Unknown Speaker 0:00

This is a Sound Rebel podcast. Discover more of our shows at soundrebel.co.uk.

Sharon Hartley 0:21

Welcome to episode six of Over the Influence. This episode is called locked down AF. AF has got two meanings, as we know, alcohol-free and right know we are all locked down AF (I shan't say it). I'm Sharon – Shazza. My beautiful co-host is…

Freddie Bennett 0:39

Hello I'm Freddy, I’m just celebrating 14 months alcohol free after escaping the oppressive, depressing corporate world and living the life that I always dreamed of. And even though I am locked down, I am trying to show the world that I am not down!

Sharon Hartley 1:02

Okay, and so Freddy. You've been alcohol-free for well over a year now… 14 months, and we've been in lockdown. Yeah, at any point, have you really considered actually just doing it and having a drink?

Freddie Bennett 1:14

Yes and no, and I know that's not a very helpful answer. But it is really weird when it comes to alcohol and Coronavirus because it's one of those things where you know, if you say to someone look for a yellow car and all you see is yellow cars and I've had the postman say to me Oh yeah, you know, you bet you fancy a beer now, like nine in the morning… Or your neighbours, but I say to my neighbours, like, let's have a virtual coffee, they always get the thing where it's like haha, yeah, or virtual gin. And everyone around you seems to be drinking and everyone's going on those on those virtual house parties. And they're having zoom calls and all the pictures on social media with people holding the glasses up to the screen and there's definitely more temptation than there has been for a while. And here's, here's the funny thing. It's certainly more tempting to drink and even though I'm I'm seeing no one physically and going nowhere physically, there's a lot more temptation on social media, people are dangling pictures of alcohol in front of you like they're dangling like mistletoe on Christmas. And then that's the way it goes.

But it's almost that you want something that you can't have. And I think it's not necessarily the alcohol, that is tempting me. But it's the being in beer gardens, when the sun's out, it's going around to someone's house for a party. It's all these things that I've always associated with alcohol, that that's really tempting me more and more. But saying that, and I know we're going to come on to this, but it's something I keep on telling myself that if I can get through this alcohol-free, then I can get through anything. And that's what I think we have to keep reminding ourselves that there's the path to success isn't easy, there is always going to be roadblocks and wrong turns. And this is probably the biggest, fattest, ugliest, deadliest roadblock we've ever faced in any of our lives. But if we can get through this without going for a drink, or if we go for a drink, then getting back on the right path, then that will give us so much strength and courage to carry on. What about you Shazza? How is it in the in the Hartley household, you're getting much temptation? And your kids, the kids that are old enough to drink? Are they drinking more?

Sharon Hartley 3:24

No, they're not touching it at all, which is brilliant and I think something we've touched on in previous episodes is that my huge change of relationship with alcohol has impacted on them, so it just doesn’t come up for discussion, which is great. I’m a bit like you Freddie, it's been extremely double edged… I'm today I'm 605 days alcohol-free. Yeah. Which is brilliant. But with me and I find this every year, this year and last year, the minute the sun comes out, and it's beautiful in the garden outside… I get that feeling, I still get pangs or it's like a bit of a memory of that you know the romance of opening wine in the sunshine that sort of thing. And because since lockdown the weather has been beautiful. Yeah, it’s crossed my mind a couple of times and I can always say to myself if I wanted a drink, I would have one. Yeah, now I’ve sort of completed my year alcohol-free. But I've yet to want one enough to do anything about it.

As you said a short time ago, I've actually found myself moving away from social media because there is so much on my feed about you it. The brilliant online zoom parties and the ‘come to this quiz’. And I know in many cases it's going to be people holding wine and just I just don't want to do it you know. And yeah, makes me sound a little bit miserable. So yeah, in answer your question. I'm not tempted to switch, it just crosses my mind but I’m never, never that bothered about it that I want to do something about it. In fact, if anything, I'm really relieved right now not to be drinking through this. Because I think if I was, I'd be opening a whole door of nonsense. And I would be coming home from work drinking earlier, because of the sunshine in the garden, being far less productive, and then just repeat, you know, wake, work, drink, repeat. And I do feel relieved. Briefly, we went through an awful situation as a family last year, we lost our business and it was really, really stressful. And I always think, God, if I can get through that without alcohol, I can get through anything. And I do feel just really glad that I don't have alcohol to worry about as such, while we're dealing with everything that's going on right now.

