John (00:00:00) - I mean, I would've made a deal with the devil, if I could have changed it. I'd have gave up every last dime I had. I can't. There's nothing I can do.

Man (intro) (00:00:16) - Welcome to Life’s a Beach…and Then You Die. From personal growth and self-discovery to challenges and victories, we discuss it all. Join us as we dive into the extraordinary stories of ordinary people… all the way to the end.

Julie Ellis (00:00:40) - In today's episode of Life's a Beach and Then You Die, we'll meet John Cramer. John has been through so much in his lifetime, it's almost unbelievable. John moved to Myrtle Beach later in life, which is when I met him. He actually was my coworker. So it was an honor that he would sit down with me and share his experiences. His ability to overcome some serious hardships has given me new perspective. A caution to the audience. This episode includes instances of child abuse and drug use, which could be triggering to some listeners. John's story begins in Youngstown, Ohio, where he grew up. He was one of 10 kids raised in a violent household. What was your dad like?

John Cramer (00:01:31) - My dad was rough. He worked eight, at least eight to nine hours a day. But he was gone like six days a week. It was just when he was home. <laugh>

Julie (00:01:42) - What was he like when he was home?

John (00:01:44) - Miserable. <laugh>

Julie (00:01:45) - Drinking.

John (00:01:46) - Yes. He hated life most of the time, and it showed.

Julie (00:01:51) - Was he abusive?

John (00:01:53) - Yes. To my mother, to me and some of my sisters. The younger ones even, not so much, but us older ones. He was pretty tough on.

Julie (00:02:04) - When did that start? Was he abusive for your whole childhood?

John (00:02:08) - My earliest memory of my father was four years old when he kept knocking me down because the neighbor's trash cans were too close to our house.

Julie (00:02:19) - The neighbor's trash cans were too close to your house, so your dad kept —

John (00:02:22) - So he kept knocking me down.

Julie (00:02:23) - Do you have any…

John (00:02:24) - ‘Cause was drunk.

Julie (00:02:25) - And you had a whole childhood of that.

John (00:02:26) - Oh yeah. Got hit with a rubber hose once. It wasn't an accident. <laugh> Here's the funny thing, he'd start picking at my mother and I'd walk up to him and just slap him. And then I'd run like, “Holy Moses.” I'd have the door open already because he would chase me and I knew I was faster than him.

Julie (00:02:49) - Did he stop then? Stop hurting your mother?

John (00:02:53) - Oh yeah. He was looking for me. <laugh>

Julie (00:02:55) - Yeah, you just diverted his attention. (Exactly.) To get it away and save your mom. (Exactly.) What does that feel like? I mean, were you terrified when you did that or you think you're just being a smart kid?

John (00:03:07) - No, I wasn't terrified. I knew he couldn't ever catch me.

Julie (00:03:12) - Yeah. Would he wait for you?

John (00:03:14) - Especially drunk.

Julie (00:03:15) - Would he wait for you?

John (00:03:17) - Usually by the next day he'd forget.

Julie (00:03:20) - Oh, wow.

John (00:03:21) - Yeah, I mean, he'd forget, but I mean, <laugh>, there was a few times he didn't forget. <laugh> But I mean, just whatever it took to get him away from the house.

Julie (00:03:34) - So your mom was timid. Would you describe her as, like, kind? Was she (Oh yeah.) just trying to hang on and do the best she could?

John (00:03:43) - That was it.

Julie (00:03:45) - Yeah.

John (00:03:45) - She tried. She was just doing what she had to do.

Julie (00:03:49) - Do you know anything about how they met or why they married? Any idea?

John (00:03:53) - Well, there's never been an answer to that, but I think she was pregnant already. <laugh> I'm not sure. (Yeah.) But, she lived on Warren Avenue and Ohio in Youngstown and my dad — my grandfather lived on Warren Avenue — and he was at my grandfather's one day and then my mother was on her front porch, I guess. And he walked over there and that was that.

Julie (00:04:35) - What do you think his childhood was like? Did you know your grandparents? Were they…

John (00:04:40) - I used to spend summers with my grandmother.

Julie (00:04:42) - Were they the same? What's your grandfather…?

