Destiny

Wed, Feb 22, 2023 10:50AM 59:08 SUMMARY KEYWORDS iep, child, parents, support, school, called, advocate, diagnosis, son, teacher, concerns, special education teacher, iep team, assessments, autism, mental health professional, military families, data, accommodations, communication

0:01 Welcome, Destiny, I'm excited for us to talk because you are a parent turned advocate. And on our show, often, it's professionals that are in just the professional world, but haven't had to be kind of guided.They're by their own personal journey and story. And I guess everybody is guided to theirprofession by their personal journey and story, but I'm excited to see how you became theadvocate that you are. So welcome to the show. And thanks for joining us. 02:08 Thank you for having me. 02:10 Um, can you just tell us a little bit about who you are and what you do. 02:16 So again, my name is Destiny half, and I'm actually a licensed professional counselor. So I've been in the mental health field for over a decade. And that's where my initial passion started in working with children still. And so I've been in the school settings, in the classrooms, with theyounger kids in the development centers. And now I'm currently in a private practice that I own. And so about a year ago, or almost two years ago, now, my oldest son was diagnosed withautism. And so we had seen little things here or there. And we just kind of thought that therewas there's some perfectionistic tendencies, definitely some anxiety, because again, I'm amental health professional. But we didn't quite know the extent until he got in the school setting. And then that's when there was a lot of behaviors and just a lack of support. Not on the teacher side, his teacher was phenomenal and was working with us. She just didn't have a lot of support from the administration, unfortunately. So it was kind of like her and like trying to support him. And so we got a psychologists involved, got an official diagnosis. And that led to me becoming an advocate. I'm also a military spouse. My husband's been in the army for almost 10 years. And so I realized that this is going to be an ongoing journey as we relocatefrom one state to another. And so I decided to become an advocate for that reason to helpother families, not just military families, but other families that may have a struggle. 03:58 And it's so interesting, that experience as a military family I had recorded earlier with Megan,who is a military spouse, and she focuses on advocacy work, supporting families with that aremilitary families and having to deal with transitioning with an IEP and learning. You know, we know we have the federal law, but each state does it a little bit different and the paperworklooks different. And so that's certainly an added layer for you and your journey as well. Yes. And so, can you tell us about what it can feel like for parents to discover their child has aspecial need or disability?

04:45 I think initially it's very much as shock. I will definitely say even being a mental healthprofessional, my first thought was okay, he's got some anxiety. He's got some perfectionistic type Let's see. So maybe he's got some OCD. But that was kind of what I was leaning to.Because he would be, you know, and we don't use this term anymore what they consider highfunctioning, quote unquote, right. And we know it's a spectrum. And so we shouldn't measure it that way. And so it wasn't until we completed an assessment for his psychologist, that we werelike, Oh, yes, he does. And I knew how to score the assessment being a mental health professional. And so I was like, oh, yeah, he's autistic. And so it was a bit of a shock and an adjustment. And I know that my husband, he, like, went straight to reading. He was really greatabout that, like, he was like, he wanted to understand because he didn't, he was like, I don't see it, you know, and what, what we traditionally think of it being like, and so I think that wasmore so was getting past the thought, or what we traditionally have learned, it can look like, orwhat it can be like, and accepting that and then really accepting. I will say, as someone thatkept being told, he is very high functioning, that I don't even like that word. And I think a lot of people don't realize that they're like, well, your child seems to have this, this and this? Well,because he's considered that until he's not. And then when he's struggling, everyone'sconfused as to why and then they forget that he's autistic. So I don't like that term, because I feel like it implies something. And they don't know the struggles and how hard he's working toportray, like, everything is okay. 06:44 I think that needs to be highlighted. Because you're absolutely right, as a parent, you see your baby in a very different light. And there are some folks in the world that get your baby, andsome folks in the world that may not. And we know that our babies at school are and I saybabies, and I don't mean this, like teeny, tiny babies, they're always gonna be my babies, eventhough I mean, eventually, they're gonna not want to be babies, but I mean, all age. So our kiddos are our ones at home. And so, you know, we know that they are putting in so much energy and effort and time 07:31 to 07:33 look like their peers. And sometimes it's really hard, because you know, that they're reallyworking five times harder sometimes, than their peers in their classroom. So how do we frame this in a positive light for parents, because it's, you know, it's not a sprint, it's a marathon, when it is your kiddo and you're navigating being a parent, and you're navigating the supportthat your child needs.

