The Way I Love You

When we're in the midst of giant changes - the birth of a new child, the death of someone we love, or any other changes that life brings us - it's tempting to try and get life back to 'the way it has been'. Indeed, we often actively encourage the people around us to do exactly that. 'You'll soon be back to your old self', we say. But what if we could see that life's changes will change us however much we resist? And what if, instead of fearfully trying to hold on to the way we've known ourselves, we could actively allow ourselves to be changed by what's happening? A conversation about coming at life's openings with as much love as we can muster, with Lizzie Winn and Justin Wise of Thirdspace.

This is Turning Towards Life, a weekly live 30 minute conversation hosted by Thirdspace in which Justin Wise and Lizzie Winn dive deep into big questions of human living. Find us on FaceBook to watch live and join in the lively conversation on this episode. We’re also on YouTube, and as a podcast on Apple, Google and Spotify. You can find videos of every episode, and more about the project on the Turning Towards Life website.

Here's our source for this week, written by Lizzie Winn:

The way I love you.

I wish that you know your beauty because of how I look at you. I wish for you to feel how you are loved because of how I hold you. I wish for you to sense how safe you are by how I cradle you to sleep.

If I could return the gift to you that you bestow on me as you smile. I would be a happy mummy.

Your whole face lights up and my body does the same. As you sleep peacefully, your trust smashes me to smithereens. Most nights as you drift off I cry because of my aching heart and how I no longer know who I am and I am glad for it. Because of you I am dissolved.

Nothing makes much sense any more. What is anything even for now you’re here? Who am I supposed to be and how do I live here now you are alive and breaking me open with each small change?

When you bring to me the worst of you, I will try and find the best of me,
Even if it bends me out of shape and turns me into someone I don’t recognise,
Even if it goes against all that’s acceptable in our normal world.

By Lizzie Winn about Vesper Winn

Photo by Joshua Reddekopp on Unsplash