John (00:04:44) - She was a little nutty, but she was alright. <laugh>

Julie (00:04:47) - What about grandpa?

John (00:04:48) - He was okay.

Julie (00:04:50) - Did they drink?

John (00:04:51) - My grandmother, no, but my grandfather did.

Julie (00:04:54) - So your dad was raised in this? (Yeah.) That's what you do. You work, (That's what you do.), you work your butt off eight, nine hours a day, six days a week, you go home and you drink.

John (00:05:03) - And then you drink. It doesn't help when you're a mean drunk.

Julie (00:05:06) - Yeah. How would you describe your mom?

John (00:05:11) - Oh. <laugh>. She was just a survivor. She was just surviving. That's it. She was timid. She was afraid of him. She was afraid to leave him. She couldn't, where was she gonna go with all those kids?

Julie (00:05:28) - And I'm assuming she did not have an education or a career or job.

John (00:05:34) - High school, high school education. That was it.

Julie (00:05:36) - So she was trapped.

John (00:05:37) - Pretty much. Just like the rest of us.

Julie (00:05:40) - Yeah. That's what happens. (Yeah.) And you left school at 16. Why did you do that?

John (00:05:46) - I didn't wanna be there. I went to a Catholic school my first eight years and then I was thrust into the city schools because they didn't want to send me to another Catholic school 'cause they were gonna send my sisters. I wanted to go play football at Cardinal Mooney High School.

Julie (00:06:06) - But it cost money to go to those schools, right?

John (00:06:09) - Yes. Yes. And they told me I couldn't go.

Julie (00:06:11) - What were the schools like in Youngstown back in the seventies?

John (00:06:17) - It depend on what side of town you were on.

Julie (00:06:19) - How about your side of town?

John (00:06:20) - The side of town I was on, it was mostly black. I would think I was one of four white students in the school. (Wow.) 1100 kids in the school, maybe, right around there.

Julie (00:06:32) - And a handful of white kids.

John (00:06:34) - Yeah. <laugh> And it wasn't bad. It wasn't awful. But you did have some guys that didn't like you. And you know, I used to fight all the time.

Julie (00:06:44) - What they picked on you 'cause you were white?

John (00:06:46) - Because I was white. <laugh>

Julie (00:06:48) - How did that affect your view of the world and of race and things like that?

John (00:06:53) - I just didn't understand why they couldn't just leave me alone.

Julie (00:06:57) - Right. You're just trying to go to school.

John (00:06:58) - I just wanted, you know — I was just going to school just like you. That was actually my first touch of racism.

Julie (00:07:04) - They didn't like you for your race and (Yes.) picked on you. Did you have black friends?

John (00:07:09) - Absolutely.

Julie (00:07:10) - Yeah.

John (00:07:11) - But that didn't matter. They still had the ones that decided they needed to pick on me and chase me outta school, and it worked.

Julie (00:07:29) - So John was fighting at school and fighting at home with his dad. It's no wonder he dropped out of high school at 16. A year later when John was only 17, his family changed drastically.

John (00:07:52) - My father passed when I was 17.

Julie (00:07:54) - Had he been ill or what? What took him?

John (00:07:57) - No, blood clot. They put him in a hospital for pneumonia and then he kept having seizures and the last one he had, he didn't come out of.

Julie (00:08:06) - How old was he then?

John (00:08:07) - 43.

Julie (00:08:08) - How did you feel when he passed?

John (00:08:11) - It was sad for a minute, but then I breathed a sigh of relief. It's like, “We're done. He's not gonna pick on my mother anymore.”

Julie (00:08:19) - Yeah.

John (00:08:20) - And that's all it was.

Julie (00:08:21) - How did your mom react to that?

John (00:08:23) - Well, you know, she cried and she wondered what was gonna happen with her family. And then, you know, she had to move on.

Julie (00:08:32) - And you were one of the older kids, right? So what did your mom do to support the whole family?

John (00:08:39) - Well, she got social security. Yeah. Back then, you know, you could get survivor benefits. So she got 'em until the youngest ones were 18. So that helped a lot. (Yeah.) And then she worked, she got a job 'cause she had to.

Julie (00:08:54) - What did she do?

