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Sharon Hartley 0:21

Welcome to Over the Influence our alcohol-free podcast. My name is Sharon Hartley otherwise known as Shazza. I am 46 years old, married to Paul, three children, two teenagers and 11-year-old and with me is Freddie.

Freddie Bennett 0:37

Hello, I’m Freddie Bennett. I am 38-years-old and I live in Liverpool with my two children and my wife. I was once in that stressed heavy drinking corporate world. But then I chose to stop drinking alcohol, broke some world records, run some ultra-marathons and started to try and live a better life.

Sharon Hartley 0:57

We are now at episode four of Over the Influence. And today's topic is Quit-lit.

Freddie Bennett 1:03

Don't say that one after a couple of drinks!

Sharon Hartley 1:06

So, what is Quit-lit? I suppose it's the giving up alcohol or reducing alcohol version of ‘Chick-lit’ and it's all about the books that are out there that maybe you would have never ever considered picking up. Unless you'd embarked on this journey. It sounds really cheesy to say that this journey, but that's what it is.

Freddie Bennett 1:26

It is that, yeah, it’s all very California isn’t it. There's it like yeah, we're all on this journey together.

Sharon Hartley 1:31

And I think for me one of the joyous things about this journey is that removing alcohol enabled me to bring back my love of reading because I didn't have to read chapter after chapter again because at night when it wasn't you know, three sheets to the wind or a couple of large glasses of wine in, and so I started reading again. And one of the one of the tools that's helped me massively get to where I am today and stay away from alcohol was reading all the books that are out there. I didn't even know these books existed till we started talking about it. And wow. So, before we take a look at the books available out there to help you and to educate you about alcohol Freddy, do you read?

Freddie Bennett 2:13

I do read. Yes. And I have actually graduated from books with pictures to actually books with like full paragraphs and chapters and everything I am quite proud of myself. So yeah, I do I do. Yes, read for a long time. I didn't read any particular like self-development books or anything I just read for pleasure because it was nice. I mean look you know with hectic jobs and kids running around and everything there's always this like a lovely image of you just on the sofa with your oatmilk latte just so being, you know, like ‘I love to develop myself’ haha. But for me, it was like I'd read one book a year, hopefully on holiday before the kids got too old or they're always like, spraying water on me and everything else but I didn't really and to be honest, I've got the other point of views. I haven't really got into Quit-lit but I've certainly read a few books in my time.

In the most recent years, there's two books that really stood out for me. The first is the iconic David Goggins’ Can't Hurt Me. And the second is Tony Robbins and Awaken the Giant Within. Let's start with good old Anthony Robbins, or Tony as his friends call him and I'm definitely not his friend. But I read that book about three times because it's a hell of a book, and it's also bit of a bit of a brick. But the first two times I read it, it'd be the typical thing we'd as you say, you have a few glasses on Saturday night. And I'd be like, oh, crikey, I better undo all that badness by trying to develop myself a bit. So, I'd read a couple of pages, and you sort of do the thing where yeah, you wake up at two in the morning, and you've got the book on your head and you've dribbled over the pages and everything else. And I didn't really take too much in then. But then I reread it after I stopped drinking. And then it made a lot more sense – I mean, there's so much good stuff in there. But the one sentence that always sticks in my mind is ironically about books and stories – is change your story, change your life. And, and that's really about how we tell ourselves so many different stories, we've all got this internal monologue going on inside our heads, and that could have come from our childhood or past experiences or, or just the lies that we tell ourselves and, and the story that you say could be, I'm not going to be able to stop drinking, or I'm always the person that is the last person at the bar, or I'm the person that always loves to have a glass of wine on a Saturday night.

And we tell ourselves these stories and that’s person we become. But what Tony says is that if you change that story, you can change your life, and that was certainly true for me. When you start saying why… Why do I have to be that person? I've always told myself that I will be, but why can't I tell myself a different story? A story that I'm a powerful person, that I'm empowered, that I am good enough. And if you start telling yourself that story, then you start to see the small changes happening to you. And it's these things that you start to realise that you can do. And you transform almost between being that person who told themselves that they weren't good enough that they couldn't do something and then you think, well, why not me? Why don't I deserve this? Why don't I deserve to have the best life possible? And those are still words that I’m trying to live by today.