08:08 I think the biggest thing is knowing that there's so much support out there, I think you neverknow with like any community, I feel, you never know how much support there is until youbecome a part of that community. And I working in the mental health field, I have worked with autistic kiddos before. And I never looked at it at the parents side, of course, just theprofessional side of like, I look up resources on like, how to support them, how to support theteachers working with them, how to support the caregivers, and little did I know that like, Iwould be using the same resources to support you know, to help other professionals support my son. And so I had to switch off the professional side of my brain and go into the parent sideand say, Okay, what support is for parents. And then that's when I found all of these resources, there's pretty much a local support group. Everywhere you go from kind of I've seen, and thenthere's military organizations that are specifically geared towards Special Education familiesaffiliated with the military. And I never knew that because that was not something that applied to me specifically. And so seeing that I was like, that's amazing. Where would 09:31 you if I was a parent, and I'm just learning a new diagnosis, where do you tend to point parentsfor their starting point in terms of whether they need resources or support groups? Where doyou kind of say, All right, I want you to start here. So I'm here to start. I guess every situation is so different, right. 09:59 So The biggest thing I say is if they are receiving a diagnosis. So typically, you know, it'll comefrom a medical professional or a psychologist or a psychiatrist in that aspect, then getting yourchild in therapy services requesting support groups from the provider, typically, they havesome, if you're a military affiliated family and say your child is diagnosed with autism, so youbecause they are military, they will be in their will in on an IEP typically, because the saddiagnosis, so autism ADHD, they will be enrolled in what's called the F and P, which isexceptional family member program. What comes with that is a coordinator for medical, and then you have a family support coordinator. And so the Family Support Coordinator is there for the educational piece. They can provide you with education on autism, HD, social skills, things like that. And then you'll have a specifically in for autism, you get a case manager, and theycheck in with you. And what they do is they provide you a list of whatever you're requesting.And so for my son, I wanted a psychologist or therapist. And so they're like, Do you need apsychologist or therapist? Do you need ABA? Do you need a psychiatrist because there's yourchild on medication, and you need to manage that. And there's a different case manager, but there's one for every duty station you go to. So they have regions. So but I always direct to amental health professional always say reach out to a mental health professional to get a betterunderstanding of the diagnosis. So you get a better understanding of what this process is going to look like. You know, the internet has all types of information. And you just want to make sure that it's accurate. And recent, I went to a page the other day, and I made a post about this on my Instagram, where they're still talking about Asperger's. Like it, you know, so it's like, that's not up to date, that's not a term that's used anymore. So, you know, I always caution with stuff like that. So I always say go to a professional, and there are a lot of neurodivergent trainedmental health professionals now. And that is their niche, and a lot of them are also neurodivergent. So they are, you know, just like any other population. So I like how you

12:38 direct people to a mental health person kind of first to get that overview of what to expect andkind of where to go. Because, you know, outside of a school setting, that resources looksdifferent than it does inside. But before we get into that, how do parents manage their feelingsyou have any tips are for this went their feelings and support their child at the same time. So how can they do both? 13:08 So I'm a big advocate of take a break. And I know that seems hard. And I have a lot of clients that are like, well, I can't, no, I'm not talking about you know, a two hour time away from yourkids. It's not possible all the time. And most of the time I'm talking about it's okay to go in yourbathroom for five minutes, take deep breaths and step like out. It's okay to rely on your support. It's like your friends, you know, if you have a friend that is willing to watch them. Or to give you a few moments, or when my son was younger, of course, it was just that was babymom time. So it wasn't like, you know, like any other concerns at the time. My cousin used to come over and she would literally sit with him. So I could just go shower. Like things like that matter. So take that self care time. If you have a spouse. Talk to them. Tell them what you'redealing with a lot of families I've noticed a lot of the time when they're dealing with thediagnosis and the childhood sent to school. A lot of times mom is the go to mom's getting called for behaviors. Mom's getting called for struggles Mom's getting called because theyforgot this Mom's getting asked for solutions. And that's just overwhelming and exhausting.And sometimes you have to put a pause on it. And I know there was one time my husband was off. And I just told him like for the next two weeks, I need you to take the school calls. And that's when we were in the thick of it. And he took them and I was like because I need the mental break from my phone rings. My watch vibrates and I'm checking it to see what it is. So do the self care. Take the five minutes lean on your support, communicate with others 15:00 That is excellent. It really is. Because you when you're in that place of fear, it's hard to, youknow, sometimes have actionable steps to take. So I love that you said that. And that communication piece is really key. There was this comedian or I don't know where I saw it. Maybe it was on like, social media, but it was like, I was a man. And he said, at what point he'slike, the phone rang, and they wanted to know what bus my child rode on, or something, like,started getting it wrong. And the guy was like, what point would you call the dad? What pointwould you call the dad, but you're not. I mean, we have so many excellent parents, and I'm not trying to put anybody down. But you're right, oftentimes, the mom takes those first phone calls.And so or series of phone calls, and you know, and going into appointments, and so having thatbalance, where, you know, maybe there's some appointments that dad goes to, or mom goes to, or, you know, some sort of balance if, if you're in a dual family home, you know, or if you'rea single parent, and you have this reaching out to other folks to say, can you come and, youknow, be that voice? Or be that, you know, just sit next to me during the IEP or something togive you some strength?