Freddie Bennett 5:47

I totally get that Shazza. I mean, we see the facts and the stats at the moment around alcohol consumption. I know firstly, massive thank you to all the people all around the world who are listening to the podcast, but certainly in the UK. There's a recent article showing that alcohol consumption has increased by 22%. And that shows that the people are they're buying more they're drinking more to cope with this… but here's my view… and I know we have to be really sensitive about it because Coronavirus is a horrible terrible thing. I know there are families out there that have lost loved ones that have been torn apart; that have faced fear and sadness and grief and devastation because of this terrible disease. But saying that, and this is what I try and tell myself (be it right or wrong), Coronavirus could be a really great excuse for me to drink right now and I recognise it and I could have a drink, and no one would blame me. But once Coronavirus is over (and we hope it will be over soon), bad stuff’s still going to happen. I'm still going to get the flat tire, my cat’s still going to die, I'm still going to have someone who has a bad day at work. These excuses are still going to come up and present themselves, and I believe rightly or wrongly that if I can get through this massive excuse to drink then when those smaller things happen the bad things happen in the future, I'll have even more confidence and strength to get through it. Because as we've said on previous episodes, sobriety isn't a forcefield… it makes your life so much better to not drink and we get so much more fitness and strength and confidence and all these brilliant things, but it's not a forcefield. By not drinking you don't guarantee the bad stuff is never going to happen, you just have more confidence to deal with it and get through the storm with the strength to carry on.

Sharon Hartley 7:33

I think what you said there Freddy about using the situation right now as an excuse to drink is important. I don't know if you're the same, I used many excuses over the years and actually those excuses you find to validate your drinking become your reasons not to! So instead of using the Coronavirus situation – the lockdown – as your excuse to drink, make it your reason not to and you can do it.

Freddie Bennett 7:57

Yeah, it's funny. I was gonna say that life carries on and it's true. It isn't true because it does have to carry on but at the same time, we can't even pretend that life is normal at the moment and there might be a new normal that's totally different. But in terms of the life in the Bennett household Coronavirus, or no Coronavirus, my little boys still going to come into my bedroom every 6am every morning and knee me in the balls, which is probably a metaphor for life right now as well. And that's my choice. I can be sober and awake and probably still quite grumpy at him to be honest, or I can be hungover, stressed, depressed, and yelling at him for no reason. Stuff still does have to happen in our lives. And I know like you say if we are sober and clear-headed, we can still help the people that need us not only in our families, but in our streets and in our communities. And this whole part that we have to play right now, it compels us, and it needs us, and it requires us to be on as top form as we can be, in order to try and help each other to beat this thing.

Sharon Hartley 9:19

As you just mentioned a moment ago, you talked about those figures in the UK about drinking. So, 22% Yep. That's a lot of people drinking more right now. Understandably, a huge part of that is going to be stress and anxiety and people using alcohol as a coping mechanism. But it's not just that is IT. I mean, I'm seeing, you know, some of the reasons people I know are drinking simply that the sun is shining, and people are off work and off school, so you don't have you don't have to drive. You know, you're driving the idea. No, not at all because you can't go out… but like you say about the pressures of home schooling?

