Kirt -Smile

Mon, Dec 12, 2022 12:23PM 58:45 SUMMARY KEYWORDS teens, smile, volunteering, young adults, social skills, parents, students, people, skills, customer, important, person, practice, question, book, phone, talking, cell phone, model, setting

00:00 And then just a few housekeeping if there's something you want to kind of restate, we can dothat. And then, you know, sometimes there may be a pause on my end. And that's just to make sure that I've allowed you the time to get all your information out. 00:19 Sure. That's perfect. Thank you. 00:21 And then do you have any other questions? 00:25 No, that was a by the way, I listened to your podcast. I love it. Oh, well, thank you. You're welcome. 00:31 Yeah. So we're chugging along on it. So it's fun. It's definitely a labor of love. I think 00:37 it's so educational for people I was I learned a lot. It's wonderful. Well, 00:41 good. Good. Good. Good. So how would you like to be addressed during the main podcast?

00:49 Oh, you just say, Kurt. That's if that makes sense. 00:51 Yeah, that makes sense. I just like to check in with people. So I don't, you know, refer to you in a different manner than you would like to be. Oh, sure. I'll kick us off the intro and outro, I will do at a separate time. So you don't have to listen, sit through that. And then I will kick us off byjust asking you to give us a little insight to who you are and what you do and how you helpstrategize with kids with learning needs and differences. 01:16 That's perfect. I'm just going to turn my audio up a little bit. Okay, this is one from your tip sheet. I used my mic instead of my laptop mic. So I wasn't sure if it would work. But it's great. So thank you. There. I 01:28 see then the tip sheet works. 01:30 It does. It's wonderful. 01:33 All right. So let's do this. So welcome to our show. I'm really excited to have Kurt join us todayand have this really valuable conversation in terms of helping our students and our learnerssmile a little bit more and what that actually means. So welcome, Kurt to the show. 01:53 Thank you so much, Wendy. It's so nice to be here. 01:55 Thanks for joining us. So can you just give us a little insight to what you do and how yousupport our diverse learners?

02:04 Sure. I am an author. I'm a business person. But I also wrote a couple books. My first one is a crash course in customer service and sales. The one we're talking about today, I wrote for teenagers. And it provides them with a lot of the little skills which I think we overlookednowadays, as far as saying please, and thank you, Cell phone etiquette, manners, how to be agreat employee, things like that. So I provide schools and parents with those resources to helpthem help these young adults succeed. Because a lot of these young adults probably havenever had some of these skills taught to them, maybe in the schools or sometimes at home. 02:42 You're absolutely right. And I find with and that is why I think this is a an important discussionfor us to be able to share out to families that are listening professionals to help guide our, ouryoung adults as they're transitioning into this world. And there's so much around them that is changing, that little things tend to get lost or not taught maybe directly in the school system.And so I think having you on to give us this scope of how we can improve the outcomes of ourlearners is really important. So can you just tell me a little bit about, let's talk more about theskills you see as desirable for teens in the workforce? 03:25 Sure. That's a great question. You know, years ago, I had a specialty retail store, and it was akind of a cool place for teenagers to work. So we'd get a number of teenagers that would comein and they'd want to work there because it was back when windsurfing was popular, we hadsnowboards inline skates by rollerblade, all the Oakley sunglasses, the wetsuits from O'Neal. So I would get hundreds of kids who wanted to work there. But the skills I was looking for, fromfrom an employer's point of view, somebody who has good people skills, and if I had a teamwalk in, and they were dressed properly, had great eye contact, smiled, and were polite, andasked me Could I please have a job application? I'm interested in working here. I was alwaysthinking in my head, would this person be somebody who would be a good person to wait onwindy? And would she come back with? or would this person caused me to lose a customerbecause I can't afford to lose a customer? So the skills we're talking about are really goodsocial skills, you know, saying answering that phone properly creating a good a great firstimpression all the time. You can't afford to lose a single customer saying please and thank you saying You're welcome. Not Yep, not no problem, being off those phones all the time. So those are the skills that are so important, really, it's manners it's it's things more that when I waslittle, we really didn't have to teach but now we've overlooked a lot of these skills. And they areactually the skills that create friendships, and that bring customers back time and time again,and I was lucky to have great teenagers working for me, but that was before cell phones. So I didn't have the problem to deal with. 05:04 Now you didn't have any social media and all of that, to deal with actly. So what is the power of a smile?