16:20 For sure. Yeah, I and I always say, because I have this term I use called temporary singleparenting. And that's what a lot of military spouses do the temporary single parents becausetheir significant other has gone to the field or gone to school, or deployed. And that's when I lean on my family the most is, after I had my son, my youngest son, I was taking my oldest todaycare and had my youngest son, and my oldest was only two at the time. And my sistercame up and she went with me to like, hold the baby while I went and did our registrationbecause my husband was deployed. And I was like, and then when he was deployed anothertime when I was parked with my youngest, and I had my oldest, who, again was less than to mybest friend would come and she would scoop him up, and just be like, just rest or, you know, so,you know, it's like, and that's why I say it's Tim, because we know, it's temporary, you know, sothey're coming back. But yeah, there's finding that support, finding at least that one personthat understands that she needs support, and lets you lean on them, even if it's just event. And I think that's a an important thing, too. It's okay to say, I love my kids, but I'm exhausted. 17:41 Amen. Amen. That's right. And it is human. And it's just say to your friend, you know, hey, doyou have a second, I really just need to get this out into the universe. And that is what good friends and family are for for 17:55 sure. So 17:57 can you help? Do you have anything specific, right, so if my child is not quite yet in school,what is out there to connect families to diagnosi tools at an early stage, what kind of support isthere? 18:14 So there's a website without parents center hub, that org, and it has early interventionservices. So there's early intervention services available for zero to three, and then from three to five. This is theoretically before they get to school, because most kids turn five before theyactually start kindergarten. And these services are specifically for babies and young childrenthat can have developmental delays and disabilities. And you do not have to have a medical professional referral to seek these services out. And I think that's a lot of times our parents struggle, because they think I need for a medical professional to say that there is a concern,right? No, you can say, hey, I keep my child at home every day, they don't go to daycare, andI'm seeing this and I feel like they're not on track with their development. And then you can seek out these early intervention services. And so every state has an early intervention program. And if you go to that website, it actually lists the states and it will direct you to theperson that is coordinating the programs in your state. How important is

19:29 it to have a timely diagnosis. 19:33 I think it is very important because I think it decreases your stress, nothing else. But it also allows you to get interventions and supports in place early. So with our son again. So we talked about autism, it can be diagnosed as early as 10 months. And typically most kids with autism, quote unquote are diagnosed by time there too. Right? Our son was diagnosed with autism when he was five. And he checked all of the developmental boxes, quote unquote, right? Andso and I say that because, again, once we did the paperwork that we got specifically for autism,we were like, Oh, he's autistic. His teacher did the paperwork for the autism journey evaluation. Oh, he's autistic. But that never crossed our mind. Because he walked he crawled, we justalways thought he has a big vocabulary like, you know, but when we look back at certainthings, we're like, oh, okay, that makes sense, certain responses, certain reactions, or strict ofemotion at times, you know, just certain things. But I always tell parents, not to be hard onthemselves, because even as a mental health professional, I did not see it. Because that was not my, that's not my area. And so it, I think it's just important for your stress, your peace ofmind, and just to get the supports available in place, because I think once you become, onceyour child is diagnosed, you want an immediate turnaround. Right? And at one point, I was sofrustrated, and my husband goes, we got this diagnosis six months ago, like take a breath. And it felt because of what you've been dealing with, right before the diagnosis. Yeah, it felt like forever. Like, I was like, No, we've been dealing with this for over a year. And he's like, yes, we have, but he didn't know until six months ago. So now we're learning all the tools and supportsand getting your employees, and now he's thriving. So what if a parent 21:53 disagrees with a diagnosis, or they feel like they want more testing. 21:59 So if they're already, if they've already received, say, a special education evaluation in theschool setting, then a parent can always get an independent educational evaluation, which isessentially what I call a second opinion. And they can say that they you know, they disagreewith the assessments, the diagnosis, basically, just what the evaluation is saying. I always say that, you know, look at why you're disagreeing. You know, are you disagreeing? Because this issomething that's difficult to accept? Or are you disagreeing because you genuinely are not seeing the things that they're reporting, and then also look at the fact that home and schoolare two different settings. And so, I think, oftentimes, we don't reverse our views in the sense of a parent will say, I don't see that at home. And then the school will say, we don't see that at school. But nobody looks at the other side and goes, so that means both can be true. Right?

