that with my therapist, and and it's over 10 years, I'm still in therapy. So within that therapy, because of the PTSD diagnosis, and how I was responding. There's different treatment modalities, like different things you can do. And my therapist actually does what's called EMDR. And that's Eye Movement Desensitization reprocessing. And that, for me was a game changer. At one point, I was like, I couldn't be alone. I was always like, I had to have somebody with me out all the time, you know, all the time. And like, if I was coming home from work at night, I couldn't just come home, get out of the car and go into the apartment, I had to have somebody coming, come to my car, come and get me, come walk with me Come, you know, watch me from the door. And that type of fear, like that just stopped you in your tracks. EMDR helped me through that. And I don't know exactly how, how it all worked out. But one day, you know, I was just free. And I was able to walk in the dark by myself, I was able to get from one door to the next and not need somebody to come walk me. I'm completely blown away by that and totally grateful. And I want to tell everybody about EMDR everybody with a trauma history.

Caitlin Van Mol 41:51 Three months after the attack, Donna felt ready to go back to work. Luckily, her company was very understanding of her situation.

Speaker 1 42:00 I was very fortunate with my employer, how they kept me on, they covered a lot of my expenses. While my car was in evidence, I think it was about nine or 10 months, I had a rental car, you know, my company covered the cost of that. Not that's it's just not the norm that an employer would do that. But they encouraged me to be back at work. And fortunately, I had a place to go, you know, when I was ready to get back there. But when I say get back to work, I didn't get back to work. Like I showed up and eight o'clock and stay till 530 I showed up at like, two o'clock in the afternoon. stayed for like 45 minutes and was like, Yeah, I'm just about done and went home. You know, and I did that for so long. And yeah, then they kept me on and encouraged me to just continue, you're doing great and do what you need to do and take care of yourself. And we got you on this.

Caitlin Van Mol 42:54 Today, Donna is still dealing with the aftermath of being attacked. Like so many others who have been through violence. She knows there's no going back to how things were before. I

Speaker 1 43:06 think I have a new life now. I am still in the at the job that I was at. So that's going great. I am not as I don't know if outgoing is the word I'm I don't I'm more keep to myself. I'm not so out and about doing things. So yeah, my my life has changed like drastically. I'm still trying to get back to that feeling of loving working out. So you know my home. Physically I've I've changed out of that Amal, I'm 10 years older too. So yeah, so it's a very elegant, very quiet, purposefully quiet life. I have a dog now. And he is like my, my everything. And he keeps me safe and he allows me to sleep peacefully through the night. Nobody's getting in without him letting me know. So yeah.

Caitlin Van Mol 44:13 What kind of dog is see? He's a pitbull,

Speaker 1 44:15 and he is. He's amazing. He's just, he's just the love of my life. You know, outside of my daughter. He is my he is my first son for sure.

Caitlin Van Mol 44:25 Donna has also had to take a step back from her one's very tight knit family.

Speaker 1 44:30 Unfortunately, I don't have the family connection that I had pre attack, like my whole family connection just crumbled. I just feel like there were some insensitive and unkind behaviors after the attack, you know when I needed help and I got the opposite. So Oh, I chose to pull away from that for my own peace. My guess?

Caitlin Van Mol 45:05 Oh, sorry. That's the time you needed the most.

Speaker 1 45:09 Yeah. Yeah, though, that's the most devastating. Sorry. Yeah, thank you, you know, just just due to everything, there's too much trauma and too much. It's just too heavy. And my relationship with my family as a whole, I should say, like, I don't haven't celebrated Christmas with my family and 10 years, I haven't sat at the Thanksgiving table with them, I spend those days pretty much by myself. So it's a huge loss in that regard. I have relationships with my family members, like individually. But not as a group, if that makes sense.