05:13 You know what it's actually proven. And I know we don't really need to bring statistics in. But it is proven that when you smile, people buy more, and the power of a smile, it's proven also, tomake feel can make people feel better, I forgot what if it's dopamine, or whatever it is, in yourbrain, I'm not a psychiatrist or anything like that. I try to remember those terms. And I always forget. But it is proven to make that other person feel better. And I'll tell you what, the power of a smile can change somebody else's day. I mean, I don't know about you. But I always try whenI see somebody from walking by just smile and say hi, because you never know, especially withthe elderly. And I wrote an article years ago in Reader's Digest and the editor of Reader'sDigest, I've never forgotten, it said she was in the grocery store. And she was behind an elderly woman. And the woman told the cashier, I haven't talked to anybody in a month. I thought that was so sad. So you know, smile, and say hi to people might change the date, you never knowwhat somebody is going through. And as far as work, when you smile and greet a customerproperly, that really stands out, because how many times do you go to a business or call abusiness, and that doesn't happen. So it really sets the foundation for really good solidrelationships, whether it's friendships or work relationships, 06:32 when a couple of things first, I think even if the person is answering the phone, you can tellgenuinely if they want to be there and be a part of the conversation with you. Right. And so I think that's important to convey to our teens. And also, I think, in the world of texting, and soforth, our teens are not really exposed to answering a phone the right way. And so I'll even teach my students and parents that I work with, about practicing because as you'retransitioning to life, and to post secondary, you may need to make a doctor's appointment, youmay need to make some type of phone call. And so for some of our learners, having that timeto practice physically, you know, dialing the phone, and, and being able to leave a propervoicemail is really overlooked. I think a lot of times. 07:26 That's SO WELL SAID Wendy, and I never thought about the doctor's appointment, things likethat. I'm always looking at things from a work perspective. You're absolutely right, that is so overlooked. And I have that in my parents guide in my teaching guide, they actually have role playing. Because when I was writing my book, I had a, I had a group of teenagers helped meover nine months writing the book just to get their input. And they said, You should put something in there about ordering a pizza. And I said, Well, why? And there's this team said,because my sister is terrified to make a phone call. Yeah, you're absolutely right. You have kids are not they're texting, and they're doing things like that. But they're not talking on the phone. And that's so important at work. I mean, how many times have you called a business and adultand an adult or a teen has not answered the phone properly? And has not answered it with asmile? Yes, makes a huge difference. 08:16 Right? And kind of to the point about employment, practicing that, because if you're going to

Right? And kind of to the point about employment, practicing that, because if you re going to follow up with some sort of voice message or call to a potential employer, have your childpractice ahead of time, have your team practice ahead of time, because that really is settingthe seed like you said, when somebody come came into your storefront and was like, I wouldlike to work here, you kind of shuffle into two different categories of thought. And I know we're not supposed to make this instantaneous judgment, but you kind of think, Alright, how are theycarrying themselves? What is their voice sound like? And that really kind of then can set thestage for later in terms of that connection with, like you said, future folks that are coming intoyour store and repeat customers. 09:05 Exactly. I was in Aldi last night, and I was buying some groceries and the cashier, she smiled.She said, all these sardines look great. I mean, it's just that interaction and that smile, and I feltwhat a great employee, it just, it just in your brain, it sets that person apart from so many otherpeople. And for business, it's it's critical. It really is. I can't tell you when we had our business because I was on the floor all the time. So I'd watched this happen. We had great teenagers,they were always smiling, saying hi, if you left this drive by when do you have a great day? Welook forward to seeing you again. I mean, how many times does that happen? But I wouldwatch through the years like you come back bring a friend that your friend would come backand bring all their friends. Maybe the first purchase for this was a swimsuit but the thirdpurchase was $6,000 for a windsurfer, the wetsuit, the car rack, the inline skates, the surfclothes, the some everything and that would have Never happened had that first interaction,not been with a smile, and they become friends, you know, your customers or your friends. It's so powerful. 10:09 So whose job? Is it to teach kids these skills? 10:13 I think it's the parents. I really do. I, I, you know, the schools teach that, but it seems likeschools, everything gets thrown out in the schools. If there's something new out all the schoolsshould teach that they'd have to be open 24 hours a day. Do I feel bad for some of the teachers? I think the schools of course, because sometimes maybe the parents overlook it. And maybe the parents were never taught those skills. I had a doctor who was a doctor for mymom, she had a terrible receptionist, but the doctor had great people skills, but the doctordidn't recognize how bad her receptionist was. And I had to politely tell her that you know, youhave great people skills, but that person, you want somebody with great people skills in yourreception. That's the first contact and she really didn't understand she goes, Well, don't wehave somebody like that? So I think it's the parents if they've been exposed to that before, butsometimes if they haven't, then I think, at least let's have the schools teach it also. 11:09 Right, right. Let's talk a little bit more about communication. How do you define effective i i?

11:17 I think it's clear, it's concise. It's considerate and respectful. And by respectful. I mean that somebody's not on their cell phone, you know, have you ever I'm sure your listeners or maybeyou've gone out to dinner, and you're talking to somebody and they're checking their cellphone? Yeah. So that that's how I would say very respectful, polite and clear. 11:39 What does that look like socially? 11:42 Socially, it looks like you're giving that person, your full attention. And you're also listening well, so you're not just listening, in order for them to stop. So you can start talking. But you'relistening and asking them questions and engaging that person, and really showing an interestin what they're what they're talking about. And I think that's so important. And again, not beingon the cell phone, not looking at other people that are walking by paying attention to that oneperson and making them feel like they're the only person that matters. 12:15 Which means a ton. For sure. Yeah. How do we convey that to our teams, again, when theirway of communicating is through a cell phone? 12:28 That's a great question. I think what you said earlier, Wendy is so important to practice and roleplay and roleplay. And roleplay. You know, when I when I at our store, we used to practiceall the time, but I would call I knew a particular business that didn't answer the phone properly.And that was before collar it so I could call it business when I had my store meetings. And I would ask my teens, how would you feel if you call that business? And they just answered itthat way? And they'd say, well, not very good. Would you buy something? Would you go there again? No. So let's practice answering the phone properly. So I think a lot of role playing. And I also think, and this is just my opinion, and I don't know how you feel about this, I still can'tfigure out why we're giving kids smartphones in the first place, considering all the negative andawful consequences that can come with it. And I'll tell you, my friend has a little caesars up in Canada. And I talked to him the other day said, Kurt, I have a lot of teams working for me, if Icatch them once with their cell phone out, they're fired. We don't give any warnings because Ican't lose my business or a single customer over a bad experience from a team. And I'll tell you, I don't know why these kids have these cell phones. I really don't understand why parentsare just giving them a smartphone like that, given all the terrible consequences, because ifthey didn't, we wouldn't be talking about this. Right?