Sharon Hartley 5:36

Freddy, do you think you'd be saying what you're saying now having read that book, but still be drinking?

Freddie Bennett 5:43

I guess it's been really cheesy, now, but I guess I'd be saying the words, but I wouldn't be living the life.

Sharon Hartley 5:50

So cheesy. Proper Lancashire that – crumbly Lancashire..

Freddie Bennett 5:55

Haha, yeah. Maybe I could. I don't know. Maybe it could have been. Tony, if you're listening, and I'm sure you will be soon, if you need me to come on stage at any time then I'll do it. But um, yeah, I think there's that thing isn't there where I'm a big believer in in taking action. And I believe that you can read all the books that you want. And I think as we as we get to see Quit-lit and personal development books is so important, and a real new perspective and an eye opener on how you can change your life. But nothing replaces action. It's like people say you can read a book on press ups, but that's not going to get you anything. So, I think it's the same with Tony Robbins. His book, I knew that I could read the words. But if I didn't take any action, or if I didn't do anything differently, then my life wasn't going to change.

Sharon Hartley 6:40

So, you're talking about books that are all to do with self-development and bettering yourself and maybe a clearer mind and that sort of thing. But you've not actually sat down and read books specifically to do with quitting alcohol?

Freddie Bennett 6:52

No, I haven't. I am a quit-lit freezone.

I mean, let me say start with I think Quit-lit is awesome. And it's hugely important, and it has helped so many people. But I think to be honest, it's a bit of a blokey thing. And when I, when I started my alcohol-free journey, it was probably a bit stupid and a bit naive, and therefore a bit manly of me to to say, I don't need this, let's quickly say I'm going to ‘power through’ a ‘man up’ and ‘grow a pair’ , and all these stupid masculine expressions. And I think I probably made my journey more difficult by not going through the quit-lit phase. But for me, it was partly time – I was so busy with work and with kids and with try not to have a meltdown, because I wasn't drinking as much as I used to. And partly it was just thinking, you know, that's a bit soft and fluffy. And that's probably what I think a lot of maybe predominantly men out there will say, but there is another reason as well. Now I know on Over the Influence, we always try and give the honest, no boundaries approach. And I think for me, really that was because I was scared. And I think in the early days, I was worried about reading Quit-lit on it, and hitting a little bit too close to home and holding up a mirror about myself.

Sharon Hartley 8:20

I absolutely does and I completely agree with that.

Freddie Bennett 8:23

And that's a scary thing. Because I mean I didn't have a serious, serious problem with alcohol, but I was definitely drinking too much. And all of a sudden, if you're reading, I was bit embarrassed. And it's almost like I could I imagine myself sitting on the tube reading a quit-lit book and the whole of the carriage just thinking, oh, there's a guy with a drink problem or something. And now I think I'd read it and I'd be proud and to coin the song. You know, I just say this is me!

But I think there's all the usual excuses that the guys can give about like, yeah, don't have time, I’m too busy. But the real truth is I was I was scared to read X. I didn't know what I was going to read. And I was a bit embarrassed that people would see me read it and think that I'd been sleeping on a park bench the night before, but I'm, I'm all for Shazza. If you can convince me in this episode, I'll get – I was gonna say get down the bookshop – but I’ll probably get on an online retailer that sells books and I’ll try and read a full quit-lit book without even any pictures in it.

Sharon Hartley 9:39

Well, there are there are loads out there. Definitely. And you're talking about your reasons why you didn't choose to read Quit-lit are actually the reasons why I did. Because when I started out, wanting to give up alcohol, I wanted to arm myself with every tool possible. So, I sort of did it. Giving up alcohol by help and it helped me not have alcohol in the house, not go out as much, and when I made these changes I had a lot of free time on my hands. And I thought I know, I shall pick up a book because I had more time to do it, particularly in the evenings. And one of the, you know, one of the key tools, when we've talked amongst other friends that are giving up alcohol is to read read read. And I think in part, I do agree a bit with you, it is a bit girly. Some of the books you've got The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray. And the other one is The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley. That's another woman. And it was her tale of how she quit alcohol right before developing breast cancer. So, you have these books that are written by women, not necessarily for women, but I think there are, there's a huge female audience.