Caitlin Van Mol 45:58 Unfortunately, this strange relationship with her family also includes her daughter, Kirsten,

Speaker 1 46:05 you know, very early on, I think I wanted to talk so much about it, I needed to talk and I was always talking and I was like, you know, vomiting my stuff all over. And with no filter, and it was too much for her. So she pulled away, you know, and as we started to get closer together, we kind of realized, like, she doesn't want to talk about it, I want to talk about it, this is really awkward, and uncomfortable. And, you know, I wasn't going to family occasions, she wanted to be amongst the family, you know, so she was kind of like, in the middle, and definitely has put a strain on our relationship, I love her, you know, you know, just the same. I completely understand it, and I'm sure she understands, you know, my need to constantly be in this. But it's not that same care free, you know, off the cuff, kind of, we don't have to think about this kind of relationship, we do think very much about what we're saying how we're making each other feel and what's happening, you know, so it's definitely I don't want to say damaged, but it's put a wedge. So if anything that that I would want this kid to know, you know, after the attack, like that is the worst, you know, the the the breakdown in my family relationships and the breakdown with my relationship with my, the, the damage to the relationship with my daughter,

Caitlin Van Mol 47:45 Brennan Doyle was sentenced to 15 years in 2015. He will be eligible for parole in four years. Yeah.

Speaker 1 47:55 How do you feel about that? Yeah, I mean, I'm concerned about that. Yeah, I'm definitely concerned about that. I'm not in a position right now where I feel like I'm totally safe and protected. And I just don't, yeah, I don't, I don't feel safe now. And when he gets out, I'm not sure how I'm gonna react. But um, but I kind of feel like I'm not going to be okay with it. i I can only just hope and pray that he doesn't feel like vengeful, you know, in any way. Yeah, I'm not okay with it. I'm, I'm, I would have to say I'm, you know, I'm scared of the thought of him being out.

Caitlin Van Mol 48:46 Having been through the whole experience of a violent attack and all the aftermath, Donald saw a gap in her areas care. Things

Speaker 1 48:54 never got back to normal, but things were starting to, I guess calm down and be more like normal. I couldn't shake that I need to connect with other people. Somebody, I'm not the first person to be stabbed. I'm not the first person to survive the home invasion. I'm not, you know, this violent crime was happening and people were hurt and what happened to them and all this. You know, I just felt like I needed to connect with people. I tried to find like a violent crime survivor support group and I couldn't find anything. The only thing I could find was a PTSD support group in the city. The whole idea of it and was what I wanted and what I needed, but I needed it here in New Jersey, you know, and I needed it specifically for victims of crime.

Caitlin Van Mol 49:44 In 2015 Donna started survivors of violent crimes appear support group that also provides resources and knowledge to anyone navigating life after an attack.

Speaker 1 49:56 You know, hearing everything it wasn't just the attack If you're not collecting it, you're out of work for three months, what do you do if you're not collecting a paycheck for three months, like, there's the victims of crime compensation, but there's a cap on how much they'll cover and all the expenses that come along with being a victim of a crime. So you know, they sit need to connect, and they need to help people with the things that I struggled with, like, knowing where exactly to start with RP. So I had to find this all out by doing my own research. So for me, like if somebody is like, Here I am, I don't know what to do. How can we help you in this way? Let's talk about yoga and meditation and mindfulness and healing from the inside. And let's get you some, let's make sure you're, you're eating properly, and you're you're healing your body. And you know what I mean? Like, you know, it's just those those little things that you just don't think of, and, and especially when you're like, What do I do? You know, your world's turned upside down.

Caitlin Van Mol 51:01 Donna is continuing to practice mindfulness and meditation. And this has helped her keep going, one day at a time. For weeks,

Speaker 1 51:10 I had been meditating on one passage every night before I went to bed. I started with that meditation. And that meditation is the first meditation in the book, three magic words, the first line, and the last line. I'm just gonna read it to you because it's so fitting. So it goes like this, I know that I am pure spirit, but I always have been, and I always will be. There is inside of me a place of confidence and quietness and security where all things are known and understood. This is a universal mind, God, of which I am a part of, and which responds to me as I asked event. And at the end, no matter what obstacle or undesirable circumstance that crosses my path, I refuse to accept it, for it is nothing but an illusion. There can be no obstacle or undesirable circumstance to the mind of God, which is in me and around me and serves me now. So I think I have that with me the night of the attack, and I think it just was so helpful mentally, to get through it.

Caitlin Van Mol 52:26 You can find Donna's peer support organization at facebook.com/survivors of violent crimes and J. This is live to tell. I'm Caitlin van mol, and you can follow the show on Instagram at live to tell podcast. If you enjoy today's episode, please rate review and subscribe. It really helps the show

Transcribed by https://otter.ai