13:50 Yeah, I think that's a whole other show on when to get a smartphone and how that works out. 13:58 So I, you kind of led us to that what would professionally effective communication look likeprofessionally to support our teens? How could we guide them with that? 14:11 I think, like we talked about before it first giving them the information so that they're aware ofit. And then doing a lot of role playing with that. As far as maybe it's volunteering at a farmers market. Maybe they're doing something like that, standing up engaged, smiling at everybodythat walks by and saying hi how are you engaging every single person never being on that cellphone. Again, giving that person your full attention, whether it's somebody a customer or aprospect walking by a customer coming in the store or a friend that you're simply talking withand you know, doing this properly not using slang not not interrupting them, abusing clearcommunication and being rude. But for using full sentences, if you meet somebody for the first time, it's not Hey, bro. You know, it's it's, it's Hello. Well, hello, Tom, how are you? Hi, hi,Wendy, it's nice to see you again, I you know, some teens have these skills, but then somedon't. So I think the ones that don't we owe it to them to provide them with the information andlet them practice, I think we have to give them credit to a lot of these teens are smart. You know what, a lot of teens tell me I didn't, I've been glad I have this information, it's valuable, Ineed to learn it. So they're no different than us, I think we just have to expose them to it. 15:36 That's right. And I think as a parent, you can do that by modeling it, whether you're at yourdinner table with your in your home, or you're going out to supper as a family or with you know,friends or whomever you're going to separate with, and then having that conversation ahead oftime, what setting those expectations for that child or that teen have what to do with that. And I think also having that opportunity to practice, say ordering at a restaurant. At it's in, you can do that at a super young age, we have three boys. And we had always started that when theywere little in terms of having them start to order for themselves so that you can really kind ofwork on that clear communication. If a student or teen is not in a home where that is not modeled or so forth. What could a professional or an educator do to encourage that effectivecommunication? for that student to help model it for them? 16:40 That's a great question. Let me first say I love that you're having your kids practice ordering in a restaurant. And I love that you set expectations expectations up beforehand, because I'msure you've gone to a lot of restaurants, and you see the whole family on their screens or the family's eating and the kids are on their on their screens. So to set that up for for a young adultwho hasn't had that experience, I would take one situation at a time and tell them you know,why don't we practice just smiling and saying hello to that waiter when they come by? Andsaying thank you, just those two things, and then modeling that maybe having them try that orif you're with them, model that for them. Because I think a lot of you hit the nail on the head. I think a lot of it is modeling because what do teens See, they see their parents on their cellphones. And I see this all the time at dinner. So what are the kids going to do? Right? And that's a problem. So I think taking one situation at a time taking a young adult aside and saying thenext time you go to a restaurant, just practice, like you said, practice smiling, saying hi to thatwaiter or waitress. And when they take your order and just say thank you very much. Practice these and say please. So putting all these into effect I had done I was volunteering for theautism alliance of Michigan. And I was teaching these young adults how to answer the phone properly. They were going into their first jobs. And they're great young adults. And one of the young adults raised his hand and he asked me, Why do I have to learn this? I'm just doing filing.I said, Well, what if the receptionist is at lunch? And you're the only one there to answer thephone? And he said that happened to me yesterday, I just started my job. So let's prepare them before they're in that situation.

18:26 Absolutely. And I know as when I was in the classroom, I at some point had taught selfcontained at the high school level students that were juvenile delinquents and had learningneeds and differences in a smaller classroom setting. And we would practice that, and I wouldmodel it within the classroom as an educator, and a lot of times, you know, this was in thesouth, and it was like, Oh, I miss Why do I have to do this. And I'm like, in our community, ourclassroom community, this is how we are going to do it here. And hopefully you're going to takesome of this and and go and add it to when you're in your community outside of the school andoutside of our classroom. And so they really started to get that sense of that modeling of pleaseand thank you and you know, not Yeah, or, but you know, and even with my personal children,you know, if I ask them something I really am big on it's either yes or yes, ma'am. And I know I get a lot of some pushback for that or people but you know, I just think it's important to modelthese basic skills. So in the world of disabilities communication can sometimes present some barriers. How do teens with disabilities who use communication devices, how can they ensurethey are effectively communicating if they have an communication device? 19:49 Do you mean as far as if they let me preface one thing just so I'm not an expert? Whathappened? I wrote my book for all teens and then the autism community picked it up in thespecial education community. So I don't want to pretend to be an expert as far as special education because I'm not. But as far as what you're asking, as far as if they have a device, doyou mean if they're deafer, and they have a little device on there, like the audio device thatthey use things like that? 20:17 Right? So if they use a, like a touch screen to use as their communication piece?