John (00:08:55) - She worked at department stores.

Julie (00:08:57) - How did she change after your dad passed? Or did she?

John (00:09:01) - She was more independent for sure. She never dated again. She never married another man. She always said, “After your father, I don't want another one.” <laugh>

John (00:09:13) - I mean she got happy. I think she was relieved too.

Julie (00:09:17) - Hard to imagine a 43 year old man with 10 children, <John laughs> that his passing turned out to be a good thing.

John (00:09:26) - Well, my mother was 40 and had eight. <laugh> She was only pregnant seven times, though. The last ones were twins. <laugh>

Julie (00:09:34) - Oh geez. Surprise.

John (00:09:37) - Yeah. <laugh>

Julie (00:09:45) - I can't imagine a young person being developed, but you don't have any idea what else life is like. That's all you'd had ever known.

John (00:09:53) - That’s it. That's it.

Julie (00:09:53) - I mean, did you have a sense that that was not okay or not normal or…? Or that is what it was.

John (00:10:00) - I don't think I knew any better. No.

Julie (00:10:01) - You wouldn't have, right?

John (00:10:02) - Yeah, because I didn't spend a lot of time around normal families.

John (00:10:08) - God, I had to have been in my twenties before I realized that not everybody is drunk half the time and beating their kids and their wives. I just thought that's the way it was.

Julie (00:10:20) - You lived a life of heightened fight or flight, right? (Yes.) That's how you were raised. You always had to be on guard. (Yes.) And we're not actually supposed to live in that state. It has a detrimental effect (Not at that age) on us, no. Definitely not at that age. It comes in handy if a lion starts chasing you or whatever, but when you're living like that chronically it definitely changes who you are. How do you think it affected you going into adulthood, having had that kind of childhood?

John (00:10:54) - I wasn't ready for relationships. I wasn't ready for stuff like that. I drank.

Julie (00:11:03) - Makes sense. That was all you knew. So did you start drinking when you were very young?

John (00:11:09) - I think the first time I ever had a drink I was like, 15, and then it was nothing for a while.

Julie (00:11:14) - Yeah. But in your early twenties you were drinking.

John (00:11:18) - Hard. Oh, yeah.

Julie (00:11:19) - Drinking hard. I bet you were fighting a lot too. <John laughs> Were you that guy like in the bar that just wanted to fight?

John (00:11:23) - Every time I got a chance. <laugh>

Julie (00:11:25) - Yeah. Because why wouldn't you, if that's what you know?

John (00:11:29) - Yeah, I did. I loved to fight, <laugh> but I didn't fight too much at home. The first wife there was always arguments. Money, this, that, the other thing, whatever.

Julie (00:11:40) - Well, speaking of the first wife, you were very young when you got married.

John (00:11:45) - Twenty-one.

Julie (00:11:46) - Twenty-one years old and drinking and just kind of out of this childhood of abuse and fighting.

John (00:11:53) - Yep.

Julie (00:11:54) - So you find this lady at 21, what was that like?

John (00:11:58) - Well, it wasn't bad at first. <laugh> But then we fought all the time and she was pretty crazy, too, on her own. And all we did was fight and I left her. We broke up and I went my — you know, I was like, “I can't do this no more.” Her father came to me two months after we broke up and said, “You know, she's pregnant.” I said, “Well I do now.” <laugh> And I got back with her and we ended up getting married and that was probably the worst thing in the world.

Julie (00:12:27) - Because you wanted to do the right thing?

John (00:12:29) - I did, but I still wanted to drink and fight. It was what I knew. That's what I was taught growing up.

John (00:12:49) - Sometimes I wonder why she stuck around, but I was still a little wild and crazy. I'd argue about everything. Didn't matter what. <laugh> I'd just argue just because.

Julie (00:12:58) - Well, and don't you think that part of the fighting, the arguing, that's a really, like, ego-based thing for a person to do because they wanna appear a certain way or they wanna be proven right because they don't have the deeper sense of self-respect and self-esteem because that wasn't taught to them or shown to them as a kid.

John (00:13:21) - I know what you mean. Yeah. I mean, (Yeah) I always wanted to be right and I'll fight you to prove it. <laugh>

Julie (00:13:28) - Well, when did you learn to let go of that?