23:10 Yeah, yeah, it is true. And so if I'm a parent, I have a diagnosis. That doesn't always mean adiagnosis doesn't always mean that you'll receive or qualify for specialized instruction within apublic school setting. However, you know, if there's an educational impact, and you have, youqualify under the 13 categories than Ida, in that your child does receive that specializedinstruction and IEP, an Individualized Education Plan. How do parents get that crash course onan IEP? Because so we've talked about this, the feelings of you know, okay, I'm real, I'm okay, Ihear that my child has a diagnosis. This kind of opens the door for services and support, it can be super overwhelming. And then now I've got to go into the school and advocate for my childso that they can get support to access their education. So how do parents kind of get that crash course? 24:14 So I, I feel like 24:20 we should not crash course. How do we do 24:25 that the crash courses are necessary, okay, because I think you need to have just a generalunderstanding of like, what is an IEP? And a lot of times when we talk about crash courses,that's the biggest thing I see like there. They can go through, you know, a brief training or like,what is an IEP? What is having an IEP but I also think that it is going to be a learning process. As your child goes from kindergarten to fifth grade to eighth grade to senior year. It's always goingto be different even if you stay in the same school district your time child's entire educationalcareer there as they grow and develop their diagnosis in their needs are going to change andadjust things that were issues before are no longer going to be concerns, things that weren'tconcerns are going to become concerns. But thankfully, we have had a shift, or there's been a lot of trainings in the past few years. So I always say, seek out an advocate. They can helpeducate you on what an IEP is what the process is, if you're referring specifically to military, youhave school liaisons, you have the EFMP family support, you have what's called stop. And theyprovide specifically webinars on like IPs, accommodations, modifications, understanding an IEPdocument, and those are free. You know, and those are again, geared towards our militaryfamilies, for the civilian side, which is what we call the non military families. Seek out an advocate, I always say go to the Education website, like specifically startling Ida means whatare the components of Ida? What does it cover? What is your child entitled to because whatyou're going to find is as you adjust, because we know the school system is struggling, they're trying to recover from COVID, and issues that have bought it for years. And they don't always have the tools to provide certain accommodations. And so that's when you have to advocateand fight for what you know, your child needs to be successful. And the best way to do that is to understand I'm EDA,

26:45 100%. Understanding Ida foundation for sure. And then understanding if I can add to that, how to collect data on your kid. And which all of this sounds overwhelming. So I hope parents aretaking a deep breath and at the end, we're going to, you're going to tell everybody where tofind you. And so just that guidance on how to tech, how to take data because as you saidearlier, our babies our children react or act one way sometimes and our home and thensometimes it's looks very different in those schools. So being able to say, you know, they I, youknow, requesting counseling service, and this is the data behind it. And this is why because youcan request Counseling Service and an IEP under Ida, or this is what their homework time looklike in their melting down. And this is why I need that support to kind of make you that equal, you are an equal player. But I think by coming with data, you are then really showing like, I know the law. And I know my kid, and this is what I'm seeing. And this is why this service thatI'm in, they're entitled to under the law aligns with my request. 28:04 And, and requesting data from the school to add to what you're saying. I know that what I did was so first of all, you should be receiving a draft of an IEP before you step in that meeting. And I always say this, that benefits everybody. Because when I get a draft, I am thorough, like Imake sure I sit down, I have my pen, I'm going through what's adding up what's not, what doesthis look like? And then I send an email. And I say, these are the questions I have, these are thecomments I have, these are the concerns I have. What that allows is for the IEP team to say, okay, Mom wanted this, this and this. So my son had a we changed his schedule. And we changed his eligibility category, because his last school did not classify him under autism, eventhough all of their documentation said it. And he had the diagnosis. It was under social emotional developmental delay. And his new school, did their due diligence, gather their data.And they were like, we feel that his category should be autism. And me and dad were like I said, we and that's what we were fighting as we were leaving to come to where we are now.And so but I had said, Hey, can I see the academic data because there's concerns about whenhe's out of the classroom, you know, due to being unsafe. And what happened? His general edteacher, had the school psychologist put it up there and she ran through all of his classes offhis subjects, all of his where he's at all his testing. The school psychologist pulled up thebehavior data and all the data they've gathered to justify changing his schedule. And they ran through that with us. I mean, that's what communication and collaboration can work towards. And so my thing was, it had been mentioned to us previously, by someone that we might needto add academic goals in there because he's out of class or he's missing time to to behaviors.But then we look at the data and we collaborate with his special Ed and his gen ed teachers.And we're all like, No, we're still on the same page. That's not necessary. So that's what data does for you. It takes that anxiety away, and it gives you a leg to stand on it in caseadjustments were being made. The other side of that, that I do want to say is remember thatan IEP team has several members, right? So if you're just doing your catch, all right, you saythat administrator, which is typically principal or assistant principal, from the ones, I've had a school psychologist, but I found that school psychologists don't always have to be on therefrom what somebody told me recently. And I was like, Okay, thanks, I'm new. And then the gymads teacher, and then either the special education teacher or the what they're called ResourceTeacher, you know, they have different names. But they're typically part of the IEP team. Now, of course, the parents. But what I always tell parents is, it's important when, let's say anadministrator mentioned something, that you're having communication and conversation withyour child's gen ed teacher and special education teacher, because you have to remember,that administrator is coming in from a this is what I'm hearing today and addressing concerns.And the special education teacher in the general education teacher and the parent are usuallythe ones that are like, we know these concerns. So I just say to him, make sure there's that communication there. And if you have concerns, you're going back to that, that main source, hewas communicate with school, there's typically going to be your general ed teacher, and you'reyour special education teacher. I love