20:24 Oh, great point, I think it still holds true. I think the body language is so important. I think the eye contact, if they're comfortable doing that, if they're not looking at somebody's nose ormouth, I think that respect can still be shown. And I think that they can text or however else they're communicating. But then after they're done, texting or using that device tocommunicate, still look up and smile. And when the person answers, then answer with fullsentences, complete sentences, please. And thank you, I think everything can still be done. It's just a different matter of method of communicating. 21:00 That's right. Let's talk about the importance of face to face communication. And how is it changing for our teens now? And then how do you see that changing in the future? 21:12 Yeah, I really noticed it changing. I've noticed I call the store the other day, who did I call thatwas? Yeah, and you know, I could just tell they didn't, it was a bike store. And it was a teen. And I think what's changed is, these young adults are so used, like you had mentioned, so usedto being on these screens, they're very uncomfortable with face to face communication, even ifit's even by phone, if it's just phone communication. And I can also tell that the employer didn't train this person. But as far as how it's changed, I think it's changed dramatically. A lot of these young adults, like I said, are so used to looking down at a screen, it's very uncomfortable forthem, and not the norm, to have that powerful effect of face to face communication, which youand I are used to. And I think the future unless we do something to help these young adultscommunicate better, I think it's going to continue to get worse because the parents of theseyoung adults and their parents, and the you know, the kids, when they have kids, they're goingto be on these cell phones even more. So I think it's good that we're stepping in to teach thesesocial skills, because I think you can have both, but you need effective guidelines for thosesmartphones. And I think face to face communication needs to come first. Before before this smartphones, and it seems like it's reversed now. 22:34 What would you say some of those effective guidelines, what would that look like? 22:38 I would say effective guidelines really are. I hate to sound like this. But you know, me personally would be master the face to face communication first. And then we'll talk about getting you a smartphone. And that would be those would be my guidelines, because we'vedone it the reverse way and look at the problems that we have. And you know, just a parent orthe school, setting up social skills problem, social skills programs, but I think at the youngestage possible, I think Elementary School is great. I think over in England, they have classes in kindergarten, that are actually employment classes, where the kids are learning to greet thatcustomer properly. So that's what it would look like, for me, practicing this, and giving thesekids the information they need at a young age, at least by middle school, and helping themimplement these and maybe having some guidelines at home like no cell phones at night,you're turning them in, you know, you don't have them in bed at two o'clock in the morning.Because a lot of these kids are losing sleep. So to at least turn those cell phones in and otherguidelines might be you're limited to two hours a day after you've done your homework. And after you've done some socializing and playing outside. I think there are things that we can do to modify this right now. It seems like they just just give us a cell phone. And that's it.

24:04 Yeah, yeah. How can communicating effectively so I'm gonna kind of go the other direction online. So communicating effectively online can be difficult. Yes. Do you have any tips or suggestions for this type of communication? 24:22 Yes, I do. And I see this quite a bit. When you're communicating online, whether it's by text oremail, you know, that teen is still representing themselves or the employer who they workedfor. So you want to use the same type of professionalism that you would face to face whetherit's a LinkedIn message, a text message, a Facebook post or a Facebook comment. I see this all the time with businesses you know, they I can just tell they thought, oh, we have a teenagerworking for us. We'll have them moderator Facebook page. Well, somebody like yourself mightask, you know what time is your restaurant open? I couldn't find it on your website. Hey, whenD, we you know, it's all shorthand, you know, we owe P, it'll be like, Oh, at at five, and no thankyou or anything. And that's it, or there's no response at all. So in that situation, it would be, for example, haul, windy, comma. Thank you so much for your interest in coming to our restaurant. We're looking forward to seeing you. We open at 6pm. Please let me know if you have any questions. We are here to help. Again. Thank you so much, Katie. What a difference that makes doesn't. Yeah, well, it's everything's got to be professional preparing, 25:33 it sets the stage for what's to come once they enter that place of business. And again, youknow, if we're talking about employment skills for our teens, setting them up for success, sothat they can then carry these skills with them throughout life. And so I'm going to ask aquestion, but I'm not sure if you'll have the answer, but I'm going to ask it. For our teens with disabilities, working on effective communication can be done through that IEP or thatindividualized education plan? Do you have any ideas or thoughts that educators could do thatwe could put in that specialized plan for that student to help work on communication skills sothat they can then transfer those skills from school to employment? 26:22 Yes, I do. And I think that's a great question. Because that unemployment rate is so high, and you've got so many bright students with disabilities, one thing I would highly recommend is to

you ve got so many bright students with disabilities, one thing I would highly recommend is to take these skills, practice them at home a lot of the social skills, and then take them to avolunteering opportunities, such as maybe an animal shelter, where you can use these socialskills and practice them, and transfer them to the job setting. And you can also put that on the resume. For instance, if you're, maybe you go to PetSmart. I used to volunteer there on weekends, and they had the big animal adoption events. Well, I would notice a lot of the kids that were volunteering, were just kind of sitting in a chair, they weren't going up and greeting acustomer and asking, you know, saying, Hi, how are you? Thank you for coming today. What kind of dog or cat Are you looking for? So if we can teach them the skills at home, and thenimplement that greeting, and that engagement with that customer, because that's going tohappen when you're volunteering. And if you're at an animal shelter, you're going to see newpeople walk in, and you just say, Hi, how are you? Thank you for coming. Let them walk around a little bit, then go up and ask what what type of animal are you looking for, I'm happy to help you. And then when they leave, thank you so much for coming in. Things like that. And then when they go to the world of work, it's the same thing. It's just a different setting. And I think that's really important. 27:44 Think it's amazing that you brought up the volunteer part, on a lot of levels. But I really likedthe suggestion that you just gave in terms of helping guide them because you do see studentswill come to volunteer, they may be required to have a set amount of volunteer hours, or theywant to volunteer for other reasons, but they may not have the specific direction of what to dowhile they're there. And I think what you just said, is spot on, right? So a student comes tovolunteer if the person that's doing the organization of that event, volunteering andcoordinating those volunteers, they may not have gone through explicitly what you just said interms of smile and greet and give a pause and let that person look through and then comeback. So I think giving that information ahead of time is incredible, for a better outcome of thevolunteer experience for not only the team, but for the organization within itself. 28:48 Perfectly said Wendy, because a lot of these opportunities, the parents can even ask their kidsout, you know, if the child says, or the young adult says I'm going to go, I'm going to govolunteer, the parent can say oh, what will you be doing? Let me give you a recent example. I'll be helping a rotary club. I'm part of rotary interact, I'll be helping our rotary club. They're volunteering to park cars at this gala event for this nonprofit. And this the parent could saywell, what you want to do then you want to create a great first impression. phones away. Smile Greek debt customer and this is a true story because I had four high school kids helping meand they were great kids, but I had to constantly tell them you guys get off your phones. We need to create a great first impression. You want to smile say hi these people might become major donors. If they have a great first experience as soon as they get out of that car. And youknow, it just it would make such a difference if parents could help them do that and practicewith what does that look like I'm somebody coming to an event. How do you greet me? Andhow do you make me feel welcome because these people don't know anything about thenonprofit they're, you know, they don't know where to go, you know, direct them. Where do I go after I parked my car for example. I think that would really help. And the volunteering is so important. It's great for connections to.