John (00:13:33) - Lord, I was probably in my thirties. Honestly. Got to the point where it just didn't seem to be all that important.

Julie (00:13:40) - Exactly. <laugh>.

John (00:13:41) - It's like, “So what?”

Julie (00:13:43) - You're creating all this drama and trauma for what? (For what?) Yeah.

John (00:13:48) - And it took a long time. I saw a couple therapists and it took a long time for me to realize, “Hey, who cares if you're right or wrong?”

Julie (00:13:59) - Right. <laugh>

John (00:13:59) - It's not worth fighting over.

Julie (00:14:02) - And when you finally made that realization, how did you feel?

John (00:14:06) - I mean, it felt weird at first. Now it's like second [nature]. I don't even think about it.

Julie (00:14:22) - At this point, John and his first wife had their daughter Jessica and later divorced. He then met and married his second wife and they have been married for 33 years now. Together they had three kids, two daughters and a son. Tell me about parenting four young kids. How was that? <John laughs> It sounds like you were working a lot, but how did that…

John (00:14:45) - I spent a lot of time at work. But I spent a lot of time chasing my kids' stuff, too — football, band, basketball, volleyball. Spent a lot of time sitting in gyms.

Julie (00:15:02) - How did your relationship with your dad as you grew up affect your parenting?

John (00:15:07) -You know, when I was young I just — made me feel like crap.

Julie (00:15:11) - Mm.

John (00:15:12) - So I know what it would do to them and I would never do that to them. I always told my girls, “You do anything you want,” and my boy, too, “You can do anything in this world and don't ever let anybody tell you no.”

Julie (00:15:33) - Is it safe to say you learned how not to be a parent from your dad?

John (00:15:37) - Exactly. Exactly.

Julie (00:15:38) - That was your inspiration.

John (00:15:40) - Exactly. Like I said. And they never saw me drink very seldom. We had a party at my in-laws one day and I used to keep a little pint bottle of Jack Daniels in the cupboard and I had one of the kids bring it down to me and they were like, “Is everything okay? 'Cause dad's gonna have a drink.” <laugh>

Julie (00:15:59) - Oh wow. <John laughs>. So, you really must not have been drinking around that much at all if that was a…

John (00:16:05) - Exactly. And I only had was one drink that night and I put the bottle right back.

Julie (00:16:10) - Do you still drink or when did you quit?

John (00:16:12) - Once in a great while.

Julie (00:16:13) - So it didn't become a big rehab thing that you can't? (No, no.) Safe to say your dad had an influence on that? (Yes.) Because you didn't wanna raise your kids?

John (00:16:24) - No, I didn't want 'em to see that. Didn’t want ‘em to come home and — I was not per se a mean drunk, but I wasn't a happy one either. I didn't go looking for it, but I'll still fight you at the drop of a hat. <laugh>

Julie (00:16:38) - Were you ever a church-goer? Have ever had faith like that built in your life?

John (00:16:43) - I was not real big on going to church. It's not that I don't believe. It's that I have my own relationship.

Julie (00:17:04) - You got your kids raised and outta school and you bought a house in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Why did you do that?

John (00:17:13) - No snow. <laugh>

Julie (00:17:16) - What else attracted you to Myrtle Beach? Yeah,

John (00:17:18) - We came here because of the change of the seasons.

Julie (00:17:21) - And how did you find it? How do you find the people and the culture here?

John (00:17:27) - I like most of the people here. <laugh> There are a few we can do without, <laugh> <Julie laughs> but no, I like it here. I mean, most of everybody's friendly.

Julie (00:17:37) - Did your kids follow you to Myrtle Beach? Some of them? (Two of them.) That's good though. Are they nearby? Do they have kids?

John (00:17:42) - One daughter. She moved here with a child and met her husband here.

Julie (00:17:48) - So you're a grandpa now?

John (00:17:49) - Oh, I've been a grandpa. My oldest grandchild is 12.

Julie (00:17:54) - Tell me how it feels to be a grandpa.

John (00:17:57) - We should have had them first. <laugh>

Julie (00:17:59) - Everybody says that.