Freddie Bennett 10:02

I tell you, that is a challenge that I never appreciated. So, at the moment, you know, I'm, I'm trying to home school my kids and stop them from killing each other and setting fire to the cat or the house or the neighbour's garden whilst trying to not destroy their brains in front of 18 hours of TV a day and actually get some knowledge through their ears, plus, trying to work and everything else. And I'll tell you what, not only through this have I got massive respect for all the doctors, nurses, health care workers, social care workers, everyone in that care space. I've got so much respect for teachers, because I used to think my perfect little Ollie and Luke would toddle off to school and the teachers maybe were having trouble teaching them in the best way. Now, I'm realising the little buggers are absolute nightmares. And crikey, if I needed an excuse to drink, that will be it. You've never tried to have a conference call with work whilst one child is trying to set fire to your leg and the other child's painting your hand with permanent marker pen, whilst knocking your drink over… it’s unbelievable.

There's so many excuses for people to drink, you say there is the whole Coronavirus thing, but there is the sunshine and the stress of the kids and the fact you're all cooped up, and you don't have to drive anywhere. And there's also it does get boring just being in the same place with the same love of your life. People, the little cherubs every day… and that's when people are thinking just pass me a gin to make the stress go away and give myself some entertainment… but that's why they're doing it. But you're totally right Shazza, it’s about creating that environment where we don't feel we have to be part of that 22% of people in the UK which, doing some really basic maths I'm sure my kids can do… and while they're Mr. Bennett's maths lessons, that's I think about 10 million people that are drinking a lot more than they should be just in the UK alone.

Sharon Hartley 11:55

Yeah, one thing we've got mentioned that is also what I'm seeing is people drinking earlier in the day, and going out, it's okay. You know, you’ve not got work, it's fine. And I'm not saying vodka on the cornflakes at eight o'clock style drinkers but maybe a glass of wine at lunchtime as opposed to tea-time. And there's almost a green light to do that. Isn't there? Do you see all the memes on social media? And you know, wine o'clock, and it's okay to do it now. And it's just so “acceptable” in inverted commas (invisible inverted commas that we can't see).

Freddie Bennett 12:33

Ah yes, podcast inverted commas. Now I totally get that Shaz, I mean, we've talked before about the whole ‘mummy loves gin’ meme. But that's almost being turbocharged now because it's not just mummies. It's dads as well, obviously. But it is that whole. “Oh, it's okay, haha, we're all we're all alcoholics. But that's okay. Because we've got kids!” And that stuff has been turbocharged so much with the jokes and the pictures online, because it seems we've have to find a reason to fill our time.

And we always on this podcast again, we try and say it how it is. But it would be remiss of us to say, well, let's all just stay inside and start knitting and learn Greek and paint pictures and watercolours and all these sorts of things. When people have boredom on their hands, they're naturally going to find entertaining things to do, which naturally for a lot of people involves alcohol and if it's not drinking alcohol, but it's telling people about drinking alcohol. And you know what? That's what I used to be like as well. I mean, we talked about early drinking and sending round funny videos of your drinking and making people love the drinking. That's exactly what I used to do. I didn't have a Coronavirus as an excuse to do it. I just did it because I was bored. Probably a bit sad and probably feeling a bit hungover from the last time I did it. So, I thought I'd do it again. Because that would make me feel better.

Sharon Hartley 14:08

One thing I want to pick up on Freddy, way back when I started out this alcohol-free journey, one of the very first books I read, there was two things in it that really stuck in my mind. The first one was as a woman, you're going to put on half a stone a year, if you're gonna keep drinking the way you're drinking, which terrified me because I was and it was hideous. The other thing was, it said Fast forward five years. Imagine you're drinking consumption. Now fast forward five years, you could pretty much double it. If you continue to drink, the rate you're doing and the more alcohol you drink. I don't think this is a secret. You know, it's not rocket science, the more your body sort of needs, and the more you think you need to satisfy that voice. Some people call it the wine witch, the monster, whatever. So, what I'm looking at now is seeing people who are drinking more that increased consumption during this lockdown period and beyond. When we get to the end of that, it's going to be much more difficult to revert back to normal drinking. Yeah, to where you were beforehand. Maybe you just drank at weekends on a Friday or on a Saturday. But now… Now, you might be drinking Monday to Friday. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, well, I decided that it's going to be harder to I don't mean about me mentally, I mean, that's a whole other discussion, physically, your body's going to become more reliant on the alcohol, and therefore, it's going to be hard to get back to where you were.