30:06 Yes, yes. And I and I love that. That's why you and I are recording this episode, as we are toprovide that insight again, for both professionals and for parents, because I think sometimes wemay not think about that, right? We may not think we're just like, Oh, we're gonna take our, ourchild over to this volunteer thing, but maybe not think about what could we model for them? SoI think that was really valuable insight on your behalf to share that model. You know, what are you thinking, you know, what does that role look like? What could you do within that role, andas you said, on the other side, it really then improves the experience the user experience of theindividual that's attending this event, so that they then feel more connected to what they'redoing. So I think it's a win win all around. 31:00 It really is it gives the young adult more confidence, you have mentioned it earlier, theorganization is happy. And if a young adult says I'm going to go raise funds, then if I was theparent, I would teach them. Okay, let's go, let's do some role playing on how to ask for the donation. And if you're at a table, don't sit, be standing, don't be on your phone, don't beeating, don't be talking to your co volunteers. Every single prospect that walks by Hi, how are you invite them to the table? Listen. And then when they're ready, let's practice asking for that donation. You know, would you like to donate today and then be quiet. So you know, these are such important things, because so many young adults go to volunteer. And a lot of it is a fundraising event. And if they're not prepared, it doesn't make it very comfortable for them,they don't really want to do it again. And for the organization, it's not really a success for them,other than they had somebody alive person at the table. Or at the event. 32:01 Can the power of a smile be used for more than just a job setting or volunteer setting? Kind of awork environment? You know, in terms of like the social life for teens, right? So how do theseessential life skills apply to social life for teens? Oh, 32:20 that's huge. I mean, think about it, if a teen can walk up to somebody, and smile, and say, Hi,I've seen you around. And I just wanted to introduce myself. My name is Kurt. And see where that goes. I mean, it could be a lifelong friendship. Or if you see somebody in the hall, just smile and say hi. And after a month or two, you might see them at lunch and say, Oh, would you liketo eat lunch? Do you know? You're smiling? Taking down those barriers, making that otherperson feel special? And welcome? The power of a smile is huge. I mean, it changes everything.Because just think of that teen went up to that other student without a smile. What would that student be thinking? You know, it's that whole saying, don't assume well, they might assume,Oh, gosh, this person's mad at me, they're gonna start a fight, I did something wrong. But if you're smiling, they're much more welcoming. So it can put these friendships that a lot of teensdon't have, especially teens, unfortunately, with disabilities.

So what are some common ways to support our kids to discover their social skills? 33:25 Well, I'll tell you what I think getting them out of the house, getting them off those devices,getting them in social settings, and you said it best with the restaurants have them practiceordering, have them. I hate to keep bringing up volunteering, but it's really one of the mostpowerful things they can do. Get them out volunteering IT field, you know, the number one, Iwas listening to an interview with an author and happiness. And he said, the number one thing that makes people happy is altruism. You have to drag them kicking and screaming tovolunteer, but they'll talk about it the rest of their life. So I would say take your kids out to volunteer, but make it a family event. Let them socialize with other people, introduce them,have them practice introducing themselves to other people. And there's all types of outdooractivities, you might want to take your kids hiking with another family something like that, havethem practice those social skills, even just going out. You know, I mean shopping or something,have them practice just saying hi, when you walk in a store, just I think things like thateveryday events, 34:28 which make a huge impact. And so I've even had families I've challenged families and even myown personal children, that if you're in a social event, and you know if for whatever reasonyou're not very talkative, but you know start with one question, I want you to ask one personthat you don't know or you don't know very well, one question and listen to the answer. And then I'm going to have you report it back and then you can build from there but it really is kindof starting to have them cross that invisible bread First of making those connections that you'regoing to need to do in the workforce, and also advocating 35:07 I love it. Yes, asking that one question, listening, getting to know that person a little bit better.And you know, activities even like trying to think of other things families do together, the dogpark, places like that are a perfect spot for your suggestion of asking one person a question,definitely, with a smile, with a smile. 35:30 With a smile, how do we support our teens to define their own success? 35:37 Well, I think we have to let our teens do mean success in life or success in employment or both.