31:51 your collaborative approach. And it 100% needs to be that way. And, you know, most of the times it is and sometimes it's not. You had mentioned the word advocate, what is the difference between a special education advocate and an IEP coach? Okay, 32:10 so an IEP coach, in my opinion, when, if that's just their title, you're talking about training onIEP is helping someone learn the ins and outs of IEP s, learning about that process. And the main focus is the IEP itself, the document the process, what goes into the document. And again,this is my opinion, an advocate is someone that is giving the parents the tools to advocate forthe entire process. So I'm not just looking at your IEP, I'm looking at your behavior intervention plan. I'm looking at, you know, looking at those accommodations and modifications, I'mteaching you how to write a parent concern letter, I'm teaching you how to advocate for yourchild, because as an advocate, we want you to get to a point where you feel comfortable notneeding us. And so we're not just doing it for you, we are teaching you how to do it. So most advocates, where we start out at is you bring me your concerns, and let me help you help yourchild. Then if we continue on, and we see a need to like attend the meetings, or if that's ifyou're already at that stage, then we do that. But our start is, you write this pan concern letter,I'm going to teach you how you write this parent input statement, I'm going to teach you how.Let me show you how to look through your behavior intervention plan. Let me show you whataccommodations and modifications it appears based on the data that your child would benefitfrom, let me show you how to request data. Like we're doing all those things. And so when youadd in being an IEP coach, then we also have that extra training of not just helping youadvocate, but knowing the ins and outs of an IEP to help you through that process. 34:05 That is very interesting your lens because as you're saying that I do all those things, right. But my background is in special education. So I'm very comfortable with sitting at the IEP tablewriting the behavior intervention plans, doing the IEP s and doing that. And so I do that with myparents, but I really lean on that word IEP coach, because when it gets contentious, I'm not there, your girl and I'll say that to families, I'm like, I'm going to get you to the point we'regoing to write your parent you know, input statement and everything you just described and Iwas like, but as soon as it gets contentious, I say this upfront I was like I have people to referyou to so I think that's where my divided and I think we all have our comfort but so I love thatbut I think it's important for parents to have somebody or some resource that can guide themWith all of this information, because it's overwhelming, and again, if it is your child, you're inthe thick of it. So to have some neutral party to kind of guide you in that, and then eventually,you know, even with our students that we work with and support, we want to teach them theskills and strategies to eventually independently employ and the classroom or outside. So I guess that's kind of my lens with parents as well. And that's what I hear from you. What can you give parents an overview of that timeline? Because then you had mentioned it as well, youknow, when when you first got your diagnosis, and then your to your husband like, oh, mygosh, it's already been six months, come on the times click ticking. But it takes a little bit, right.So if your child is going to qualify me teach a course on this for eligibility, evaluation, all of that,what does that look like for a parent so that they can really understand that this process? I'mnot getting a diagnosis yesterday and going into the school and getting an IEP today?