Freddie Bennett 15:31

Yeah, I totally get that Shazza. And, you know, firstly, as a modern day metrosexual man, the thought of putting on half a stone a year is terrifying to myself as well, obviously, I think to pick up on a really great point you made that we always talk about the new normal. And that's something going around the media a lot at the moment because you always say we're going to get back to normal but that normal might be different. And we think about stuff like social distancing and flattening curbs. Not going out as much as we used to. But there's absolutely going to be a new normal in terms of our drinking habits if we're not careful. And that's not saying it's stopping people from having fun or anything else. But you're totally right. And if what becomes normal to people now and we've been in lockdown for about five weeks now and it's has become normal just to never leave your house and wear the same pants for three days in a row and never have a shave or do your hair and maybe that's just me, but then for other people it is about say that that one beer at lunchtime then turns into two because you need to get a bit more to get the buzz and then all of a sudden when lockdowns finished, you quite missed those beers. So, you have them again and again. And it does just turn into like, like a snowball rolling down a hill and like I say, I was there as well even before Coronavirus and, and when we have all these extra pressures on us at the moment, then then it's natural for people to want to do that. But also that's why they I was gonna say people need to be careful. I don't want to get in terms of like telling people what they have to do. But it's about thinking. It's so difficult to think long term at the moment, but there will be a future there will be a new way of living after this. I mean, hopefully people can understand what sort of person they want to be in this new normal.

Sharon Hartley 17:27

We're just going to take a very quick break from this episode of over the influence to say a few hellos to many people that have got in touch with us via social media, and to say thank you so much. There's been loads of you who've gone onto our website and bought us a coffee and an alcohol- free beer. I'll explain what that's all about in a moment. First of all, we just want to say hello to Emma, a full-time carer in the community. And we salute you right now. Hope you staying safe and taking care. It's so lovely to hear from you. Amber says that the podcast is really helping. She loves the banter. And the content is great. And we love having you listening. Thank you so much Amber. Lou Brown has found us on Facebook; she's just searched for Over the Influence. And she said some lovely things about a post that Freddy shared it was my 600 Day alcohol free milestone just a couple of days ago. And Lou goes on to say that we're helping her stay on track during these trying times. We're really hoping you're getting something out of today's episode, as well. is difficult in lockdown, we know that. But just keep trying. That's all we can do. Jennifer has been to our website, soundrebel.co.uk/overtheinfluence and has so kindly bought us a coffee. Jennifer says she's really enjoying the podcast, she says that we are her alcohol free heroes. We wouldn't say that at all. We just have love having you listening, Jennifer. Keep them coming, we shall try our very best. Thank you so much.

And there's a whole host of other people that have clicked on that big blue button on our website, I'll give you the website address again in just a moment. You're not really buying as a coffee, although the intention is there and it's so kind. It's just a case of donating a couple of quid throw in a few pounds into the pot for us to put back into the podcast. As you know, listening to podcasts is completely free of charge. But there are some small costs with regard to production, a bit of marketing, some equipment, that sort of thing. So, the button to press to buy as a coffee or an alcohol-free beer simply goes straight back into this podcast. Andy has done that listening in Spain and is on, I think he's on day 426 right now; he says he loves the podcast. He says thanks and I know for a fact that Andy last weekend, he ran a marathon in his back garden in Spain and around his house. He was supposed to be running the London Marathon, obviously wasn't able to do that. So instead, he may do with his home and garden around 26.2 miles. Alcohol free. Would he have done it if he had been drinking? Andy? We doubt it? You're doing amazing. Thank you so much. Hello to Janice, who's bought us a coffee and said thanks for sharing our experiences. We love sharing all with you, Janice, we probably overshare to be honest on many occasions, but it all helps, doesn't it? Steph Gordon says loving it. Keep going, Steph, thank you so much for the brew. Laura says it's a great podcast and Potter pickle who's down under says let's have a coffee on her. And she calls us crazy kids, we'll take that – we sound young. If you would like more information about contributing in any small way to the cost of the podcast, you can find us at soundrebel.co.uk/overtheinfluence. There's a big blue button on there that says buy as a coffee, just click that. And just if you wish to throw a couple of quid in the pot, it will be hugely appreciated.