35:44 I would say both, yeah, 35:45 I think not pushing them into something that they don't want to do. You know, a lot of parents, Ithink think, Oh, I'm a doctor, my, my child has to be a doctor or something like that. Find out what they're interested in, encourage them to pursue their own dreams. You never know. I mean, there are a lot of one shots. But you know, I watched the Alan Jackson documentary The other night, what a long shot. But now look at you know, he's the country singer, things like that. You just never know, find out what they're interested in and try to support them in thosethings. And you know, they'll define their own methods of success, because they can trysomething and fail, and they'll learn from it. And then they'll try something else. I think that's really important to help guide them towards things that they have an interest in. 36:31 Should students or teens share that idea of success with someone else? Would that help kind ofsolidify their thoughts? 36:42 You know, sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't. I think a lot of times, if you're talking aboutsomething that you really want to do, unfortunately, a lot of people automatically, all of thatwill never work. I think with sharing it with the right people who will be supportive of your ideais great, maybe your best friend or somebody that's always been encouraging to you. I think that's smart. But sometimes, I don't know if you've seen that. But sometimes people just think it's a crazy idea. You know, maybe you've got a young adult who wants to be a doctor, andthey're not good at science. And they tell everybody that and everybody says Oh, you'll never be able to do that. But you know, determination and persistence. That's really 99% of it. 37:25 Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. What are the three top career skills for teens to master sooner rather than later? 37:35 Boy, that's another great question. I think social skills such as the greeting we talked about,because they're going to be greeting that employer in the interview, they're going to begreeting people at work, and they're going to be greeting friends. So I think that type of social skill, I think phone etiquette is really important. And that includes making sure their voicemail is professional, that's super important. They might have a phone call from from an employer or a prospective employer and also have a phone call from a customer, that I think that's reallyimportant. The other thing I want to mention is cleaning up their social media accounts.Because you know, you can do a search. And if I see Katie's Facebook page, and it's wide open,and I see her drinking and drunk a video of her at college, in her sorority, I'm really going tothink twice about do I want this person working for me? And do I want the liability? Maybe not?I'll go on to the next candidate. So I think that's really important. And I think just having a customer. Are you tired about work social skills at work, too? Yeah, all of the key? Yes. I think having that mindset, putting yourself in that customer's shoes, which a lot of people havetrouble doing, and having the social skills to have empathy for that person and understandingand not just brushing that person off? If they have a question such as, do you? Do you have doyou carry a size? Five woman's shoe or something? I'm just making this up? Instead of sayingno, no, but you know what, let me go find out. Let me go find out if we can do a special order.Or maybe we have something in our other store, going the extra mile, I think is a great socialskill. Whether an employer asks you to stay late one day or work a weekend. Really having thatmindset of treating that company that you work for, like it's your own business, and maketreating that customer like is your best friend.

39:35 You mentioned that the autism community has really held on to the essence of your book andyour training. How does how have you seen that translate for students with autism or studentsthat are impacted with learning needs and differences? 39:57 I hear from a lot of teachers especially project Search instructors because a lot of them use my resources. And a lot of teachers will tell me, it seems like a week after they get the materialsthough, so you don't want I noticed my students, they're smiling more, they're friendly,friendlier to each other, and they're communicating properly. And much better. I'm really looking forward to the outcomes with this. I see that quite a bit. And then I hear about different jobs people got, I had a employee come up to me, this was, gosh, a couple of years ago, I was at a store. And she was young adult, she did not have a disability. But she said she saw my wallet and my business card. And she said, Oh, you wrote that book. And I said, Yes, she goes, You know what, our employee uses that book for training here. And I wish you would have bought enough copies because I don't have my own copy. But she said, the very first customerI waited on, after I read your book, she called my manager to tell it might hurt to tell him I'msorry, what a nice job I did. What a great, these are just, you know, these are skills that weshouldn't really even have to teach. They're just the simple little things that are the big thingsin business and for students with autism, because a lot of teachers tell me they liked thematerial, because it's short and quick, and easy to read for short attention spans. It has visuals, with educational captions, and there's no wasted words. So it's really quick. And they're the skills that the students need to get a job and keep a job. 41:26 How do we get teens invested in this process?

I think exposing this to them, I here's one thing I noticed a lot when I'm at trade shows, and I'ma vendor, the parents of the neurotypical kids will always be Oh, my team won't read that. And then if they do get my resources, I'll see them two months later. And they'll say, I caught my teen in bed the other night reading your material. All right, one lady say, Oh, my son's in seventh grade. He's more of a hunter type. He hates reading. But she said I'll spend the 15 bucks just to take a risk. And she's I saw her a year later, she ran up to me and she goes, goodjob, my son read your book and even took it to school to show his teacher, I think we have togive our kids some credit. That you know, they can read even though they're on their screens.Now the parents of the neurodiverse kids, that's not the same issue. I think they're hungry for any type of resources. So I think to get teens to buy in, I think first we have to expose them,give them some credit. That yes, they can read, expose them to to the material, because what Ifound is most most young adults seem to know they need these skills. I mean, I hear from them all the time. And they'll say, You know what? I slouch a lot. Thank you for writing the book, or I want to start a dog's dog walking business. I never know how to do it. Thank you so much. It seems to be the parents that that don't want to give the kids these resources. In many cases, they just think they don't give their kids enough credit. They think, Oh, my kid will never read that. Well, let's give them a chance, whether it's my resources or somebody else's. So I think exposing them to at first because it's, you know, my resources. I spent nine months with teenagers. And they helped me write it so that other teens would read it. So I if my if teens won't read my book, I don't think they'll read anything. I don't know if that makes sense. But 43:23 what is the relationship between social skills and customer service? 43:28 Oh, huge. It's absolutely everything. Because you can create a customer for life. If that first interaction is positive with a smile, like we talked about, with respect, the lifelong value of acustomer, that's 1000s and 1000s of dollars and think of all the referrals. And now with social media. If you give great customer service, you've got those great reviews. So it's everythingbecause as soon as you get a bad customer service incident, most people won't tell you aboutit. Most people will just never come back. So for business, it's everything for schools, it'severything with the parents with the students. I wouldn't start a business without In fact, our store was a start up retail store. We had a competitor right across the street and competitor down the street. Nobody would sell to us because all the lines were tied up all the brands. But those two other businesses were out of business in two years. Wasn't anything we did. They just had bad service. And we had great teenagers who had great service. It's everything in business. 44:40 Work as we now can be super stressful. How do we teach our teens to navigate that stress?