36:04 Alright. So the first thing is they have 60 days, and 60 days can feel like a lifetime. Because myexperience, and what I've seen other parents go through is usually you have behaviors, youhave concerns. And then it's like, oh, let's do some type of behavior plan. And see if that's effective, after we've tried the strategies and tools, then that doesn't seem effective. So then it's like, let's look on a special education evaluation. And then for most parents, if you're like, Iwas, I thought, okay, we're getting a scholarship, we're getting an answer, like, let's go. Now. Because most schools and I always say, you have to remember your child's not the only child.But I also say my child is the one who matters to me. But they have that timeline. And so during that timeline, your child is typically being observed. They're doing observations, they'redoing assessment tools with your child, depending on what they're trying to assess for. With my son, they were looking at speech, they're looking at social emotional, they're looking atsocial skills, his interactions with peers, emotional regulation. And so they're doing these observations. They're gathering data, your general ed teachers filling out assessments, parentsare being sent homes assessments to fill out. We had a social worker who called and gotbackground information on her son, and she was kind of like the last linchpin for us throughthat process, because we they had done all the assessments and everything. But most schools are going to take that time. Because again, whether you would say short staffed or just a lot ofchildren, but what I have seen is when you're talking about that initial special educationevaluation, this may not be every parent's experience, and I'm sure it's not, they do stay withinthat lens, because of that federal law and what that means to not. Now, once that time, duringthat timeframe, though, always read your procedural safeguards that you are given when yousign for the special education evaluation, because the day that we signed for my son'sevaluation, and again, he's in a different school, no different setting, great team, greatcommunication, collaboration, not then the day I signed for the specialty patient educationevaluation, he was suspended. And I of course, don't have you know, I don't have the capacityto like, really have a conversation with you about that, like I my kid just got suspended, I'moverwhelmed. This was not his first suspension. It was a lot. And then I talked to a friend of mine who's in special education, and she was like, oh. So that's what I really realized. I don't know anything about this process. But they have that timeframe. rager, procedural your safetyand procedural guards and communicate with them, check in with them. You have that right.Do you not feel like for 60 days, you have to sit silent and don't feel like you don't have anything to say, do not feel like they can't implement techniques and tools to support himduring the time they're collecting data. Do not yet if you have suggestions, you see somethingworking at home, tell them if you're having issues at home, tell them communicate all that formy military families. Once your child receives an IEP, they need to be enrolled in EFMP whichagain is accession exceptional family member program. And remember that because we were about to PCs, which is a part We can't change the station. So we're about to move to a new location. And we did not know that. So there's medical EFMP. And there's educational, educational is for IEPs. And medical is depending on the diagnosis and the impact and theservices, they will need autism always fall fall in that category. And so we had to enroll medical takes longer than educational, so we had to enroll him in both, and that delayed us moving.And so because the school does not have to up their timeline, just because you are relocatingin need that IEP, and you can't enroll without the IEP. It's a lot of acronyms. Yeah.

40:44 How can parents work on maintaining that positive point of view and a positive communicationstyle? Is that really goes a long way. Right? It does. 40:55 The first thing for me is when you are collaborating with your IEP team, you're meeting withyour IEP team, find out how the IEP team members communicate, what is their source ofcommunication. And now I always say email for that official communication. When I sent my parent concern letter. When I sent my initial parent input statement, that was email, you know,our IP team members on the email, but for general things like our son has nightmares. And so sleep plays a big part in his day. And so we communicate that to general education teacher, his special education teacher. And so in the morning, I'll get up, I'll say, Hey, good morning. He had three night terrors last night, but he seems to be in a good mood this morning and functioningand doing fine. And they're like, Thank you for letting me know, we'll keep that in mind. What does that mean is that if normally, he gets three breaks in his day, now he might get five.Because we already know that sleep is a basic need. And he's not getting all of his sleep. And so that is so very important. And so but as far as the types of communication for his generaleducation teacher, she uses the remind app. So I remind app her whatever comments orstatements, you know, outside of like the sleep once or once we discuss go in email to bothbecause that goes into his file. Because then we know like, oh, he had this rough day, but weknow it's correlated with his sleep, which is being addressed by his primary care doctor. Then for his special education, teacher, she's email. So anything I need to communicate with her, I send to email. And then when I again, when I communicate with the whole team, it's via email,but find out how they want to communicate, we set up a thing where my son said that he likes,when they call me and tell me when he's had a great day. Like, that's how he feels. rewarded, you know, and comforted him. He's like, That's it, like, they asked him and like, he could havepicked anything like, oh, I want ice cream. And he was like, I just want you to call my mom and tell her I had a great day. And so they'll do that. They'll have him there. And sometimes he'll speak to me sometimes. Well, and they're like, he's just smiling here, mom, but they call me tolet me know that he had a great day. So but find out how each member wants to communicate, and then how you're comfortable communicating, I'm comfortable communicating via email,because I always say documentation. And in the middle, how still you learn. If you didn't write, it didn't happen. So I always love that so that when it's like, Oh, we didn't get this, or you didn'tsend this or you didn't see this, I got right back in my email, and I can afford you the originaldocumentation

