Conte on the rocks, cucumbers, and an ox on the brink of extinction

With Chelsea imploding once again, your Totally Football Team - AC Jimbo, ably assisted by David Preece, Jame Horncastle and Tom Williams - look at the problems at Stamford Bridge, preview all the big games in the Premier League and beyond, and talk more about club nicknames and international footballing idioms:

RUNNING ORDER:

• PART 1a: Conte’s unravelling at Chelsea; Abdoulaye Doucouré v Tiémoué Bakayoko; the Hawthornes Triangle (02m 00s)

• PART 1b: West Ham sign Patrice Evra (09m 50s)

• PART 2a: Facebook Live quiz details (13m 00s)

• PART 2b: Swansea’s flying under CC (13m 50s)

• PART 2c: Spurs v Arsenal preview; GegenX; “football is about tricking your opponent”; how to defeat VAR (17m 45s)

• PART 3a: Correspondence; all change at Leeds(27m 30s)

• PART 3b: Ligue 1 news: Lemar, Dani Alves in goal (31m 00s)

• PART 3c: Favourite own goals; La Liga news; Serie A round-up (33m 40s)

• PART 4: Man City v Leicester and the Mahrez subtext; belated Brighton love; the Karius metamorphosis?; the rest of the PL weekend (38m 10s)

• PART 5: More footballing nicknames from around the world (51m 50s)

• PART 6: Paddy Power’s Movers and Shakers (55m 15s)

• PART 7: More footballing idioms and adios (55m 00s)

LIVE NEWS:

• we’re live at Vicar Street in Dublin on Monday 19 March. Jimbo will be joined by James Horncastle, Julien Laurens and Pat Nevin - who’ll also be doing an exclusive DJ set. Get your tickets now!

PARISH NOTICES:

• join** Paddy Power’s Rewards Club**

• get your shave on with our friends Cornerstone, who are giving you £10 off your first order

GET IN TOUCH:

• find us on Facebook

• send us a tweet: @TheTotallyShow