I think a big part is preparation, like you're doing with when you go to a restaurant, I think justthrowing our young adults into a job or a career or whatever it is without preparing them asreally a recipe for a ton of anxiety and stress and disaster, I think preparing them with thesocial skills we're talking about. So they're comfortable with co workers, they know how tointeract with customers and their employer, and how to be respectful, it's a much betteroutcome for them. And it gives them confidence. If we teach them these skills first, then they have confidence. And when you have confidence, the stress level goes way down. When I had our six week training program for our teen employees, they got on their sales floor, and theywere so confident I would listen to them, I was so proud of them, because you might walk inand say, well, what's the difference between the stitching and this old meal wetsuit and thestitching in this one? And they were right on it? I mean, or what's the difference between thisbearing and this roller blade and this bearing? Why is this more expensive? They had all theanswers, and they had the answers about the competitors, and they were great. But they hadthat confidence, they didn't have any stress, when they first started, if I would have just thrownthem on the sales floor, they would have quit, I would have felt awful, and they would havebeen full of anxiety. I mean, who wouldn't? So I think prepare your kids as much as you can forthat workplace before they get in there. And if they can do some volunteering in that sector, Ithink that helps them get some product knowledge also, but learn as much as they can aboutthe company about the competitors, before they get on the job in case the employer doesn'tteach them that which a lot of employers won't. 46:25 How do we connect with our teens at their level? 46:30 I think I think it's important to provide guidance and leadership and be like you said, a goodrole model for them. I think setting high expectations is really important. I think starting out inbaby steps if they've been kind of connected to those cell phones and addicted to them. I think maybe connecting with them and saying something like doing some role playing say, you know,how do you go up to a friend when you're making friends? Oh, I just, I just tapped on theshoulder. Well, how would you feel if somebody came up to you and just tapped you on theshoulder? What if What if somebody came up to you and said, Hi, Brad, how you doing today?Well bred might say, well, that I'd like that. Well, can you practice that today? Something like that. Just start out with baby steps really small. One thing? Have them, practice it, get confidence and then come back. See where it is a week later? Have them practice anotherthing? I think on their level? I think they're looking for guidance and leadership. I don't think they're looking for parents that just want to be their friend. I think they're looking, you know, Ithink they respond well to some benchmarks and some rules. Who doesn't? I don't like to know, I don't like not to know what's going on. Everybody likes it. So I think start them off with babysteps, one social skill, maybe a week, see how they do and be flexible with it. 47:51 What can parents do if they're worried about their teen or their student that they may not be

48:03 I think that's really common. And I heard a grocery store owner the other day. And he came up to me and he just said, these young adults, they're not prepared. They're not ready, I can't even use them. So I think to prepare them for success. I think the like I said the younger the better. Practice the social skills with them, and then have them. I'm going to bring upvolunteering again, then have them go volunteer in something they're interested in, to practicethese skills, and maybe have a part time job. I think having a job is so important for our youngadults, whether they're, you know, a middle in middle school, having their own lawn service orsomething where they're mowing five lawns a week. Don't have a lawn service, mow your lawn for you have your young adults do that. And then in high school, have them get a part time job.I think that's the most important thing they can do. Prepare them with the social skills, havethem do some volunteering to practice them and then have them go get a part time job to gainconfidence. They can fail they learn grips, another great book is grit. I wish I would have read that one out. But yes, I think her time job is huge in something they may be interested in. If they're not. It's still teaching them the foundations for success like working at McDonald's. I had kids that worked at McDonald's and I knew they are going to be great employees because theyhave those foundational skills. 49:35 I love how it's broken down. Right? I think you have made this very approachable for whetheryou're a parent or a professional supporting students of all different types of learners. But I think first and foremost modeling it within a home modeling it within your classroom or youroffice where you engage with teens, and then taking that step by step. You know, and that from just an educator standpoint is an excellent way for our students to be able to learn to, tobreak it down to the smallest chunks that that particular student needs. And I think volunteering, you know, is brilliant with the lens of let's what skills can we teach them withinthis volunteering space that can then transition over to a paid engagement within a company.And then you're also networking and doing all those good things with volunteering and on andgetting an experience of something that you may be interested in. So I think that's excellent advice. as we wind down our conversation today, is there something that I did not ask that Ididn't know enough to ask, I should have asked you 50:50 know, that's a great question. You're gonna ask me my favorite resource, I think something likethat, or my favorite person? I think 50:57 I am. Yeah, I discovered that my next question, but Whoa, whoa, up together. I'll give you one. My favorite resource is a book called disconnected. And my favorite person who I met on LinkedIn is Tom Christine. He's a psychotherapist and he was a school counselor. And I recommend all parents and teachers read disconnected. It's about the smartphones and what'shappening to teenagers be with to their brains with the smartphones. And as far as the question, you can ask, Oh, maybe ask how I was connected by Temple Grandin with TempleGrandin.