And then on the other side of these stories that are people sharing their personal journeys, you've got the more scientific books, and there's This Naked Mind and Alcohol Explained. This Naked Mind written by Annie grace, obviously a female author, and Alcohol Explained, written by William Porter. Both of those books are quite a technical read quite a scientific read, but it actually, for me, it filled in a lot of the gaps and answered a lot of questions as to why, for example, to do with moderation why some people can't moderate. And once when you've had that, wondering what it actually does to your brain, and for me, that was an absolute game changer. Reading why, you know, you'd go out with this mentality of, I'm only going to have three drinks, and that is me done. Yet, when you take that first large glass of Pinot and it hits the spot, all this stuff starts going on your brain, and the chances of having only three are really, really unlikely. And for me, it was an Alcohol Explained by William Porter, that was the game changer. And it just made me get it. And then from that point on, was it clicked.

Freddie Bennett 11:54

Yeah. I think certainly, I can see the benefit of it. Because in those dark, early days, when you're thinking, well even if there's bright early days, because you're thinking, right, I'm going to do something different with my life, I'm going to turn things around, I'm going to be the person that I know I can be. But then you're sat in the house on your own on a Saturday night and you're thinking, you know, you're sort of tapping your fingers on the table. And but then I can see the value of Quit-lit. Because it's almost like, it's like having a Shazza sat on your sofa, telling you all about it. Before Over the Influence came out, this is what people had to rely on. But it is, I think, just to read someone else's story and to be able to empathise with it and say, oh, yeah, that's a bit like me. Oh, yeah. That's why my brain thinks like that. I can see it is it can be a massive support for people.

Sharon Hartley 12:53

And just referring back to The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, written by Catherine Gray. That was an absolutely phenomenal read. It's superb. And it's all about obviously, how she was such a massive drinker she was she worked in publishing or something in London. And to read it at times, it made you wince. Because it was a case of oh yeah I could have done that. Yeah, me, you know, it was cringy at times. But I remember one particular chapter in the book, she talks about how she was gardening. And she's thinking, oh, God, is this as good as it gets. Last spring when it was, it was my first sort of summer without alcohol. You know, when the barbecues start, and all the invites, start and your friends are out drinking in the beer gardens. And I thought, right, okay, I'll do what Catherine Gray did. I'm gonna go and start tinkering in my garden. Oh, my God. It looked like the town flower show by the time I finished. And it really was. It was joyous. Yes, absolutely joyous. And there are, there are dark moments in that book. And it really is unexpected – the joy of being sober. And for me again, it was about just, I said before Freddy, just empathising with somebody else that had been there and done that, and just textbook just following it. You know?

Freddie Bennett 14:04

Yeah, that's interesting. Because you say, I mean, I know being obviously a man, I've always thought of that. You mentioned there, a female author is targeted at a big female audience and, and I was always struggling to find something with more of a male voice. And although I haven't read any quit-lit books, I have written one. Yeah, so this is not a plug for my book, because I can't get anyone to publish it. And it's definitely not available on Amazon at the moment. But I, for me, I mean, what surprised me was that I had the time, and the focus and the energy to actually sit down and write 70,000 words. And that's one of the main benefits going alcohol- free for me.

Sharon Hartley 14:47

Have you read any feedback yet?

Freddie Bennett 14:48

I have. Yeah.

Sharon Hartley 14:50

What’s it like when you read it back? Is it like, Oh, my God, this was me?