43:33 on this date at this time. Can parents champion staff to be invested in their child's IEP? 43:42 Oh, definitely, I can't look like I think you have to. And this is both sides, parents, to staff, staff to parents. Both sides have to show that they are genuinely interested in this child's success.And the way that you can do that is through communication and showing understanding whenquestions are brought up. So for me a big moment was when I asked about my child's behavior,because there was something written down on his paper. And I just messaged his general ed teacher in the resources and the reminder. And I was just like, hey, can you give me a littlemore explanation on this? I'm not entirely sure. And she did a rundown. And so I'm a little concerned because this behavior has been ramping up and we ended up having what we call ita collaboration and communication meeting with me, her and the special education teacher,like a week later, and I said I'm a little concerned and she says, You know what, I'm concerned too. She was like, he was doing really well. And she's like, I'm not sure what's going on either.He's like, usually I can get him redirected and complete His work and, but she wascommunicating and dialoguing with me. And that made me feel like okay, you care. You're not just like, Yeah, he did this. What are you gonna do about it? And so I think but at the sametime, she had mentioned him struggling So because of his kindergarten struggles, he was noton grade level for reading. And we knew this and it was due to his suspension. So when they did all their data collection as you should, that's where we found that out. And we were not surprised at all. So she gave us things to work on. And we did. And then I would say, Hey, I'm in such and such, I noticed he gets really frustrated. This part. She's like, Yeah, we're working on that in class. She was like, I noticed that too. If he doesn't understand why the word does this. And it doesn't make sense to him. She's like, he kind of gets frustrating shuts down. So she saw that I'm implementing the things that she's suggesting as well. And then in the IEP meeting, I'mable to say, well, yes, we've used miss such and such as tools that she gave us. So she's saying, Okay, you're collaborate, you're working with me, you're trying to address hisbehaviors. You know, he's having behaviors. So we're reading books on certain behaviors, andhow to manage your emotions and feelings, because that's a struggle for him. I'm telling them, Hey, I'm using this book, I sent it in his bookbag. Next thing I know, she's reading it to thewhole class, that communication has to be there. Don't brush off what a parent says, and don't brush off what a staff says. respond to it. And if you don't understand, ask questions. And if you have a different insight, then bring that insight. Absolutely, 46:30 absolutely. So what are some of the key advocacy points that you focus on with parents? 46:38

I focus on what do you want for your child? That is a big one. For me. I think that a lot of times, not that it gets left out. But I feel that parents are so overwhelmed with the process, they don'tstop to think about that. You're presenting me all of these theoretical solutions that haveworked for other children. And I'm so flooded that I can't even I'm like, okay, but then I mightget home and go like, my child does not like that, though, that would not be a good reward foror that might even be a trigger. So, um, so that's so the first one is, what are your concerns?And what do you want for your child? What are you concerned about educational setting? Whatare you concerned about them not doing or nagging? Are you concerned about inclusion? Areyou concerned about them participating? Are you concerned about them? Having friendsbecause of their struggle with social skills? Like, what are you concerned about? And what doyou want to happen? You know, what do you want to see? What do you want them toaccomplish? The next thing is communicating. I think that a lot of times, parents are talked at,and then they hold it in and they get so frustrated that then they start talking at staff, and thennobody is collaborating. So you know, ask questions, you confuse, ask a question you don'tunderstand, ask the question asked for a resource. You feel like they're not understanding yourchild, provide them with information, provide them with what works, you know, your child in thehome setting, and some of the triggers are similar. So say, well, at home, we do this, how can we do that in the class setting. And an example I was given is, my son can get upset and hecan just go to another room in our house. He can't do that at school. That's a low bid. So we talked about that. What can he do? Okay, this can be where he can go to take a break when he's upset. That way he is removing himself from the room, but it's not elopement. And this is where he can go. So that's how we collaborated on that because they're like, you're not seeingthis when he gets upset now because he can just go to another room he doesn't like so um, butthose are the big ones is just what are your concerns? What do you want to see your child? Howdo you want to see your child grow? And then that communication? Excellent. So 49:13 for civilians, when their child, their student, goes to a different grade level or a different school?Even though you know, what do you recommend for both? So military, it's different becausethey may be going into a different state or country. But in essence, your child is being introduced to new staff as they transition. What do you recommend to parents to help themcommunicate with the school that this is my child to here's their gaps, here's their gains. This is what they look like and then setting up that communication for success from day one. 49:55 Have the most recent IP So have that in your physical possession, even if they're in the sameschool, and they're going to the next grade have your own physical copy. The next one is, I like having the teacher kind of, you know, if you can kind of give a rundown of like, you know, whatthe child was working on what they've learned, just kind of gives you an understanding from ateacher to teacher perspective of like, this is how great this child is. And these are all of his strengths. And these are some of his struggles that we were still working on, right, becausethat applies to the classroom setting. So again, the first thing have a physical copy of the IEP,the second thing is going to be if you can get the teacher to kind of read a summary about thechild. And that's really beneficial if you're going to another school to give that kind ofunderstanding of what was working in the classroom from their teacher. And then I love the all about knees. That's a fair thing. And that allows for the child to be able to have input into what do they want their teacher to know about them, and to understand about them. And like, My son always says he's shy. And that's true. And so you know, they'll know like, he's kind of shine,it takes him a minute to warm up and get to know them. So that's the third thing. And then the fourth thing is reaching out to finding out who handles the special education at that school forthat grade. For my son, he will switch special education teachers next year when he enterssecond grade, because his current one does kindergarten in first grade. And the next one in the school does, I think second and third, and then I have one that does fourth and fifth. So I will be introducing myself to her talking with her saying what her things are what she does for hersecond graders. Use the open house, if you have an open house to just be able to introduceyourself, and to make sure that they're where your child's on their roster. Because sometimes, you know, they have a lot of students, they have a lot of kids, they handle multiple grades.Sometimes they don't know I like to put a name to a face. This is my kid, I'm his mom, you willbe hearing from me, how'd you like to communicate? I look forward to seeing you at our initialIP. So so those are all the things that I'm addressing?