So, we're talking about the increase, in many cases, forget about the amount that people are drinking and the amount of people that have increased their consumption during this, this horrendous time. I mean, let's not beat about the bush, it is awful. And it's incredibly stressful for many people. And we are all confined to our homes safely. I like the saying we are not stuck at home, we are safe at home. But then, in many ways, it's an amazing time and opportunity to consider giving up alcohol because we can't go to the pub, and we can't meet our friends in the bars. And we can't go to that nice restaurant for bottles of wine, the only time we can drink is at home. So, if you don't go out and put that in your trolley at the supermarket, and make the decision now maybe just to try it. Half the hassle, half of that noise is taken away from you because you don't have a choice.

Freddie Bennett 22:05

No, you're totally right. I think life feels so out of control at the moment. We can't go where we want, we can't see who we want, we can't do what we want. And it feels like we are being controlled for a very good reason like never before. But this also means we can actually take more control of our lives. And there's, there's no longer a problem. Now of all the things we said about what to do if you go to the pub and someone puts the drink in your hand or if you turn up at the house party and someone says, oh, but of course you could have one or two currently, that's absolutely fine. But for once we've got this amazing bit of this test of self-control. And I always believe it's the story we tell ourselves. I told myself the wrong story for so, so many years about this is why you need to do this, or this is why you can't do that. And we've got this bad situation at the moment; we can tell ourselves, this gives us a massive excuse to drink. Or we can tell ourselves, this gives us a massive opportunity. And it's not about having to put yourself out of your comfort zone or learn a new skill or do any of these things or social media telling us to do all we can decide to do is take a little bit of control of our lives and take a bit of ownership back and decide not to put that ball in the supermarket trolley. And then if we can do that, we can get ourselves home again, then we can get through one day we can get through the next day. And then as we know, we just take it step by step, day by day, trying to get through that that first week. And we can use this. As the time when we said we were the most scared in our lives, we were the most locked down in our lives. All we can say is that this is the moment when we decided to do something different with our lives and do something that was even more uncomfortable, but ultimately, more and more fulfilling, and make us happier and stronger and more confident in the future.

Sharon Hartley 23:55

Every single day feels the same at the moment. So, I'm feeling that there's no weekends now. Every day is the same. And one of the one of the huge benefits for me when we've talked in the past about that, you know the perks of alcohol-free life. One thing that really stuck out for me that is no longer lived for the weekend as such, you know, just that Friday night, and Saturday, we could ramp it up a little bit more and started a little bit earlier. That all went away. So, a Monday became as good as a Friday as a Saturday as a Wednesday. And now nobody knows what bloody day it is no, so you don't have weekends to sort of aim for anymore. So again, now is perhaps a really, really good time just to dabble with alcohol-free life and give it a go because there's many decisions completely taken out of your hands. And for me, some of these decisions about going out at weekend and say no to events and things like that. I really struggled with them. Not having to worry about them will make it definitely a little bit easier.

Freddie Bennett 24:53

Absolutely. And what do you think are the fears when we stopped drinking? It's things like I'm not gonna be able to get invited to parties anymore. I'm not going to get to see my friends anymore. I'm not going to be able to do all these things anymore. I'm just if I stopped drinking, I'm going to be stuck at home on my own, not able to see anybody. Well, hey, presto, here's a newsflash that's already happened to you. So that's already happening to us. The why not stop drinking as well, because like you said, there was no better time, we're going through all this hardship anyway, of not seeing people or socialising or feeling a bit left out on our own. So why not put it all together and go through all this, this bit of pain, but actually get a result at the end of it, because by doing something like not drinking, we can get a positive result coming out of it. It is difficult, and it is hard. And it's never easy getting through day by day at the moment, but why not just go through and accept that we can we can create something decent out of this situation.