John (00:18:02) - <laugh> It's great. I mean, I love it.

Julie (00:18:03) - Does it give you opportunity to do anything differently than you were as a parent?

John (00:18:09) - Definitely. Like, I like to sugar 'em up and send them home.

Julie (00:18:13) - <laugh>

John (00:18:14) - I mean, as far as raising them, nah. Yeah, they're great kids. I left the raising of them to their parents. I just act like a little kid with them. <laugh>

Julie (00:18:23) - That's good.

Julie (00:18:28) - John had changed his life dramatically. He broke the cycle of drinking and abuse that he experienced with his dad. He moved to Myrtle Beach for the sunshine and raised a wonderful family of his own. John's story doesn't end here though, because John, who had already been through so much, experienced an unthinkable tragedy just two years ago.

Julie (00:18:51) - Your one son — you have three girls and one boy. What was his name?

John (00:18:57) - John.

Julie (00:18:58) - John. After you. What happened to John?

John (00:19:02) - I can't think about him without cryin’. Um, yeah, he was very headstrong. He was very opinionated, but he was a good kid. He was alright. Deep down inside, he had a heart of gold.

Julie (00:19:17) - What did he do for work?

John (00:19:18) - He worked at a restaurant. He was a bartender and a waiter. And he had another job for a pressure washer company, but at the restaurant they loved him.

Julie (00:19:30) - Was he a drinker? John?

John (00:19:33) - He was a little bit, not a whole lot, but he had his time, you know, he was partying; he was young, he was single. So, you know, <laugh> he'd hit the bars for sure.

Julie (00:19:47) - What was your relationship like with him?

John (00:19:51) - He was one of my best friends.

Julie (00:19:58) - You were down here when you got a terrible phone call.

John (00:20:02) - Yep.The day had started. I got a call from my one daughter who lives in Georgia. His employment had called her, so it was like 2:30, 3:00 and they called her and they said, “John was supposed to be there at 11 and he's not here.” This was unlike my son. He was always there. Nobody could find him. I start calling him and can't find him. So I sent my oldest daughter to his house. I said, “Go see if maybe he's passed out, got drunk and he's passed out.” She goes there, his car is there. She's beating on his door. Nothing. I said, “All right, you need to call the police. I mean, if his car's there…” She gets the police over there and the police won't break the door down, 'cause they don't own it. So now they're calling a locksmith. Another hour and a half waiting. Then my phone rings and it was her mother,

Julie (00:20:59) - Your oldest daughter's mother? (Yes.) Your first wife.

John (00:21:01) - She was there with her. I guess she had called her to come out there with her and as soon as I heard her voice I knew it was not good. I mean, 'cause it wasn't my daughter. And uh, they had found my son dead in his apartment.

Julie (00:21:21) - How old was he, John?

John (00:21:23) - Twenty-five. He would've been 27 next month. <sigh>

Julie (00:21:37) - At that time, what did you think happened to him?

John (00:21:41) - What they had told us that it was an overdose. They found him sitting on his couch. We didn't even know what hit him.

Julie (00:21:50) - Do they know what kind of drugs?

John (00:21:52) - I'm assuming Adderall, but turned out to be fentanyl. Horrible, horrible thing.

Julie (00:21:59) - Where were you when you got that call, John?

John (00:22:01) - I was at home.

Julie (00:22:02) - What goes through your mind when you…

John (00:22:04) - I don't even… I don't think anything was going through my mind that was devastating and I had to hold his mother up and we all just left for Ohio. We were gone. <sigh>

Julie (00:22:18) - Did you know him to use Adderall? (Yes.) At times? To get through the day or… 'cause that, like, speeds you up, right? (Right.) You had never known him to do hardcore...

John (00:22:30) - No, I know.

Julie (00:22:31) - …things like fentanyl.

John (00:22:32) - I mean, even the police noted, they said this is not a drug addict because he had all his TVs, all his gold chains, all his money, you know, whatever money he had was there. Wasn't like he was living with no lights on…

Julie (00:22:50) - And you believe that he bought that fentanyl by mistake, that he was — (I'm sure) thought he bought Adderall.

John (00:22:56) - I'm sure.