52:35 And your opinion, what are the three key points of the IEP? 52:39 The three key points of the IEP are first of all their performance. The president the presentlevels of academic and functional performance, and it's called many things Plath plop clap. But that is supposed that area is supposed to have your child's current levels of performanceacademically, functionally, behaviorally, what are their strengths? What are their challenges,their barriers? What are you trying to accomplish with this IEP, it encompasses a lot. And what I always say and I actually just recently did a post on this is that the only time that informationshould be the same is your initial IEP meeting, when you're coming in from the new school year. So let's say your kindergarteners going into first grade, that information is going to bereflected from last year because they haven't had the ability to collect data. They haven'tstarted the assessments, you know, they haven't gotten into the nitty gritty of the school year.So that's the only time that that information should really be the same once you get into yourannual IEP meeting, or if you're requesting an IEP meeting to change categor categoryeligibility or because the schedule is not working to add or remove accommodations,modifications, that should be different. And the reason why is because that present level is based on data. So at this point, you should have data to say okay, this is what we're seeing,this is what we're not seeing. Okay. So the present levels, the annual goals is very important.What is your child working on? And why do they feel you need to your child needs to work onit? And do you feel you're trying to work on it and where's the data to support it? So that's,that's a big one. And I noticed that a lot of parents don't know what their children are working on. Because again, it's overwhelming. So they're just like, well, they're doing really good. On what, and that matters, because when they're not doing really good. Then you can say, Okay, can I see the data? Well, they were doing here, good here. Now they're not what was happening. During this time, was this a trend, something we need to be concerned about? Doyou need to adjust the goals? Okay? Also, I'm a big proponent of breaking them down, makingthem specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely, in the sense of, is there somethingaccomplishable because I want my child to feel successful. And we also should not be havingthe same goal for five years, because then that means something we're doing is not working.

And the last part that I did identify as part of the IEP, that I think is important is the gen edaccommodations and modifications and assessment modifications. So that section, when yougo into the IEP, this is looking at what accommodations or modifications are being made, toallow for your child's to be successful in the general education setting, what accommodationsand modifications are being made, when they do assessments, you know, in making sure thatis stated, and making sure what subjects it applies to. Because and again, a lot of IPs are different, my places are different. But make sure that you're looking at that because I thoughtmy child was getting a break for his testing. And at his last school, we discussed it, we were told he's gonna get pulled. I'm thinking that's what I'm reading in the IEP. Apparently, it was not. So he had a meltdown that day during testing. And then I was notified. And I said I thought it was in his IEP. Isn't that what this means? Oh, that's not what that means. Oh. So those are the three areas, again, the present level of academic achievement and functional performance,annual goals, and then the accommodations and modifications for general ed and assessments. 56:55 As we're winding down, is there anything that I did not ask that I should have asked? 57:04 No, I think you covered everything, I think, um, I just want to reiterate that you do not have todo this alone. And so don't even if you just bring a friend to the meeting, to take notes, or tohold you accountable for questions you want it to ask? Well, you don't support because that'swhat's going on. This is a long process, like I say, get started in kindergarten, and you have many, many years to go. 57:39 marathon, not a sprint. If you had I think you kind of just answered this. But if you had a billboard with one quote for parents, what would it be? And why? 57:52 Oh, yeah, you're right. It would be you don't have to do this alone. 57:59 I think that's amazing. Amazing. where can folks find you? 58:05 So you can find me on my website, which is destiny huff consulting.com. You can find me on Facebook under the same thing, Destiny help consulting. And I have a LinkedIn page. It's destiny help consulting. But the last one was a little different. So you can also find me on Instagram. And it's destiny Huff underscore IEP underscore advocate. Thank you for

58:34 your time. This was incredible. I hope parents have paper and they listen and they pause and they write notes. And they they truly feel that they don't have to do this alone, that this processthat seems overwhelming that you're coming from this fear and love. You can walk that journeywith other folks that have walked it to kind of ease that stress and that burden for you. So thank you. Thank you. Thank you for your time. 59:03 Thank you. All right, bye for now. Bye