Sharon Hartley 25:52

Also talking about positivity, not day drinking for me means that at the moment, I'm not coming home from work and think you know, I can crack an ice cold rose out of the fridge. I'm thinking right? Which of you kids, can I drag on your hourly exercise? Who's going to sit with me and do this tedious jigsaw? What tasks can I get done, there's still another 12 hours in the day, you know what, to me, you're not losing that time to alcohol actually, on the day, and subsequently the day after. And the day after that. It gives you all your time back and we've got so much of it on our hands right now, it does feel quite a privilege to be able to fill it in far more positive ways.

Freddie Bennett 26:33

I know and we are we are going to remember this this time-period for the rest of our lives, there's going to be something that's going to be talked about for years and years and years. And I know we I personally have a choice. It can be the time when I was grumpy with my kids and just sort of having one eye on the clock to thinking well, you know, it's usually five o'clock drinks time, but let's make it three o'clock today. And all these things, or I can use it as a time when I say I connected with my children, we did fun things together. I'm painting this wonderful picture of my family life, like my kids hate me half the time to be honest, all they want to do is watch TV, but I can pretend.

Sharon Hartley 27:46

I know we've been talking, obviously, about giving up alcohol or reducing alcohol intake in this lockdown episode. But it's also worth saying, you know, we feel like you feel it's a difficult time, it's a scary time. It's a time of huge uncertainty. And if you are drinking, or if you do have a couple and you haven't been drinking, it's not the end of the world. You know, we've been there done that. And me personally, I've thrown up down a t shirt. And we are here to help you. You know we are here to chat to you. And if at any time something we've talked about as hit a nerve or hit a spot or indeed during these times of lockdown. If you want to get in touch with us, please do. You can always you know you can message us via the Instagram and the Facebook. But we also have a private email address if you want to do it that way which will give you the details of shortly. But do not hesitate to get in touch and just share your concerns with us.

Freddie Bennett 28:43

We’ve all been there. I think it's such a stressful time at the moment and if you're trying not to drink but because of everything that's going on if you do end up having a drink or two drinks or 10 drinks. The last thing you want the next day is someone preaching at you about how you should definitely stop drinking in Coronavirus and how great it is. And I just think that if that's happened to you, then it’s done now and move on and no one's gonna blame you. No one's gonna say it's wrong. It's just about thinking about the future and try again next time. As we've said, I've failed 1000 times and beat myself up 1000 times before it finally stuck that I could do something different, and I failed in much less stressful circumstances than we're facing now. So don't worry about having to pick yourself up, move on and we are here to help and we absolutely want to do something different out there to help people understand that there is another way into anything just to make people smile. So, whether that is an alcohol-free pub quiz, or we'll just all get together on a zoom and have a chat. We'll answer any questions that people want. It'd be great to hear people's thoughts. We've got a few ideas ourselves, but I think if some of the listeners could suggest some things that would be amazing. I will warn you now that yesterday I did have to fill in a workout video wearing nothing but some silk, leopard print boxes and a blonde wig. I think Shazza may be fortunate enough to witness that video. I can't promise I'll do that for the Over the Influence listeners. But if that's what people need to stop drinking and to smile in this time of crisis, I will happily take one for the team.

Sharon Hartley 30:22

Well, I've seen that video of Freddy prancing around in his underpants. And yeah, it was very sobering. And I had to watch it seven times just to make sure. So, if you'd like to get in touch with us, please do. You can send us a message via Instagram, Twitter and Facebook on Instagram and Twitter. We are @alcoholfreepod on Facebook, just search for Over the Influence or go to facebook.com/alcoholfreepod or of course you can send us a private email to our email address overtheinfluence@soundrebel.co.uk. We would love to hear from you. We'd love to hear your ideas. Any concerns? Any questions? Just please get in touch with us.