Julie (00:22:57) - Do you know who he bought it from?

John (00:22:59) - I do.

Julie (00:23:00) - And has anything been done?

John (00:23:02) - I don't know what's gonna go on. I mean, I've asked questions but I can't get answers to why he hasn't been arrested. I mean, I'm not sure if the guy knew he was selling fentanyl or not, but he did. He did. And he killed my son.

Julie (00:23:25) - After you found out about your son, you went to Youngstown? (Yep.) Was your whole family with you?

John (00:23:32) - Yeah, we were all there.

Julie (00:23:34) - How did you inter him? Like, did you have a funeral at that time or did you have to?

John (00:23:38) - We had a funeral a couple days after we got there. And it was an amazing funeral. Coaches that he had, people that he knew. The restaurant took shifts so they could come and people told us stories about this kid. “He helped me,” “He did this,” and it was just so great to hear to everybody love this kid. I mean, there was customers from the restaurant that came to his funeral. They had chairs from the parlor. He was in, all the way through to the next one. And the lady that runs the place, “We've never had one this big.” They didn't know where to put everybody <laugh> It was amazing. The support — it's like a double-edged sword. I miss him every day.

Julie (00:24:38) - I mean, obviously your life shifts in a way that (Yeah.) Will never be the same again when something like that happens.

John (00:24:43) - Yeah.

Julie (00:24:44) - But how did that affect how you view each day and how you live your life now? Or think of your other children? Like, what did that do?

John (00:24:53) - Yeah, my poor girls, I mean, they're devastated and I try to be there for them every day, if I need to be. And my wife blames herself.

Julie (00:25:04) - She does.

John (00:25:05) - If she'd have known, if she'd have done this, if she'd have done that. There's nothing you can do.

Julie (00:25:10) - There's not.

John (00:25:11) - No, he made a choice and it screwed him and he paid and nothing else she could do. I mean, I would've made a deal with the devil if I could have changed it. I'd have gave up every last dime I had. But I can't, there's nothing I can do.

Julie (00:25:33) - Is that a daily struggle for her, John? I mean, is this (Yes.) How has that affected your relationship?

John (00:25:39) - Honestly, I think it just made us closer. I mean, 'cause I just try to be there for her. I mean, I can't make it better for her. But I'm there. She starts crying, I'm there to hold her hand when that's all I can do. And then my girls go through spurts. They'll be okay and then it'll hit 'em again. So, you know, I just try to be there for all of them.

Julie (00:26:05) - Do you think that helps you with your grief?

John (00:26:08) - Yeah, I just don't think they realize how bad it hurts me too, because I'm always strong for them. Do they realize that I have my moments too? I mean, usually every day. ‘Cause I get up every day and it's the same thing. My kid's gone and I try to carry on the best I can. I just — there's still days I can't believe he's gone. It's like it happened yesterday. It's tough. But you can't just give up. He wouldn't want that. Can't just stop living.

Julie (00:26:44) - What would he tell you if he could whisper in your ear — and maybe he does — but what would he tell you?

John (00:26:50) - I think he would tell us just to, you know, keep going. It'll be alright.

Julie (00:26:55) - Have you seen, heard or felt any indication that he was around you? Do you believe in this?

John (00:26:59) - All the time. I find feathers in the craziest places and pennies, 'cause he knew I'd never pass a penny up. <Julie laughs> I pick 'em up, I don't care. (Yeah.) If you want to throw 'em away, I'm gonna pick 'em up.

Julie (00:27:12) - Tell me about the last time you found a feather and or a penny. Tell me about that.

John (00:27:17) - Probably, the other day. It was just laying right in the middle of the floor. There's no rhyme or reason why it was there. It was just there and it was in the kitchen. I just say, “I see you boy. I hear you. I know you're here.”

Julie (00:27:35) - Does it put a smile on your face?

John (00:27:36) - Sometimes.

Julie (00:27:38) - Yeah.

Julie (00:27:52) - John's life has certainly not been an easy one between his traumatic childhood, a difficult first marriage and then the devastating loss of his son. You would think John had been through enough. Unfortunately a year after losing his child, John was diagnosed with lung cancer.