Freddie Bennett 14:54

Yeah, it's weird. I do read it as someone else and to be honest, it was quite a painful process. My view was to help people, so then you’ve got to hold no barriers, you’ve got to be honest. So I, you know, you go through some of the stories and some of the reasons why I was drinking and some of the admittedly amazing times I had, you know, you have the highest of the Vegas pool parties, and the lows of drug dealers holding a gun to your head. So, you know, it's, it's an equal story. So that balance? Yes, definitely. For me, I mean, just to have a bit of focus just to sit there and, and put all that noise and all that crap and all that rush hour of thoughts and traffic that's going around your brain, just trying to sit down for a few minutes every day and just writing how am I feeling today? What do I want to achieve? What am I grateful for? And, and that turned into writing 1000 words and then 5000 words, 10,000 words. And then before I knew it, I was I was sat there with a pipe and a silk dressing gown and an acrobat. And I was saying, I'm an author, darling. And now if I really try hard, I could be a be a penniless, unpublished author. That's the next goal.

Sharon Hartley 16:08

It is really interesting what you said about journaling, because when I set out to do this, you know, to give up alcohol for a set period of time, try journaling. And I thought, I can't be assed with that. That's, that's not for me. However, I did start sort of blogging my story, not my story. No, it wasn't my story. I just every day, I would write a post and save it and talk about my feelings that day. And then what happened to it, I suppose it was a form of journalling. Yeah. And like you, I've got it all there. One day, maybe I could wear a housecoat also. And get it published.

Freddie Bennett 16:43

One day, we might both be in Waterstones or another chain of bookstores, and we will both be there, you'll be signing autographs, and I'll be serving you coffee and sandwiches.

Sharon Hartley 16:52

Perfect!

Freddie Bennett 16:54

Team work makes the dream work, doesn't it?

Sharon Hartley 16:57

But what I wanted to do, I wanted to move away from the wine and mummy’s drink gin and it's wine o'clock and all these bloggers that I followed, you know, that sort of said it's okay. Once the clock hits five o'clock it’s okay to start drinking, I used to read a lot of that and go ahead and pour the wine as was reading it.

Freddie Bennett 17:17

Because they all say it’s okay, so it seems like it is.

Sharon Hartley 17:20

I made a conscious decision to delete all those accounts and stop reading all that and read the polar opposite. And for me, it absolutely worked a treat and I can't recommend quit-lit enough.

So we're just going to take a quick break now from this episode of over the influence, which we really do hope you're enjoying as much as we are. We just want to say a couple of thank yous and give a couple of shout outs circa 1992. I don't know why I did it in Manchester accent, a couple of shoutouts to people that have visited all our social media pages, who've emailed and also who've so kindly donated to the production costs of over the influence. We've had a couple of messages to our Facebook page. Sue has been in touch, and she says that she wishes us all the best. And she shared with us that Sue's navigated some really trying times without alcohol and she has been alcohol-free now for many, many years. She says she still just tackles it one day at a time and that’s amazing. So, keep it up. And Sally has also been in touch with the Facebook page. She wanted to say a huge thank you to us both – that’s you and me Freddie! – for putting this together and sharing our experiences on this journey. She says it's been so very helpful. Well, we are glad to help we hope you're enjoying the podcast. And we really want to say a huge thank you to Vega, Sal and Carol Ray who have visited the website they found us at soundrebel.co.uk/overtheinfluence and what they've done they've gone on and pressed the Big Blue Button and ever so kindly chucked some money into the pot. This this goes basically back into the future episodes as we know, listening to podcasts is free but producing them does come with some cost. We've got a bit of marketing to cover some production costs and equipment. So, thank you both so much for sharing with us a coffee and an alcohol-free beer. It's hugely appreciated. Vegas says he's enjoying every minute of the podcast and loving the overall positive message that life without alcohol is everything and so much more. Vegas, we couldn't agree more. And Carol says Shazza and Freddie you're doing an amazing job. Keep broadcasting. Carol, we certainly will and you are doing an amazing job on your alcohol-free journey. Thank you both so much.

Sharon Hartley

Just picking up on what you said earlier about sort of the manly books versus the girly books. Now I've spoken about when I first started out doing this, which is actually 555 days ago today which is nice, very pleased with that – though the quit-lit I read in the early stages was very much about, you know, helping you fill those gaps when you wanted to drink and all the rest of it and then moved on into sort of more blokey, toilet blokey territory. And like you I read David Goggins’ Can't Hurt Me, but one of my favourites has been Ant Middleton's Mind over Muscle. Yeah. So, you know, I mean, I know a lot of women follow him for other reasons…

Freddie Bennett 20:49

He’s dreamy. Absolutely dreamy. Makes me weak at the knees. I would just feel so safe in his arm.