51:30 Yes, yes, please. Yes. Tell us a story. 51:34 Well, I was watching the Detroit Red Wings hockey game. It was 730 at night and my phone rang. And I thought it was a crank call it said Temple Grandin but answered the phone. She's wonderful. She talks really fast. And she said, Kurt, read your book today, you use mytestimonial to get this book out to all teens to lower the unemployment rate. And I said, Hold on If you get a piece of paper and a pen, and then she she even said now that I remember shesaid I love your chapter on volunteering and the animal shelters because that will transfer intothe jobs. And I told her I loved her movie, and I got some of her books. The reason I say animalshelters, too, is it's proven that the number one thing that teens care about are animals. So why not let them do something that they enjoy? 52:19 Excellent. What would be? What would it be? And why? If you could have a billboard with onetip for parents, 52:28 I wrote this down? Because that's such a good question. You're not doing your kids any favors by giving them a smartphone. That would be my billboard. And I know that may not be popular. But I think it's so true. Because I think a lot of things that at least my parents did that I didn'tlike when I was younger. Now that I'm older, I really respect that. I'm like, You know what? They were absolutely right. And they were from the greatest generation. And they were strict. But I appreciated it because had they given into some of those things, I would have been worse off. 53:02 How can people find you? 53:03

Oh, my website is www dot smile, the book.com. And my book is smile and succeed for teens. It's a crash course in social and career skills. And I do have a teaching guide, a parent's guideclassroom packs, and an online course and an audio book. If you have students who don't like to read, 53:23 what is the best way for people to connect with you 53:26 on this, they go to either my LinkedIn profile, and I think you'll have a link to that or they'rewelcome to contact me there. On my website. At the bottom of the page, there's a contact orthey can email me at Kurt at smile, the book.com That's ki AR T at smile, the book.com I am onAmazon, my books, but I'm happy to respond if anybody has questions or needs guidance ondifferent resources. 53:51 Such a pleasure, I really appreciate your time. And I'm hoping that folks are listening and startto apply this nuggets of information that you have shared because it's very easy to just startsmall and grow big and help our kiddos just be the best version of themselves and helpimprove outcomes when it comes to future education, employment and independence. So thank you so much for your time. 54:16 Oh, you're welcome, Wendy, thank you so much. It's been an absolute pleasure. 54:20 You bet. All right, take care. You too. Thank you. Have you ever answered Have you tried thatagain? Have you ever placed a phone call and the person answers and you think boy, they arenot happy with their position, or they're not familiar with proper phone etiquette. Today we're talking about the power of a smile, and so much more. My guest today is the author of thepower of a smile and we're talking about Let's try this whole thing again. back that up, hold on.The other day, I made a phone call and immediately felt that I was not heard. It is such a terrible feeling. And it was a moment of pause and wonder. On my end, if the operator theperson that was answering the phone had the training that was needed to convey the businessthat they were supporting. And then it made me think that if they had the training, ourinteraction would have been very different. And I would have felt heard, and my outlook on thatbusiness would have been completely different. I also love when you know someone is smilingon the other end of the phone, you can feel that in their energy. Or if you're walking down the street and someone smiles at you, it is powerful. It makes you feel like this sense of belonging. That is what we're talking about. today. My guest is the author of smile and succeed for teens,a crash course and face to face communication must know people skills for today's wired world.Welcome to the special ed strategist podcast where we strategize all things special ed. Today is a really interesting conversation. There was many takeaways in this and terms of teaching and modeling for our teens. Whether you are a teacher or professional, you do not want to miss this conversation today. I'm your host Wendy Taylor, and I'm a mom and a special educator, I havesat on both sides of the IEP table as a parent and a professional over the last 25 plus years. I've made it my passion and mission to help parents and professionals bridge learning gaps, accessspecial education services, and build kick butt IEPs. If you want more tips, show us some love on social at learning essentials. If you are new to our podcast, give us a download a share and follow. Let's get ready to strategize Special Ed style. Thank you again for listening today. What an important conversation to think about as we head into any type of support that we providefor our own personal children or the students that we support in and out of the classroom andthinking about greeting others proper phone etiquette and cleaning up that social mediaaccount as a teenager as you're entering the workforce so it doesn't come back to bite you. I also want you to think about high expectations as the adult to be that role model. Start with baby steps. And I love the idea of volunteering and volunteering and with animals to help buildthat capacity for our students so that they can then be successful. Thank you again for strategizing with us and spending your precious time listening. If you've loved what you've heard, give us a like and a follow at learning essentials. Looking for free tips head over to learning essentials edu.com. And you can download free tips to prepare for an IEP meeting plus bonus questions to ask. I'm your host Wendy Taylor. If you need more special educationsupport visit learning essentials where we provide an individualized and systematic approach tosupporting students with various learning needs and differences through academic coachingand educational therapy and brain camp our executive function model. If you are a parent, I've got you covered through IEP coaching. Hope this conversation helps make it a great day