John (00:28:11) - I went to the doctor 'cause I couldn't breathe. I was having a hard time breathing. I thought I had pneumonia again. And they did an x-ray and she's like, “Uh, you need a CAT scan.” And I took the CAT scan and went to her office and she's like, “I'm gonna need to refer you to this oncologist and this lung doctor.” And I'm like, “What?” She goes, “Yeah, you have cancer.”

Julie (00:28:39) - What goes through your mind at that moment?

John (00:28:43) - Honestly, it wasn't a big deal. I was just like, “Okay, well let's do it. We gotta deal.” I mean, I had already gotten the worst news I could ever get in my life. Cancer was just like a cold. Okay, let's deal with it and move on.

Julie (00:29:02) - There is some perspective for you. Wow.

John (00:29:05) - I mean, you know, if they get it and I live okay, I'm good. But if they don't and I die, well okay. I don't wanna die, but I ain't gonna get outta here alive either. So…

Julie (00:29:18) - None of us are <laugh>

John (00:29:20) - I'm not gonna worry about it.

Julie (00:29:22) - Now it's been over a year since you started treatments for lung cancer. What sorts of things have you been through? How are they treating it?

John (00:29:31) - I had my chemo and radiation. The radiation was something else.

Julie (00:29:36) - How do they do that? The chemo you sit and it goes into your vein, right?

John (00:29:40) - Yes, yes. And that stuff usually makes people sick. It didn't bother me at all. The radiation is what killed me.

Julie (00:29:48) - How do they administer that? Is it a pill or…?

John (00:29:50) - It’s a big machine (Oh.) and it goes around you and it supposedly targets the areas — which I guess it does 'cause it took care of it. <laugh> But it really wipes you out. I still have trouble breathing when I'm walking a lot. I have to stop and catch my breath and all that. The body has to heal. That's what they're telling me. I had scans done last Monday.

Julie (00:30:21) - And?

John (00:30:21) - Everything's clear.

Julie (00:30:23) - That's good news.

John (00:30:24) - Absolutely.

Julie (00:30:33) - What have you learned throughout this whole process of facing cancer and all the treatments and coming out on the other side of that?

John (00:30:42) - These days [are] precious. Don't take ‘em for granted anymore. I'm happy to be up and outta bed moving. I'm not moving fast, but I'm moving. <both laugh> I said I'm not ready to go. If the Lord decides I am then I am, but I'm not ready, so I will fight.

Julie (00:31:03) - What do you hope for the remaining days of your life, for yourself and for your family?

John (00:31:09) - I just want to live each day, as best I can. I'm happy to be alive. I get to be around good people and my family I got. So, it is all good.

Julie (00:31:20) - And John, you've already experienced so much in your life, more than most people should ever have to go through. Is there something else you want to do or learn?

John (00:31:30) - I wanna learn how to play the banjo.

Julie (00:31:32) - Do you really? Are you gonna do that?

John (00:31:34) - I think I may.

Julie (00:31:35) - What else?

John (00:31:36) - Well, we'll see. <laugh> I have to tell you what I have learned. Life is not that serious. Don't take it serious. It's not worth fighting over. I'm happy just to be alive. I'm just content with being here every day, being able to get up every day. There's nothing better than that.

Julie (00:31:59) - What do you think happens after you die?

John (00:32:01) - I don't know. I mean, I'm gonna find out someday. <laugh> (Yeah.) Do I think there's a life after here? I mean, it seems like it. We'll see.

Julie (00:32:13) - As heartbreaking as John's story is, he has learned so much about himself and what's truly important in life. He kept his promise to himself to never treat his kids the way he was treated. He has been a rock for his family and their time of grief and is bravely fighting cancer.

John's story helps us with perspective. It helps us step back and see what really matters most.

Julie (00:32:42) - For more inspiring stories from Myrtle Beach, keep listening to episodes of Life's a Beach, and then You Die. I'm Julie Ellis. Thanks for listening.

Woman (Myrtle Beach) (00:32:54) - Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, is The Beach. Here, you're free to be your best self because Myrtle Beach is 60 miles made for you. You belong at The Beach.

Woman (Beach Easy) (00:33:10) - Beach. Easy.