Sharon Hartley 20:56

I read his book. And that, for me, was amazing. Because that was all about, you know, it doesn't matter who you are or what you do. And it wasn't about alcohol. It's about mental strength. Yeah, mind over muscle and overcoming any sort of adversity in life. And that was one of the best books.

Freddie Bennett 21:13

No, definitely. I've read that one as well. And I think it's, it's a powerful story, I think the more people we can get out there. And the more, I'm gonna do inverted commas, which is terrible on a podcast, but the more “strong men” that are out there saying, actually what the most important thing is to look after your mind and you spend so long in the gym, but maybe spend a bit more time on your brain and your personal development. It's such a strong story.

Sharon Hartley 21:38

I would have laughed at something like that. Five odd days ago, I'd have said, no, it's not for me. No personal development for me. Yeah, completely. But actually, again, another game changer.

Freddie Bennett 21:49

Another book that I've got mentioned as well. I think a lot of the books I've mentioned there, they're the big hitters. They're the blockbusters of the personal development world. But one book that really made a difference to me that I've read quite recently is a book called Let’s Do This by a guy called he'd like to say it's Andy Ramage. And Andy's got a great story. He used to work in finance in London, there’s certainly lots of it that I can relate to around that ‘work hard play hard’ lifestyle, always drinking, always partying, always working. And he, he really started to suffer from it in terms of his sleep was bad. He would, he used to be a professional sportsman, you know, his fitness was going down. But then he decided to take a break from alcohol. And it really transformed his life. I think he's written a couple of books, but this ‘Let’s Do This’ is really a motivational playbook that people can use for any type of change. So, it's, you know, whether it's losing weight or stepping up your career or trying to train for a half marathon. He almost takes you through it step by step day by day and it's really positive book. I think it can make a difference for all types of people.

Sharon Hartley 23:03

I have got that book on my bedside table. Yet to read, but I'm really looking forward to reading that. What is he now? Is he 567 years? Something like that? Yes, I think so. Yeah. Completely total? Absolutely. Credits that for turning everything around, doesn’t it? Yeah. So, to recap on the books we've mentioned today and from my girly, alcohol-free point of view, the books that I would suggest are absolute must reads If you're considering embarking on an alcohol free journey or, or just cutting down: This Naked Mind by Annie grace, The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray. I think that's my favourite. The sober diaries by Clare Pooley. A superb story of a woman's battle with alcohol while she's overcoming breast cancer, Alcohol Explained by William Porter and another guy whose books I've read, and Craig Beck, and the names just escaped me at the moment. He's got some too, so search Craig Beck you'll find those books and another good read is Blackout by Sarah Hepler. Her polar blackout remembering the things I drank to forget not an easy read, but a really, really interesting read, I highly recommend that.

Freddie Bennett 24:13

My books were Tony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within and David Goggins Can't Hurt Me and Andy Ramage Let's Do This. Also, not to forget the book by myself which is available in zero book shops everywhere around my house, I will print you off a copy you want it.

Sharon Hartley 24:32

You could just read it to somebody. The audio version version by Freddie.

Freddie Bennett 24:36

Maybe if someone wants me to send them to sleep I can just talk about my craziest partying days and maybe we'll get it published one day.

Awesome that is episode four of Over the Influence all wrapped up.

Sharon Hartley 25:09

If you're interested in any of the books we've mentioned there, please do head over to our website, which is soundrebel.co.uk/overtheinfluence and buy them directly by our site, we would really appreciate that as it means a couple of quid will be sent our way. And basically, get to keep this podcast going and we would be very, very grateful for your help.

Freddie Bennett 25:31

I was putting all these requests in, please can you hit subscribe on your podcast app, and if possible, give us a rating and a comment. Ideally five stars but we don't mind four. That's it for now. We look forward to speaking to you next week.